Well, I had quite the interesting day yesterday! And I’d like to tell you the story, but before I do a few housekeeping issues:
Read on to the bottom of this post because I’m going to announce the winners to last week’s giveaway! And the blog tour for my 31 Days to Great Sex ebook is continuing with The Alabaster Jar today. She’s got a great review up, so head on over!
A few weeks ago you may remember that The Huffington Post contacted me to ask if I’d do a live webinar about 50 Shades of Grey. They wanted to discuss whether it was good or bad for marriage, and they had found one of my blog posts arguing that 50 Shades of Grey hurts marriage. I guess I did a good job, because yesterday at the last minute they contacted me again.
Here was the subject: a little while ago a Huff Post editor wrote a post on the 15 kinds of sex she had in her 20s. Things like barter sex, or quick sex, or whatever. Then a woman named Rachel Hollis wrote a response, saying she only had one kind of sex in her 20s, and it was amazing, because she was married. Rachel did a really great job; you should read her article here. One line that particularly caught my eye was this:
This list makes it sound like an impulse purchase, like, “Girl, we’ve all made these same bad choices, no big deal.” But we ALL haven’t made those same choices and some of us think sex IS a big deal.
I completely agree with her!
So we were going to discuss that on the webinar: what makes amazing sex? Having one partner, or having lots of them? And they asked me.
For the rest of the morning before the webinar I was going around the house saying to my girls, “how do I get myself into these things?” Because really, who wants to argue the “Christian” viewpoint in front of an audience that all thinks it’s ridiculous? But I kept praying and saying to God, “I don’t care if this doesn’t sell any books and isn’t about publicity for me. I just want someone in the audience to know ‘it doesn’t have to be this way’“. And I guess there’s value in that, right?
Because I honestly began to question that value by the end of the webinar. The other four guests were the twenty-something woman who wrote the original article, a former porn star, a “sexologist”, and a guy who writes a magazine for people in open marriages. I’m not kidding. And there was little ole’ me, saying, “I’ve been married since I was 21, and I’ve been married for 21 years, and sex is amazing.”
Anyway, in such a situation you don’t get a chance to talk that much. But I think I did get some points out. I seemed to be able to frame the debate for the first half, anyway, when I said that sex is about so much more than just the body, it’s also supposed to be deeply intimate. And it’s the intimacy that makes it great.
The other guests mostly didn’t like that. And near the end of the show the former porn star said that the reason so many women regret their sexual encounters is that they have this mistaken idea that sex has to be emotional, when it doesn’t. So I asked, “are you saying that sex isn’t emotional, that it’s only that way because women think it is?” And she said that this is what our culture teaches, and we need to teach young people that it doesn’t need to be that way, that you can make sex what you want it to be.
A little while later I mentioned that during sex our bodies actually produce oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, but several snorted at that.
But think about that for a minute: the prevailing consensus in our culture is that the reason people feel guilty over having casual sex partners is because WE have made sex into something emotional. They honestly don’t believe that it IS something emotional.
Another great line from the webinar: the woman called “Cinnamon” said, “you can achieve intimacy with someone you met in a bar, or you can achieve intimacy with someone you’ve been married to for twenty years. You can have intimacy with lots of people.”
I’m almost crying as I type this. Think of the scars that people carry around when they truly believe that! They’re deluding themselves, and they don’t even know it. They think they’re so enlightened and so hip and so cool, but they’re so EMPTY.
This is what we live in the middle of! It’s awful. And I feel like I need a shower after all that.
Intimacy is such a beautiful thing. It is a gift from God. And it is something which, by the grace of God, I am so grateful to say that I share only with my husband, now and til death do us part.
You can watch the train wreck of a webinar here, or click below. I still think I did do some good, but let me ask you: should I keep doing these things? Or is it pointless? Let me know!
Now, for some winners! Last week I was doing a Card Swap raffle for a $50 gift card, and the winner was Carla! I’ve contacted her by email. Congratulations, Carla!
On the same post I said I’d pick three comments at random and they would receive a copy of 31 Days to Great Sex. Those winners were Beth, Alicia, and Ann, and I’ve sent them their books this morning. Thanks so much for commenting and reading, and I hope you all keep enjoying 31 Days to Great Sex (because great sex is sex with our HUSBANDS, because it truly is intimate and emotional. So there!).
So tell me, in the comments, what would you have said? Even if you didn’t watch the webinar, how do you respond when people around you say, “sex doesn’t have to be emotional”? Because that is truly what our culture believes, and we had better have an answer!