A Marriage Centered Family

Today guest author Amy Roberts of Raising Arrows shares great advice regarding prioritizing our marriage relationship, as the center of the home. Marriage before kids is the best way!

Marriage Before kids

As soon as I got married, I wanted kids. As soon as I had our first child, a year and a half later, I realized just how hard it was to be a parent. Then I started homeschooling. Then I had 7 more children! Next thing I knew I was neck-deep in obligations that were all 4½ feet and under!

It would have been easy…in fact, natural…to just disappear into motherhood.

Between morning sickness, diapers, schooling, and middle of the night feedings, my life seemed to revolve around these little people. Sure, my husband needed me, but he was an adult and not dependent on me the way they were. He could wait.

Or could he?

Let me ask you a question:

Do you have it in your head that once these intense mothering years are over, THEN you’ll have time for your spouse?

It’s not that you are speaking those word out loud, or even saying them in your head, but if you are always focused on the children and their needs, your actions are saying precisely that.

They are saying I’m too busy being a mom to be a wife. They are saying our marriage can wait. They are saying I don’t care about our relationship right now. They might even be saying, “You got me into this mess.”

We work hard at parenting. We agonize over decisions and behaviors. We research the “right way” to do everything from diapering to dating. But anytime there are issues in our marriage, we are quick to blame and slow to work at restoring our relationship. Our priorities are quite clear.

And quite off.

Our children need to see us working hard at being married.

They need to know what healthy adult relationships look like. They need a united authority and a stable homelife. The only way we can offer all of this is if we work to build a strong marriage where we remember what being a wife is like amongst the daily demands of being a mom.

Sometimes we need to put our husband’s needs above our children’s.

Sometimes we need to tell the children it is Mom and Dad time, and they need to wait.

Sometimes we need to implement schedules and routines that make the day less child-centered. (think bedtime routine here)

Sometimes we just need to take a moment to look into our husband’s eyes and remember how these children got here in the first place.

Don’t just let your marriage quietly crumble behind the scenes. You CAN be a good wife and a good mom. Working to build a strong marriage IS good parenting!

Amy RobertsAmy Roberts of RaisingArrows.net has been married 17 years to her high school sweetheart, Ty, and is blessed to be the homeschooling mother of 7 living children and one precious little girl named Emily being held in the Lord’s arms. As a conference speaker and author of several homeschooling and homemaking ebooks, including her newest release, Large Family Homeschooling, it is her deepest desire to encourage moms in the trenches to stay focused on what truly matters and live a life of abundant blessings in Christ. RaisingArrows.net A gentle voice. A firm resolve. An abundant homeschool life!




  1. I agree :).A healthy marriage makes a healthy home :) a word from the wise :)


    Godly Indian Mom recently posted…Book Review:”My Experiments With Truth” By M.K.GandhiMy Profile

  2. I think this is great! We try to be deliberate about this, but kid-centered mania can creep in even when you’re trying not to let it. Lately, we’ve been working on them not interrupting when my husband and I are talking, especially in the car. This is great encouragement to not give up! Thank you!
    Megan G. recently posted…getting real about the special needs requestMy Profile

  3. Yes, parents need to set a good example for their children and work at their marriage. “They need to know what healthy adult relationships look like.” Spot on! Parents still have much influence with their children and can counteract the negative influences that sometimes come from their children’s peers.

    Marriage and family life and child rearing are an ongoing challenge and present conflicting priorities (as a husband and a father, I know this from personal experience) – but we so desperately need strong families in these times. For the mothers and the fathers, I say keep on keeping on. Thanks Amy for this insightful article.
    Larry B of larrysmusings.com recently posted…a review of Friendship – A Book of QuotationsMy Profile

  4. Thanks for the reminder, Amy! I have visited your blog several times before, and it’s always encouraging.
    I am confused by one of your statements, though; are you saying that bedtime routines are good or bad? Just curious… 😉
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  5. “Our children need to see us working hard at being married.” – that’s sooo true! I remember seeing my parents and really admiring their relationship and I would often think that I’d like to have the same dynamics in my marriage on day.

  6. Absolutely so true, so many of the marriages are put on hold so long that once the children are gone the parents either have to rebuild or depart and sadly most depart.
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  7. patricia says:

    This is a good article and very informative, for when I do have kids, my husband have discussed this before hand, I see how married couples are and they dont focus on their marriage as much as there kids, husband and I go on date night, I don’t think that is going to change when we do have kids, I love my husband so much and don’t want the taking care of kids to overshadow that.
    “Our children need to see us working hard at being married” is a very good point with such high divorce around especially with christians, marriage is important.

  8. Very true. My heavily child-centered marriage failed after 20+ years, when the nest became empty and our relationship was all there was. And it was ice cold, with unrepairable resentment. And sadly, it’s a fairly common thing nowadays.

    My tips: do not share your bed with your children; limit volunteering to only one thing; do date nights and couple-only getaways regularly; get counseling as soon as you feel there’s an issue; do a marriage-building weekend program annually; do not go without sex more than a week, ever.

    • Sheila says:

      Those are all great tips, Drew! Wholeheartedly agree. I’m so sorry that your marriage didn’t last. Sounds like you have a lot of wisdom now.

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