Forgotten How to Blush

Forgotten How to Blush
Every Friday my syndicated column appears in a bunch of newspapers in southeastern Ontario and Saskatchewan. This week, I’m sharing thoughts on things that perplex me.

I think guilt has received a bum rap. We seem to believe that it’s the worst of all emotions and must be avoided at all costs. Personally, though, I’d sleep better knowing that my neighbour would be plagued by remorse if he looked at child porn, or did something inappropriate to one of the kids on the block, or even cheated on his wife. I like the fact that people feel badly if they do bad things. After all, if we don’t, then what is to prevent those bad things from happening? All that’s left when guilt is gone is punishment, and let’s face it: most people will never get the punishment they deserve in this life for the things they do wrong. If your spouse cheats on you, they’re not likely to be sentenced to a future of nothing but impotence and working as a telemarketer, much as you may think that’s appropriate. The world just doesn’t work that way.

In spite of this obvious necessity for some degree of guilt, though, our society seems to be moving towards less shame, rather than more shame. No one is supposed to feel badly about anything. Everything we do is simply a step towards self-knowledge or self-actualization, so don’t shun the bad things. Embrace them as part of who you are.

What a load of you know what. I once read that we as a society have forgotten how to blush, and I think that’s about right. I know I sound like an old codger, but I do envy my great-grandparents, who at least lived in a time when if someone had an affair, or abandoned their kids, they would be sanctioned by the community and their own family. They wouldn’t be clucked over and told “well at least you’re happy” when they’ve broken countless hearts that they were responsible for. Shame and guilt prevented far more heartache than it ever caused.

Indeed, a recent study by a professor at George Mason University found that guilt feelings are actually associated with better, safer, and more positive behaviour. Those teenagers who are more prone to feeling guilty are also less prone to use alcohol or drugs or to break the law. They are also less likely to kill themselves and more likely to practice safe sex. If that’s true, I’m all for guilt!

A certain amount of shame, then, has to be healthy. It urges us on to better, more moral behaviour. Of course, our kids shouldn’t feel shame because we shame them by telling them that they’re worthless, or disgusting, or a big disappointment. They should feel shame only out of an inner conviction that they have somehow failed their own moral code. It’s our job to help our kids find that moral code, by identifying one and urging them to work towards it. It’s their own job to feel the guilt, not ours to impose it (though it may be ours to punish). But let’s not forget that guilt can be a useful thing.

When guilt and shame go out the window, honour often follows. Honour means taking responsibility for your actions, and standing up for what’s right. Today, feelings matter more than actions, and the greatest good no longer is doing what’s right, but defending what one does, whatever it is, passionately. That’s our new barometer for whether or not something is appropriate—whether we can justify it earnestly enough. Someone can be completely hypocritical in their actions, but as long as they’re earnest in what they say, it no longer matters.

All of us need some sort of personal ethic to live our lives by, and it needs to include something far deeper than “whatever makes me feel good at the time”. If our society were composed only of people who were trying to maximize their own happiness, regardless of the effect on others, imagine the chaos and heartbreak that would ensue. Moral values seem to have gone out of style, but we forget that we cannot exist in a vacuum. Without those values, immaturity and selfishness will take over, as is already evident when one looks at the state of the modern family. As a society, let’s remember how to blush.

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Comments

  1. Stanley says:

    Yes shame has its purpose – as you rightly describe. There should, however, be no shame in what you cannot control. The overzealous are sometimes no better than those at the other extreme.
    I will take an example of something you talked about in several post but seem reluctant to face the acts about. My father-in-law claims he has never looks at other woman. Despite the fact that I frequently saw him look, and my mother-in-law would have a fit when she noticed him look, my wife believed her father. When we first got married my wife tried to force me to tell her that I don’t look and she did not believe me that all men look because her father “did not look”. I believed honesty was the most important and refused to lie just to make her happy. It took a few years but eventually she realized that her father looked and had always looked. (My sister-in-law did not have an issue with this and even made jokes about it at my father-in-laws’ 80 birthday party.) My in-laws are a very religious family but my father-in-law obviously felt he had to lie about this because his wife would not tolerate what he could not prevent. Between the two, is there not more shame in lying to your wife than in a quick glance at an attractive woman who crosses your path?

