Today, we welcome guest author, Jamy Whitaker, who shares about acceptance in marriage.
As women, we long to be wanted and accepted. However, many times our insecurities seem to sabotage us. The lies that we are not good enough creep in. Then one day that special someone comes into our lives and we feel that sense of being chosen and accepted.
Whether you are a newlywed or have been married for several years, I am sure that you would attest to the fact that your insecurities do not disappear as soon as you say, “I do.” In many cases, our insecurities are actually heightened. We start to wonder; will you still love me if I gain weight? If I lose my job? If the house isn’t cleaned? Or if dinner isn’t perfect? The list can go on and on. I know these things can run through women’s minds because they run through mine.
After my first husband left me with three small children, I was almost overtaken by the shouts of my insecurities, maybe if I was thinner or the house was cleaner or the meals were gourmet then he would have stayed. What was so wrong with me? It wasn’t until later that I realized it did not have anything to do with me. The void he was trying to fill could only be satisfied with God.
Fast forward. God brought an incredible man into the lives of my kids and me. He met everything I could have ever hoped for and more. It wasn’t long before we were married and all a family. No matter how incredible my husband is, the voices of my insecurities starting rising to the top; He can’t possibly love you, you’ve been divorced, You aren’t good enough to keep your first husband what makes you think this one will stay?
When these thoughts start creeping into your mind, the first thing you need to do is take them captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). You cannot let the enemy get this foothold in your mind. It can lead to destructive, self-defeating thoughts and a downward spiral in yourself, which can affect your relationship with your spouse. Do not let these thoughts and feelings go unchecked.
I recommend having an open and honest conversation with your husband. He needs to know what is going on in your mind. Your husband, like mine, can reassure you that these are not true and where improvements, if any, need to be made. Communication is the key in a healthy, strong marriage.
After having a conversation with your husband, start working on replacing Satan’s lies with God’s truth. I will start you off with one truth you can claim; as soon as we call upon the name of Jesus, we are accepted by Him (1 Corinthians 1:2). As Christians, we are set apart to have a relationship with Christ. Anyone who calls on the name of Jesus has the distinction of being an accepted child of God.
Whether we care to admit it or not, being accepted is important to us. The feeling of acceptance can also be present within marriage. The key is not to get hung up on being accepted by people. Do not let this mold and shape who you are around your spouse. By doing so, you are simply putting on the mask of acceptance. He is accepting who you appear to be, not who you really are. Our Heavenly Father has graciously bestowed acceptance upon us. All we need to do is call upon His name.
Our acceptance is also seen in Acts, “And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” (Acts 2:21 NIV). Look closely at the wording of this verse; it says everyone. Not just the good ones, or the ones who have it all together or dress a certain way or fill in the blank, but everyone.
The identity of being accepted makes me think of young children. For the most part, children do not see fat or thin, pretty or ugly, smart or dumb; they see people for whom they really are inside. Our Heavenly Father freely gives this same kind of acceptance to us. God graciously extends acceptance to anyone who calls upon His name. We might as well take down the mask we are hiding behind because God sees us and accepts up just the way we are.
Once the lies have been replaced, you will be a healthier and stronger partner in your marriage, which in turn will grow. This is not to say that dealing with insecurities is a one-time thing. Satan knows our weaknesses, but we need to be on guard and ready to disregard his lies and replace them with the Truth.
The issue of our insecurities is addressed in my book, Get REAL: Stop Hiding Behind the Mask. For more information, please check out my website, www.jamywhitaker.com, or my facebook page, www.facebook.com/AuthorJamyWhitaker.
Jamy Whitaker graduated with a degree in English from Indiana State University. She lives in Indiana, in a picturesque, rural setting, lovingly referred to as Whit-Akers, with her husband and five children. Visit www.jamywhitaker.org to learn more about Jamy, her writing and speaking.