Reader Question: My Husband’s a Missionary/Pastor–And He Uses Porn

Reader Question of the WeekEvery Monday I like to post a Reader Question and then give my thoughts. Then I invite you to leave yours in the comments! If we can all chime in, we can help encourage one another.

This week’s question is a really heartbreaking one. My heart is heavy just reading and answering it, and I’ve been praying for this woman all morning. She left a comment recently, saying:

I am mulling over how to reconfront my husband this time. I’ve done the tears. I’ve done the cold clinical confrontation. I’ve done the angry confrontation. Nothing changes because he won’t get accountable and he always says its the last time and I always believe him.

My problem is that we are both in ministry, and although I know this only compounds the urgency with which this problem deserves to be handled, I can’t get past all the what ifs of what could happen if this comes out.Job termination, needing to change housing or possibly even return to our home country. We are missionaries. We are practically alone on the field. There are children who would have no caregivers.

Sadly, in some ways I care more about the children in our care then the state of our marriage, or so it would seem since my mind dwells there more than on what is going on or not going on between us.

Porn makes this wonderful, fun, talented, extroverted, anointed man into a gloomy, unkind, withdrawn person. I believe his exposure to it at a young age via his uncle plus the loss of his father and two brothers make him vulnerable to a cycle of shame secrecy and grief. But he never tells me, he waits to be caught.

We are in a high stress and strong spiritual warfare environment, and I am sometimes harsh and overmanage things. I also do not feel as sexually motivated since discovering the porn issue less than a year into out marriage while pregnant and already feeling vulnerable about the changes in my body and in our marriage. Add exhaustion from the environment we live and work in. Nevertheless I don’t think that those are justifications for what is biblically equated with adultery.

Husband in Ministry and He's Addicted to PornFirst, I want to reassure this woman, and other women reading, that you are not alone. Porn is a huge struggle, even for men in ministry (and perhaps ESPECIALLY for men in ministry, as I’ll talk about in a minute). So here are some thoughts:

Our main goal in this life is to glorify God.

We are to grow closer to Him. To look more and more like Him (Romans 8:29). Our goal is not to bear fruit; our goal is to abide in Him (John 15). It’s God that bears the fruit, and not us. Our goal is to stay close to God.

So don’t think that if you are involved in ministry that this somehow outweighs a responsibility to do the right thing. I can totally hear this woman’s struggle–“but what about this ministry? What about the kids? If I do something about this, I’ll end up hurting them! Isn’t the ministry more important?”

No, I don’t believe it is. If he continues to use porn, he is endangering his own spiritual condition. And that needs to matter. That needs to be our #1 responsibility.

Our ministry will not be effective when there is sin present in the leaders.

Over and over again in the Bible we see where the people were punished for the sins of the leaders. I’m not saying that God will punish the ministry because of what your husband is doing, but there is no doubt that the Holy Spirit cannot use your husband as he should when your husband is engaged in a huge, secret sin. So not saying anything in order to save the ministry is likely to backfire. The ministry itself will grow better when there is truth and when there is light.

Jesus tells us not to take lightly our responsibility to make sure that the little ones around us do not stumble. That may sound like He’s saying, “don’t rock the ministry boat if the kids will be hurt”. But I think that ultimately truth is still truth; and God wants light shone on things. He doesn’t like things being covered up. And when we confess, and uncover sin, God does an amazing work. That work can spill over onto the ministry.

I think deep inside you know all this. You’re close to God, and you sense that He will protect you and protect the ministry. But it’s still a scary thing. Listen to that still, small voice calling you to the Truth.

It is ultimately God’s ministry, not yours.

Right now you likely feel as if you are indispensable, and if you tell people of your husband’s addiction, the whole ministry will fall. If that’s the case, then there’s more going on here than just your husband’s sin. It’s God’s ministry, not yours. Remember that Paul set up churches all over the Roman world, but then he moved on. He didn’t stay where he was, thinking “these people will fall away if I’m not here.” He believed that God would raise up leaders when they were necessary.

This is God’s ministry. He cares about these people. He will fight for them. And He will fight for you, too! If you both want to be used by God, God will honour that. It just may not be in the way that you’ve always planned. But trust that with God at the head of whatever you are doing, He will ultimately bring about the best for all when we step out and do the right thing.

Your Husband’s Addiction Does not Mean He’s a Bad Man

In fact, it could very well mean he’s a good man. I believe that Satan attacks men in Christian leadership in this area in huge numbers because it’s such a secret sin. They can’t confess it or they’ll lose their position. And it brings such shame and such slavery.

So it could be that your husband was attacked exactly because he was in line with God’s will for his life. He was going into the ministry because he wanted to serve God. He was stepping out in faith. Thus, he was becoming dangerous to evil forces, and so he was attacked. This doesn’t mean he’s bad; it just means that he’s a target.

Your Marriage and Your Ministry will Wither in the Dark

That being said, staying in the dark, keeping a secret, will only hurt your marriage and your ministry in the long run. Our God is a God of light, not of darkness. He likes confession, and truth, and transparency. That’s where His grace can fall. That’s where we can see radical transformation. If we try to keep everything inside, and hide it from others, then we’re being proud. And “pride goes before a fall”. God can’t work in us when we’re keeping secrets.

Many Ministries Have Confidential Programs to Help Porn Addicts

Quite frankly, this is such a huge issue that if everyone who uses porn was automatically fired from the ministry, there would be very few left. So what many ministries have started to do is to establish confidential programs where people can go for help and accountability, without the leadership necessarily knowing (or without the leadership needing to take action as long as the accountability partner thinks the person is acting appropriately. In the case of child porn, or anything violent or acted out, for instance, steps would be taken to notify authorities).

My husband and I teach at marriage conferences for FamilyLife, for instance, a division of Power to Change. And shortly after we signed up we received an email from the “speakers’ care team”, saying that if we ever needed a place to talk to someone confidentially about our marriage, we could do it there.

It is so difficult to find anyone to talk to about your problems when you are in ministry, because the very presence of problems seems to jeopardize your job. But many denominations and missions organizations are employing these “care teams” to help deal with exactly things like this. Get on the phone or the internet and investigate whether you have such a team to report to, rather than having to contact the leadership directly and tell them your husband should be removed. These teams are used to dealing with these things, and will help map out a plan which may–or may not–involve leaving the ministry.

