Roses, Chocolate and Lots of Love: How to Throw a Blessing Party for Your kids

Today I want to talk about how to throw a Blessing Party for your kids!

I’m in full-blown writing mode, since my manuscript for 9 Thoughts That Will Change Your Marriage is due in at Waterbrook on June 20. I thought I’d publish this older column from 2008, talking about the blessing party we threw for Rebecca, who had then just turned 13. I thought of the column because I’m writing this in her townhouse right now. She’s working on a book proposal for the blog post she wrote on Why She Didn’t Rebel, and I’m trying to get my manuscript done. We did point her in a good direction when she was 13, but God held her in her teen years, and Becca has always clung to him.

A few months ago I published a guest post on how to bless your kids. I loved it! And here is my contribution to the same idea: 

How to Throw a Blessing Party for Your Kids
On top of my friend Jill’s piano used to sit a dried bunch of roses. They weren’t particularly breathtaking, but they were special, for they were the first roses her daughter Pam ever received.

Pam’s dad gave them to her on her thirteenth birthday, because he wanted to make sure that when Pam got her first roses, they would be from him.

He loved her first, and he figured that anyone else that she would love better be willing to love her just as much. He set the standard.

Bob wasn’t there to give Pam away at her wedding last year. He died two years too early. But when Pam walked down the aisle to her husband Andrew, she walked towards a man who did truly love her, just as her father had modelled. Bob was not a perfect father by any means, just as none of us is a perfect parent. But he really got that right.

That story has stayed with me, and so when my daughter Rebecca turned thirteen last month, she answered the doorbell to receive a dozen roses from her dad.

And the message he wanted to send? You’re precious. Don’t hang out with others who don’t believe that.

I didn’t let Keith have all the fun, though. I decided I wanted a chance to speak some words of wisdom into my daughter’s life, too, but I did it in a very girly way. I threw a chocolate-fountain-spa party, with the important girls and women in our lives. And I asked twelve women—aunts, grandmothers, friends, mentors—to say something either affirming what they see in Rebecca, or giving her advice on growing up. It was a lovely party, as most interactions that involve chocolate turn out to be, but this was even more special because of the timeless truths my daughter heard.

Our girls get so many negative messages in this culture.

They hear that looks are all that matters, that our worth is best judged by our sexual conquests, and that feeling good is more important than being good. I wanted this to be an opportunity to counteract this garbage in a real and meaningful way. And so let me share with you some of the things Rebecca learned that night.

One aunt reminded her that 10% of life is what gets thrown at you, while 90% of life is how you react to it.

One of her best friend’s moms gave a rah-rah speech: “your generation is the first of the new millennium. What will you make the world?” One of her favourite baby-sitters whom we watched walk down the aisle a month ago still had marriage on her mind, as she told Becca that when it comes time for men, “don’t settle! You deserve the very best in a guy!”. A woman we travelled to Kenya with reminded Becca to remain humble, and remember that everything we have is simply a gift.

My cousin commiserated with Becca since they both suffer from perfectionism. She told her, “Don’t let the need to be perfect stop you from trying things. The important thing is to try your best, and whatever your best is, remember its good enough.”

My mother told her how impressed she was by Becca’s creativity and compassion. My mother-in-law echoed how proud she was of Becca, and admonished her to always keep her word. Be someone others can trust. A family friend who has watched Rebecca learn to ride a bike, learn to swim, and learn to start fires—in our campsites, that is—said, “My deepest prayer for you is that you will continue to have a heart for God.” And on and on it went, with women sharing some of the greatest lessons they’ve learned.

Maybe you have a child approaching a milestone—13, 16, graduation. Why not take that opportunity to bless them and launch them well?

That night my daughter heard, keep your word. Keep trying. Don’t settle. We love you, you’re special, and we can see so much in you. All of that, and a dozen roses from Daddy. Now if her life can live out those values, we will be very proud parents indeed.

Comments

  1. This is simply beautiful!
    My daughter is only 8, but I can’t wait to find a milestone to do this!
    Question, how can we do this for sons (masculine ideas)?

    • I think I’d do something similar–but maybe on a fishing trip or something? But I know dads who have done it with their sons and it’s worked really well!

    • If I may make a suggestion at the risk of self-promoting, if you head over to the guest post Sheila referred to (“Blessing Your Children…”, I offer a free PDF that describes what we’ve done with our own children so far: 3 sons and a daughter. Feel free to request it for some other ideas!

      You might tell this is a subject I’m/we’re passionate about!
      Pat recently posted…Switch-out Your Cole SlawMy Profile

  2. Nicole Jackson says:

    For sons, we have a coming of age thing at our church. When the guys are on a men’s conference, they set aside time for the important men in the young man’s life to prayer over him and each man that prayers also pledge to be there for that young man to help him grow in Christ as he continues to grow. This happens at age 13. In our family we give a family ring to the young
    man during that time.

  3. This sounds lovely. I have a daughter approaching her 16th birthday and I think this would be wonderful to do. but my quandry is that I have two older daughters that had nothing like this. they are both adults now (21 and 23), so I don’t want them to feel any sense of jealousy or whatever (Mom didn’t do that for ME!). Any suggestions?

    • What about doing it for your younger daughter at 16, and for the older ones at graduation, or another milestone? And let them know that’s your plan?

  4. Ah, Sheila, a woman after my own heart! Love your post, love the message, love your heart for your daughter…and thanks for sharing them all with us!
    Pat recently posted…Switch-out Your Cole SlawMy Profile

  5. So sweet. I can’t wait to do this for my daughter when she becomes a teenager!
    Heather recently posted…losing my head over hashbrownsMy Profile

  6. Alchemist says:

    This is sweet. Being treated well by her father is so important.

    My dad wasn’t there a whole lot when I was growing up. But he treats me, my sisters like princesses and my mother like a queen

    One girl I know showed my a necklace her boyfriend (now fiancé) bought her and said it was the first piece of jewelry a man has ever given her. My heart just broke for her. I know her parents are divorced and she’s been with at least one terrible guy (like drug addicted, treated her like dirt terrible). Probably more.

    I on the other hand have gotten at least 20 pieces of jewelry from my dad. My crush in 4th grade gave me a bead necklace. Every boy/ man I’ve dated since then has give me jewelry. And I’ve never dated a terrible guy.

    Just goes to show how deeply a girl is influenced by how her daddy treats her.

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