Wifey Wednesday: 5 Ways to Let Him Know You Enjoy Sex

5 Ways to Tell Him You Enjoy Sex

It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage!  Today guest poster J of Hot, Holy and Humorous shares 5 ways to tell him you enjoy sex–that you love making love to him!

One of the aspects I adore about the Song of Solomon, the one biblical book devoted to marital intimacy, is how the wife communicates her own enjoyment of sex with her husband. Yes, she makes love to meet his needs and desires, but she also finds pleasure in the experience. And then, she goes a step further and shares with her husband her appreciation of their sexual intimacy.

“How handsome you are, my beloved!
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.”
Song of Solomon 1:16

How can we wives lovingly communicate our enjoyment of marital lovemaking?

Here are five ways to let him know you enjoy sex.

1. Say yes.

One sure way to let your husband know you don’t desire and enjoy sex is to say “no” often. Of course, the opposite is true: Say “yes” often, and he’ll get the message that you see sex as a priority for your marriage. But don’t merely be available; get engaged. Say “yes!” to the whole experience.

Show up to the marriage bed as a fully participating lover. If you give your physical intimacy more attention and focus, you’ll likely find yourself enjoying sex more and more.

2. Move your body.

Lean into the lovemaking. When you have sex with your husband, touch and caress him. Kiss his lips and his body. Rub against him with your body. Tilt your hips toward him. Move in rhythm with his thrusting.

Your movement will likely increase your own arousal. Moreover, when you “get into it,” you convey to your husband that you’re fully involved in what’s happening with your bodies. It’s like the difference between a man dancing and dragging his partner across the floor, and the both of you fully enjoying the “mattress mambo.”

3. Make some noise.

No matter how focused your husband is on other things, he can probably hear you throughout the sexual encounter. So let your voice convey when you are feeling pleasure.

Noise can be anything from low moaning to heavy breathing to unbridled screaming—whatever fits the moment, your comfort zone, and the distance from your bedroom to the children’s bedroom. But don’t worry so much about sounding weird or being overheard. Let loose a little and make some bedroom noise.

4. Initiate Sex.

Show him you like sex by outright asking for it! Most husbands revel in that moment when a wife overtly suggests sex. Your initiation can take the form of sexy flirting, setting a romantic scene and donning special lingerie, requesting sex at a particular time and place, or simply straddling your husband in bed and saying, “Let’s do it!”

But make it a priority to initiate sex, at least now and then. Express to your husband that sex is so wonderful you’re eager to make love again.

Here are ten tips on how to initiate sex.

5. Just tell him you like it—but not subtly.

We wives are often brought up to use courtesy and subtlety as ways to communicate in a ladylike fashion. That’s all well and good, ladies, but most men don’t read social cues and body language as well as we do. They don’t take hints. So simply say it—as candidly as you can. It can be as straightforward as “You’re an amazing lover,” as meaningful as “I adore feeling like one flesh when we make love,” or as playful as “Honey, you put the wow in bow-chicka-bow-wow!” But get the point across to your husband that sex is important and satisfying.

Those are small ways to let your husband know that you enjoy making love.

But if you’re saying to yourself, “I don’t currently enjoy sex all that much,” try these five tips anyway. Oftentimes, they will likely increase your enjoyment of sexual intimacy in your marriage. And considering picking up a copy of Sheila’s excellent book, 31 Days to Great Sex, or my own, Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives, for more tips.


J. Parker is the author of Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives and writes the Hot, Holy & Humorous blog, where she uses a biblical perspective and a blunt sense of humor to foster Christian sexuality in marriage.


  1. For valentines day I’ve been giving my hubby a gift each day with a note. Similar to a candy bar letter, but spread over the last 2 weeks. A lot of the notes have been about sex, and my hubby has loved it. It’s been a good way to let him know that I enjoy him. Examples: I like to ROLOver in bed with you. I like to SKOR with you.
    I like your other suggestions too. I need to do them more.

  2. And we husbands say, “Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes.”

  3. I love your #1 and the word Yes! Yes to initiating, yes to his overtures and if you are shy, saying, “Yes!” during lovemaking will brighten his day and let him know what he’s doing right. Great tips, J!

  4. It’s so important for us as wives to play a part in sex. It’s one way to say to our husbands, “I love you.” I think playing a major part in sex and enjoying it maintains a strong marriage bond. Thanks for your advice.
    Tiffany Godfrey recently posted…Marriage and Communication Series: #10 Anger and ResentmentMy Profile

  5. Jersey Girl says:

    Sadly there is no reason for saying yes when your spouse shows no interest in your pleasure.
    There is nothing worse than a husband who complains about lack of sex and then makes no effort for my enjoyment.

  6. KellyMiller says:

    I LOVE the candy bar idea! So creative. It’s often difficult for my husband and I because of our work schedules. I am a nurse and work 12 hour days, and he’s in management. However, we do make it work! Sheila, thank you for your inspiring blog and examples of how a Christian marriage should be.

  7. Don’t discount having sex 5 times in the same week as five ways to let him know you enjoy sex. Well…just sayin’. 😉
    Dan recently posted…Her Sex Is Broken and I Gotta Fix ItMy Profile

  8. Would love love to follow the hot, holy and humorous blog but it is by invite only.

  9. I wish I could…this just makes me want to cry. I suffer from mental illness (I am in therapy) and past abuse issues. I cant have sex with my husband because I basically hate myself and my body, it makes me feel dirty and used and I have big trust issues. Just the thought of it makes me want to curl up in a little ball to protect myself. I would be so grateful for anyone who wants to pray for me and my marriage, thank you!

    • Hi, Amanda! I’m so sorry that you’re carrying so much pain and hurt from your past. I too, know firsthand the experience of past abuse, and how dirty and awful it makes you feel. It took me a lot of counseling and a lot of tears to get to a good, healthy place in my life. I would highly recommend getting counseling, even if it’s just meeting once a week for coffee with a good friend who is supportive. Don’t be silent about your past-silence is a good hiding place for shame, and it won’t bring healing! Talk through your issues and be brave enough to be honest about how it’s currently affecting you! You can’t get the help you need if you are skirting around or completely avoiding the issue! I would also recommend seeing a doctor for mental illness and getting treatment. Fill your life with things that make you happy, and pray for God to restore you to wholeness! Nothing is impossible with Him! I will be praying for you and your marriage- that God will heal your heart and that you will find freedom from the pain and shame that you have carried for so long. I pray that your marriage will become more amazing than you ever dreamed, and that trust will be fully restored between you and your husband.
      Believe God for the impossible, ask and you shall receive!
      Love, another sister in Christ <3

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