Wifey Wednesday: Seeking Peace Not the Absence of Conflict

What is Peace?

What is Peace? It's not Just the Absence of Conflict!Well, I don’t think it’s just the absence of conflict. And yet in far too many marriages, we’re pursuing a “peacekeeping” strategy where we keep conflict from erupting, rather than a “peacemaking” strategy

Today’s Wednesday, the day of our marriage linkup party! I talk about marriage and then I give you all a chance to link up your own marriage posts below.

Right now we’re in the middle of a 3-part series on what it looks like to truly build oneness and resolve conflict in marriage. Yesterday I said that submission doesn’t mean that we avoid conflict. Today I want to talk about peace.

Egypt and Israel. Technically they are at peace. They have a peace treaty. But Egyptians want that peace treaty torn up. An Israeli walking in Egypt would feel distinctly uncomfortable and threatened. Are they shooting at each other? No. But is there peace?

In contrast, let’s look at Canada (my own country) and the United States. We share a common culture and common agreement on basic things. We have trade agreements. We have military agreements. We’re friends. We have mutual understanding.

That’s peace.

Psalm 34:14 says:

Seek peace and pursue it.

We are to seek peace, and that does not mean seeking an absence of conflict, like the Israelis and the Egyptians.

So what is peace? It means seeking a relationship where there is mutual goodwill and understanding–where you agree on basic things.

I think of the peace-absence of conflict dynamic similar to the heat-cold dynamic. Did you know that cold is not an actual “thing”? Cold is simply the absence of heat. Cold does not move; heat does. When you are cold, it is because you have lost heat. It’s not like hot and cold are equal forces, working against each other; hot and cold can only be understood in relation to heat itself.

Peace and lack of conflict is the same thing. The only real force is peace; lack of conflict is just the absence of peace. So you can’t “pursue lack of conflict”, for instance, because it’s not real. You can only pursue peace.

This verse, then, is not saying, “don’t fight”. It’s saying, “pursue mutual understanding and good will.”

I want to continue this for a moment and then we’ll see how this relates to marriage.

1 Corinthians 1:10 says (in the New Living Translation):

I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.

What does it mean to be of one mind? It means to be united in thought and purpose. It does not simply mean that you don’t fight, or that you avoid conflict. It means that you have to be of ONE MIND.

The only way to be of one mind is to agree in Christ. If we are to be of one mind, then we must each try to discern what God wants for us, and agree in that. After all, Jesus Christ is the TRUTH; if we are to be of one mind, we are to be united in truth, under Him.

That’s why pursuing an absence of conflict strategy doesn’t work in marriage.

You’re not really agreeing with each other; you’re just agreeing not to disagree. For decades leading up to the Civil War, politicians were trying to avoid conflict. They came to all kinds of compromises regarding what states could have slaves, and what they would do with fugitive slaves or with new territories. And none of it worked because they were not united in truth; they weren’t of one mind. And the bloodshed that finally came was horrific.

So what is it that God asks us to do? He wants us seeking peace, which means seeking to build a close, intimate relationship where you are of one mind, united in thought and purpose. You understand each other. You feel intimate. You feel like one.

It is so much more than just avoiding conflict. And as I talked about yesterday, sometimes a faulty view of a woman’s role in marriage can delay, or even avoid, this “peace seeking” process. If we decide that our role, as wives, is to state our position but then say absolutely nothing ever again so that God can convict our husbands, then are we seeking peace? Are we attempting to become of one mind? Are we united in thought and purpose?

When Paul and Peter were not united in thought and purpose they called each other on it, they debated it, and in the end they made complete peace with one another. But that peace was only possible because they talked through the issues. Had one of them said, “you have the authority here, and so I am not going to say anything,” there would have been no peace.

That’s because sometimes the route to peace goes through conflict.

Pursue peace, not just lack of conflict. A great look at how in marriage, sometimes the route to peace goes through addressing areas of conflict.