If your husband has been involved with things that are truly illegal, like watching child pornography, or even talking to young girls online, you simply must report it. I know it’s hard to go against your husband, but those children need to be protected. Yes, you’re endangering the life that you envisioned for your children. Yes, your extended family may be angry at you. But you will never, ever be at peace when this is happening, and your husband could continue down a road where he may do something truly horrific. Don’t stand by and watch. Stand up for those children now.

UPDATE: I’ve also just heard about a wonderful program called City of Refuge which provides housing, support, and counseling for those who have lost their ministry positions over something like this. You can find out more about it here.

Demand Accountability or You Will Report Him

Assuming this is not a drastic case where the authorities need to be called in, now’s the time to demand accountability of him. So here’s where the rubber hits the road. I’ve given you all of these reasons why you should confront him. Now how do you do it?

In this woman’s case, she’s caught him before. He’s apologized before. He’s told her he would stop, but he hasn’t.

That’s extremely common. However, porn addicts in general do not stop unless they have accountability. Part of truly repenting of the sin is confessing it to someone else. I’m not saying you have to confess it to everyone–but you do have to confess it to someone. And that someone should be someone who can keep you accountable. And that cannot be you, his wife.

CovenantEyes.comCovenant Eyes is an online tool that can help you do just that. You install it on your computer, and then you set up an email notification so that if you ever go on a site you shouldn’t visit, it automatically sends your accountability partner an email. You can also get it for mobile devices now, too. I’m a partner with Covenant Eyes, and if you sign up using the code “TLHV” (for To Love, Honor and Vacuum), you’ll get your first month free.

I like Covenant Eyes because it can be used on the mission field. A missionary can have a partner back home who is keeping tabs and emailing and Skyping to have weekly accountability meetings and prayers, but it doesn’t need to be someone on the missionary’s actual team that he sees everyday (since often the team is too small, and that’s not feasible for a number of reasons).

So I’d sit down with your husband and tell him that he needs to confess to someone and set up Covenant Eyes (or some other system), or you will have to alert the higher ups in the ministry. This simply can’t go on, because he is not just endangering the family; he is endangering the work. And you can’t have that.

He likely will not take it well. He will get angry. He may tell you it’s not your place. But a lot of men in Christian leadership who struggle with this desperately want to be found out so that they can get the help they need. They’re just too scared to start the process themselves.

Pray Like Crazy

This may very well be the scariest thing you have ever had to do. You’re putting the ministry, your job security, and your marriage on the line. But I simply don’t see you as having any other choice.

So pray as if your life depended on it. Pray as if your husband’s soul depended on it. Pray that God will bring light, and restoration, and truth into this circumstance. And that His power will shine. Because when we step out, even in fear, and do the right thing, God can move in such amazing ways. So pray, and get ready to see what God will actually do.



Comments

  1. Minister's Wife says:

    How does one handle the fence-sitter? The man who knows that hard core porn is wrong and avoids it, but enjoys looking at scantily clad women. He feels comfortable with that and says there’s nothing wrong with that. How do I handle that? I have brought it up in the past, and I do believe it’s wrong. I just continue to pray…

    • My husband used to use porn. Now it is hard for him to even watch TV without seeing sexual perverseness come on the screen, thankfully we don’t have cable/satellite and he only sees TV at his parents sometimes. He hasn’t used that for a year, but it is a daily struggle, and he still prays about it sometimes for God to keep him strong,

      The fence-sitters have trouble choosing a side in my opinion. I think it would benefit you to bring up the fact that Jesus said that if a man looks at a woman to lust after her, he has already committed adultery in his heart. That verse may convict him. Ultimately though, it is God that will free your husband of his worldly lust. You may want to bring up how he would feel if you were looking at other men(hypothetically of course), he probably wouldn’t like it. But, the best advise is to keep praying. God can do all things, heal all wounds, forgive all sins… I’ll pray for you.

      • Anonymous says:

        I told my DH that I would have to get a lifetime subscription to Playgirl magazine to make up for all the naked girls he’s seen. I also told him that if they’re dressed in a way he wouldn’t want other men seeing me dressed, then he shouldn’t be looking at them. I told him how would he like it if every other movie we watched featured some muscular, large membered, hot guy for me to ogle. He’s gotten better, but he still struggles. It used to eat me alive and make me feel like I was the ugliest woman on the planet, but now I see myself for real and it is totally his loss. He has a beautiful, shapely wife who is willing and eager and exciting in bed, who treats him like a king and wants to make wild, passionate, fun love with him and he tosses it away for some fantasy he’ll never have.

        God wants men to treat women who are not their wives as sisters. Since when do you stare at your sister in lingerie, especially when you have a wife to stare at! It’s coveting and lust. That’s what it is. It is throwing the gift of a wife and marital intimacy back in God’s face, saying it’s not good enough, give me more. I want her, too. She belongs to someone else. She’s someone’s daughter, someone’s wife, someone’s future wife. And if she is none of those, she is a special creation of God and GOD doesn’t want you treating her like a piece of meat.

        • Anonymous says:

          Women need to realize that a porn addiction almost never has anything to do with how they look. It’s the allure of sin: the rush, the sense of danger–even the subsequent feelings of shame–that makes it attractive to a man. He loves it and hates it and fears it all at the same time. Yet he keeps coming back, because it makes him feel alive.

          That’s how sin works. That’s how it enslaves. The wife could be a Hollywood supermodel, and it wouldn’t matter one bit when it comes to this sin.

          –a man

  2. Sheila, this is excellent advice. I love how you explained the why but also gave the how. I will be keeping this woman and all those connected to porn in any way in my prayers. “Your Husband’s Addiction Does not Mean He’s a Bad Man” This paragraph is the scariest one to me and why we all must remember not to judge and think we could never be tempted in that way.

  3. happywife says:

    Great advice Sheila. So true… “Your husband’s addiction does not mean he’s a bad man.” It means he is a wounded man. We must approach all addictions with this truth in mind or we just add to the shame and guilt that the addict is already feeling. You are also so right that there is nothing that she needs to feel the need to “protect” as far as their ministry. God is bigger than any damage that we can do in our sin.

    I don’t have any experience with porn addiction, but my husband is a sober alcoholic. Nobody wants to be addicted to anything. Nobody wants to continue in the cycle of addiction, but the addict feels stuck and powerless. And our confrontations, anger, begging, pleading, threats and logical reasoning just add to their guilt and shame. They don’t help one iota.

