My anniversary is coming up in just a few short weeks.
I was married December 21, 1991. This anniversary will be our 21st, and I was married when I was 21, so I have now been married for officially half of my life!
But I can tell you that I was completely unprepared for marriage–and for our wedding night.
Before I married I was given a book that was supposed to prepare the bride for the wedding night, but it left me an absolute nervous wreck. I felt like the wedding night was a Pass/Fail thing: either I did everything right, or I messed it up and I’d never get the opportunity back again. And I felt like I had to memorize all of these steps to make sex great the first time out. It was so stressful.
I didn’t really recover for about five years. We got off to a bad start, and it took us a while to really connect intimately on all levels.
I detail our journey in my book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, because I wanted to write a book that was the exact opposite of the one I was given. I wanted to write a book that told women that sex is a journey–you may start out with baggage, or with questions, or with trepidation, or with excitement, but it doesn’t matter, because you have decades to get it right! So relax, love your husband, surrender to God, and everything honestly will be okay.
That’s my main message.
And did you know that December is a huge marriage month? So I know that many of you will be attending Christmas weddings. Can I ask you to pass on The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex? It’s meant for all married women, and if you’ve been wed for a while, I know it will help you connect spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
But I also believe that if you start your marriage off right–even if your time before your wedding wasn’t stellar–you put yourself on far better footing later. So it’s my prayer that this book will get out to brides everywhere.
I recently received this email from a new bride, and she wrote:
I just recently bought the Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex and just had to write and tell you how much I LOVED IT! I’m getting married in 6 weeks and am a virgin- in fact, my first kiss ever will be with my husband on our wedding day! I was browsing the marriage section (as I’ve been doing a lot lately) and came across your book.
The title caught my attention and then I flipped through it and thought “Okay, why not?”, not sure exactly what I was going to find. Oh my goodness! It was exactly what I needed to read! I loved how you explained it from a Biblical point of view and offered God’s design and intention for it and changing your mindset about it. The chapter for virgins was especially helpful- I don’t feel quite so unprepared now. I loved the “good girl hints” too. I couldn’t put it down and have been rereading bits and pieces of it, preparing for the big day. There are hardly any books that deal with this topic in regard to virgins and it was explained in such a way that was comfortable and made sense.
I knew that I had to write you and tell how much the book helped me. I’m going to recommend it to anyone I know that is getting married (even though at 31, I’m the last of my friends to get married. LOL) but recommend it to my friends too. It was so refreshing to read and answered a lot of my questions that I was not about to ask and alleviated my fear and concerns. Can’t wait to try out the hints:x lovestruck.
Thank you again for allowing God to use you and your book.
(Incidentally, I so appreciate emails like that. I save them so that when I’m discouraged I can reread them and God can whisper to me that He is doing things through me!).
If you’re going to a wedding or a shower, don’t forget The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. If more marriages started off on good footing, imagine the families, the churches, the communities that would be stronger as a result!
Did your marriage get off to a good start, or a bad start? Let me know in the comments!