14 responses

  1. Butterflywings
    March 11, 2014

    Had me til number 9… there seems to be the assumption that the woman does the food shopping. Not all families are in that situation. Part of our problem is that hubby and I have very different opinions of diet (mine partly due to food allergies and intolerances) so hubby does half the food shopping. And while it has it’s benefits (he does an amazing bolognese sauce which is 90% vegetables but doesn’t take like it), it also has it’s downsides, ie he can buy his own fattening food and he’s be very upset if I got rid of what he bought.

    Poor hubby has stacked on at least 10kg (probably closer to 20kg but he won’t let me see what his weight is, even putting a PIN on his wii fit character to stop anyone from seeing his weight) because of starting antidepressants 6 months ago. He quit exercise altogether when I quit contact sports when I found out I was pregnant and while I tried to set the example by going to the gym until I couldn’t walk anymore (literally) made no difference. He just took it as more time he could spend by himself which he used to play more computer games. I am worried sick by his health but he won’t let me into that part of his life. I can pray, but out of ideas of what else I can do.

    • Jenni @ Fitzala
      March 11, 2014

      Hi Butterflywings,

      You’re right, I assumed that most women would be handling the grocery shopping and managing the kitchen in bullet 9. Throwing out food he bought definitely wouldn’t be the best for your marriage :)

      It’s really difficult when you’re husband has no desire to be healthy and I totally sympathize with you. It sounds like he’s completely closed off when it comes to his weight which is really hard when you want to support him.

      Perhaps this is where other friends in your church step in to play. Do you attend a community group or have a close relationship with other godly couples? It sounds like he could use the support and accountability from a mens group, not just for his feelings about the weight but for his general happiness. I’m not a doctor, but I know that antidepressants can cause weight gain. I also know (from experience) that friends and godly counsel can definitely help! It doesn’t have to be formal, but having someone that you respect disciple you could change his perspective.

      This is just a suggestion, if you’re already doing this or it’s not something you would pursue, I totally understand.
      Jenni @ Fitzala recently posted…How to Understand and Use the Nutrition Facts LabelMy Profile

      • ButterflyWings
        March 12, 2014

        Thanks, we have a bible study group and my husband is close to the one of the leaders (husband of an older couple with a dozen kids) but since I was pregnant and he got depressed from it, he hasn’t been to church and we only make it to bible study every second week because I’ve been very unwell and he will no longer go without me (even though he went for three years without me before we got married 15 months ago). I worry the damage it’s doing to my older daughter because I’ve been too physically unwell to take her to church, and now with a baby who doesn’t sleep at night and a church that only has one service (mid morning), even if I was well (which I’m not at the moment), I can’t take her there at the only time of day I get any sleep (baby only sleeps for more than an hour during her “long” sleep between 8am and 11am so the only time I get any sleep is between 6 and 11am).

        I think hubby’s weight gain and lack of caring about it is just one symptom of a far bigger problem that I’m out of ideas to fix as he never listens to me – in fact he deliberately does the opposite of anything I ask because he feels if I ask him anything (even just once) that it’s “nagging”.

      • Jenni @ Fitzala
        March 12, 2014

        I agree about what you said that this is a far bigger problem. I’m a little out of my realm of experience here, but I would talk to the wife of your bible study leader or someone else that you feel can provide godly wisdom. Tell them everything and ask for help on how to work through this with your husband, get extra prayer for him (and for you! it sounds like you’ve been sick a lot!).

        Jesus can reconcile any issues and I encourage you to take faith in that. I wish I could provide more help! Sending up prayers for you two to get it figured out.
        Jenni @ Fitzala recently posted…Life of a Trainer #6My Profile

  2. Adrie @ ALittleWifesHappyLife
    March 11, 2014

    I love this post! My hubby and I are in the “need to stop gaining and lose a little” stage of life. We’ve done a couple things to help. He suggested putting a fruit bowl on the coffee table by the TV- that way, the fruit is right there and visible when we’re relaxing, and he’s more likely to eat an apple than to get up and make popcorn or get the chips out of the cupboard. It’s really helped! The second thing (which has been a little bit of a struggle for me!) is to do active stuff together. Zeke really likes snowboarding. I’d never done it before… and was a little scared that my total lack of athletic ability would be a major issue… but we went- and it was so much fun. I was terrible at it, but activities like that are great because you’re exercising without really realizing it. We’ll be doing some canoeing once the lake thaws, and I’ll be feeling the burn! =)
    Adrie @ ALittleWifesHappyLife recently posted…Summer Camp and Dietary Needs: Tips for the Gluten-Free, Peanut-Free, Egg-Free, and Dairy-FreeMy Profile

    • Jenni @ Fitzala
      March 11, 2014

      The fruit bowl is such a great idea!