    The very first thing I tell any Christian wife who is dealing with an addicted husband is to pray and ask God what HE wants you to do. God may tell you to do nothing… not because He wants to allow your husband to continue in his sin, but because he already has a plan in place. God knows your husband better than you do. God loves Him more than you do, and God sees every detail of your husband’s addiction much more clearly than you do. God’s only instruction to me during my husband’s alcohol addiction was to “Love him unconditionally,” That was hard. I wanted to fix things. I wanted to expose his sin. I wanted to do whatever was in my power to bring an end to this dark season of our marriage. But God had this, and when the time was right, He set a plan in motion that brought my husband wholeness and freedom. God may, on the other hand, direct you to resources, lead you to confront, lead you to expose…. but make sure that it is God indeed leading you to do these things rather than your own hurting, angry, end-of-your-rope feelings. Trust me, I know the feeling of powerlessness, betrayal, and head ready to explode from frustration… but no good ever came from my acting in my own power and wisdom.

    Educate yourself in the science of addictions… it really will help you understand that He isn’t doing this because he wants to, or to hurt you, or because he doesn’t love you or value your marriage. He does it because he can’t stop. It makes no sense, but that is what an addiction is. God is bigger that his addiction though, and there IS a way out. It just may not look like anything you could orchestrate.

  4. A counseling/ministry group I very strongly recommend is Victorious Ministries Through Christ. They are in heaps of countries and I and my husband have both received ministry and been trained by them. It is free, confidential and Biblical. My husband was addicted to porn since a young age and this ministry was key in helping him overcome it.

    We also now have NetNanny on all our computers and mobile devices. My husband is very open and honest about it, and I can see immediately when he has struggled so we find that to be enough. Now we have NetNanny there have not been any instances where temptation has led to sin! Yay!

    That said, I completely concur with Sheila. Yes, in our case we manage it ourselves, but in the majority of cases this would not be a good idea. Also, though my husband sets up safety precautions and we have a good system, it is not a secret only the two of us know. Close friends and some family members know, people in ministry know and have helped us both and our pastor knows. Though our pastor has probably forgotten haha!

  5. I understand the fear for your children. I myself have walked through the confronting of sexual addiction in my husband and worrying about my kids. But God has proven so faithful. I heard his gentle whisper that He would take care of them. And then I saw God move in their lives. My daughter received countless encouragements from people she didn’t even know. God deposited a hunger for Him into her that was a joy to behold as she pursued God for herself. My son grew confident in the direction for his future after high school.

    Our life isn’t perfect. We are still dealing with fallout. But God is changing me. He is teaching me to trust HIM, not my circumstance. He is my deliverer. He is my joy. He is my hope. I believe that someday, God will restore my family completely. It’s what He does!

  6. Sheila,

    I think your answer to this question was spot on. Very edifying and detailed.

    However, one thing that you don’t address is that the wife says that she has not been “sexually motivated” since the first year of their marriage. Could it be that her lack of responsiveness to him is also a part of the problem?

    • Good point! I’ve dealt with that one at length in other posts, but here’s one that pops to mind.

    • I hate the assumption that the wife has to take some of the blame. They could be initmate every night of the week and he would still be looking at porn. Trust me, wives of porn addicts are already blaming themselves even though it most likely started long before they were even in the picture.

      • I agree, the spouse should never be blamed, it is not their fault, we all have our own choices to make.

        BUT, I will say, I was not strong enough to break my addiction until my wife stopped being a refuser. She didn’t cause the addiction (it started before we started dating even), but I’m not sure I would have been able to stop without her. She didn’t even know about the addiction until I quit, but she was instrumental in my becoming free.

        I think often we dwell too much on how are spouses harm us or make it easier to have sinful behaviour, and not enough on how our spouses help to lift us up and overcome those same types of behaviours.

        • Yes, it is an eye opener for the wife (speaking from experience) but the wife also needs lots of support, to help enable her to be a good support for her husband.

          • I struggled with sex knowing about my husband’s addiction to porn, but I always said “I’d rather you have sex with me than look at porn.” I was always available even when I didn’t want to be – and he knew that – and it didn’t make him or help him change. In his mind, me offering sex and him taking me up on it would have been putting his porn addiction on to me and he never wanted to have the two be together-he tried to keep our sex life and his addiction separate. After 5 years of this, I “quit” in a sense. Not sex…but hoping he would change. I quit caring. I fell into the arms of another man for 7+ years, and it is only by the grace of God that my husband discovering and confronting the affair not only ended the affair, but showed my husband how to break the chains of addiction in his own life. I do not believe that withholding sex is any excuse for a man to choose pornography-his orgasm is for his wife and his wife alone. If she is refusing him, then he has to take that before God, just as the woman who struggles to GIVE sex has to take that issue before God. While I believe there is a connection, I do not believe that it is essential for a wife to give sex in order for a husband to be free of his addiction. I understand what you are saying Jay and it is great that your wife was essential to your healing, but that isn’t the way it will be for everyone and a wife struggling with her identity and how her husband’s addiction makes her feel (which is pretty darn horrible!) shouldn’t further feel that she has to change her view on sex in order to HELP her husband be free of his addiction. In this case, the wife knows about the addiction, and it does impact their sex life, because she feels that she will never measure up to what he sees and enjoys.

            Churches need to talk about this. There need to be more groups like the one my husband attends weekly, that is a purity group for men, that is very geared towards being honest and accountable re sexual addiction. The darkness will hinder anything-ministry, family, marriage…it needs to be exposed and addressed. God will take care of the details.
            Jamie Bishop recently posted…I’m SO tired of asking!My Profile

          • No argument there, there are few “one size fits all” solutions out there.

            I know, porn use makes the spouse feel horrible. Refusal makes the spouse feel horrible. My point is: stop making each other feel awful and work together to make each other feel wonderful.

  7. Jami Thurkettle says:

    My husband and I recently are struggling with this.
    One thing i learned from a friend who has gone through it as well is bring it to light with someone other than you. This is not about you this is about him. He is struggling for one reason or another and once i brought it out to our Pastor it has kept my husband in line. As well look at yourself, how is your sex life? Are you willing to be up to more things?
    Its important to find the cause to help it. Not to keep expecting him to just stop because he doesnt know why he does it. All things will change and you have to be willing to be part of that change.