Sometimes the only way to feel intimate, and to feel as if you’re on the same side in marriage, and to feel united, is to have some conflict. Conflict is not a bad thing necessarily; no two people will agree on everything, and when two different personalities, with different backgrounds and different expectations–let alone different genders–join together in marriage, there will be some friction. There will be hurt feelings because we don’t feel loved. There will be fear because we’re not sure of the future. There will be disappointment.

Many people choose to swallow these emotions, thinking that in doing so they are respecting their husbands, or promoting peace. “If I say something, I’ll upset him, and I don’t want him to be upset, so I’ll just forgive and let it go.” That is not always the best route–and, in fact, I’d say that is rarely the best route. There are times we should just let things go, but I think a far healthier way of dealing with things is simply to learn how to have healthy conflict.

When I’m upset, and I talk to Keith about it, pretty nearly half the time, in talking it through, I realize that it was a misunderstanding, or that I was wrong, and it feels so much better to have gone over it and so gotten rid of my negative feelings. And we feel closer because we’ve talked something through. Conflict doesn’t mean that the other person sees it your way; quite often I end up seeing things his way! Or we both see it together a new way. Conflict simply means that we discuss the areas where we see things or feel things differently, and come to a new understanding. That’s a good thing!

I think we’re scared of the word “conflict”, thinking that it means two people yelling at each other. But conflict simply means two people coming together with opposing views. There’s nothing wrong with that. Then you just work through it. You don’t have to yell (and you shouldn’t); but you do have to acknowledge that we may not agree on everything. To many people that idea, in and of itself, is scary. And they don’t know where to go from there. But you must push through.

In fact, most conflict is just wrestling with each other to find the truth. That’s what Paul and Peter did, and it changed the church. Learning to express your feelings, to validate his feelings, to identify the real issue, to listen to each other, and to ask for and grant forgiveness are key things in a marriage. And too many marriages know nothing about these things because they are focused on lack of conflict, not peace.

How can you feel of “one mind” with someone who does not know your heart? If you are bottling up things, thinking that this makes you a better wife, you may be working directly against intimacy.

I am not saying you should nag, or that you should fight every chance you get, or every time you feel the slightest twinge of aggravation you should let him know. Of course not. Little things we can always let go. But if it is something important, seek peace. Seek being of one mind, united in thought and purpose in Christ. Seek intimacy.

Tomorrow I’ll give you a concrete example of how this might work in a real marriage, but for today, let me ask you: have you been pursuing peace, or pursuing lack of conflict? Have you been bottling things up, so that you feel further and further away from your husband? Do you avoid talking about real issues? Maybe what you need to learn is how to have constructive conflict, because absence of conflict very rarely brings true peace.

Day One: Submission Doesn’t Mean You Never Have Conflict
Day Three: Being a Peace-Maker, not a Peace-Keeper

Wifey Wednesday: Christian marriage postsNow, what advice do you have for us today? Link up your own marriage URL in the Wifey Wednesday linky below!


  1. Two things you said were especially helpful. Peace it’s not just the absence of fighting. And, often conflict is on the road to peace. Thank you.

  2. Love, love, love!
    This is the piece of the pie I needed yesterday to better convey my message (of agreement). Sitting back and pretending irritations don’t exist or that we follow blindly or with partial sight isn’t the answer. The leadership we follow has to stand in the “working toward Christ-likeness” line, not in the “Wanting to Stand on the Fence” line.

    I stand back and “let” my husband lead. I enjoy not having to be in charge, after living as the self-appointed leader far too long. My husband didn’t turn out as a docile, beaten-down man, but as a silent, seething one, whose mind told him to run, but whose heart God was wrangling. Through discussion, through many attempts at learning to converse and to understand and to not wear hearts on sleeves, we have come to the point of understanding and keeping a “Working for Peace” mindset.