    • It depends on what you mean by “look.” If by that you mean that when an attractive woman crosses your path, you notice that she is attractive, then of course all men notice that. They can’t help but see her unless they’re blind. If by “look” you mean a second lingering look that undresses her with your eyes, then no that is not acceptable and NOT all men do it. My husband does not do it (for which I am very thankful), nor did my father or brothers. I notice when men do it, so I’m not just naive. I have known many men who have “made a covenant with their eyes” and do not look at other women that way. That lingering look of desire is called lust and it’s a sin. The Bible is very clear that we do not have to sin…that there is ALWAYS a way of escape. Some men, however, are too busy excusing themselves by saying that “all men do it” that they won’t confront their own sin or turn away from it.
      Lindsay Harold recently posted…Why We Need A Secular Argument Against AbortionMy Profile

      • Hi Lindsay,
        By look I mean look. Lusting is another matter altogether: you don’t have to look to lust and vice-versa. It seems we agree that looking is virtually unavoidable – so don’t be too hard on your husband if he looks. You can easily tell when a man looks but can’t (or at least I can’t) usually tell if he lusts. For that mater, lusting would depend on the circumstances as much as anything. For example if a man was rushing to give a presentation and crossed a good looking woman on the way he would look – but even a very lecherous man may be preoccupied with his presentation and may not lust at that moment. After his presentation was done, a lecherous man may think back to his earlier encounter and lust. On the other hand, a very righteous man on vacation, and already thinking of some activity he has planed with his wife for later, may have some “not so pure” thoughts cross his mind when he sees the same woman pass by.

        One of the issues I have with the common trend of making all sins equal is that the “bigger” sins become more frequent. For example, the often heard statement that lusting is the same as cheating is naive at best. If a woman treats the two as equal, then if the husband finds himself lusting, he might as well proceed to action as (to his wife) the two are equal.
        There should be no question that some sins are worst than others and the worst sins should be condemned more sternly. Mother Teresa, is reputed to have told some of her subordinates that they should not talk about sins being committed because that was as bad as the initial sin – and so the “sinful” activity continued. (Reported by one of the nuns involved who’s name I can’t remember.)

      • Yes, there is a distinct difference between lusting/ogling and noticing/admiring, and that starts in the heart of the person with the eyes. It requires 100% honesty with oneself before God, and a heart change to see women as whole people, not objects; to simply respect them.

  2. I agree, Sheila, and I’ve noticed this trend in sociatey as well, especially in pop psychology. We’ve become ashamed of shame! Problem is, often one man’s “happiness” can only come at the expense of another’s. (Like in the case of an affair, for example.) So, if we raise our children with the attitude that their happiness trumps all other’s, we’re going to be in for a lot of cruel and narcissistic behavior. And those who try to achieve happiness this way, by searing their own consciences, often find themselves alone and unhappy in the end.
    Bekah Ferguson recently posted…Rats in the CellarMy Profile

  3. It’s kind of like cholesterol. There is good cholesterol and bad cholesterol and typically we have too much bad and not enough good. Often times we have too much bad guilt and not enough good guilt. Same thing can be said of many emotions, like fear for example! Oswald Chambers said (and I am loosely paraphrasing) that before we allow an emotion to take root in our heart that we should think it through to it’s logical conclusion and if that conclusion does not glorify God then should not allow that emotion in. I think this is good way of thinking. Guilt or fear that draws us towards God and His ways is always right but guilt or fear that draw us more towards self will almost always have negative consequences of some kind. For example, fear of the consequences of an affair, along with genuine love, commitment, etc. will keep me from cheating on my husband, which is good. Fear that my husband may cheat on me that causes me to use affection as a weapon, control what he does and who he speaks with and makes me act paranoid and crazy is bad and shouldn’t be engaged in.

  4. The part about the affair was like a knife in my heart. A friend’s husband just left her and a lot of people are so happy for the ex and the “other woman.” What about his wife of ten years and his three children that aren’t?
    Guilt is one of God’s ways of speaking to us. But we often want to shut Him out because we want the freedom do do whatever we want. I, for one, am happy to say that I have a guilty conscience. It helps me walk on the right path and convicts me when I stray.

    And for the comment above about looking at other women: is is possible that your father wasn’t lusting at other women and wanted his wife to think that he only has eyes for her? I appreciate when a beautiful woman walks in the room and my husband tells me he didn’t even notice. Sometimes it is a form of flattery and way to communicate love.