  8. My heart goes out to you. And we can sit here and give advice all day long but it sounds like you already have your answer. Porn is not God’s will and if your husband is not in God’s will, how effective can his ministry actually be. God will raise up someone else for the children, but your husband needs spiritual counseling and help. You are right, it is the same as adultery. He is addicted. When one says “I won’t do it again”; ‘this is the last time’; ‘I can stop on my own’ etc. They are addicted. My suggestion to you is to pray, seek out God’s Word and do not argue with what God tells you to do on this. Just do it. I pray you will hear His voice completely and be obedient and that your husband gets the deliverance he needs.

  9. Growing up one of my youth group leaders confessed to having a porn addiction and shared his struggle to get free.
    I’ve had 2 pastors do the same to me (one to a group, one to me personally). Sadly, none of those events stopped me from falling into the same addiction (thankfully now free).

    The stats I’ve seen say 50% of men within the church have or are addicted to porn use, and the stats are the same whether your a member, pastor, deacon, elder. This is a huge problem in our churches that few want to discuss.

    So, when I hear about a guy that’s confessed, while most people are saying “shame on him” or “oh no, another one”, I’m thinking “Thank God, another that will stand up, confess and be free”, because I know half of the people saying that it’s shameful are either doing it themselves, or are married to someone who is or has.

    And the stats for women are on the rise.
    Jay Dee – SexWithinMarriage.com recently posted…Some “rough” sex statisticsMy Profile

  10. I agree with the others, your advice was spot-on Sheila! I would differ with you on two points. One, the accountability must come in the form of real men and face to face. I’ve never known a ministry NOT to give a leave of absence. This couple needs one, both of them need it. What if he fully repented and never looked at porn again? His wife would still need counseling and help to walk forward.

    Two, Covenant Eyes and others are not fool proof. Unless it has changed, we were not impressed with Covenant Eyes. Not helpful.

    Finally, a note to the wife. Before you do anything, make sure that this is your LAST confrontation. That means you have to draw a hard line and back it up with action. Desperate times call for desperate measures and you sound like you may be the only one in a position to really help your husband. A marriage saved is not just one couple…it is future generations yet to be married. One divorce in the family affects generations to come but so does a saved marriage. God willing, you will, someday, have a testimony of God’s faithfulness in your marriage. Your marriage is a covenant promise made before God and witnesses. It is worth fighting for…and it comes before any ministry.

    It sounds as though your husband brought into the marriage a great deal of defeat as a man. Now, you sound defeated and discouraged. You’ve chosen to measure your success as a believer by your ministry. I know what that is like. We were in full time ministry and lived that out in our own lives and saw many couples take overseas assignments with huge unresolved problems in their marriages. Ministry makes it very easy to pretend!

    Now is the time to plan your final confrontation with your husband. It is time to shock and, maybe, scare him. He needs to know that he is on the brink of losing everything dear to him. He needs to know that he has to make a choice.

    Does this plan mean going to his supervisors? (keeping in mind that even supervisory missionaries are overloaded and may not take action), buying a plane ticket and getting on that plane after you have confronted him? Contacting Focus on the Family or some other ministry with strong, tough help for porn addictions? Whatever it takes, you need to be prepared so that this confrontation is very very different.

    How will you bring this sin out of the darkness and into the light? It will remain in the darkness as long as it is dealt with between the two of you.

    It will take great courage to overcome your own defeat and bring it out into the light so that God can work a miracle. He WILL work mightily on your behalf.Be prepared that when you stop playing the game of talking about it with him and, instead, really do something, your husband will be angry and will blame you for ruining him. God willing, some day he will thank you for being so brave.

    • We used covenant eyes and liked it for a while, but now we use something called X3 Watch through the XXXchurch.com. My husband has it on both his computer and his phone and while it doesn’t solve everything, the accountability is huge. He has 3 accountability partners, and one of them is his mom. So, for him, it’s a big motivation to stay away from the internet porn.
      Jamie Bishop recently posted…I’m SO tired of asking!My Profile

  11. I would like to add another great tool – XXXchurch.com (this is a totally safe site; a ministry set up to help those struggling with porn; it is also great for teenagers as it has a slightly ‘edgier’ and more modern look to it) have a mobile app for smartphones. It costs about $7 to buy and then it is free to use. It works in much the same way as covenant eyes but is a great option for those that cannot afford ongoing payments. My husband has it installed and it helps a lot.

  12. My heart goes out to this woman. I can relate fairly well. My husband has struggled as well, only not with the typical porn. He has struggled with “anime” porn, and sometimes masturbation. Sadly, internet programs such as the one mentioned here do not catch anything like that, so that is pretty much useless.
    What helped most with us was praying for him. Plus, I needed to stop thinking about myself. Many times (especially when I was pregnant) I just didn’t have any “drive”. I really needed to tune in to my husband’s needs. Generally, the more we can be intimate, the better the situation is as far as sin and temptation are concerned.
    I try to ask him “How are you doing temptation wise?” fairly often, about once every week or 2 now. Back when there were some issues, I’d ask every couple of days, especially if we weren’t seeing each other as much and I knew he had a lot of “alone” time.
    Perhaps rather than relying on the internet filter thing, it would be better to commit to only using internet in a very public place?
    Most importantly though, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF for your husband’s struggles! (I know it’s easy to lay the blame on yourself, but it isn’t your fault.) Keep telling yourself it’s not your fault, because Satan will try to convince you otherwise. For the longest time I blamed myself, even though his struggles began long before we ever met.
    *hug*

  13. I personally don’t agree with the way a lot of women treat their “porn addict” husbands. My husband was addicted to porn for over 11 years when I met him. He was attending seminary and we fell in love and wanted to marry. I was unemotional about his addiction. I knew he was remorseful and he knew it was bad, but most of all, I knew he was struggling with an addiction that had absolutely nothing to do with me. He was addicted like a person who is addicted to food, cigarettes, alcohol…and I could help him by not freaking out on him and treating him like the loser he already felt like every time he slipped up. The result? He was able to break the awful addiction. He hasn’t looked at it in over a year and a half. He felt safe coming to me to confess when he slipped up and there was no room for lies in our relationship because there was only trust. Love is not easily angered and all that! I don’t like the idea of her “reporting” her husband. He needs to report himself if that is what he feels he needs to do to break the habit and no more of that manipulative good cop bad cop- her husband is a grown man, and still deserves her respect even when he makes mistakes.