    Had I stood behind his original leadership as an agnostic/unbeliever/doubter, we would be self-centered and live separate lives under one roof. My input as the help-meet has allowed for debate and agreement, a few stalemates, some lively discussions and a few arguments that went south — but God has used all of the conflicts for good.

    Keeping in one accord, of one mind, can sound a lot like “mindlessness” to many. Nope. No way. Discussion and encouragement and reviews of what Christ taught and exemplified kept people in harmony. The people in the first days at Pentecost had a distinct advantage — to have known so clearly and from first-hand experience the Truth. They experienced corruption, crime, all sorts of lawlessness and selfish acts of society, but they all came together to Christ almost at once. Like a pledge class in a sorority/fraternity. They had experience that knit them together, and thoughts and beliefs that bound them for the good of everyone.

    In marriage, we find peace through conflict. Why? Because peace isn’t automatic, it is framed by understanding that comes through conversation and experience. Because we have a sense of right and wrong, and a Holy Spirit to guide us, we know when we need to realign, if we’re in tune, if we’re not going at our relationship selfishly. If we are working toward keeping “one accord.” Certainly, God doesn’t encourage us to argue or fight, but He finds us in those places and, IF WE SUBMIT TO HIM and His will and Word, we will come to that place of understanding and peace. Otherwise, we will continue struggling and reaching for whatever facsimile of it we devise ourselves.

    As Ngina stated in yesterday’s comments, we are to help, not enable. We are complements to each other, not stagnant, unassuming people paired together at random, hoping to hit “oneness” in some roll of divine dice. God brings us together for his reasons. We sometimes butt heads to learn more about the other person and about ourselves.

    God shows time and time again through his people (Jonah, Joseph, David, Daniel, Esther, Ruth, Samson, Paul, Peter, and everyone BUT Christ himself) that conflict and disagreement and turmoil and hurt sometimes bring out our best. When left to worship by rote or to praise by memorization or to serve by requirement, we are not doing so because we have the desire or the love for God.

    In marriage, submission and peace won’t happen by rote, by memorization or by requirement, either, and find true, godly and Christ-like ends. We have to be thinkers, and to come together in one accord continually … to talk it out, to work it out and sometimes cross the line that utterly human pitfall of arguing/discord … in order to refine the relationship. Impurities (pride, selfishness, insecurity, doubt, etc.) enter through the lens of the world. We live in the world, and have to filter out the ills of it. We don’t live in marriage bubbles — therefore, peace takes work.

    End of ramble!
    Amy recently posted…How to Destroy Your Marriage the Easy WayMy Profile

  3. You share some much needed clarification on submission and conflict, Shelia. I’m so glad you posted this today. I think there’s a lot of confusion in both of those areas of married life. I appreciate how you approached this and thanks so much for the link up!

  4. Sheila, it’s so funny reading your illustrations of cold/heat to explain peace/conflict. Just the other day my husband used the same illustration to explain order and chaos . That chaos is just the absence of order and your can’t measure chaos as such, just the degree in which order is lacking. (I’ve sent him a link to this post…he’ll be blessed!) Love love this series.

    I love that you reiterate when we must wrestle – on the important things. Not EVERYTHING :) Thanks for this awesome series!
    Ngina Otiende recently posted…If You Want your Husband to Lead..then Get Out of his WayMy Profile

  5. I like your explanation of the difference between absence of conflict and the presence of peace. I admit, I have often sought the first more than the second.

    However, it takes two. The best tools in the world won’t lead to true peace if both parties aren’t willing to come to the table and work toward understanding. I have found that often when I would be quiet after the initial attempt, my husband would often hear from God.

