My 7 Pet Peeves about Worship Music in Church

I normally talk marriage in this blog, but I’m not JUST a wife. I’m first and foremost a child of God. And I’m a child of God who isn’t exactly easy-mannered. I’m opinionated. And sometimes those opinions just have to come out.

And so I would like to share with you the seven things I most wish I could say to both worship leaders and to those in the pews who complain about music (and this isn’t directed at any particular ones from my church, or from conferences I’ve spoken at :) . These are just general, universal observations!):

1. The Date the Song was Written is not Nearly as Important as Singability

I don’t care when the song was written as long as it is singable and meaningful. If I don’t know when to come in, what the melody is going to do, or what the words mean, then I can’t worship. If I’m concentrating on sounding good when I sing and on not embarrassing myself, then I’m not thinking about God.

Some worship leaders only like to sing songs out of hymn books. But just because a song is in a hymn book with written music doesn’t mean it’s musical. Those hymn book publishing companies had to fill up that book with something, and there’s only so many “How Great Thou Arts” and “To God Be The Glories”. So around 1912, they hired a bunch of people to write completely unsingable songs called something like “Whithersoever the Lamb Shall Goeth, Shall I Also Be”, or “Mine Eyes Have Beholden the Rose of Sharon, and I March To Find My King”. Or whatever. If a song isn’t widely known by the congregation, then it should be sung only if it’s one you want to introduce and teach, because it’s so marvelous, not just because you think it fits with today’s message.

Likewise, there’s nothing wrong with hymns–as long as they’re the good hymns. And how do you know what a good hymn is? Simply ask anyone over the age of 50 what their favourite hymn is, and you’ll get great answers. Old Rugged Cross. How Great Thou Art. Immortal, Invisible. How Marvelous, How Wonderful. O Sacred Head. All great. All singable. All recognizable.

Hymns are not the problem, and if people think young people won’t relate to hymns, then they’re simply not playing them correctly. If a hymn has been a favourite for 100 years, there’s probably a reason. So younger people, don’t be hymn snobs. These songs are usually very musical and very powerful doctrinally. Just update how you play them, and everyone should like them.

But at the same time, don’t play something nobody knows. If it was written in 1912, but nobody liked it even in 1912, then it’s probably not meant for 2012, either.

Yet don’t be a contemporary music snob, either. God has different and unique messages for each generation, and often the way those messages are spread is through song. We have some wonderful songwriters writing worship songs today, and if we never sing them, then we miss out on God’s message to the church today. The date it was written should not matter; it’s musicality and relevance should.

2. Performance Songs are Not Congregation Songs

Look, I love contemporary Christian music as much as the next person. I download Christian music off of iTunes. I listen to Christian radio, and I sing along. But not all songs are congregation songs. Some are meant to be solos.

Just because a song means something to you, and has a great message, does not mean that it works well in a congregation. To be sung by a bunch of people at one time, the tune should be obvious, there should not be numerous pauses, and there should not be weird timing. If there is, then it’s better to use it as special music.

3. The “Eye Shadow Should Match Your Purse” Philosophy of Worship Doesn’t Work

If the pastor is preaching about the inerrancy of Scripture, not every song you sing needs to be about the inerrancy of Scripture. Do you know how hard it is to find songs on Scripture? This is what leads people to look flip through hymnbooks and choose those obscure songs written in 1912 (see #1, above), and it’s silly.

The worship songs do not have to match the sermon, because that’s not the point of worship. Worship isn’t about teaching people the sermon; worship is about preparing people’s hearts to listen to the sermon. It’s much more important for people to encounter God during worship, so that they’re willing to listen with open ears, than it is to use those songs to preach a specific message. Let’s focus on God during worship, and who He is, and then we’ll be ready to listen to the pastor.

4. Worship is About God, Not About Me

I attended a Good Friday service a few years ago, and the worship team was very polished. They had every instrument imaginable. They had wonderful vocalists. But about 2/3 of the way through the worship package I leaned over to my mother and whispered, “if the next song begins with the word “I”, I’ll shoot myself“. In retrospect, I was glad I had not brought a gun with me, because that would have been messy.

Worship should focus on God, not on my reaction to God. Worship should remind us who God is, not remind us of how much we love Him, or how much we want to serve Him, or how much he means to us. It should be about who He is and what He does. Now, this shouldn’t be a hard and fast rule, because there is room for songs that tell of our personal response to His love. But when worship packages are entirely focused on what we think of God, instead of simply looking at who He is, then our focus is misplaced. Especially on Good Friday. A song or two about, you know, the actual crucifixion would have been nice.

5. The Worship Leader’s Job is Not to Drum Up Emotion

Do you know the song “Celebrate, Jesus, Celebrate?” If you do, you’ll know that those are just about the only words (there’s also a chorus, but it doesn’t have that many words, either). Anyway, the song says “Celebrate, Jesus, Celebrate” four times in a row, and then moves to the chorus.

I was once in a church where we sang the verse–and I kid you not–eight times before we moved to the chorus. That’s 32 “Celebrate Jesus, Celebrates”. Does anyone else find that extreme?

It’s almost as if the worship leader was trying to get us to shut off our brains so that we’d enter some sort of trance-like state. I don’t think that’s the proper role of worship.

I have no problem with repeating a chorus or two, but let’s not get ridiculous. We aren’t Hindus; we’re not into mantras. We’re into using our brains as we worship a living God. And if concentrating on that living God doesn’t promote reverence, drumming up a false emotional frenzy isn’t going to do so, either.

6. No Instrument is Satanic

When the organ was introduced, people were all worked up. How could we add that loud instrument to worship? It was edgy. It was new. It was controversial.

Every instrument at some time has been edgy and controversial, even the ones we now consider boring. Instruments are not the problem. If an instrument is too loud, that’s the sound person’s problem, not the musician’s problem. And people need to get over their fear of instruments. If the song selection is good, the instruments shouldn’t matter.

7. Silence is Golden

I love singing. I really do. My daughters and I harmonize together. But there are times when I would prefer that we just not sing.

Communion is one of those times. When I used to lead worship, I insisted on having the piano play quietly, but not singing anything, because sometimes I believe it’s important to give people room to pray. When we sing, the words enter their brains and then it becomes harder to pray about specific things God may be speaking to  you about.

Sometimes I think we sing too much, and we don’t pray (or just listen to Scripture) enough. Worship is more than singing; it’s also responding to God, and listening to God, and listening to His word, and prayer, and even giving. So while singing is wonderful, I think many services would benefit from more silent times to pray, or saying some creeds together, or hearing more Scripture read out loud.

We’re in church to encounter God, not to be entertained. And I believe that all congregation members should worship, and be in church with a sense of reverence and awe, regardless of what the music is, and even if it’s not your cup of tea. If you don’t worship, that is not the praise team leader’s fault. Nevertheless, I do think that praise team leaders could encourage worship more effectively by doing some of these things. What do you think?

If you liked this post, would you hit “Share” on Pinterest or Facebook or Twitter below? Let’s get the word out so we can talk about this more!

UPDATE: I changed one sentence to make it clearer that I’m not intending to criticize worship leaders as much as I’m trying to get people–both in the pews and in front of the microphones–to think about this a little differently. Sometimes the problem is with people complaining that the music isn’t their style, and I think we all need to work on just worshiping God, and getting rid of the distractions!

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The Desert in your Marriage

I’m speaking at a retreat in Kingston, Ontario this weekend. Here’s our theme song:

I’m not speaking directly about marriage, but I want to remind my regular readers:

In every season, He is still God.

Sometimes you will have desert seasons in your marriage. He is still God.

Sometimes you will have seasons of plenty. He is still God.

And in very season, cling to God. You have a reason to sing. And if we could have that attitude, and bring praise in every season, no weapon formed against us in our marriages could remain.

I don’t know what your season in your marriage is today, but whatever the season, cling to God, and He will be the victor for you. Sometimes that may not turn out the way we plan, but He is still the victor when we lean on Him–in every season.

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Marital Success is a Matter of Attitude

'Nothing' photo (c) 2009, Daisy Starr - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

When I got married, I adored my husband. I was sure he was the right man for me. He was my best friend. He was funny. He loved and protected me.

But marriage didn’t end up being what I was anticipating. I wanted my husband to love me for me, and it seemed that when we didn’t make love he got ticked off. And so I started challenging all my assumptions. I figured that Keith really didn’t love me–or at least he didn’t love me enough. And I thought that God was supremely unfair, because he made sex to be so fun for guys, but not for women. And then He made men want it all the time! Not just that, but He said that it was our responsibility to actually meet our husband’s needs. I figured people had been lying to me my whole life. Love wasn’t really possible, because it was conditional on sex. And I got really sad.

I was in that funk, off and on, for about three or four years. And then, gradually, the funk faded. It wasn’t just because sex got better. It wasn’t just because we got better at working out our problems. It was because I decided that I didn’t want to be miserable in my marriage. I wanted to be happy. And it seemed to me that the only way to be happy was to start believing that the good things that I had heard about marriage and sex were true. Instead of questioning God, I turned the tables and started questioning my own experience.