  14. Thanks Sheila, for great biblical answers. We received a great sermon just yesterday on Ezekiel, where God tells him that if he does not warn the people, even though they don’t listen to him, God will hold him accountable for their blood. We are required to help our brothers and sisters in the Lord by bringing God’s Word to them. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:16. Also Hebrews 4:12, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” God is faithful, He will do His work.

  15. This is not completely related, but my husband’s best friend recently admitted to a porn addiction. This friend is like a brother to my husband and my husband wants to be there for him and support him as he attempts to overcome it. His wife wants him to have nothing to do with my husband (and no, my husband was not using porn with him or enabling him). They got together maybe once every month or two before (and email, text each other several times a week). I hate to see my husband hurting over this. Should we just give them time? Is this normal after this sort of thing?

  16. I got into pornography when I was in college. Was married soon after college. I looked at porn every so often and really didn’t think it was a problem. The longer I was married the harder it was to stay away from it. I always felt shame and guilt everytime, but it was something I thought I could handle myself. I was wrong. I began praying that the desire to look would go away. It didn’t. I took years, but through the grace of God, God healed me from it. It’s still there under the surface, but the desire is gone. But what I want to bring up is this…we as men have been taught that it is bad to look at beautiful women. We have been taught that beautiful women will lead to lust. God didn’t create women beautiful so men have to bounce our eyes away. I think this bouncing our eyes away has the opposite effect and makes pornography more enticing. Satan twists our thoughts around and makes it seem the only way to see beautiful women is through pornography. I have a beautiful wife that I love tremendously and she loves me, but I do still feel guilty if I look at a beautiful woman walking down the street. I feel like I have to bounce my eyes. I don’t think this is what God intended. The desire to look at pornography is gone but the habbit is not, but for the grace of God I keep my heart toward God and my eyes on my wife.

    • Sheila,

      Thank you for bringing up this topic.

      I am one who knows exactly what it’s like to be in ministry and struggle with the secret sin.

      Please, please point people to http://mychainsaregone.org (linked on my name on this post).

      I was struggling with this secret duplicity for over 30 years. But then God opened my eyes to the truth that’s always been there in His word about the meaning of the human form, and to my great surprise, the bondage to pornography melted out of my life… and very quickly, too.

      God led me to several other pastors who had had the same struggle and deliverance, and together we established a website to proclaim exactly how God set us free. It really boils down to this… Jesus’ words came true in our lives… we came to know (and live) the truth, and that truth *made us* free (John 8:32)!

      For all the women that are married to men struggling with porn, I urge you to go to MyChainsAreGone.org and read the articles there together with your husband. The things we’ve written there are aimed primarily at men, but the truths expressed are just as important for women to understand as for men.

      Let me comment here briefly about “accountability”… Accountability is only beneficial if it’s aimed at keeping a commitment to do something good (like exercise or have a regular date night with my wife). It is NOT healthy or useful to help someone *avoid* doing something wrong! The reason for this is that we are asking our accountability partner to stand in the place of God in our lives. Said another way, we are hoping that the potential for embarrassment before a friend will help us avoid the sin which embarrassment before GOD is *not enough* to keep us from! Such “accountability” ultimately feeds the fear of man, which is a snare (meaning, continued bondage).

      Real freedom should be defined as no longer having the desire to engage in the sin… not simply the number of days it has been avoided.

      Please read the MCAG site… Real freedom is really possible. I know it first hand.

      By HIS Grace,

      Pastor Ed

  17. Hi Sheila. As always, I think your advice is great. The only thing that leaves me squirming a little is the thought that individuals should continue on either in ministry or in full church fellowship whilst harbouring sin in their lives. God repeatedly says to His people, “Be ye holy, for I am holy”. Of course, we all fail and fall and need support and help, and the purpose of the church body is to provide that support and help – never to be vindictive. We are all capable of falling into sin, and so there is a precedent set in the New Testament for how God would have us deal with such sin in our own lives and in the church. In the New Testament, this was dealt with by excommunication from the church body for the purposes of dealing with the sin and to the end of seeing the person healed, forgiven and restored to the fellowship. There is no New Testament precedent for covering up such sin and continuing on with the external facade in place. That is hypocricy.
    Take for example 1 Corinthians 5. There was a man in the local church at Corinth who was in a relationship with his father’s wife. The apostle Paul doesn’t mince his words – “deliver such a one to Satan” (v5- ie. remove him from the fellowship of the church as a means of bringing him under dicipline for his sin). He emphasises the need for purity from sin among them “purge out the old leaven” (v7- leaven in the Bible is always a picture of sin), and for the local church to function “in sincerity and truth”(v8).
    Take also the example of Peter dealing with Ananias & Sapphira in Acts 5. They actually died on the spot for lying to God (v5 & v9).
    It is telling that in the first case, Paul mentions the same man again in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians in chapter 2. Aparently the man has demonstrated repentance and grief for his sin, and Paul now exhorts them to be quick to meet him with forgiveness and comfort (v7) and to confirm their love for him as their brother (v8). There was nothing vindicive in Paul’s first instructions to them, rather a gripping awareness of the seriousness of sin and its need to be dealt with so that as individuals we can enjoy a full and open relationship with God and the churches of which we are members can also function for God unhindered by personal or corporate sin.

  18. Breaking The Yoke Prayer
    This is the prayer that I prayed multiple times a day after porn and adultery crashed our marriage… But a crash is nothing for our Lord… Because he the God that overcame the grave lives in us… We are overcomers because of of him!
    Use this prayer… She’s right…PRAY like crazy…. And bind Satan in the name of Jesus.

