19 responses

  1. ButterflyWings
    December 17, 2012

    I just realised from some of the comments on stocking stuffers for your husband, that these gifts ideas are just supposed to be a bunch of small items in addition to larger presents. My husband pretty much spends under $5 for his main (and only) present for me and it’s usually a joke present, never anything romantic or thoughtful. Is there any way to suggest he buys me something I’d actually like/use/want without hurting his feelings?

    Other than a bunch of flowers for my birthday and a small handmade figurine, I don’t think he’s actually ever given me a serious present or one I’d actually use or want in the three years we’ve been together.

    He’s difficult to buy for, mainly because he just goes out and buys anything he wants, so I’ve tried surprise him with fancy date nights, but now we’re married, he prefers permission to go and buy the latest expensive tech gadget he wants rather than me buy him something.

    • Pam @ diy Design Fanatic
      December 17, 2012

      Earlier in our marriage, I made a little photo book for my husband and created a wish list book. I put the cards of some of my favorite gift shops and put in pictures of some items I might like. He kept it in his car and I would update it periodically. This made it so much easier for him to buy me a gift. Now we just do lists and pick something off the list that we want to give the other. Sounds like “gift giving” might be one of your love languages and his is not. I highly recommend The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and of course, Sheila’s book. Having been married for 27 years I am a firm believer in asking for what you want in marriage(not just for gifts), rather than hinting or complaining.
      Pam @ diy Design Fanatic recently posted…Christmas Tree 2012My Profile

      • ButterflyWings
        December 17, 2012

        Nup… not even close. Gift giving is a love language I like to use on others but not one I like for myself. I have to constantly tell friends and family I don’t want gifts at christmas.

        But with hubby it’s slightly different… just once, I’d like for him to do something romantic – it doesn’t have to be a physical gift – just something heartfelt.

        I don’t want to have to give him a shopping list – I just want one thing that is something he picks that is thoughtful. It falls into the acts of service not gift giving.

        I already own the Love Languages book – two copies actually – when my church was doing a series on it last year, I bought one and then discovered I already owned it – I had been going to give my spare to a family member, but all three of my siblings own a copy. Actually my brother gave me the Good Girl’s Guide to christmas today because I had asked him to pick me up a copy and he said don’t give him the money, that it would be my christmas gift instead. I’m not a fan of books for christmas, but it’s a tradition from my brother to give everyone a christian book for christmas.

        I wouldn’t want a book for christmas from my hubby though… it’s not really heartfelt (and the Good Girl’s Guide is actually for him to read anyway).

        I’d love to get Sheila’s new book but not as a gift – just waiting til it comes out in hardcopy. Again, it’s actually for my husband to read. I wouldn’t buy it as a christmas or birthday gift for him though. I’d just buy a copy (if it were available) and give it to him whenever I could get a copy. Which is my plan as soon as a hardcopy comes out.

        Christmas presents are supposed to be something to enjoy and have fun with… non fiction books are great for learning and growing, but not something I’d call fun. I see them more as something you give people who need them – same as I’d give something to any one I knew who was in need of something. I wouldn’t wait til christmas – I’d just give it to them as soon as I saw their need and I wouldn’t let it replace a fun christmas present.

      • Mrs. P
        December 17, 2012

        I agree with what Pam said. If you want something, you need to ask for it. If you’re not willing to ask for it, you have to accept that you might not get it.

      • ButterflyWings
        December 17, 2012

        All I want is something heartfelt, doesn’t matter to me what. I don’t need a physical gift or something fancy or expensive I just want my husband to show me cares. That’s not something that can be put on a list. It’s not about what the item is, or even if it is a physical item at all, it’s about the thought he has put into it.

        If I give him a list, there is no thought in it for him and defeats the purpose of giving anything. I’d rather have nothing than a gift I had to ask for. I’m not big into gaining material possessions – I’m quite happy with what I have, and the few things I want, I can save up my allowance for.

      • Rebekah
        December 17, 2012

        The point is not the list, it is that you TELL him what you need, want. He probably doesn’t get it, amd saying that you would like a romantic gesture is probably what will need to be done to make him think about irlt.

      • Mrs. P
        December 17, 2012

        You don’t have to tell him specifically what to get you, just tell him that you want him to get you something thoughtful because it would make you feel loved. You have to decide what’s more important to you: getting a special gift or not asking for a gift. You can’t have both. If it’s really that important to you that he buys you something special, you need to ask for it or it may not happen. If it’s more important to you to never have to ask for a gift, don’t ask but don’t expect to get anything either. Some husbands buy thoughtful gifts without being asked, but you chose to marry this man, and that might not be something he would ever do without being asked. You have to accept that that’s the way he is.

      • ButterflyWings
        December 17, 2012

        I think it’s more how do I tell him I don’t want a thoughtless tacky gift? I can’t think of a way to say this without hurting his feelings. When I say don’t buy me anything, he’ll buy me something anyway.

      • Sheila
        December 17, 2012

        I guess I would ask, why do you think it’s thoughtless? It’s not something that you would buy or that you would appreciate, but he did put thought into it.

        If you don’t mind me saying, there’s a pattern to most of your comments on this blog. I know you have had significant medical, financial, and relationship challenges in your life. You have had a big burden that you are bearing. But you seem consistently to see the negative. You consistently write why certain things won’t work, or how solutions won’t apply to you.

        I understand that you have a frustrating life, but at some point you have to take responsibility both for the choices that you have made and for the thoughts and feelings that you choose to nurture.