    • I was talking about my father-in-law, and I have no way of know if he was lusting. As he is very religious, I would hope not. If he was “trying to communicate love” by telling his wife he was not looking, it was not working because she was already off on a rant. This even happened at a reception after my brother-in-law was ordained. My father apparently looked at a well endowed woman that was present – and my mother-in-law “flew off the handle”. I think it took a couple of days for her to calm down: she kept asking why “that woman” (a friend of the family) had even been invited.

  5. Guilt and shame are not good. Being motivated out of these things is not healthy and not Biblical. Godly sorrow, mourning, conviction… those are Biblical, bring about true change, courage, and a Spirit filled life. We can’t just like things that the Bible says are not of Christ because we want our kids to act safe. Acting is just that, acting. A facade. The truth is, a Christian life should not be safe. You can’t spread the Word globally and be overly concerned about safety. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

    • Candice, I know what you’re saying, but please realize that I’m writing to a secular audience! I have to use language that they will understand. And I think I tried to explain the difference between feeling the wrong kind of shame and feeling guilt over what you’ve done wrong. It’s that guilt that is really godly sorrow that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 7:10.

      • I get what you’re saying. I’m definitely thankful that you are bringing this up. I love opinions different than my own. I do wonder if many people in the secular audience would be refreshed and drawn in by an equally strong grace message beside this. Certainly, with my mother and both of my in-laws in elementary ed I also believe much of what you have said is true. I just don’t know if we need to go back to shame and guilt, or pick the third option of grace and heart change.

        • You can’t have grace outside of Christ, and I can’t share about Christ. But John the Baptist started preaching “repent”, not grace. The opening line was repent. And so I think that getting people to recognize their sin is also the starting point in getting them to think about grace. That’s just the way I think it through. And like Tessa said in the comments, we live in a society that congratulates people for finding happiness, even if that happiness hurts others. I’d just like to encourage people to rethink that!

          How would you share a grace message outside of Christ? I always try at Easter; here’s one of my favourite attempts.

  6. Meh. Agree to disagree. Even my apartment complex has a grace period on rent ;) Grin. Even secular parents would love to see their kids change the world and be courageous. I think we can point to historical figures and their virtues for a more positive message.

    I’m glad your comment section says “speak your mind” or else I probably would not.
    Candice recently posted…Stuff I’m LovingMy Profile

  7. Anonymous says:

    Sheila,
    That was a great post for what it’s purpose & place was. Very well reasoned. I felt as I was reading the logic of CS Lewis without the slightly too large words!

    • Aw, thanks! And honestly, I have to admit to loving C.S. Lewis’ slightly large words. They make me feel like I’m transported to a different era, when people THOUGHT more. One of the things I am looking forward to about heaven is meeting him and just chatting. :)

      • Did you know that he died the same day as JFK? Kind of like Mother Theresa followed Princess Di by just a few days. Their deaths were overshadowed, but they probably would have wanted it that way.

        • Anonymous says:

          Sheila,
          I love his quotes…but I’m a math man. Two chapters of CS Lewis is the best remedy for insomnia for me! Sorry I’m a CS Lewis cliff notes kind of guy!

          • That’s quite okay! I totally understand. I hate poetry–my husband loves it. Sometimes he tries to read it to me to romance me and it totally puts me to sleep.

          • Anonymous says:

            Sheila,
            That’s funny, but truthfully be thankful for him, I’m sure he’s little more refined than most of us husbands. Outside of my Bible, my reading must contain a shoot out at least every other chapter or I get bored with it! In fact, you and a couple other marriage blogs are my “culture”…thanks for what you do. I know we don’t always see eye to eye, but your a blessing to my wife & I. Keep up the good work.

          • Mrs Annonymous says:

            I would agree, being a small word math loving type of person myself as well, you simply spoke many profound truths.

            Thank you.