    It’s called “Breaking the Yoke”. Just insert his name! I’ll pray for y’all too, feel free to contact me at Messtoblessed.wordpress.com

    “In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind ___________’s spirit, mind, soul and body to the blood of Jesus and to the will and purposes of God for his/her life. I bind __________’s mind, will emotions and feelings to the will of Almighty God. I bind him/her to the truth that comes from the Holy Spirit and to the blood of Jesus. I bind his/her mind to the mind of Christ, that the very thoughts, feelings and purposes of His heart would be within his/her/ thoughts.
    “I bind ________’s feet to the paths of righteousness that his steps would be steady and sure. I bind them to the work of the cross with all of its mercy, grace, love and forgivenesses and dying to self.
    ” I bind and loose every old, wrong, ungodly pattern of thinking, attitude, idea, desire, belief, false belief, and unbelief, motivation, habit and behavior from them. I tear down, crush, smash and destroy every stronghold associated with these things and loose it from them. I bind and loose any stronghold in his/her life that has been justifying and protecting hard feelings against anyone. I bind and loose the strongholds of unforgiveness, fear and distrust from them.
    “I bind and loose the power and effects of deceptions and lies from them. I bind and loose the confusion and the blindness of the god of this world from __________’s mind that has kept them from seeing the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I call forth every precious word of Scripture that has ever entered in _________mind and heart that it would rise up in power within them. I bind their ears to hear the voice of the good Shepherd and a strangers voice they will not follow. I loose from them any deafness. I bind their eyes to see the truth and the will and purpose of God. I loose from them any blindness.
    “In the name of Jesus, I bind and loose the power and effects of any harsh or hard words (word curses) spoken to, about, against, or by _________. I bind and loose any strongholds associated with them and say that shall be no more. Blessings shall come upon them and overtake them instead. I bind and loose all generational bondages and associated strongholds from ___________. I bind and loose all effects and bondages from them them that may have been caused by mistakes that I have made. Father, in the name of Jesus, I crush, smash and destroy generational bondages of any kind from mistakes made at any point between generations and loose it from ______.Those bondages will no longer bind or curse any more members of this family in Jesus Christ name.
    “I bind the strong man, Satan and his demons, that I may spoil his house, taking back every material and spiritual possession he has wrongfully taken from __________. I pray the blood of Jesus over it all for them right now. I bind and loose the enemy’s influence from every part of their spirit, mind, soul and body and will. I crush, smash and destroy and loose from _______every evil influence of the enemy that he can not operate against them in any way. I bind and loose the enemy from every part and place of them that he can not hinder them or influence them this day in Jesus name. Jesus minister to them and pour out your spirit upon ________
    and place your word in their mouth that it will never leave them. I thank you that they are blessed as they go out and as they come back in and that not a hair of their head shall perish and not one of their bones shall be broken in Jesus name and the angels of God are encamped around about them to guard them and protect them in Jesus name. I bind _________to the Blood of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit the Protection of Almighty God and the Banner of Jehovah Nissi.
    “I bind and loose these things in Jesus’ name. He has given me the keys and the authority to do so. Thank you, Lord, for the truth. I rest knowing that all things are in Your Care and Your Hands. In Jesus name. Amen.”

  19. Very good article, and thoughtful comments. I’m a pastor who’s dealt with this area of struggle, and for five years I took a break from church ministry and worked full time leading workshops and counseling men in recovery from sexual addiction. Now I’m back in a church ministry role. Out of my experience – and my work with other men in recovery (many of them pastors and missionaries – I would make the following observations:

    1) I agree with those who’ve encouraged the woman who wrote in here to make this her last confrontation. Be ready to leave and/or go to those in authority over your husband. Men who are shielded from consequences by their spouse don’t recover.

    2) It’s very hard to fathom the consequences — personal, professional, financial — of having your husband take a break to get help. Imagine the worst case scenario, and ask yourself: could I live with this? Could God help me face this? I know people who’ve lost ministries, friends, even their homes … and they were still glad they made the choice they did to get help.

    I think the unhappiest people I know are those who continue to suffer in silence … not being willing to bite the bullet and make the changes they need to make … but hating their life.

    3) I would be surprised if the ministry she is a part of does not offer some sort of ministry leave policy to get help. Experience and work with MANY pastors and missionaries have made clear a very important point to keep in mind: men who come forward and ask for help get WAY MORE GRACE AND HELP than those who are caught. Urge/force your husband to seek help … it will be much easier for him to get help, and stay in ministry if he seeks help now, instead of waiting and getting caught later. And he WILL get caught … always assume that it’s just a matter of time before the truth comes out.

    4) If the ministry you’re a part of does not have a policy of offering grace and support to people in need who are dealing with sexual sin … you have to ask yourself if you really should be involved in that ministry anyway. It’s really hard for men who struggle with sexual sin who in environments that don’t recognize and offer grace to people who struggle. It makes the shame and secrecy so much worse for everyone … if a pastor or missionary can’t be honest about his own life in a ministry … then he should not be part of that ministry.

    5) Finally, I would offer the reminder that things like covenant eyes, xwatch, and other technological solutions all have their place. But this is not essentially a technological problem … and therefore the solution is not going to be found with technology. No technology is fool proof … and sexual sin can be had in all kinds of ways if someone really wants to look for it. Use the tools, but don’t trust the tools or blame the tools for not being fool-proof.

    There are tons of great resources out there to help people — and some that are not so great (let’s be honest). I have a lot of information on my website: http://sexualsanity.com, including a link to confidential, home study program. (Of course a home study program only works in concert with other face to face solutions.) I also used to work with Dr. Mark Laaser at Faithful and True Ministries, helping with his three day intensive workshops for men. I’m no longer involved – and have no stake in recommending them – but I cannot recommend those three day workshops highly enough for men in crisis.

    Blessings to all you who are struggling with this in your lives and marriages. Recovery happens!! Hang in there.

    - Mark
    Pastor Mark recently posted…Here’s Some Help with Step 11My Profile

  20. Certainly a sad situation and an excellent response in so many areas that can help them! I will be praying for this pastor, his marriage and wife and the ministry!

    Several things come to mind as I read this question and your response – Paul told the Romans in no uncertain terms that who/whatever we offer ourselves to serve that is what we become a slave to. Porn (lust/adultery/sexual sin as derived from the Greek word that Paul used in 1 Cor. 6: 18 when he said to flee for all sexual immorality or ‘porneia’ is this man’s lord/master according to God’s Word (and anyone else who is addicted to sexual immorality or ‘porneia’ in any way). Actually satan is his ‘lord’ and porn is the idol being used to continue his mastery over him and we know that no one can serve two masters!

    God’s standard is found in the Christ’s ‘Sermon on the Mount’ in Matthew 5: 27-28 and 31-32. We can only keep this standard if Christ is in us as our Savior AND LORD! This is a huge problem that I find in discipling/mentoring/counseling almost every man and couple (most of whom are in church and have grown up in church). They want Christ to be their Savior but don’t even know what it means for Him to be Lord of their life and this is overtly or covertly/inadvertently taught in many, if not most, of our American churches today! There is very little teaching/expectation of Christ’s Lordship taught or even implied and it is ‘coming to fruition’ in our marriages, homes, churches, communities and our culture (as clearly evidenced by this pastor’s issue and so many others with the same or similar issues).

