It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you all can comment or link up your own posts below! Today welcome guest author, Beth Steffaniak from Messy Marriage, who is a frequent linker-upper to Wifey Wednesdays.
Recently I wrote a post about the subject of helping my husband. You can refer to it here, if you’d like. But the idea got me to thinking … there are lots of ways I can help my husband but …
There are also a lot of ways that I think I’m helping my husband when I’m really hurting him or blocking his growth.
So I’m going to list some of those not-so-helpful ways for you today.
My not-so-helpful list:
- When I point out how my husband needs to grow or change before looking at my own need for growth.
- When I think that sarcasm is a funny way to get my point (or criticism) across to my hubster.
- When I think that suffering silently is an unselfish way of giving to him, when it’s really taking away his chance to minister to a need in my life.
- When I bite my tongue before saying my thoughts (which can be good/helpful) but hold onto the resentment that sparked the thought in the first place.
- When I think I’m getting to the heart of the matter by assuming his motives, instead of just asking him what he meant or did—then believing him when he tells me!
- When I withhold information in an effort to avoid a fight … The end does not justify the means!
- When I “guilt him” into doing something for me that might be good/helpful … Again, end doesn’t justify means!
- When I vent to God and friends about him, thinking I’m releasing my frustrations and addressing the problem.
- When I keep score on how much he’s given to me versus how much I’ve given him, in an effort to “balance” the scales in our marriage.
- When I feel like arguing over a matter will convince my husband of the truth my truth, when actually God is calling me to a higher place of grace.
Now, remember, my list is not exhaustive, so perhaps you could add a few more of your own in the comment section below! If you would, that would be super, fantastic and extra-splendilly-ishesly helpful to me as well!
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Hebrews 10:24 (NIV)
Beth Steffaniak is a pastor’s wife, counselor, life-coach and mom to three budding young men. She blogs at messymarriage.com, where her heart is to be “Real, Raw and Redemptive” about the messiness of life and marriage. She believes that God calls us to see the ugly, broken, desperate mess from His perspective—the eternal, unseen, redemptive side.
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