  8. LOVE C.S. Lewis. Favorite author of all time. Can’t get enough! He said that George MacDonald “baptised” his imagination – well, he baptised mine! I’d like to find some of MacDonald’s writing sometime though to see who was this man that so inspired Lewis. He makes a “cameo” appearance in the Great Divorce. :)
    Bekah Ferguson recently posted…Rats in the CellarMy Profile

  9. Bethany says:

    Hi Sheila! I agree with your main point too — that there are things we should not want to do, that we should feel sorrow when we do them, and there should be pain in the thought, like hurting others and hurting ourselves. My general reaction to the words guilt and shame, however, tends to be “OH NO, NO MORE OF THAT!” because guilt is a lot of times “home base” for me, and I generally think shame tends to be more of a tool to manipulate others into a particular kind of behavior, rather than a change of heart and mind. While feelings of guilt and shame can keep us from doing things that would hurt ourselves or others, in a lot of cases – at least in my experience – I find they can modify behavior without growth – i.e., I do the right thing, but don’t let God close to my heart. I think I agree with Candice, that, even talking with people where “godly sorrow” wouldn’t be an acceptable term, the words are important, especially in this area where the difference between aversion to sin and shame that makes you hide are so close together. Thanks for hearing me out! Hope a bit of this made sense. :)

  10. I think about these kinds of things quite often. My standard thought is “What is wrong with people?!” Like when my college-age son told me about his friend’s roommate, who brings girls back to his dorm room and has sex with them while my son’s friend is in the room, trying to sleep! I said to my son, “Even if someone doesn’t have a moral objection to this, you would think that basic common sense and a bit of class would prevent him or her from doing such a thing!” Or guilt or shame! Good grief.
    Gaye @CalmHealthySexy recently posted…SmallStep #4 – Boost Your ConfidenceMy Profile

    • We’re living in what I like to call “The Twilight Zone” because they are so bizarre and calloused to any sense of conscience; Scripture calls it “The Last Days”.

  11. I love this post! What is awesome is that you ARE writing to a secular audience so you are just using reason and logic to make a very strong point! Add in the faith and theology aspect and it is even stronger. Well done, Sheila!
    Sarah @ The Biblical Family Blog recently posted…The “S” WordMy Profile

  12. But where does shame/guilt end and grace begin. I get what you are saying about there are things that people _should_ be ashamed of. I think all them crazy people out there who think they can throw things on the ground and just walk away like there was some sort of invisible trash can the rest of us didnt see aught to be downright ashamed of themselves… and then there are much more devastating acts that people should feel shame for committing.

    But where does grace/mercy/forgiveness take over? To some, it seems as if the “guilty” party just ran off and lived happily ever after – but most times they dont. If they are fortunate enough to know Christ, then they will likely come to repentance – and if they do, they should be set free from guilt and shame. But if they dont know Christ, they are likely plagued by terrible guilt and shame that will manifest itself in the worst of ways.

    I’m not saying you are wrong… society as a whole has completely forgotten how to blush and it is really ridiculous what is considered ok or normal or whathaveyou. I’m just saying that it is a difficult thing when applied to individuals and individual situations.

    • I guess what I’d say is this, Sonja: I can’t give the gospel in a secular column. But what I can do is wake people up to their need of a saviour. And let’s face it: we don’t need a saviour until we start feeling like we have something to be saved FROM. There’s a reason that so many sermons–by John the Baptist, Jesus, and even the Old Testament prophets–began with the word “repent”. And so my prayer is always that when people start to realize that they have done wrong that they will start seeking. God said in Jeremiah, “when you seek me you will find me if you seek me with your whole heart.” If people realize that they aren’t right with God, they will need to start seeking Him, because the only answer to guilt is in God. But until people realize that what they’ve done is wrong, there really is no reason for repentance.

      • Just a thought on the fact that people seem to walk away care free – 1. We have no idea what is going on in their head, honestly, “fake it until you make it” is a very real thing in our society so they could be miserable and we never know. But more importantly – 2 – would you discipline strange kids misbehaving in the grocery store? If they are not saved they are not children of God and have free will to do as they choose. The Holy Spirit can convict them but God won’t discipline them because they are no subject to Him. We as Christians are His children and subjected to His discipline. (Borrowed loosely from “Heaven” byRandy Alcorn). This helped me let go a lot easier and pray for people who were making all sorts of messed up wrong choices.

        • I would absolutely agree that we cannot expect non-Christians to act like Christians. Absolutely. But we also cannot expect non-Christians to become Christians unless they first understand their need of God. I think sometimes we speak first of grace without revealing the need for grace. The model in the New Testament is not grace for all and don’t worry about what you did; it’s confront what you did. See what you did. See your sin, and then know that God already paid the price. I can’t talk about God paying the price. But I can say, with John the Baptist, “Repent!” And then people’s hearts were prepared to hear Christ.