    I can not and would not presume to judge his salvation but I can clearly say this from a study and understanding of Scripture…there is nothing in Scripture that can support us in a relationship with Christ as Savior/saved only! The gift is free and could only be paid for and offered by Christ but He did so in order to bring us back into a relationship with Him (God) that we could have no other way than through His free gift of grace/salvation. However, the only relationship He can be in with us, because of Who He is, is LORD! It is the only way that this will work out in our lives (Philippians 2: 12, 13). While this pastor may be teaching the Word of God (and that alone, God’s Word, will always accomplish His purpose) and helping others, he is a slave to sin (porn). This is very sad but as long as He continue to act in worldly sorrow that leads only to death rather than Godly sorrow that leads to repentance and salvation (2 Corinthians 7: 10) then he satan will continue to allow him to deceive himself and to plant the seeds and bring forth the fruits of destruction in many ways (Galatians 6: 7 – 8).

    I fully believe that this pastor continues to deceive himself and Christ is not Lord of his life as he has another ‘master’ in satan and the major idol is ‘porneia’. I’m not saying that he is not hurting or trying nor that I don’t sympathize with him but he is deceiving himself. How do any of us answer for any of our sins on that day before the Lord other than through the blood of Christ but how can any of us, according to Scripture claim that we’ve been SET FREE when sin and darkness, in any form, continue to rule over us…not continue to tempt us as satan will make sure they do or we stumble, fall and truly confess and repent (change our way of thinking that changes our life)…but actually we have chosen to make sin and darkness ruler over us (Romans 6: 1 – 14).

    I shared this with a pastor who was struggling with the same sin as the idol in his life for years and it was these 2 comments/questions, rooted in Scripture, that the Lord used to begin to set him free and heal his marriage – 1) “Sexual immorality is ‘lord’ of your life! Who uses sin and sexual sin to control us?” and; 2) “Whatever remains in darkness (unconfessed or not in agreement with God’s Truth) is satan’s domain and he will continue to wreak havoc in your life, marriage, relationships and ministry in any area that you have not brought it to the Light.”

    I hope this helps and praying for this couple as the enemy will continue to destroy this relationship, family and ministry (while the enemy is not patient it often seems that after a long time of ‘darkness’ he will expose the sin to destroy as many as he can) as long as he is allowed to lord over this pastor’s life through his disobedient decisions that continue to make him a slave to sin! I pray the Holy Spirit will reveal this self-deception, idolatry, ‘porneia’ and lordship in his life and he will respond to truly be set free in Christ!

    Thanks for all you do and God bless in Christ!
    Gdubya recently posted…Marriage and Faith in KentuckyMy Profile

  21. Scarlett says:

    I would like to know the best way to search my husband’s computers for porn activity. I suspect that he is cunning enough to cover his tracks, and also would not download images but rather just look at websites. He uses c-cleaner regularly, to ‘speed up his computer’, but from reading about porn detection software, it seems that c-cleaner erases a lot of tracks. He introduced porn into our bedroom when I was a young, inexperienced bride, telling me it was a normal way to enhance things in the bedroom. I realized in time that it was morally wrong and loathed the way it made me feel. I know that it is at the root of the destruction of our relationship. We are together for the sake of our children, but sleep in separate bedrooms, and have no intimate relationship. As recent as a year ago, he admitted to ‘occasional’ viewing of porn. I really need to know if this is ongoing so that I can make some decisions. Is there anything I can do?

  22. Sheila, I’ve just found your blog and love it.

    My husband struggles with porn. Until he could openly admit to me, there was little that I could say or do to help him get past it or over come it. After he first admitted it, he used software from Triple X church on his smart phone. He did very well for almost two years. He recently relapsed after we moved. To handle it, we decided to switch phones so that he no long has access. This has caused some problems for him, but again it was his choice to do it. I still have a hard time trusting him when he’s online, even right in front of me, but he tolerates my questions and I try not to nag him.

    I’m in the process of going through a program which heals pains from the past to prepare me for counseling and prayer-work at my church. One of the most important things I have taken away from these lessons is that the secretive nature of the sin is what makes it so deadly. I firmly believe that the power of a sin in my life is only truly when 1. I speak repentance out loud and name the sin/secret thing to another and 2. mean what I say as I speak from my heart. I think the most important and painful thing for me in realizing this both of these conditions are out of my hands. They are God-things. No amount of pressure, nagging, crying, yelling, etc from me can cause these things in my husband. Only God working in my husband’s heart can lead to true repentance and restoration.

    Years ago there was a power sermon I heard on Acts 1:8. Basically, the sermon taught that this was the hierarchy of importance of your life, influence, and ministry. Jerusalem symbolizes the home — your immediate circle and influence of ministry. Everything else comes from the ministry and evidence of God in your home, so after your personal walk with God this is your first priority. Judea is your community — those immediately around you in your city/town/state. Next is your nation, Samaria. Last comes the ends of the earth. Now as missionaries, I’m sure this breakdown and the definition is a little different, but the heart is the same. As a wife, my walk with God is first place in my life. As a broad category, my family should be second. More specifically, however my husband is second, then our children if we had them. Next is my ministry followed by my work/survival and the other things in life. Me and my husband are the core of all that we can and will do for God, to honor and glorify him. All that we do comes from this base — this foundation. It is the single most important part of our ministry, not an afterthought.

  23. If a husband is also a missionary and struggling with an addiction to porn: get out of the mission field! It doesn’t need to be permanent, but it does need to be immediate! A family member went through this, and it destroyed both their witness and marriage. Missionaries in a remote location, without access to regular sources of porn, the husband turned to a local prostitute to satisfy his addiction. The locals were aware and it completely undermined ANY witness any of the missionaries in that location might have had. Not to mention the tremendous amounts of pain it put the family through. If this is your situation, get out of a leadership position. Take a furlough. Whatever it takes. You can damage more than just yourself, your marriage or your family. You can damage young people in the church, unbelievers, those who look to you for leadership, many, many people. If you struggle with porn, don’t think that the mission field is “safe” because it limits temptation. Deal with the problem completely, FIRST, or the devil with just find a way to make it so much worse. I don’t think hiding it, trying to get help in secret while staying in a position of leadership and authority is at all safe, sane or biblical. You don’t have to tell people why you are stepping down, but it needs to happen until you can truly let God lead you.

