14 responses

  1. Butterflywings
    March 10, 2014

    What about those who pick up an STD after marriage? Obviously you need to forgive your cheating husband, but where does that leave your sex life? Some STDs are fatal, condoms don’t protect against all potentially fatal STDs (HPV for example), and sometimes condoms fail. Are women supposed to carry on a sex life when their husband has a sexual disease that could kill them? If not, what then? It’s not like these women had a choice to not marry these men – these things happened after marriage, and it’s not always obvious before marriage that a man could cheat.

    I mean, I didn’t find out my exhusband had given me a potentially fatal STD until after we separated. But I feel for the woman who do find out and want to try and work through things. I mean, I wanted to work through things but he never gave me the opportunity. Thankfully for me, HPV isn’t always a permanent condition and I was tested to see if I had passed it out of my system before remarrying, but I feel so sorry for the women who aren’t so lucky.

  2. Laurie
    March 10, 2014

    Thank you for this post! While my husband and I have no STD issues, we are experiencing turbulence & strain in other areas. What you said, “You have to fight. Take every thought captive! When you start feeling resentment, take that resentment and give it back to God. Say to God, “Thank you for my husband. Thank you for what we do share. Thank you that you will carry us through this.”

    Yes, you have a lot to deal with, but many couples have things to deal with. Life isn’t smooth for everybody else, either. You have a problem which is really obvious, but if you both rely on God, you can get through it. It will be a challenge. Sex will be harder for you than it will be for most people. But if you can remember that you are on the same team, you will be so much further ahead.”

    You have no idea how much those words impacted me!!! I’ve been crying & upset all morning & complaining to God. Thank you for speaking truth!!!!

  3. Mom in KY
    March 10, 2014

    I acquired herpes at 19. Didn’t marry my husband til age 24, and he was well aware of it. He had his own past, just not with such long lasting results. I’m blessed enough that my outbreaks are few & far between without suppression therapy. Typically they occur immediately following illnesses that require antibiotics, as my system is already puny, so it just jumps right in & takes its turn. The key is finding out what triggers them. It’s different for every person. Stress, certain foods, & low immune system are all factors that can contribute. We’ve been married for 12 years & I’ve had 3 children, all without passing it on to anyone else. After awhile, one knows their “starting” symptoms & can refrain from sex til the outbreak is clear. It’s a juggling game, but it’s possible.

  4. tammy bruce
    March 10, 2014

    thank you so much!!!!!!! I think I finally understand something my friend has been telling me for a while. I totally could have written what Laurie above wrote….wont go into details as I promised my husband I wouldnt w/o his ok (a step for me). but yes, also to the thought of living w/consequences not that God is punishing me.

  5. Anonymous A
    March 10, 2014

    My husband gets cold sores growing up. He had not had a real outbreak in years and years but like Sheila said you can pass the HSV without being symptomatic or having an outbreak. It’s passed through sluffing of skin cells. Well after being together a few years I one day developed herpes lesions in my genital area. I flipped out and didn’t know what it was or how I could even have such a thing. They went away after a painful few days and then a month later or so returned with a vengeance. Then I KNEW it was something terrible but had no idea what or how. I went to my gynecologist who told me is was genital herpes. I was in shock. My husband didn’t have genital herpes so how could I get genital herpes. I began to momentarily doubt his faithfulness to me which was even more deviatating. They did cultures and blood test. My hubby swore he had never cheated and was puzzled. At my follow up the dr went over the blood work. I had HSV type 1 which is typically ORAL HERPES not genital herpes. My blood work came back HSV 1. Basically we discovered that because my husband gets cold sores (aka herpes HSV 1) and had given me oral sex even without symptoms or a sore I had contracted HSV from that in a monogamous relationship. I’ve had to take Zovirax various times over the years and it is very painful sometimes. He feels bad and I hate that I got this because it’s so painful. It’s embarrassing to have to tell doctors or medical providers or anyone that I have genital herpes because it seems like I got an std from being careless with sex when in reality it was my husband that gave them to me and he didn’t contact them from sex at all! It is what it is…..

