One of the hardest parts of marriage is figuring out who does what. Neither person wants to do more than his or her share, but if you’re always comparing yourself to your spouse, you’ll get in this downward spiral of resentment. So how do you negotiate things like who does what chore?

I wrote an article about it for Focus on the Family’s Thriving Family magazine, and it’s out now! Here’s how it begins:

Early in our marriage, our apartment often suffered from lack of attention. One morning, in frustration, I worked myself into a cleaning frenzy. Unbeknownst to me, that afternoon while I was out, my husband had the same impulse.

Over dinner we simultaneously announced, “I cleaned the whole place today!” Neither of us was amused at the other taking credit for our effort. Our misunderstanding soon became clear. To my husband, Keith, clutter mattered. To me, dirt mattered. I could walk past clutter as long as the faucets were gleaming. He, on the other hand, didn’t notice marks on the mirrors as long as the towels were neatly folded.

All of us start marriage with different ideas about what goes into running a household, and our natural tendency is to value the work we do and minimize the work our spouses do. Throughout the stages of life, our situations change and require us to renegotiate the division of chores. Each time we try to divide responsibilities, there’s potential for anger and resentment. But with the right attitude and some planning, chores don’t need to be something that drives us apart.

I invite you to read the rest here! It’s an honor to be featured there!

If you’re looking for other articles on how to split responsibilities, here are some more from this blog:

When Mr. Clean Marries Mrs. Messy

How Much is Reasonable to Expect from Your Spouse when it comes to housework?

To Love, Honor and Vacuum (the book). I deal with this at length!

And here’s some inspiration for you today:

Marriage is Like Nature: Tending it makes all the difference.

Have you found a way to split chores with your husband that works? Let me know in the comments!

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