  24. Also, don’t let your shame over your husband’s sin prevent you from reporting him if there is no effort to repent. Even if that means other people in the church will find out, you do more damage in the long run ‘protecting’ him than you do by speaking up. Especially if you have children. Little ear and eye see and absorb more than most people realize. What example does it set for children if the mother protects (and thus tacitly condones) the father’s sin? When they see one thing at home and another at church? Don’t let the threat of exposure stop you from doing the right thing.

  25. Hello everyone…I really appreciate that I stumbled across this! My husband has had sobriety from a porn/masturbation addiction for 5 years. We were avid attenders and believers in the recovery ministry. We went to the mission field a little over 2 years ago. I just found out today (in a weird round-about way) that my husband has been using for the past 15 months. We have faced tremendous amounts of stress and marital stress on the mission field. I guess I am hurt by the deceit and lack of honesty most of all…and that he chose to do nothing over these past 15 months. A mentor told him to get rid of his iphone, etc. but my husband ignored all accountability or an action in deal with this issue. I feel alone and isolated as it is. He mentioned he was going to talk with our pastor and such. But I kind of feel like I need a break! I have not taken this personally (outside of broken trust) Which I attribute to God’s healing in my life…but that doesn’t make any of the consequences and now whats any less real. I do know after walking through this all before that I could demand all kinds of things but until he repents in his heart it isn’t going to go far or mean much! I know I have no control nor do I want it..Praise God!! I am feeling a bit disillusioned that our team leader somewhat ignored this and made light of it , sort of(going through his own stresses and small team dynamic etc.)…really I am surprised and it adds to my feelings of wanting to leave the field. I cannot drag my kids through the high stress with these circumstances added to everything! I would appreciate any prayers! I want to be sure I don’t fall back into any type of co-dependency…but I also don’t want to do nothing, i.e. changes that can/must be made. Any direction to resources or someone I could chat with is welcomed. Thanks so much!

    • Shelli, I’m so sorry about all of this! It sounds so stressful, to be wanting to serve God and to give up so much only to have this hit you in the face again. I am not sure what to suggest, except that you have to insist that he gets some sort of accountability. Perhaps your team leader isn’t insisting on it because so many people battle this, and he’s afraid that if he draws a line in the sand he’ll lose so many workers. But we all really need to get right with God. Talking to the pastor seems like a good idea, and then just seeing if there are marriage enrichment resources available through your missions agency? I did meet a couple stationed in Germany recently whose job it is to run marriage retreats for missionaries in a certain mission whose marriages need help. Perhaps your mission has something like that, too. I’d make use of whatever resources you can find, and insist on accountability. Talk to the team leader yourself and say that you need him to be more forceful and to draw real boundaries.

      I’ll say a prayer for you, your ministry, your kids, and your marriage.

  26. I just want this woman to know that I am praying for her this morning. What an unbelievably hard situation. Lord Jesus, have mercy on this family. God, please give this woman grace and wisdom and your very presence.
    chewing taffy recently posted…judgedMy Profile

  27. c Christ died for us and v are living in a grace period . v cant b keeping on sinning . v have to nail our sinful nature and desires on d cross and keep in touch with the spirit everyday for a Christ driven life . v cant let our mortal bodies which is dead and so full of sinful nature to reign in us . but Christ is still able to wash our sins if v confess it with our mouth . start taking a decision u wud not watch such things and ill be praying god wud help your husband . god bless you !

  28. Martha Morgan says:

    i found out about my husbands porn addiction 6 month after we got married. He admitted one time to his addiction and then promised that he will not do it anymore. I have caught him many times , we have meet with the pastor. i a have presented evidence but my husband denides it. So the pastor takes no position. However, my husband is the leader of the musical ministry . We been married 1 year 4 months. I dont know what to do ! I want to inform the pastor that he is in fact still watching porn. im feeling hopeless. My husband continues to denies it and not hold himself accountable. When i confront him he becomes defensive and belligerent blaming me for being up set. is teenage porn considered child pornography?

    • Hi Martha! I’m so sorry you’re going through this! And I’m sorry that your pastor doesn’t seem like more of a help.

      YES, teenage porn is child porn. It is illegal to distribute any images of anyone under 18. So porn involving a 17-year-old is illegal and IS child porn. If he is watching that, he is committing a crime because he has downloaded or accessed it.

      I would definitely tell your pastor that you believe that your husband is still watching porn. If your pastor will not listen, then go to the elder’s board. And tell your husband that you are doing this. He is trying to blame you for a sin that he is committing. If you keep down this road, his soul is seriously in jeopardy, so I really, really recommend getting some help.

      Again, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’ve said a prayer for you,
      Sheila.

    • Martha,

      I, too, am so sorry and sad that you are going through this. Part of the pain of dealing with sin (especially unconfessed sin) is the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. I would like to encourage you to make a deliberate plan in how to deal with this. You will feel a sense of direction by doing this.

      First, you need some support…just for you. You might find it through some of the addiction ministries (a few mentioned in the comments here) or locally with a counselor. Your pastor may be unable to deal with the problem because he doesn’t have the knowledge or tools. I think you need outside help, however, you are still under the authority of the church and should go to the elders/board as Sheila suggested. You need back-up, you need strength to stand firm against the accusations of your husband while trying to save your marriage.

      Next, how will you gather evidence that he is lying and continuing to use porn? Should you access the history of the computer? Do you know how? Should you turn the computer in such a way that it can be seen through a window and you will record it from outside the room? How will you gather evidence?

      Third, once you have the evidence/proof, how will you confront him? You should do it with witnesses, not to embarrass him but to hold him accountable.

      Finally, what will you do if he admits to the problem and wants to get help? Do you have the right resources available? Perhaps the same counselor that you are going to be using?

      If he denies it, what actions are you prepared to take? Will you prayerfully separate from him and be prepared to tell him exactly what it will take to be reunited?

      All of these steps are not impossible to do. They are necessary to move toward saving your marriage. And God can save your marriage!

      Carefully choose prayer support and ask for prayer. There are some people that will want to know details and probably don’t need to know any. Be discerning who you include in your prayer support.

      If your husband repents and sorrowfully seeks support for his sin, you don’t want a bunch of your friends glaring at him for what he put you through!

      Seek God, read His word and watch Him work!

      Praying with you,

      Jill

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