    • Sheila
      March 10, 2014

      Thank you for sharing your story! I think that’s an aspect that most of us don’t know about, so it’s a very important warning!

    • Carrie
      March 11, 2014

      I get cold sores and my hubby and I discussed how to prevent having similar problems. We don’t kiss when I have them so he is less likely to get them, and we decided oral sex wasn’t worth the risk. I also take lysine pills to prevent them and when they still come I take valacyclovir at the first sign, along with using abreva. I used to get 2-3 each month, now it’s closer to 1 every 2-3 months. I thought I’d share in case the solutions I’ve found can help anyone else.

    • Adrie @ ALittleWifesHappyLife
      March 11, 2014

      I get cold sores, too- have been for years. I’ve become very careful about it- we go through a lot of toothbrushes at my house, I bleach cups and silverware, wash pillowcases daily during an outbreak, and NO sharing of straws or cups or anything. And no smoochin’- that’s the hardest part for me! It’s a total hassle, but I’ll do anything to keep my husband from getting it!
      Adrie @ ALittleWifesHappyLife recently posted…Summer Camp and Dietary Needs: Tips for the Gluten-Free, Peanut-Free, Egg-Free, and Dairy-FreeMy Profile

    • Anon for this
      March 16, 2014

      The same thing happened to me, although I haven’t had any other outbreaks since the initial one. I understand your pain (literal and emotional). It appears that a growing number of genital herpes outbreaks are due to HSV-1 instead of HSV-2, possibly because people don’t realize that it can cause genital outbreaks.

  6. Amanda
    March 10, 2014

    Last year I found out that I had genital warts from a previous relationship. I had six months of treatment before my husband and I could have sex again. I feel horrible that I exposed my husband to HPV but God has blessed me with an amazing husband. My husband tells me all the time that he married me “as is” and that in the grand scheme of things, HPV is not that big of a deal. He has empathy for my situation and was so supportive during the six months of treatment. I too have to keep my immunity strong, get sleep, eat well and watch my stress so that I don’t have any more growths. My heart breaks for this couple because I know what they are dealing with. Thankfully, in my situation, it brought my husband and I even closer. My struggle is in forgiving myself and letting it go.

  7. Nikki
    March 10, 2014

    My jaw dropped when I read the following: “Just a week before their wedding she found out he has herpes…”

    I would be feeling some type of way if I found out a week before my wedding. Isn’t that something that should’ve been disclosed in the beginning of their relationship?

    • Sheila
      March 10, 2014

      Absolutely! I think it’s horrible to wait to tell her until then. The problem is that she married him anyway, and now how does she deal with it? It’s just so tough. But I absolutely agree–things like this MUST be talked about before you become engaged–not just a week before you get married!

  8. Tre
    September 1, 2014

    Well, my situation is worst. My wife and i have been together for 4 yrs ( 2 years direct and 2 years long distance due to the military) and recently gotten married in April. So last week she told me had hsv2 (since she was 20). I was shocked and hurt. I’m still hurling from it. She said that she wanted to tell me at marriage counseling a few weeks before the wedding and she only told me because her cousin recently had a baby and she was having thoughts of it. We are already going through some issues already now but add this to the craziness and drama….I’m truly confused and resenting her right now..I got tested ….The results were negative but I suggested wearing condoms ( I know it doesn’t prevent transmission but i just feel better with it). Just the thought of blisters/sores on my private part is disturbing. She took offense of the idea and doesn’t want to use condoms. Isn’t that selfish? I know the vows” You married her as she is” but if i would have known earlier i would have never proceeded with relationship. I feel like she lied to me each day for 1725 days. We unprotected sex with no regards for my health and feelings. She had numerous times to tell me..Not a word. That what really makes me upset……..Now i’m torn

  9. Tre
    September 1, 2014

    I Love the Site as well

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