Top 10 Ways to Turn Your Bedroom Into a Couple’s Oasis

Top Ten TuesdayIt’s Top 10 Tuesday, when I give you TEN great ideas to accomplish something important, and then you can pick 1-3 to actually DO–and start meeting a goal. Today I want to talk about creating a romantic bedroom for you and your husband–and creating a little oasis for you away from the chaos of the rest of your life.

Too often we don’t pay enough attention to the bedroom because we’re the only ones who actually see it. It’s where the stuff we don’t know where to put gets stashed, because we want to keep the living room and kitchen clean for when company comes over. So the Visa slips get thrown on the dresser, and the laundry gets folded on the bed, and it’s all a big mess. It’s not relaxing at all.

But the bedroom is where you live out your relationship with your husband, which is the most important relationship in your house. When your relationship goes well, it’s so much easier to parent. And the kids do better, too!

When I asked on my Facebook Page about ways to turn your bedroom into an oasis, the number one answer was “get rid of clutter“! Absolutely. Treat your bedroom with respect, because it represents the priority you place on your relationship. But that doesn’t mean JUST keeping it neat. Here’s your goal for your bedroom: make it a place where you can relax, where you sleep well, and where you can be romantic with your husband. So what can you do besides decluttering to turn your bedroom into an oasis?

Top 10 Tips for a Romantic Bedroom--Make it Into a Couple's Oasis!

1. A Romantic Bedroom Deserves An Awesome Mattress

Mattresses make a huge difference. First, you need to be able to sleep well. As I’ve written before, sleep is a marriage issue! If you’re exhausted, you’re not going to have the energy to nurture your relationship. But mattresses are also important to give you support, because let’s face it, there are some mattresses that make sex a little, um, difficult. We’ve been hotels with mattresses that just don’t work.

Invest in a Tempurpedic mattress, or a memory foam mattress, that help you sleep well and provide support. Maybe this is a purchase you can’t afford right away, but a good quality mattress will last for at least a decade, and your sleep is worth the investment. So save up and prioritize this purchase!

Bragada Memory Foam Mattress

2. Buy Great Bedding

Do you freeze in the winter under about 6 blankets? Is your quilt threadbare?

I noticed such a difference in the quality of my sleep when we bought a proper down duvet. Again, this is an expensive purchase, but it’s worth saving up for. And I think it pays for itself in the end. I’ve bought plenty of those “comforter sets” in discount stores that were $60 or $70, but they never lasted more than a few years before they were ratty and kind of ugly looking. A duvet will last a long time, and you can put lovely duvet covers over it.

3. Keep Your Office Someplace Else

This may not be possible for everyone. When we lived in an apartment when the girls were small, we did have the office in our bedroom, and I did my work there. But if you have the space, move your office to a spare bedroom, a corner of the kitchen, or a corner of the dining room. Sure, it may not look as pretty when you have company over, but it’s worth it. If you step into the bedroom and the first thing you see is all the bills that need to be paid and the computer with email to check, you’re not going to relax. So try to have different places in the house for specific things: the bedroom is to relax and rejuvenate and to be romantic; work is for other places. Your brain starts to associate these things with specific places, and then it actually is easier to relax!

4. Keep Electronics out of the Bedroom

By the same token, plug in your devices, including phones if you can, at night in the kitchen or dining room, rather than the bedroom. Don’t have devices in the bedroom where you can check email or go on Facebook or play a game. I had one husband email me in frustration once because his wife played Facebook games for half an hour after settling into bed, and then ignored him. Put the phone away!

And try to keep the TV out, too. If the TV’s in the room, you’ll turn it on and watch it and often fall asleep to it. If the TV’s not in the room, you’ll talk and snuggle and do other things!

5. Keep Kids Away

You need a place that is just for you and your husband. When the babies are newborns you will need them near you, but once they’re past that newborn stage, transition them to their own room, so that you can relax with your hubby. It’s hard to get romantic if kids are in the bed!

Massage Candle6. Get a Massage Candle–and other soft lights

I love these! I was introduced to them last year and I’m a big fan. They’re candles made of soya, and when you light them, the wax melts, but it isn’t so hot it will burn you. So you can pour it on your back and use it to massage your spouse! And they smell wonderful, too. Get some things in your bedside table that make massage easier–a massage candle, massage oil, moisturizers, whatever works for you! And then use them.

And scatter other candles around the bedroom, too! They’re romantic, and a little bit of light goes a long way. Think of sex as something which is going to involve all the senses–sight, sound, taste, smell–and not only touch. So light some candles and it’s a more sensual experience.

Oh, and if you’re going to have candles, stick a lighter in your bedside table!

Here’s a bonus idea from a Facebook Fan: string some of those little white lights along the ceiling. They’re very inexpensive, but it makes your bedroom look like a starry night. It makes it special, out of the ordinary. And they’re fun!

7. Get a Space Heater

Maybe it’s the Canadian in me, but I’ve often said to my husband,

If you want to turn the heat up in the bedroom, you might actually want to turn the HEAT UP.

