What happens when the wife’s vision for her family is different from that of her husband?

That’s what I want to talk about today. As my longtime readers know, I’m quite passionate about couples arriving at consensus about difficult decisions. I don’t believe that submission means that the husband makes all the decisions. As I said in 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, if you go along with what he thinks, there are only two options: either one of you isn’t hearing God or both of you aren’t hearing God.

Nevertheless, finding agreement can still be REALLY hard. That wrestling things out with God and with each other often takes real time and struggle. And so when I read this great post from Darby Dugger I wanted to share it for my marriage moment, because it’s all about living in that difficult  middle when you’re not in agreement and you don’t share a vision–and you try to stay close anyway.

Here’s Darby:

Sheila’s Marriage Moment: When You Don’t Share a Vision with Your Husband

That is where I have been for the past year. My husband and I have had many difficult conversations regarding the topics of school choices for our children and “family planning.” The hardest part of these discussions has been that we can’t reach an agreement.

We have a difference of opinion because we each have our own vision.

Finding a Common Vision with Your Husband

I am thankful that my husband follows the Lord! I know that Jason is seeking God’s guidance and trying to put away his own flesh as he leads our family. I realize the caliber of man Jason is, in and of itself, is a gift which I certainly don’t want to take it for granted. Yet, that doesn’t make submission to his decisions any easier when I strongly feel they contradict the desires of my heart and the purposes (I believe) God designed me for.

We have gone round and round. Discussed and Discussed. Prayed and Prayed.

Even though, as I write this, we have reached a point of mutual compromise (simply to “let go and let God”); I still am concerned that, overall, we have conflicting visions.

I am confident that the Lord desires unity in marriage. I am equally as confident that the seed of division, between a man and his wife, is planted by Satan. I trust God’s character enough to know that He won’t tell Jason one thing and me another. He won’t send us off into different directions.  

 Jeremiah 32:39, Unity in marriage , photo credit: Sarah Boyer

I was encouraged on Sunday night when my husband shared Jeremiah 32:39 with me, “I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them.” What a wonderful verse for us to pray together!

If I am willing to lay down my own ideals and pray for the Lord to give us a “singleness of heart and action” then, over time, our two visions will become a singular one. God will come through (and teach us so much along the way).

My advice to a wife whose vision differs from her husband’s? While remaining submissive to the Lord and to her husband, pray Jeremiah 32:39 over her heart and her marriage! In answering, the Lord might move the husband… He might move the wife… most likely He will move both! 

Do you and your husband have a singleness of heart? If you do, it will go well for you and your children! What a mighty promise to cling to!

Sheila says: if you’re having trouble finding a common vision with your husband, I have some printables that you can use with him to start that conversation! Get your vision printables here. 

Friday Roundup on To Love, Honor and Vacuum


What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?

Let’s look at some new Top posts this week that haven’t been on the list in a while!  What do you do when you’re not getting what you want?

#1 NEW Post on the Blog: What If You Divorced For The Wrong Reasons?
#4 on the Blog Overall: 50 Most Important Scripture Verses To Memorize
#2 from Facebook: Top 10 Ways To Tell Your  Husband What You Want In Bed
#4 from Pinterest: 29 Days TO Great Sex Day 14: When You Don’t Want To Make Love 

What a Busy Week!

I’m back from vacation as of last Saturday, and I’m still waking up at 5:30 am. I’m not over the time difference from Europe, but it’s amazing how much you can get done before 8:00 in the morning. Maybe I’ll try to keep to this schedule!

But it’s not jetlag that’s been busy. It’s that my mom moves in on Monday. So I’m desperately organizing and throwing things out and making more room in cupboards. It’s going to be a bit of a chaotic transition, but it will be a good one.

Anyone have any tips for how to downsize or declutter? Let me know in the comments!

I Had a Great Moment in Church Last Week

My husband and I visited a new church last week, one little city over from where we live. As I was sitting in the pew, I had this thought: the problem with going to a new church is that not a soul knows you, so nobody’s expecting you to be there. There’s not the same accountability. And right as I thought that, a woman leaned over to me and whispered, “I just want to tell you that I love your Friday emails so much. They’ve helped my marriage incredibly!”

That was neat. It was like God was saying, “I see you, and I know you, and others do, too.”

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that every Friday I do send out a newsletter with my marriage moment, and then links to all the new posts on the blog this week PLUS links to other posts that are really popular on the blog. So if you don’t want to miss anything, sign up for the Friday newsletter! And, of course, you can also sign up for my daily emails where you get every blog post in your inbox. Just head on over here to see your options.

Sign up for To Love, Honor and Vacuum’s emails.

I’m going to go pack some more now, but I hope you all have a great weekend.

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