    But other times, and more often over the years, even that doesn’t work and conflict continues. Often causes by issues and sin I had no clue existed until recently. What do you do when conflict doesn’t lead to oneness and the matter is too important to just let go?
    Angela D. Meyer recently posted…Build Your Marriage: Through Good Times and Bad Part 5My Profile

  6. Shelia,
    Thank you for writing this series. I’m a Christian woman who follows many Christian bloggers (though this is one of the only times, that I have commented). I must say, like you, I’m very concerned about how some bloggers handle the issue of submission. As you wrote in yesterday’s post, some Christians have a very radical view of submission. They take it as, you MUST obey your husband, for he is your boss. You may state sweetly, your opinion, and then leave it up to him and God. I was reading one blog last week, which stated that when your husband wants sex, you must obey, even if you don’t want to. I read one woman’s account of how her husband demanded sex, less than a week after she had given birth. She summited, because it’s what she had been taught to do. To me, this is crazy! I find this argument very misogynistic. My husband and I have been married for 20 years and there are no “bosses” or “leaders” in our marriage. Do we argue? Very rarely. When we do disagree, we talk, and reach a compromise. My husband respects me as an equal partner. We have equal say and equal decision making power. We are husband and wife, not father/daughter. I hate that women are being made to feel as if there is a problem in their marriage, they must not disagree too much with their husbands. Instead, they are told to be extra good wives, give their husband everything they want, and God will fix it. If that is God’s plan for marriage, I would not want my daughter to ever marry. Thank you for being a voice for strong Christian women!

    • You have pretty radical idea of submission yourself if you think that having equal power and equal say have anything to do with submission. There’s a ditch on both sides of the road you know.
      Natalie recently posted…Take care of all the things?My Profile

      • I don’t have a radical idea of what submission means. But I keep reading in yesterdays comments people stating that in the end, the man makes the final decisions. I also read, that a wife can disagree, but she must do it sweetly and quietly. I was just pointing out that in my marriage, my husband and I have equal say in the decision making. He is not my boss or my father…he is my husband.

        One man yesterday, demanded that Shelia state that, men have the final word and his wife must obey. He actually said that if Shelia did not state that, that he would command his wife to stop reading Shelia’s blog. Is this submission? Does a husband have the right to tell his wife what she can and can’t read? I’ve also read on other blogs that if a husband tells his wife to lose weight, change hair styles, etc, she MUST obey. Is that submission? I do think some Christians are taking the term submission too far. And in some marriages, women are paying the price.

        • According to my research the original Greek word for “submit” that is used in Ephesians 5:22 is hupotass? and the definition is “to subordinate; reflexively to obey: – be under obedience (obedient), put under, subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to, under), submit self unto.”

          I don’t see how your view of “submission” where the husband and wife have completely equal say and the husband has no right to make decisions for his wife can possibly line up with the Bible’s definition of submission. How can submission possibly NOT mean that the husband has authority and the wife must obey? You have to completely redefine the word if you don’t want to believe that a wife must obey her husband.

          • Oh, I’m not claiming that I view submission as both partners having equal say. I don’t summit to my husband. I promised to love, honor, and cherish him – not obey him. He would never ask me to submit to his commands. When we got married, we asked the minister to strike the word obey from our vows. He laughed and told us that “nobody says obey anymore.” I have gone to many weddings in churches of all different denominations and I have never heard the word “obey” is used.

            I’m just tired of hearing that a husband can demand his wife submit to whatever he wants, and she must obey. I read a story of a husband demanding sex a week after his wife gave birth. She gave into him because she was told that as a wife she must obey. People left comments saying how awfull that was, but commenting that she was a good Christian wife and obeyed.
            I read bloggers who say, you must always obey your husband, even if he is unfair. One woman was told to stay with her verbally abusive husband and try to win him without words. She was told that if she was a good Christian wife and kept submitting to her husband, God would change him. To me, this is crazy. I commend Shelia for taking on this very dicey topic.

          • How do you deal with the fact that the bible specifically commands you to submit to your husband? Do you just disobey God’s command because you don’t like it? How is that okay?