He likes the thermostat low at night to conserve energy and money, which is good. But then I’m stuck in flannel pyjamas that leave EVERYTHING to the imagination, complete with fuzzy socks, to stay warm. A compromise is to have a space heater that can heat up your bedroom without spending money heating the rest of the house. Then it’s easier to get romantic without freezing–and easier to change positions a bit when you don’t need to be on the bottom just to stay warm!

Little Book of Powerful Prayers8. Keep a Book of Prayers Handy

I’m a big believer in books of prayers! Maybe it’s the years I spent in an Anglican church, but prayers that are written, that people put great thought into, are often tremendously beautiful. So put a book of prayers on your bedside table, and every night read one together. It helps you focus, helps you feel more intimate, and gives you peace. And if your husband isn’t comfortable praying out loud, it makes it less intimidating, too.

9. Use an Essential Oil Diffuser

Essential oil diffusers are really inexpensive, and they’re super easy! Just fill the top with water, put 5-10 drops of essential oil in the water, and then light the tea light candle underneath. I get mine at the dollar store. It helps the bedroom smell luxurious. Lady Sclareol is a unique blend of oils designed to help women “get in the mood”, and is the gold standard for sensual blends. That means it’s also expensive–but seriously, you use 5 drops at a time! Clary sage oil is MUCH cheaper (only $5), and it smells lovely, too.

You can also buy electric diffusers that are more expensive but work really well.

10. Hang Photos of the Two of You

Remind yourselves of the romantic times you’ve had in the past. We have a huge blown up picture of the two of us above our bed, that was taken when we were on a cruise a few years ago. Don’t put any pictures of the kids in your bedroom, either! This is just for you. I have over 100 photos displayed in my house of the kids, but none of them is in my bedroom!

Oh, and as one person commented on Facebook, “I’m thinking of taking the in-laws down off the wall.” Very good idea. After a thread about that, a woman wrote:

Keeping Your Bedroom for the Two of YouIndeed. Get the photos of other people down. :)

Now it’s your turn: what would you do to create a romantic bedroom? Let me know in the comments!

I was partially compensated for this post, but the opinions are my own. Check this out for more info!

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  1. In addition to having a good mattress, we’ve found it beneficial to have dark curtains. There’s a street light across the street from our home, so this helps make our bedroom dark so we get good sleep and are well rested.

    We have a small home, so keeping things like the home office or the home gym out of the bedroom is difficult. How you arrange furniture and the creative use of curtains can help with this!
    Shannon recently posted…Date Ideas for Every Season and Every BudgetMy Profile

  2. Perfect timing!
    We are about to paint our bedroom (we moved into this house 6 years ago, and our room was actually not bad so we prioritized other walls that were way uglier!) and now I can plan for some of these ideas while we’re changing things anyway.
    I especially like the white lights idea. :)

  3. I love the comment about the pictures in the bedroom. The only pictures we have in our bedroom is of us. No kids, grandkids, etc. we have pictures of us kissing in a phone booth (from our wedding) & a picture of us kissing on the beach (standing on Segways). Our family doesn’t want to see those when they come over so they are proudly displayed in our bedroom.

  4. I L O V E this post Sheila!!
    Thanks for the ideas! I grew up never being allowed to be in my parents’ room, it was totally their sanctuary. We kids knew it and I think appreciated it.
    I’ve been trying my best to do that in our six years of marriage. Yes, no kid pictures ( I can’t imagine in -laws!!!!), candles, romantic colored spreads….however lately the bed hasn’t been getting made, the laundry is piling up and falling off as we get into bed. ( I know its bad, but we have little ones!!). Soo, this has inspired me to take a fresh look at our room. I think less clutter and simple is really important. Simple and romantic, kind of a like how they decorate bed and breakfst rooms!! And “5. Keep Kids Away” – huge!! We allow them to sometimes come in for snuggle on Saturday mornings but otherwise, I was just telling my kids last night that they are never allowed in our room without permission – it is a special place for mom and dad.
    Anyway, great post!!

  5. You are so funny. I reading your posts but don’t always get the time to leave a comment.

    Anyway, I love this post because this is my dream. I pray that one day I will have a nice home with a large bedroom that I can fix the you describe in this post. But for now I will have to pray and wait, an be content to looking at my husband’s back as he works on the computer at nights and I work on my laptop in the bed. I hate it.

    I believe a bedroom should be a place of peace, love and ones sanctuary, not a office, workout room or a playroom.

    Peace to you.

    • You’ll get there one day! The office used to be in our bedroom, too. One thing you can do if that’s the case in your bedroom is hang a big curtain rod from the ceiling and hang curtains as dividers. My daughter did that. They were just sort of see through material, but it still created two separate spaces, and it’s kind of romantic, too!

  6. A great mattress can also help with “privacy” in a multi-family dwelling or with older kids! You don’t want the mattress squeaking and giving you away! :) I’m curious what you define as the “newborn” stage. My son was in our room until 11 months, but my husband wasn’t from just before 4 months until after a year because of deployment, so I don’t know what we’ll do with the next one, but it sure was nice to not have to sleep train him just to get some sleep! He always started the night in his own bed and we’d cosleep from his first wake-up on. Now that his first wake-up isn’t until around 5 it’s easiest to have him in his room, but I can’t imagine having to go to his room 4 or more times a night like I would have once he was no longer technically a newborn.