          I don’t think what I was saying was a harsh message. I think I tried to do it gently, and with some humor, and with some caveats. But we must not be afraid to talk about the reality of sin. The world does need to hear it; we just need to find a way to say it in language that will make sense.

  13. I agree with what some of the commenters have said – that it is good to feel convicted of sin, and to repent, and to have real change in your heart and mind and life; but then grace takes over, and guilt and shame at that point are very bad things. Guilt and shame over forgiven sin are a hindrance in our relationship with God, it paralyzes us, and Satan uses it for those reasons.

    I know, because I had guilt and shame held over my head for a very long time over something that I had long repented of and apologized for and wept about, over and over and over again, for years. And then it turned out that the same person who had held the guilt and shame over my head was lying to me about the same sort of sin for all that time.

    Most people feel bad over doing something wrong, at least at some point. The people who don’t are called sociopaths, or anti-social. However, you do have to forgive yourself for mistakes just as you need to forgive other people.
    Jenny recently posted…fragileMy Profile

    • I don’t believe that we should do whatever pleases us and feel no remorse even if it’s wrong, but the reality is that we all fall short. I agree that guilt and shame DO paralyze us are not from the Lord. I know because I shamed myself for years which took me down a depressed and unhealthy road. The attitude I had toward myself truly paralyzed me and kept me in my sin because I kept telling myself I was awful for whatever it was I did, so that’s what I became. It wasn’t until I knew how God loved me despite my faults did I feel free. A pastor of a church I went to said, “The point of the Gospel is not to make us good little boys and girls…the point of the Gospel is that he makes us alive!” This truth set me free from my self-hatred. We don’t need to be told how awful we are because I think most of us already know that. Instead we need to be sharing how great His love is for us despite how ugly we already know we are. There is a difference in guilting/shaming and speaking the truth to someone (maybe yourself) in love.

  14. Okay, I’ve thought about it more and I’ve found a compromise: If I were speaking to a Christian audience, I would have used the word “conviction” instead of guilt. What I’m talking about is feeling badly because God/conscience tells you that you did wrong. And this feeling leads us back to God.

    But what I want people to understand is that secular audiences don’t understand the word “conviction” in that sense. And so I have to speak words that they will get.

    I totally agree that people shouldn’t be mired in shame/guilt, but I also hope that when we do feel that, it makes us run to God.

    My column is not meant to convert people; it is only meant to start a conversation so that they can start to feel that something is wrong in their lives and that they need more. And then, when that feeling hits, it is always my prayer that they will seek out God.

    All I can do is start the conversation. But I have to do that using words that people outside of a church setting will understand.

  15. I would not shy away from the word guilt. If you’re guilty, you’re guilty. You need mercy from the Judge, but you are guilty nonetheless. I so appreciate the move of Christianity away from guilty & shame to love & grace, but our Lord is a God of both love and wrath. There simply is no denying that when you read the Bible. It does not discount God’s unbelievable love (enough to send his Son to die for us!) to say that He has standards and not meeting those standards should cause us to feel our real and true guilt and thus be motivated to seek Him and a better life.

    Wonderful post, Sheila! I also get very tired of hearing “To thine own self be true”–which has been construed to mean that that you can be false to everyone else as long as you feel like you are being authentic to yourself. Too much misbehaviour has been rationalized this way.
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  16. Hi Sheila! This was a great post! I’ve read through all the comments and I’m so baffled that people don’t understand that you’re writing for a secular audience. If you put ‘conscience’ into Blue Letter Bibles search, it has several references that come up. In 1 Tim. 4 it even talks of ones whose conscience has been seared. Our conscience is a gift from God & as you said He uses it to draw us to Him. I also like what J (Hot Holy & Humorous) said. Well said Sheila! I too wish we would learn how to blush again!!

  17. LawGirl says:

    I can certainly understand the desire for accountability and consequences. But, I think that your aim is off here. I do not believe that shame is either positive or Godly. I do not believe that shame prompts healthy change, introspection, self~awareness, or God~awareness. Instead, I believe that shame is a shackle, one of Satan’s most potent weapons ~~ encouraging separation from God and fear and dishonesty, leading to hiding the source of the shame, not seeking healing.