          • The term submit was not even in the original book of Eph. It was added to make translation better. The bible also speaks of a husband and a wife submitting to each other. If that means honoring, loving, supporting and encouraging each other. We do that and do it well! I guess you could say that my husband and I submit to each other. We both grew up in the Christian church. Submission was never talked about in our churches (Catholic and Episcopal). The following are links that explain my thoughts about this topic:



          • Anonymous says:

            I am that man you speak of. My wife would submit to not reading the blog because I asked her. I didn’t force her, or control her. I am not a dictator or mean. She is the most important person in the world to me, way more so than myself and I live like that everyday. I put her needs above my own. I love her as Christ loved the church, or at least I give it my best every single day. And because of that she trusts me. She knows I have her best interests at heart. She knows I lay down my life for her every single day in the choices I make and i need I would lay down my actual life for her, no questions asked, not a moment of thought. And because of that she submits to me as the head of the family.

            I’m not trying to be mean or hurt you when I say this, but I think your idea of what the Bible says is twisted by the modern culture we live in. It may work for you and your husband, but it is not the Biblical model. The Bible states clearly in many places (I read your articles) that the husband is the head of the wife. I’m sorry that makes you uncomfortable. It would make me uncomfortable. But what also makes me uncomfortable is knowing I am called to lay down my life in love for my bride. It also teaches us there that the husband is responsible for his wife, but not the other way around.

            If Sheila does not state her opinion on this or responds like the second article you linked (same type of modern day Christianity that has no problem with homosexuality) then yes I will ask my wife to not read her writing as I believe she is not coming at it from a Biblical perspective (in fact the very heart of marriage, women need love, men need respect). It is close to the heart of what makes a marriage work, even more so than communication because it’s our belief’s, our foundation…then I believe it not in my wife’s best interest to read things that go against God Word. I’m sorry, I feel that strongly about it. This is suppose to be a site that builds marriages, I’m afraid I’ve seen several posts in the last month that look like it’s designed more to get a woman what she wants. I keep asking the question, but it’s yet to be answered. I hope I’m wrong. I’m someone that listens. I’m not a closed mind person. I want to learn but I’m going to run everything thru God’s Word and see what lines up. And while I believe a husband and wife are of equal value in His eyes, and while I hold my wife’s feelings, cares, and needs above my own; I also believe we are not the same. That we have God designed roles, and the wife in marriage is to submit to her husband. Does that give him the right to treat her cruelly, no it gives him the great and joyous responsiblity to care, love and sacrifice himself for her…but yes (prepare to cringe) it is her call to be his helpmate, to submit.

          • Look, I don’t think that submission is so narrow as to mean that wives can’t confront their husbands and have strong opinions and that when it comes to marriage women are just along for the ride. The wife who was told in the name of submission to have sex one week postpartum has no obligation to obey. It’d be nice if she offered a substitute, but she shouldn’t be consenting for her husband to hurt her. There are plenty of caveats to submission. If he demands to drive home after drinking to much. If he wants to take the kids to an R rated movie. If he demands that you stay home from church. However, the truth is that in a normal Christian marriage the husband has the final say. That doesn’t mean he should have the only say, loudly, whenever he and his wife disagree. It means that when they’re choosing between two houses he gets the final say. When they’re at a stalemate over whether to fly home for Christmas he has the final say. Eventually most marriages come to a point where something has to be done. Honestly I can only think of one or two times when that’s happened in six years of marriage, and one of those times I knew it was the obviously correct decision even though I didn’t particularly like it. It’s not like once you start submitting you never get a voice. It’s ok to not have so much control.
            Natalie recently posted…Take care of all the things?My Profile

  7. Nina Carty says:

    Just wanted to point out that Matthew 5:9 says that the peace-MAKERS will be called children of God, not the peace-KEEPERS. I think there is a big difference here and it is exactly what you said, Sheila.
    We avoid conflict and try to KEEP the peace around our homes, instead of trying to MAKE peace by working through the conflict.
    Great series! Can’t wait until tomorrow.