        This is a very new marriage; I believe you wrote on a different thread that you’ve been married for less than two months. Why not give your husband at least a few months of grace, when you decide that you will not think or write negative things about him, but will instead look for the positive? Resolve to say positive things about him. Specifically look for positive things. If you look, you will find some. If you honestly can’t, then the problem may not be with him, because you chose very recently to marry this man. You cannot choose to marry someone and then decide immediately that there is nothing good about him.

        So focus on the positive. Talk up the positive. Think of solutions to some of your problems. Think of a plan of action so that you can deal with possible porn use, or with financial troubles, or with getting counseling. But whatever you do, don’t focus on the negative. Focus on what God has blessed you with. You have a daughter. Your health is improving. You are losing weight. You are now in a stable relationship. These are good things.

        When you feel the urge to complain about him, or to describe a problem that has no solution, instead turn and give thanks to God for something. Turn your worries into prayers of thanksgiving. If you start consistently thanking God, instead of looking at the many trials that you do legitimately have, God can work amazing things in your life and give you the tools to get through. But that can’t happen if you only focus on the negative.

        Gratitude is the door by which God sends His blessings. I would just encourage you and everyone who reads this to find things to be grateful for this Christmas season, and to focus on those things rather than alleged shortcomings in our spouses. I think the more we focus on gratitude, the less we will notice of our spouse’s flaws.

      • ButterflyWings
        December 18, 2012

        He does have many great characteristics – I’m just frustrated because he did some very hurtful things on our honeymoon, and he continues to do a lot of those things – things he never did before we were married. I’m frustrated because he can’t see the things he did aren’t ok to do to people and doesn’t see any problems with having done them. He thinks the problem is with everyone else for being hurt by it. (He also did some of the same hurtful things to my friends and also blames them for being upset with it rather than realising what he did wasn’t ok).

        And he did something that scared me very badly on the honeymoon and even though he apologised profusely and promised it won’t happen again, I’m terrified of it happening again. He’s agreed to counselling together but just hasn’t done it despite a month of promising to. I’m getting counselling for what happened but it doesn’t take away my fears of it happening again when he won’t deal with the things that happened.

        It’s just easier to vent about minor annoyances than to talk about the really upsetting stuff. If I’d known what would happen on the honeymoon, I’d have delayed getting married indefinitely. But we’re married now, so I’m just trying to keep going and hoping and praying that we can fix things. I’m just really stressed about christmas because I feel like we have to pretend things are all ok for extended family, and close family who know most of what is going on, keep bugging me about have we sorted things out yet. They’re only trying to help but I feel under so much pressure. If it wasn’t christmas I could avoid people, but can’t for now.

      • ButterflyWings
        December 18, 2012

        Maybe Sheila it might be best to delete my whole thread as it takes away from the happy christmas theme?

  2. Melissa
    December 17, 2012

    I’m easy to get stocking stuffers for – CHOCOLATE. :-)
    Melissa recently posted…ThreeMy Profile

  3. KellyK(@RNCCRN9706)
    December 17, 2012

    Ha ha! I’m the ONLY person who buys stocking stuffers for the household so if I want anything in MY stocking, I’ll put it there myself. I just ordered a book for myself from Amazon. Guess I’ll put THAT in my stocking! lol

  4. Stacey
    December 17, 2012

    Hubby and I don’t have stockings, but I’d love to get your ebook or some coupons and a love note! That would be a great gift.
    Stacey recently posted…23 weeksMy Profile

  5. Sara
    December 17, 2012

    I just came from the post on stocking stuffers for men and want to let the husbands reading this know there are some great ideas for wives in the comments section of that post, too! I tend to fill my own stocking each year. We tried having my husband and my boys go shopping for my stocking and that didn’t go so well… but maybe if I share this post?

  6. Margaret
    December 17, 2012

    great ideas! I’ll have to pass it along…
    Margaret recently posted…Where Are the Boots? The Danger of Losing the Wonder This Holiday SeasonMy Profile

  7. Maria
    December 17, 2012

    I just got a kick that my pink Swiss Army knife suggestion made it to the list. LOL! Love it!

  8. Kate
    December 1, 2013

    I’m difficult to buy for, and I fully own that… :) For stockings, things that have been fun in the past…

    1. Sephora has fun sample sizes of lip gloss, mascara, perfume, etc. I like when hubby picks a scent he likes…

    2. Fingernail clippers/files…I lose mine all the time and can’t stand to have a rough nail

    3. Mug he personalized with the nickname he uses for me

    4. Wool socks

    5. Chocolate orange, or other favorite candy that I don’t usually indulge in

    6. Christmas ornament related to a special memory from the year

    7. Fashion jewelry he likes (he got me this long necklace once that he compliments me on every time I wear it, I think he’s forgotten he got it for me :)

    8. Kindle gift card with a “coupon” for a night off to read

    9. Texting gloves

    10. Phone charger for my purse

    11. He detailed my car once and gave me a gift card for the car wash-that was AWESOME!

    12. Then there are the cheesy things that he I think he thinks I will throw away…small cheap vase with fake flowers, wind up monkey, tiny stuffed seahorse, etc. I love that stuff, keep it on a shelf at work. It reminds me of goofy, fun times with the man I love.

    13. I really think if most husbands would take the time to get a few little things to put in a stocking, most women would love whatever it is. Stocking gifts (to me) take the pressure off. They aren’t the big “wish list” items or the big “out do last year” gifts, they are the fun things. The little things that someone took the time and effort to go get and put in the stocking. If I’m honest, the stocking is my favorite part of the whole gift thing. I get embarrassed with big gifts and don’t feel like I show enough excitement. Stockings are different. They should bring out the kid in you, in my opinion! :)

  9. Natalie
    December 21, 2013

    My husband rarely ever buys me gifts or gives me flowers. We have been married for 19 years and I can count on one hand the gifts I have ever received.

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