According to the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), a personality test that divides you into 16 possible types, I’m an ENTJ, which is quite rare for a female. I explain what those letters mean here, in the first post I wrote about being an ENTJ.
A bunch of you really liked the personality posts, so I’m planning a series of them coming up looking at personality differences in marriage–and I may get my mom, who is a certified MBTI trainer, to help me with that, too!
But in the meantime, I thought I’d let you in a little bit more into my brain as an ENTJ Blogger.
I’m an ENTJ, which means;
E- I’m an Extrovert, not an Introvert. I process things by talking about them, and I rejuvenate by being with people.
N – I’m iNtuitive, not Perceiving, which means I like ideas and the big picture, not details. I figure stuff out not by examining the little parts but by thinking about it.
T- I’m a Thinker, not a Feeler. I value logic, and make decisions based on what I think is right. I don’t tend to focus on others’ feelings quite as much.
J – I’m Judging, not Perceiving. I like being organized. I like plans. I like lists. I like to make decisions quickly with the evidence in front of me. I’m not a go with the flow person.
If you were to sum up an ENTJ in a nice way, you’d say that we were the Executives, the CEOs, the Leaders. If you were mean, you could say that we were obnoxiously bossy. Both are likely true.
I wrote about the downsides of being an ENTJ in a previous post, but I thought here I’d tell you about the upsides, because it’s really in the upsides that I’ve figured out my purpose for blogging, and how to fit my passion, gifts, and bent into the ministry that God’s given me.
1. The ENTJ Blogger isn’t Afraid to Say The Emperor Has No Clothes
We value logic and we value big ideas, so if something doesn’t look right to us, we’re not afraid to say it. We’re not really loyal foot soldiers. We question everything. So just because something has always been done a certain way doesn’t mean that we’ll endorse it. If it makes no sense to us, we’ll say so.
I think that’s especially valuable in the Christian community, because we have a lot of “sacred cows” that you’re not supposed to question. An example would be the idea of submission. We often think that this means that a wife can’t bring up problems. That, however, makes no sense to me, because that’s no way to build unity in marriage, and goes against everything else in the Bible when it talks about resolving conflict.
I just signed a book deal where I’m going to mention a lot of these sacred cows, and I’m so excited about it! It’s based on my 7 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, but it’s going to go a lot further, and include a lot about how to really handle conflict. Sometimes we all need another set of eyes on a problem to ask, “is the way we’re handling this really the best way?”
2. The ENTJ Blogger is Highly Practical
I used to read a lot of blogs with huge readerships where there were pretty graphics quoting Bible verses and all kinds of wonderful words that were so compassionate to those who were hurting.
And I would try to do that and fail miserably.
I’m a T, not an F. I live by logic, not by feeling. In the Bible, I wouldn’t be the Asaph writing lovely Psalms; I’d be Elijah calling down rain from heaven. It’s not that I don’t believe that God can comfort you; it’s just that that’s not who I am. I figure the best way to comfort someone is to help them figure out what to do next.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m very glad those other blogs are there, because we all need encouragement, and that is the voice that God has given them. But I’m about the Practical. And I think sometimes that’s sorely lacking from a lot of women’s blogs.
3. The ENTJ Blogger is All About Fixing Problems
Our main goal in life is to get the world to run more smoothly. We’re never satisfied with the status quo; we figure there’s always a way to do it better! So even if it’s been done this way for generations, we figure there must be some tweak, some little thing, that we can do to make things work better.
That’s really why I started writing. It was 1997 and I was living in downtown Toronto with my two babies. We went to playgroup everyday just to get out of our small apartment. And at this playgroup were a whole bunch of moms, most of whom had difficult marriages.
I was especially close to one mom who was always miserable. Her husband really didn’t treat her well. He would come home from work and not talk to the kids. He’d just sit on the couch and expect his wife to bring him dinner. He didn’t eat with the family. He didn’t do any housework. He’d go out with his buddies but he’d never watch the kids so she could go out. He gave her no access to money but made her ask for a $20 every time she needed a few groceries.
And I’d listen to all these stories she’d tell, and I’d have a million things running through my head–why don’t you just do X? Why don’t you do Y? I could see so many ways she could change her own behaviour and improve the situation. I’d try to mention one or two at a time, but unfortunately she could never follow-through.
But as she was going through this, so was another woman in my extended family. Almost identical stories. And they both ended up having their marriages end. I thought: maybe if women just understood better how to change the dynamic in the marriage, then these marriages could be saved! And so I wrote To Love, Honor and Vacuum (the book). P.S.: The second edition is coming out in the spring!
I know many people will just say, “give it to God and pray.” I’ve always figured that if we’re going to pray, God also wants us to engage in something. So if we want God to work, we need to be prepared to act differently, too. We have to sacrifice as well. And so I try to be the solutions girl.
But that’s just not who I am. I’m in the solutions business, not the encouragement business.
That’s because to me, real encouragement has solutions. And so I want to encourage your marriage by helping you overcome some obstacles. That’s what I do.
It took me a long time to realize it was okay to be an ENTJ. It was okay to have an opinion. It was okay to go against the tide. It was okay to not be flowery and gushy on my blog. There are a ton of awesome flowery blogs, but this one isn’t one of them. I think God makes us different for a reason. Some people are meant to be that warm cup of coffee you need on a cold day. And some people are meant to give you a bit of a shove in the right direction. We’re all necessary, and if we try to be something we’re not, we won’t do a good job at it.
I’m the solutions gal, and I hope that you’ve found some answers to your marriage problems in these posts and in the pages of my books. And if you haven’t, leave a question in the comments! Maybe I can come up with a biblical solution for you, too.