This is true in many areas of marriage, not just sex. Ultimately, we need to believe that marriage is for our good, that God blesses marriage, that we can be happy, that following God’s precepts does make one more peaceful. But these are matters of belief–of faith.

If you feel that your husband doesn’t love you or talk to you enough, for instance, you can focus on that and become depressed and resentful. Or you can focus on God’s command to love and respect your husband, and to find your peace in God. And when we start to do that, often our marriage changes. When you start to act out love, the feelings often return.

The turning point in many marriages comes when a person decides to listen to God and believe. In other words, and this is so important:

The success of your marriage depends far more on what you believe about God than on how you feel about each other.

When you believe that God wants the best for you; when you believe that God created sex to be physically wonderful and spiritually intimate; when you believe that God will always be enough for you, even if you feel lonely in your marriage, then things get better.

The converse is also true:

Often the reason that we struggle in marriage is not because there is something wrong with our spouse, but because we don’t actually believe God’s promises.

Now obviously there are exceptions to this. If your spouse is abusive, or is having an affair, or is addicted to pornography, simply believing “God loves marriage, and if I cling to that these problems will disappear” is not going to help–although believing that God can give you strength and can be the source of your ultimate peace can help you take the right steps and seek the right counsel on what you should do.

But with many marriage problems, the issue is one of attitude far more than it is anything else. You’re believing things about your spouse, about sex, about marriage that aren’t true.  When you can get your attitude in check, often the marriage starts to improve.

Let’s take sex, for example. I have always felt uncomfortable reading some marriage books, and especially some popular ones, that say something like, “to keep him from straying, you just need to make love a lot”, and “you are responsible to meet his needs. Your body belongs to him.” Are these things true? Yes. But I think the authors are often misdiagnosing the problem. When a woman is truly hurting, and feels that sex is dirty, or it’s not pleasurable, or believes  it’s all for him, then telling her “God says you have to make love all the time” isn’t a message that is going to help her have a rich sex life. It may be a message that makes her “do it” more often, but she’ll likely still trapped in the same hopeless attitude, and grow even more resentful. And her husband will feel like she’s just placating him, not that she actually wants him.

I think there’s another road–the one that worked for me. And it challenges you to this:

Do you really believe in God’s goodness? Do you really believe that what God created is good? Do you believe that God intends you for pleasure, intends you to experience deep love and intimacy? He said He did, and it’s now up to you to either believe Him, or to reject Him.

When we frame it into an issue of faith in God, it takes on a new meaning. We’re looking at the problem with the attitude, not a problem with the action. Actions, you see, flow out of attitudes, and if our attitudes aren’t in line with what God said, our actions won’t conform, either.

Yesterday, in church, our pastor was talking about The Battlefield of the Mind, and reminding us of 2 Corinthians 10:5, which says:

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

When it comes to marriage, your ultimate guide shouldn’t be your experience. It should be what God says.

I’m not saying that your husband is perfect. No one is. The question is, do you want to focus on the negative, or do you want to focus on the positive? Of course, confronting is certainly part of a healthy marriage. But confronting is about making the marriage stronger, not tearing down another person. It focuses first on God’s aim for your marriage, which is an intimate connection.

When you start aiming for that and believing that, change happens.

When you start despairing about your marriage, can you take that thought, hold it up to God, and ask, “what’s your perspective here? What are the promises you have given me?” When you start having really ugly thoughts about sex, can you take those, and hold them up to God, and say, “what do you say about sex? What do you say about whether it’s good or not?”

Sometimes God’s promises don’t seem real because we haven’t experienced them. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t real. It just means that often we CAN’T experience them until we first BELIEVE them. Marriage success is a matter of faith.

I understand that many of you are lonely. I understand that many of you are resentful, and desperate, and angry. I understand that for many of you, your marriage isn’t going well right now. When I wrote The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, I tried to write it thinking about women just like you. Many of you are really hurting, and you don’t want to be just told “you’re sinning”. You want to be told that there is hope that things can get better, and that God wants beauty for you, because He does.

So that’s what I did. I wrote a book that says, “God has something so amazing for you. You may not see how you’re going to get there, but believe it, walk in it, and then it will come.” But it’s a matter of faith.

This week, when you start to feel down, or resentful, or bitter, take those thoughts captive. Look at them, and ask, “what is God’s truth here?” Then act on His truth, not on your feelings. I truly believe that that is the key to marriages turning around.

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