    Community standards and fear of public reprimand can be effective tools to regulating conduct, but too often they have been levied against the victim. No doubt some cheaters and abusers were dealt public consequences in the old days. But, I think it more likely that the persons who suffered most from the shame and scorn meted out by society in the bygone era were those who were betrayed, cheated, beaten, abused, and raped. Until the 1970s and 1980s, the law, and public opinion, both sided with men. Women stayed married to abusers and cheaters because the stigma of leaving / divorce was so shameful and damaging and because unfair, biased legal structures ensured that the system gave the parenting and economic rights to the man. Women and children were encouraged to accept, hide, and put up with evil and illegal treatment so as NOT to bring shame upon their family reputation. Women continue to be tortured and killed today because of the shame their victimization has allegedly brought upon their family.

    As you point out, we do not always see the justice that we desire levied in tangible ways. But, I do not believe that increase in public shame is the solution, nor do I believe that it is an effective method to prevent future wrongdoing. Our hisotry is that shame is not a scaple, used with finesse to repair wounds and prompt healing. It is more frequently a sledge hammer, leading to destruction.

    • But what about 2 Corinthians 7:10: Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”

      When people realize they have done wrong, that is their conscience speaking. That is godly sorrow. How else are people to repent if they do not feel sorrow? I think we need to remind people that some things are just WRONG, and that they SHOULD be feeling that these things are wrong. How else would they know the need for God?

      Do we not tell children that some things are wrong? Do we not try to say that there is a right and a wrong? If we stop sharing that message–that there is a right and a wrong, and when you do wrong, you should feel it and know it–then how do we ever tell people that they need God?

      Doesn’t God Himself tell us that certain things are right and wrong?

      I’m sorry, I hear so many people disagreeing with me here, but by your measure, John the Baptist’s message and Peter’s message and Stephen’s message was also wrong. They started off by telling people what they had done wrong, and that they needed to repent.

      I can’t use the word repent, and I can’t use the word conviction. Those don’t have the same connontation in a secular audience. But I can say that people should start to feel guilt when they violate a moral code. That is, in fact, simply a case of cause and effect that God set up. When people stop feeling guilt it is because their hearts have been hardened. And that is not something that I want to contribute to by saying that guilt is bad.

      Guilt is not bad; guilt is God’s tool to help us see that we need Him. Guilt for something that’s been forgiven is bad; guilt that drives us to God is exactly what He designed it for.

    • Stanley says:

      LawGirl,
      I think you missed the main point (read Amy’s post) but you do raise a valid point. Society sometimes tries to impose guilt on the wrong person. The example that gets my goat every time is in the case of rape when you hear that the girl was asking for it because “she was dressed provocatively” – what the heck difference does that make? Even if she was walking around nude she should not be in danger of being raped. (Maybe she would be at risk of being arrested for indecent exposure, but that is another matter.) In the case of rape the rapist is 100% guilty and the victim is 0% guilty! End of story. Date rape is slightly different as sometimes there was no rape at all – the girl was a willing participant that later changed her mind But if it really was rape, then the rapist is entirely responsible even if the victim innocently invited him into her apartment.

  18. I seriously think a lot of people are taking what Sheila said so incredibly out of context. If you’ve read Sheila’s blog long enough you know she’s healthy in her thinking and God fearing. She wouldn’t say that a person redeemed by the blood of the Lamb should live in shame and guilt! What she was simply saying was too many people don’t know how to blush, feel no shame for their actions (when they very well should) or seem to live without any guilt when they completely crushed people along their selfish ways. If someone is doing something that should bring shame and guilt and it’s NOT there, then I fear for them. God uses his Holy Law to bring us to Himself and if someone breaks God’s law and feels nothing, than I fear for that person. We certainly do no one a favor by telling them “Oh, you shouldn’t feel guilty!” We are ambassadors for Christ~ when God brings conviction on a person, pronounces them guilty and then we show them the One that can take that guilt away. Sheila never once said anything differently. Once again she was writing to a secular audience telling society that maybe, just maybe, feeling guilty and shameful would be a good thing! Amen Sheila! If you’re not a guilty sinner then you don’t need the Savior that paid a criminals death for your sin. Sheila was not talking about false guilt or shame a born again believer may be caring. She was talking to a society that simply has forgotten what it’s like to have morals.

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