How do you kiss a man with a beard?
What if it’s scratchy? Stinky? Prickly?
Every Monday I like to post a reader question and take a stab at answering it, and I LOVE today’s reader’s question for a whole lot of reasons. First, it’s not depressing. Last week’s on husbands going to strip clubs was depressing. Second, this is so timely for me, because my husband has just started growing a full beard! So let’s dive in:
A woman asks, “why do I hate my husband’s beard so much?”
I’ve been married to my best friend for 27 years. For the past year, he has been growing a full beard. He keeps it groomed and conditioned and it smells ok … but it has taken on a life of its own! He even entered a beard contest and he did very well. I’m happy for him, I’ll grudgingly admit that it IS a good looking beard. My hubby even dresses well and has cultivated a ‘look’ that is rather GQ and very beard friendly. It’s not like he stinks or is lazy… but I’m not finding this whole ‘beard world’ very attractive. In fact, its just the opposite. Bleech!! It is his focus, it gets his attention and yes, I’m jealous. How is it that my husband can look ‘good’ (well kept, well dressed, smell clean) and not be attractive to me? What’s broken inside me? I love to kiss my husband (He’s a great kisser) but all that hair around his mouth is oh so very unappealing. Sigh. I miss his kisses. He enjoys his beard so much and the attention it gets him is probably quite addictive. Gaaah!!! There’s so many layers to this onion. I don’t want him to stop doing something that makes him happy but.. sheesh, Right? Help!!!
For years my husband had a goatee, that he kept cut fairly short. Here he is in one of my favourite pictures are Rebecca’s wedding–he was pretty groomed here, but honestly, it was pretty much always like that.
I actually REALLY like the look. I think he looks awesome with a goatee, and very stylish. The problem is that it was SCRATCHY. Really scratchy. So kissing was just not as fun. We still did, but those passionate kisses that last a long time? Not so much.
Then right before Christmas he decided that he wanted to try a full beard. He had a two week period where he wasn’t working very much, and then we were taking a month-long speaking tour in the RV, where he could look however he wanted, since he didn’t have to be on stage. So he decided to let it grow in!
By March it looked like this:
It got even a little more scraggly and a little longer, so he got it nice and trimmed up recently. And here are four tips that I have to keep finding him attractive:
Keep the Beard Groomed
Scraggly isn’t very attractive. So go to a barber and get it groomed properly! I actually find letting it grow out longer is much more comfortable. Kissing him now is much easier than when he had the goatee, because it’s not all prickly.
Another thing to consider with beard grooming is the length of the mustache. If your husband’s mustache is dipping below his upper lip, kissing him is going to mean a mouth full of mustache. So there are two options: first, keep the mustached trimmed (it really won’t make the rest of his beard look weird–you trim it to the lip, it’s just part of good grooming) or you style the mustache to not be directly on the lips. This can make kissing much easier for the wife!
Beard Oil Makes Kissing Fun!
(I’ve got an affiliate link below)
When I was trying to figure out what to put in the kids’ stockings at Christmas, I asked Rebecca what her husband Connor would want. She texted me, “Beard oil!”, right when I was out shopping with my husband. So I told him. Keith’s response was:
You know how you never wanted something because you didn’t know such a thing existed, but then once you find out it exists it is the one thing in the world that you want most?
Many men have a problem with very coarse hair, and this can seriously help. It’s a leave-in conditioner, so you just put a few drops on your hands and rub it in, and seriously–his beard is really soft! And it smells like cedarwood. Yummy!
Always Eat with Napkins so His Beard Doesn’t Get Gross
The other issue with beards is that food just plain gets in them–even if he’s a careful eater and even if he keeps it groomed. So it’s essential that guys who start growing beards regularly use a napkin when eating. Nothing can turn a woman off more than seeing a guy covered in crumbs, even, as I said, if he’s normally very hygienic! So keep kleenexes, napkins, and paper towels scattered in convenient places throughout the house. And even put a mirror up in the dining room where you eat angled so he can quickly get a glimpse of himself and make sure he’s okay!
Have Some Grace with Him
Women can do so much to our appearances. We can change the colour and style of our hair. I’ve gone blonde, red, brown, long, short, everything! We can change the make-up that we wear. But men can really only do one thing: experiment with facial hair. And so I think we have to give them the grace to do that every now and then.
I honestly liked his goatee better in terms of how Keith looks. But he LOVES the beard. And so I’ve just decided to bless him with that.
5 Tips from Wives of Bearded Men
1: Let him know what you like!
Make sure he cuts his mustache so you get just lip and not a mouthful of hair when kissing. Get him some beard oil or beard balm in a scent you like! Help him by trimming it, or letting him know how long you like it (I like his LONG)
2: Give it some time
Whiskers can be really scratchy when they are short. If he is just beginning to grow it, give it a little more time. If he just maintains it short, ask if he’d be willing to let it grow a little longer so it’s less scratchy to you.
3: Give it a chance!
I was so against my husband growing a beard. He did it anyway. And it was HOT. It was a huge turn on and I’m not even sure why. But.. He just shaved it off. I miss it now. So, you know, be open minded. You might like it more than you think.
4: Decide if this is a battle worth pursuing
I totally agree with readers who have recommended beard balms and oil, as well as proper trimming around the lips. My hub has a goatee/moustache and I love it. If you just don’t like it, speak to your hubby about it and find middle ground if possible. At the end of it all, pray about it and ask God to change you if your hubby truly desires this. It is his body. Everything doesn’t have to be a thing.
5: Try a middle-ground for sensitive skin
My husband chooses not to grow a beard because he’s got super patchy facial hair. However we discovered early on that it was better for him to keep it super short rather than a 5 o’clock shadow. This is because I have super sensitive skin and if it had any length to it at all, my face would break out and get pimples and really itchy. And then we had matching goatees… Which wasn’t a very attractive thing. So he made sure to keep it short. And now he asks whether it’s too long or not to avoid hurting me.