  8. Great post! It hurts my heart when I see couples living in the tension of unresolved conflict because they “just want peace”. That ain’t peace. Y’know, something my husband and I have learned is that we often feel the most intimate after we’ve resolved a conflict. I read something very interesting on another blog, written by a father whose family has gone through great tragedy and heartache. When asked how he and his wife got through it without their marriage falling apart, he explains that when things got tough, they knew they could turn away from each other, or toward each other. They chose to turn toward each other. That really stuck with me. If they can do it, I can do it.
    Melissa recently posted…Stuff I’m Going To Do This YearMy Profile

  9. Great follow up post Sheila! I think your illustrations of peace vs. the absence of conflict outside of marriage really help to illustrate and clarify your points. I’m excited to read tomorrow’s post!

  10. Another great post (from my friend to the north!).

    The thing about REAL PEACE is we can’t get it by covering up or ignoring things. As you point out, real peace comes from talking, sharing, and understanding. And there is usually some struggle getting to that point.

    I’ve known very few men who would take a fast peace treaty over a developing a real peace. I don’t want my wife to have issues with me, but if she does I WANT her to bring them to me so we can work through them.
    Paul H. Byerly recently posted…Is your virtual life harming your real life?My Profile

  11. I think you did a great job of dealing with the need for Communications in marriage, but I wonder about your choice of the word conflict. Almost every time you use the word conflict, the better word would be communications, because communications absent the fight, or conflict, is a much better pattern for a godly marriage.

    Modern marriage psychology is the one that pushes conflict and fighting as a healthy thing, yet any student of the Word knows that conflict is not a Biblical ideal. Does it happen yes! Is it healthy for a marriage?

    OK, it is healthier for a marriage to have conflict rather than just stuffing emotions and feelings.
    Yes, it is better to have conflict than to have one godly spouse dominate the other just because God made him the leader.
    Yes, it is better to have conflict if a wife is dead sure she knows what is best and wants to save her family or husband from ruin or embarrassment.

    Conflict may be inevitable in a Christian marriage, BUT it is not God’s desire that ANY conflict exist “so much as it depends on you/me.”

    The only time conflict may exist in the church or in my marriage is if I am not its cause or the one continuing it. If my spouse choose to be in conflict, my response must be to pursue peace. I can communicate clearly and honestly all of my thoughts and desires, and I ca do so multiple times in a day or a month, so long as my intent is to win my spouse with all of the fruit of the Spirit… and guess what…. conflict is not a fruit.

    So I would challenge all to just change one’s thinking a small bit on this subject and substitute the better word of communications in place of conflict. Give may any example of what you believe is healthy conflict” in a Christian marriage, and one or both spouses is sinning unless they are simply practicing good communications with the intent to come to a common mind, just as you have described. Opposing points of views or desires is not by definition conflict, it is what we do with our thoughts and desires that will turn them back on our spouse as healthy communications or unhealthy conflict. Ones views or desires can never be conflict no matter how opposing they may be. The conflict comes in how one communicates, not the communications itself.

    Most of what you write is right on, but you and others who comment seem to miss the point of submission in the whole story. Wives, if they are to be great help meets, must communicate clearly, and perhaps at times even strongly to their man, but with a quiet and gentle spirit. Is that possible?!? Yes.

    When I went to visit one of my elders I very much disagreed with him on a number of hot issues, yet I knew that my communications had to always be done with respect and good communications… not conflict. We talked, we disagreed strongly with each other, we agreed to disagree, and finally he did what he wanted with the decision. Were in conflict… only if you redefine the word. We had healthy communications and just as a godly wife must ultimately submit to her husband, I submitted to the one God had put in charge of me. That is God’s design. Not the US and Canada, where Canada can and does so “no way” to the US many times, instead like the US and a state like California. California can say no to the US government, for the short run, but ultimately it submits the Federal government to keep peace and in order to remain a part of the union.

