It’s Top 10 Tuesday, when I give you TEN great ideas to accomplish something important, and then you can pick 1-3 to actually DO–and start meeting a goal. Today I want to talk about creating a romantic bedroom for you and your husband–and creating a little oasis for you away from the chaos of the rest of your life.
Too often we don’t pay enough attention to the bedroom because we’re the only ones who actually see it. It’s where the stuff we don’t know where to put gets stashed, because we want to keep the living room and kitchen clean for when company comes over. So the Visa slips get thrown on the dresser, and the laundry gets folded on the bed, and it’s all a big mess. It’s not relaxing at all.
But the bedroom is where you live out your relationship with your husband, which is the most important relationship in your house. When your relationship goes well, it’s so much easier to parent. And the kids do better, too!
When I asked on my Facebook Page about ways to turn your bedroom into an oasis, the number one answer was “get rid of clutter“! Absolutely. Treat your bedroom with respect, because it represents the priority you place on your relationship. But that doesn’t mean JUST keeping it neat. Here’s your goal for your bedroom: make it a place where you can relax, where you sleep well, and where you can be romantic with your husband. So what can you do besides decluttering to turn your bedroom into an oasis?
1. A Romantic Bedroom Deserves An Awesome Mattress
Mattresses make a huge difference. First, you need to be able to sleep well. As I’ve written before, sleep is a marriage issue! If you’re exhausted, you’re not going to have the energy to nurture your relationship. But mattresses are also important to give you support, because let’s face it, there are some mattresses that make sex a little, um, difficult. We’ve been hotels with mattresses that just don’t work.
Invest in a Tempurpedic mattress, or a memory foam mattress, that help you sleep well and provide support. Maybe this is a purchase you can’t afford right away, but a good quality mattress will last for at least a decade, and your sleep is worth the investment. So save up and prioritize this purchase!
2. Buy Great Bedding
Do you freeze in the winter under about 6 blankets? Is your quilt threadbare?
I noticed such a difference in the quality of my sleep when we bought a proper down duvet. Again, this is an expensive purchase, but it’s worth saving up for. And I think it pays for itself in the end. I’ve bought plenty of those “comforter sets” in discount stores that were $60 or $70, but they never lasted more than a few years before they were ratty and kind of ugly looking. A duvet will last a long time, and you can put lovely duvet covers over it.
3. Keep Your Office Someplace Else
This may not be possible for everyone. When we lived in an apartment when the girls were small, we did have the office in our bedroom, and I did my work there. But if you have the space, move your office to a spare bedroom, a corner of the kitchen, or a corner of the dining room. Sure, it may not look as pretty when you have company over, but it’s worth it. If you step into the bedroom and the first thing you see is all the bills that need to be paid and the computer with email to check, you’re not going to relax. So try to have different places in the house for specific things: the bedroom is to relax and rejuvenate and to be romantic; work is for other places. Your brain starts to associate these things with specific places, and then it actually is easier to relax!
4. Keep Electronics out of the Bedroom
By the same token, plug in your devices, including phones if you can, at night in the kitchen or dining room, rather than the bedroom. Don’t have devices in the bedroom where you can check email or go on Facebook or play a game. I had one husband email me in frustration once because his wife played Facebook games for half an hour after settling into bed, and then ignored him. Put the phone away!
And try to keep the TV out, too. If the TV’s in the room, you’ll turn it on and watch it and often fall asleep to it. If the TV’s not in the room, you’ll talk and snuggle and do other things!
5. Keep Kids Away
You need a place that is just for you and your husband. When the babies are newborns you will need them near you, but once they’re past that newborn stage, transition them to their own room, so that you can relax with your hubby. It’s hard to get romantic if kids are in the bed!
6. Get a Massage Candle–
I love these! I was introduced to them last year and I’m a big fan. They’re candles made of soya, and when you light them, the wax melts, but it isn’t so hot it will burn you. So you can pour it on your back and use it to massage your spouse! And they smell wonderful, too. Get some things in your bedside table that make massage easier–a massage candle, massage oil, moisturizers, whatever works for you! And then use them.
And scatter other candles around the bedroom, too! They’re romantic, and a little bit of light goes a long way. Think of sex as something which is going to involve all the senses–sight, sound, taste, smell–and not only touch. So light some candles and it’s a more sensual experience.
Oh, and if you’re going to have candles, stick a lighter in your bedside table!
Here’s a bonus idea from a Facebook Fan: string some of those little white lights along the ceiling. They’re very inexpensive, but it makes your bedroom look like a starry night. It makes it special, out of the ordinary. And they’re fun!
7. Get a Space Heater
Maybe it’s the Canadian in me, but I’ve often said to my husband,
If you want to turn the heat up in the bedroom, you might actually want to turn the HEAT UP.
He likes the thermostat low at night to conserve energy and money, which is good. But then I’m stuck in flannel pyjamas that leave EVERYTHING to the imagination, complete with fuzzy socks, to stay warm. A compromise is to have a space heater that can heat up your bedroom without spending money heating the rest of the house. Then it’s easier to get romantic without freezing–and easier to change positions a bit when you don’t need to be on the bottom just to stay warm!
8. Keep a Book of Prayers Handy
I’m a big believer in books of prayers! Maybe it’s the years I spent in an Anglican church, but prayers that are written, that people put great thought into, are often tremendously beautiful. So put a book of prayers on your bedside table, and every night read one together. It helps you focus, helps you feel more intimate, and gives you peace. And if your husband isn’t comfortable praying out loud, it makes it less intimidating, too.
Essential oil diffusers are really inexpensive, and they’re super easy! Just fill the top with water, put 5-10 drops of essential oil in the water, and then light the tea light candle underneath. I get mine at the dollar store. It helps the bedroom smell luxurious. Lady Sclareol is a unique blend of oils designed to help women “get in the mood”, and is the gold standard for sensual blends. That means it’s also expensive–but seriously, you use 5 drops at a time! Clary sage oil is MUCH cheaper (only $5), and it smells lovely, too.
You can also buy electric diffusers that are more expensive but work really well.
10. Hang Photos of the Two of You
Remind yourselves of the romantic times you’ve had in the past. We have a huge blown up picture of the two of us above our bed, that was taken when we were on a cruise a few years ago. Don’t put any pictures of the kids in your bedroom, either! This is just for you. I have over 100 photos displayed in my house of the kids, but none of them is in my bedroom!
Oh, and as one person commented on Facebook, “I’m thinking of taking the in-laws down off the wall.” Very good idea. After a thread about that, a woman wrote: