20 responses

  1. Matt B
    July 15, 2014

    Wow this sounds like my life. My wife was in a car accident last year which messed up her back more than it was before. Her doctor told her she could not do any housework so that leaves me with it. I don’t mind doing it. Sometimes it feels just frustrating that there is not enough hours in a day to do everything, from working 7-5 and then cook, clean, wash dishes, wash clothes, walk the dog, mow the lawn etc etc etc. It gets overwhelming. And then she wants me to spend time with her and help her with her things.

  2. Godly Indian Mom
    July 15, 2014
  3. Liz
    July 15, 2014

    Hi,

    My husband and I both work full time. I have often asked my husband to help around the house but he refuses, saying is my job to take care of the house and to take care of our children and their activities. Many times I stay up late cleaning and preparing for the next day while he sits on the couch for hours. So asking husbands to help it doesn’t work all the time.

  4. Lisa
    July 15, 2014

    Great, great tips. And I think many women, along with feeling like a maid, feel truly anappreciated by their husbands. Maybe because they never ask for help like you’ve mentioned, and maybe because their communication “style” needs a little fixing.
    Everyone who feels taken for granted should remember that in some way they are allowing it, and in worse cases they even unknowingly encourage it. I’ve also written a post about what to do when you feel unappreciated by your husband, maybe you’d like it: http://www.how-to-save-marriage.org/my-husband-doesnt-appreciate-me/
    Lisa recently posted…Comment on Can Separation Save a Marriage? 3 Surprising Ways to Use the Split to Save Your Marriage by Lisa PennMy Profile

    • Sheila
      July 15, 2014

      So true, Lisa. Love this sentence:

      Everyone who feels taken for granted should remember that in some way they are allowing it, and in worse cases they even unknowingly encourage it.

  5. Anne
    July 15, 2014

    This is a great list, especially #10! I get frustrated with my husband because he doesn’t pick up after himself: laundry, food, trash, etc. I asked him if he would make the bed after he takes a nap in it (we only have a comforter, no sheets, so it’s not like it’s difficult) and he said, “yeah, that’s not likely to happen.” You could just laugh at that statement, couldn’t you! :) His mom never let him clean anything growing up because she was a perfectionist, so that’s what he learned, never to help out, never attempt because it won’t be good enough, anyway. SO MAMAS! Let your youngin’s help out, even if they don’t do a good job, and especially the boys! Train them now, and they will be a BLESSING to their future wives! Amen. ;)

    • Sheila
      July 15, 2014

      I said in To Love, Honor and Vacuum: “The best gift you can your future daughter-in-law is a son who cleans toilets”!

    • Carol
      July 15, 2014

      I recently told my teenagers (boy & girl) I was no longer doing their laundry. When more than a week went by, they were ready to learn how. And now I find them picking up after themselves more without me asking them too. But still no one wants to do dishes or clean the bathroom. :(

  6. Laura
    July 15, 2014

    Great points! I think sometimes women do everything because they feel that they are serving their families by doing so. But I read a quote in a book once that I think sums it up perfectly: “Servitude is not service!” When we are serving so much that it becomes servitude, we are actually doing our families a disservice because we are not teaching them to be self-reliant and helping them develop the skills they will need in the future.
    Laura recently posted…Why I Believe by MarkMy Profile

    • Sheila
      July 15, 2014

      So funny you should say that! I used those exact words in the book. Here’s the thing: Jesus served by washing the disciples’ feet, but the reason that resonated with them was because He was who He was. Lots of people would have washed their feet in that culture, but they would have been the “lowly” ones, and it wouldn’t have registered. If we want our service to register to our family, then we can’t act like we’re lowly–and too many of us do. We have to garner respect at the same time, or else we’re not modelling respect. We’re just enabling people’s laziness. And those are two entirely different things! So glad you saw that, too.

  7. Debbie
    July 15, 2014

    Growing up, my mom did nearly all the housework, and I just assumed it was my job as an adult. Now, as a homeschooling mom of 4 kids ages 9 to 16 I tend to forget that I do in fact work, albeit at home with my own kids. I am learning to ask for help. I still forget especially when everyone gets tired, and I revert back to doing it all and feeling resentful. I could still use to get life more organized to prevent myself from falling into the tired trap. I have To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. I guess it’s time to read it again!

  8. Liz
    July 15, 2014

    Hi Lisa,

    I read your blog, and I have a question. What do I do when my husband asks where would I like to eat, but constantly saids “gross” to every place I mention. I am not trying to be a victim here. But my husband is very difficult. When I fix meals he comes home and adds more to it, this annoys me. In a few occasions he has thrown the coffee I prepare because is not good enough for him. So I have stopped making coffee.

  9. Ngina Otiende
    July 15, 2014

    I love these Sheila. I think # 10 sums it up! I am quite the juggler and “hard worker” because I grew up thinking hard work equates acceptance and love. # 2 resonates alot..unless I ask my husband, he really doesn’t notice things. I am glad that he picks after himself but unless I ask for specific help, he thinks i have it under control. Thanks for the reminders :)
    Ngina Otiende recently posted…Why We Should Stop Asking Single Women When They are Getting MarriedMy Profile

  10. Melissa
    July 15, 2014

    I feel taken for granted when I work my butt off to get the house to a state my husband likes (he’s the neat freak, I’m the messy one, he works full time and I stay at home so the bulk of the cleaning is my domain) and then stuff just gets dumped and left for me to pick up. You wanted a clean house, I worked hard for it, do your part please. Or when the systems I set in place to help keep the house clean are not respected. Is it really THAT hard to put one’s socks in the hamper instead of on the floor next to it???

  11. Teresa R
    July 16, 2014

    My husband is disabled (Tourettes) and stays home while I work. If the trash bag is full, he won’t remove it from the can, he just puts what he’s throwing away on the kitchen counter next to the trash can. And when he helps me vacumn, he has to sit in “my” desk chair and roll around in it to vacumn

  12. Silvia
    July 16, 2014

    Thumbs up! Great points, Sheila!

    • Sheila
      July 16, 2014

      Thank you!

  13. Renee Greaner
    July 16, 2014

    Where can I find your book in paperback. I am one of those who still like to turn the pages

    • Sheila
      July 16, 2014

      Just follow the exact same link and choose the paperback version! It’s there, too. But here’s the link for you. Thanks for asking!

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