      Props to you for trying something new and going snowboarding! I’m sure you’re husband loved it and appreciated that. Canoeing is an awesome summer activity- definitely will give you some definition in those arms!
      Jenni @ Fitzala recently posted…How to Understand and Use the Nutrition Facts LabelMy Profile

  3. Jody
    March 11, 2014

    Mine is a slightly different problem . . . I can control what he eats at home but what about when he is at work? I have tried making him lunches, he would always bring them back home. Waste of money. . . .if he isn’t going to eat it, I’m not going to buy more of it. To make his lunch we would have to buy MORE bread, MORE peanut butter, MORE jely. . . . can’t afford that. I can’t control what he eats when he is out. That is where he is losing his “diet”. . not here at home.

    • Jenni @ Fitzala
      March 11, 2014

      That’s hard. This where if he isn’t motivated or willing to put forth effort, then it won’t happen. From my perspective, this is where patient prayer comes in to play.

      I think it’s great that you are doing your part at home to provide wholesome meals. You are taking responsibility for your family’s health which is really important.

      Another option that you can try, not sure if you have already…What does he like to eat for lunch? Ask him what he wants, get an understanding of what he likes. Perhaps if he feels understood he’ll be more willing to eat what you pack him. I know my husband gets really tired of sandwiches fast. I end up sending him to work with last night’s leftovers often.
      Jenni @ Fitzala recently posted…How to Understand and Use the Nutrition Facts LabelMy Profile

  4. William
    March 11, 2014

    Without intrinsic motivation, summarized in point 1, a husband can easily ignore, avoid or counter all the other points, plus resent his wife’s attempts at trying to change him because she obviously doesn’t love him as he is!
    Of course she does love him but that love will sure be tested when he rejects all her efforts!
    I feel that healthy changes have to be very deliberate and consistent. Plus, healthy changes are very stressful and you need to be on the same page.
    So instead of all this sneaky business, how about “Hubby, let’s do this together and do it properly! And let’s give it our best for 3 months and re-evaluate then.” Then you have a team, a goal, a deadline and a decision, all motivating factors. Make a plan together and go for it! And follow all of Jenni’s steps together!

    • R L
      March 11, 2014

      Thank you for saying this! Healthy eating/living is something you need to choose. No one else can make you do it. I can’t do the things suggested here and feel that I am respecting my husband.

      • Jenni @ Fitzala
        March 12, 2014

        I certainly don’t advocate for forcing or tricking your husband in to being healthy. In point #1, the last paragraph and the note on food policing, you’ll find that I advocate for having an open dialogue with your husband. These tips don’t need to be done all at once. Different things work for different relationships.

        For example, my husband appreciates that I keep cookies and unhealthy treats out of sight. He wants to be healthy and knows that when he sees cookies, he’ll immediately want them. Stocking the fridge with wholesome snacks helps him be healthy instead of resorting to the chips and other convenient foods he knows isn’t good for him.
        Jenni @ Fitzala recently posted…How to Understand and Use the Nutrition Facts LabelMy Profile

  5. Nadine
    March 12, 2014

    Additinonally I would suggest take care of what you drink too, sodas contain so much sugar, I switched to water and tea my husband really loves them so at least he switched to a zero version. Alcohol such as beer can also make you gain weight.

    • Jenni @ Fitzala
      March 12, 2014

      Definitely! Sugary drinks are a huge culprit of weight gain. Thanks for commenting!

      My husband hates plain water, so I usually keep seltzer water and lemons on hand if he’s craving a soda.
      Jenni @ Fitzala recently posted…Life of a Trainer #6My Profile

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