Every weekend I like to post a question someone sends in and let you readers have a go at it. This week’s question comes from a homemaker, who wants a better balance in the division of labor with her husband:
For almost 3 years, I have been a homemaker. When my husband comes home from work, I feel it is still solely my responsibility to tend to the children and cooking dinner. If I am standing at the stove cooking and our newborn starts to cry I have to ASK HIM to take care of her so that I can cook, and more often than not he tells me “you tend to her and I will cook”. I have tried talking to him about why it is that I am mainly the only one who cares for our kids even when he is home, and I am told “you are a stay at home mom that is your duty” I have been dealing with this for several months and feel absolutely terrible, but honestly I have months of resentment built up. I feel like it is putting a strain on our marriage since he believes that his SOLE responsibility is to go to work and come home. I do not know how to get him to understand where I am coming from. Yes, as a homemaker the household duties are my responsibility and i try to do as much as possible during the week so when he is off on Sunday, I can have a small break as well. However, I do not agree with him thinking I should be the only care provider for children we BOTH created. If I tell him this, he tells me “then go to work, but I am not paying for daycare”. He does not understand, and my resentment grows stronger everytime we have this discussion. I end up biting my tongue to prevent further arguing, but I am not sure how much longer I can bite my tongue.
How can she overcome in this? What are your thoughts?