    • Melanie, kids can sleep through the night at 3-4 months, so we just taught our kids to sleep through the night. It took about 2 nights and they settled right into it. And then everyone slept better! My only issue was that for a few nights I’d have to get up and pump because I’d be so full and I’d need those midnight feeds, but that’s what we did.

      And I didn’t get up 4 times a night, ever. I think we fed pretty much every 4-5 hours once they were 4-6 weeks old, so you’d have like a 2 a.m. feeding and a 6 a.m. feeding, but it certainly wasn’t 4 times! The key was to keep them awake when they were eating so they ate a lot, and that held them over more. But I know it’s tricky!

    • I transitioned my kids out of our bedroom once they were more or less sleeping through the night. Which was a different age for each of them, but all by about a year.

      And my youngest actually stayed in our room well after she slept through – but that was because she slept 8 hours from about a month old (bless her!) and I didn’t have space for the crib in either kids’ room; she had to be ready for a bunk bed! (bottom bunk, with a bed rail, and she was 10 1/2 months and tried to climb out of the crib!).

    • Our goal is to get the baby out of our room as soon as possible. What this means for us is that I will transition the baby out of our room as soon as I am only getting up twice per night with them–striking a balance between my exhaustion (and the extra effort that it takes to leave the room to care for them) and giving us some space for intimacy. For each of the kids so far, that works out to between 6-7 months old. Leaving the room four or five times each night just doesn’t work for me, especially since I have to be available for the other little people the next day and going into their room that many times disturbs them too. I think that we have done everything under the moon to get them to sleep longer sooner but for whatever reason, they just don’t. We moved the baby into the girls’ room at the beginning of January (at 7 months old) and I’m the first to say how nice it is to have our room back to ourselves.

  7. We did this 10yrs. ago to only end up moving to NC (from WI) a year and a half later !. A few more things to consider: Remote control lighting (if your re-wiring), Mirrored sliding glass closet doors. This was our compromise since I wouldn’t put a mirror on the ceiling ! Right choice considering we sold the house soon after, but don’t let that be your reason ! Oh, almost forgot. A thumbs up to the heater idea. We ended up buying an Electric Fireplace Unit which really add’s to the mood and the temp. in the winter months. Soundproofing is another consideration, if you don’t give the kido’s ear plugs ! Also consider Liberator’s Fascinator Throw for a bed covering when engaging in “The Act” ! Have fun everyone.

  8. My bedroom is my project this year!! We just used vinyl wall lettering to place one of the bible verses we had in our wedding on our wall – it looks so pretty :)

  9. I appreciate this post and agree that the bedroom should be romantic. My only problem is that we are about to have a baby and we live in a one bedroom apartment. I have no intention of turning our bedroom into a baby room but we will be sharing the space– he will sleep at the end of our bed and we will have a bookshelf for all of his things (mostly clothes). I was thinking about putting up some colorful artwork in that corner of the bedroom. Thanks for the advice.

  10. We use a vanilla scented real-wax candle that uses a flickering, realistic, bulb. We bought it from a speciality candle store — the inexpensive plastic ones from the hardware store that come in sets of three just don’t do the same job! No flame, no chance of accidentally setting the bedclothes on fire!

  11. Fresh flowers. We have a garden and I make a point of having fresh garden flowers in our room. They look beautiful, smell great, and ad that romantic feel to the bedroom. I totally agree about having nice linen. I’ve made a point of having nice duvets and bed cushions. My husband often comments on how our bedroom is his favorite room in the house because of the way it feels like such a sanctuary. Another suggestion I’ve thought of is mosquito nets or soft drapery over the head of bed for a more exotic feel.

  12. Catherine says:

    Took the tv we never used out of the bedroom. Took the kid and grandkids photos out and now only have photos of us. Neither of us have clutter in the house so no problem. Twinkling lights and candles. Just bought a new candle with a wooden wick that makes a nice crackling sound. I wanted to add that this time of year fans are nice. We also have a set of soft nice towels just for the bedroom.

  13. Okay- I took out the pictures of the kids. I put in a scent warmer with vanilla (his favorite scent), cleared off the clutter on the dresser, made the bed, dusted the fan, and organized my “pile”. Let’s see if it works. Years ago I made our bedroom the “bird room” because of my husband’s love for birds. I’ve kept all the bird décor, so I hope he finds it more relaxing. (???) Things haven’t been good for a while, so I don’t know how much difference it’ll make, but here’s hoping……

  14. Brienna says:

    We still need to work on a few of the things in this list and we don’t have kids yet so that makes it much easier for us but I wanted to mention the tv thing. I’ve never had a tv in my room. Even when I was a teenager I remember my mom asking me if I wanted one for my room and was adamant that she not get me one. She thought I had lost my mind lol! My husband grew up with a tv in his room from the time he was very young so my insistence on not having a tv in the bedroom was a little frustrating for him early on but he appreciates it now.

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