Sheila’s Marriage Moment: Let’s Stop Trying to Change Bad Boys!
Every Friday I like to write a quick, 400-word inspirational marriage thought. Here’s this week’s on our propensity to want to change our husbands–to change bad boys.
The other night I was home alone, bored, so I checked Netflix to see if there were any good movies.
It told me I’d give The Rewrite with Hugh Grant and Marisa Tomei four stars, so I clicked play.
Fifteen minutes later I turned it off.
Basically, Hugh Grant’s character was a pig. He used women, he was shallow and selfish, and he had no redeeming virtues. But you know the way the story was going: he’d meet Marisa Tomei, and she’d be so amazing and so what-he’s-always-needed-but-never-found and he would change.
Why is that the plot of most love stories?
Why are we so drawn to the idea that our love will be enough to make a bad boy good?
God’s love is enough to make a bad boy good, but a woman’s love isn’t. And too many of us get married thinking that we can “fix” our husbands.
Christian romance novels are awfully guilty of spreading that, too.
I’ve read so many where he’s a rough cowboy, and then he meets her, and suddenly he’s domestic. Maybe he wasn’t “bad” in the same way as Hugh Grant’s character was morally bad, but the idea is the same: he needs saving, she’s swoops in, and in the process he’ll completely change.
No wonder so many of us get married and feel cheated! Why hasn’t he changed? Why hasn’t he become this sweet, nice, romantic and domestic man? Why is he still the strong, silent type? Why is he still rough around the edges? Why, for pete’s sake, does he still FART?
Just a few quick thoughts here: if a guy is truly bad, marriage won’t change his character. Run far away from bad guys. Yes, they can change, but let God do that work first before you even think about a relationship with him.
But what if he’s just the strong, silent type?
Then if you’re trying to change him, you’ve become the bad guy.
If you can’t love him, just the way he is right now, for the rest of your life, then don’t marry him. And if you’re already married? Learn to accept the rough edges of his personality. Yes, confront about the sin; absolutely! But if it’s just that he’s quiet, or he doesn’t share his emotions, or he can be thoughtless sometimes–maybe that’s how he is. And you promised to love him.
So love him, and stop trying to change him.
If we all did that, maybe we’d have some much better, and more realistic, love stories.
What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?
#1 NEW Post on the Blog: Can Sex Be Both Hot and Holy? (Yep!)
#1 on the Blog Overall: Stocking Stuffers for Your Husband (just updated this again with some more great ideas!)
#1 from Facebook: Sheila’s Christmas Gift Guide for Your Hubby! (I’m proud of this one–I hope I can help you brainstorm!)
#1 from Pinterest: Why Do Teenagers Rebel? A 19-year-old explains why she didn’t (that’s my daughter!)
I Tend to Post “Slice of Life” Things on Facebook Now
I used to post a lot more “slice of life” things on the blog, but I just have so many important things I want to say that I tend to keep the slice of life stuff for either my Friday round up posts or, more likely, for Facebook! That’s where I spontaneously post about what’s going on in my life.
Here’s my most embarrassing moment this week, for instance:
So if you want to know more about me (and the ways I stick my foot in my mouth all too often), come follow me on Facebook, if you’re not already!
The Giveaways Tab is Live!
So after the big blog redesign I decided I wanted to put more emphasis on giveaways. So I’ve added a giveaway tab at the top of the blog, where you can find out where all the current giveaways are. And I’m going to try to keep it more up to date!
I’ve got a good one going on for Canadians right now–a $50 gift card to most retailers or restaurants. Check it out! And I hope to have more giveaways soon.
My Personal Theory on MockingJay Part 2
I’m a big fan of The Hunger Games series. I think the books talk about what it means to be noble and to try to do the right thing even when you’re in a horribly impossible situation.
Most people like the first book best; I actually was always partial to the last book, because I thought it was so politically insightful. Here’s my theory: the choice that Katniss has before her is just like the choice that Poland had at the end of World War II: who do you root for–the Nazis or the Soviets? When you have two evils before you, what do you do?
I think watching the movie is a great way to start talking about some of these historical dilemmas, and how to act as a Christian even when you are living with bad or even evil government. A great story–as long as your kids are about 11 or so.
And Katie and I saw the movie last weekend! I went up to visit her after her bus accident last week which threw her a little bit. And we had a great time!
(Sorry if you’re reading this post by email & you can’t see the picture! I’m posting this.)
More on the Stupidity of Many Christian Romances
Speaking of Katie, and speaking of the stupidity of many Christian romances, Katie made a great video on her theory of those books.
And here’s my older daughter Rebecca talking about the same thing–why she doesn’t read Christian romance novels.
I’m not totally against Christian fiction by any means, but I do think the girls have a point. Here’s my own take on romance novels. I think we’d all be better off if we demanded better, more realistic literature!
And that’s all I have for you today. I hope you have an amazing weekend!