    Communications is a good thing and let’s teach it to all couples… but conflict should not be any of my doing. There is a difference as communications is expressing oneself clearly and in a neutral manner, while conflict cares with it an undertone of negativity and anger. Sometimes it cannot be avoided in a marriage if one spouse chooses to be confrontational instead of communicating with a gentle spirit. Yet, even then, we can respond in a Christ like manner as it is next to impossible to be in conflict with someone who acting and speaking in a Christ like way.

  12. It is so true that there is a difference between true peace and the absence (or avoidance) of conflict. Even if I don’t question or go against whatever my husband decides doesn’t mean that I have kept the peace. It just means he’s unaware of the conflict going on within myself which is just as unhealthy as giving into my anger. It’s all about how we handle the potential conflict. It’s about our attitude and tone of voice when we confront what is bothering us. We can graciously work through disagreements and conflict within marriage without the wife being a doormat and the husband being a dictator.
    Sarah @ The Biblical Family Blog recently posted…RylieMy Profile

  13. “Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 . Submission is all over the Bible, beginning back in Genesis when Eve wanted control & went against God & her husband. This is nothing new. Sheila, I agree with you that in a healthy marriage that a husband and wife have a deep friendship and respect for one another. There is freedom to talk openly & honestly. However, when the final decision has to be made that decision rest on the husband. If a woman has a problem with that, then she has a problem with control and submitting herself not just to her husband but to God. We are treating the word submission like it’s a bad word. Jesus himself submitted to God the Father. We are called to submit to the authorities of our Church and government. Employees submit to their bosses. Why are we making this sound so horrible that a wife ultimately needs to give up her control and submit to the authority that God has given to her husband? Again in a healthy marriage the husband is not going to enjoy sometimes not giving his wife what she wants, but he has to be trusted that he’s doing what’s best. He needs to be trusted and respected. If the wife is going to harbor bitterness, resentment, pouting, anger because she didn’t get her way then she has a sinful attitude that only God can change. Her ultimate submission is to God and to say that God has not called a wife to submit to the authority of her husband & Himself is nothing but the work of the devil. Be very careful when you try to take God’s word and make it what you want rather than what it is…that’s dangerous and will only lead to sin!

  14. loved this….. I have been pursuing the absence of conflict instead of peace and it literally cut off being close to my husband. Hes having a highly stressful time at work and I don’t want to upset him, but at the same time I am adding strife to the situation by bottling up my feelings and being distant. Can’t wait for tomorrows study

Comment Policy: Please stay positive with your comments. If your comment is rude, it gets deleted. Any comment that espouses an anti-marriage philosophy (eg. porn, adultery, abuse and the like) will be deleted. If it is critical, please make it constructive. If you are replying to another commenter, please be polite and don't assume you know everything about his or her situation. If you are constantly negative or a general troll, you will get banned. The definition of terms is left solely up to us. Sheila Wray Gregoire owns the copyright to all comments and may publish them in whatever form she sees fit. She agrees to keep any publication of comments anonymous, even if you are not anonymous on this board.


  1. […] Day One: Submission Doesn’t Mean You Never Have Conflict Day Two: Seeking Peace, Not the Absence of Conflict  […]

  2. […] Seeking Peace Not the Absence of Conflict by Shelia at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. Although Shelia’s post is specifically geared toward marriages, I think anyone in relationship can glean from it. I naturally tend to avoid conflict but she helped me see this isn’t always the best solution. […]

  3. […] often pride themselves on the absence of conflict, as if not fighting means that we’re close. But I wonder, instead, if the opposite is actually […]

  4. […] weeks Seeking Peace Not The Absence of Conflict is a long read but worth the time to sit […]

  5. […] often pride themselves on the absence of conflict, as if not fighting means that we’re close. But I wonder, instead, if the opposite is actually […]

  6. […] up with Wifey Wednesday, Messy Marriage, Happy Wives Club, Titus 2sdays,Growing Home, Wise […]

Leave a Comment


CommentLuv badge