Is Your Bedroom Inviting?

Christian Marriage AdviceIt’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you all can comment, or put the URL to your own marriage post into the linky below. Today I want to talk about romantic bedrooms.

I know several hundred of my readers are currently working through The 31 Days to Great Sex, my new ebook looking at how we can build a fun, intimate marriage. And one of the things you’ll find when you get to the end of the month is a series of challenges on how to set up your life so that intimacy becomes easier and more natural, with fewer roadblocks.

And one of those roadblocks may very well be our bedroom.

When my two daughters were babies our family was living in a tiny two-bedroom apartment. Our computer was in our bedroom. Our duvet was old and rather ugly. In fact, everything in that room was old and rather ugly.

One winter, after a particularly grueling year during which we were grieving the loss of our little boy, we decided to head south for a vacation and recoup. When we came home, my mother and a friend had redone our bedroom, with new bedding, plump new pillows, and a new lamp.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t move the computer and all the excess stuff out of our room, but even the small effort they made created such a transformation. When I walked into our bedroom I wasn’t depressed anymore. I was happy!

Is Your Bedroom Inviting? Tips for a Romantic Bedroom

When you walk into your bedroom, do you feel like it’s a haven, or do you feel like it’s a dive?

If your dresser is covered with old VISA receipts, if craft boxes are stacked up in a corner, if your bedding is threadbare and ugly and your pillows are lumpy, then climbing into bed isn’t fun. And if you figure your bed is the best place to fold laundry—it’s so big, and just the right height!—but then that laundry never gets put away, and every night you sweep it onto the floor again, then jumping into bed isn’t going to seem stress free.

We tend to make it a priority to keep the kitchen and living room clean, because that’s what other people see when they come into our homes (though, if we’re honest, many of us rarely have company). But the bedroom is just for us, so if it’s a mess, no one ever sees it.

And so the bedroom is often last on our list.

Romantic Bedrooms bring Romantic Marriages

I think our priorities are wrong.

I think the bedroom should be one of the first places we decorate

–before the baby’s room, before the kitchen, before the living room. A baby doesn’t know the difference if the room is filled with boxes or if it’s straight out of Homes & Gardens. You, on the other hand, do. And if you’re going to nurture your marriage, you need to have a room that you feel is a haven.

Don’t put a TV in there so you’re mindlessly watching CSI instead of talking at night. Don’t bring work there. And don’t bring all your excess boxes in there (unless you honestly can’t help it, like we couldn’t in our tiny apartment).

Christmas is almost upon us, and can I make a suggestion? Why not get together with your husband and plan to buy something for the bedroom this year that will make your bedroom inviting. Maybe it’s a luxurious duvet, or some new bedding. Maybe it’s some luscious pillows. Maybe it’s an awesome tempurpedic mattress. Something that screams “luxury” and romance to you. And if you don’t have the money yet, that’s okay. Just set up a savings jar where you put change in and spare dollar bills. Set up a Pinterest board of bedrooms that say “haven” to you. And nurture your marriage!

It’s easy to forget about ourselves at Christmas and focus mostly on the kids. But children will forget what they got for Christmas when they were 8, or 9, or 11. They will never forget the love that you and your husband shared. What kids need, more than anything else, is to feel as if you and your husband are rock solid. It’s okay to invest in your marriage!

Browse some luxurious bedding at! They have wonderful duvets and sheet sets. Maybe this is what you need to ask for for Christmas.

Now, what do you have for us today? Leave a link to the URL of your marriage post in the linky below!

This post is a sponsored post. The links are sponsored–the thoughts are 100% my own. I take sponsored posts to help offset the cost of this blog (which is getting very expensive to run!). But I only accept posts that I are in line with what I was already planning on writing.

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  1. I agree. I actually need my whole house to be calm and inviting, but I get that if you aren’t there, you need to start with your bedroom. I will admit to it being the room where I stack the bags of things that need to be returned to the stores, etc, but for the most part, our room is clutter free and inviting 90% of the time.
    And I might add that it doesn’t require spending the equivalent of a month’s salary to make your bedroom inviting. You can shop discount stores such as TJ Maxx/Home Goods, Marshall’s, etc. for low cost decor and bedding.
    I want to share this too… I usually get up a few minutes before my husband to get the coffee and lunches going. He has recently begun blessing me by making the bed when he gets up. What a treat it is to go back to our room after I have gotten everyone out the door and see a nicely made bed. Such a simple thing that makes me want to return the blessing to my husband!
    workinprogress recently posted…All AloneMy Profile

    • I can’t actually cope with an unmade bed! It’s funny because I’m not a neat freak, but I HAVE to make the bed every morning. It makes me feel grounded. I guess making the bed to me is the equivalent of flylady’s saying “clean your sink”!

  2. My husband and I invested in a nice mattress set, sheets, and a comforter set within the first few months after we got married. We started out in his twin bed right after we got back from the honeymoon. Yes, you read that right…a twin bed…for both of us. It was…cozy…but we were not going to sleep in different beds right after getting married. LOL About a week later we were able to go get my things, including my broken down full-size bed that I had had since I was 12. That lasted a couple months and we decided that a new bed was a necessity. It was probably the best purchase we ever made and we still love our bed more than 2 years later. We get back from vacation (no matter where) and the first night back we are always saying how we are so glad we got this bed. We sleep better. We enjoy being together in bed. We’ll lay in bed and read together of an evening or just cuddle up and talk. It’s so nice to have a welcoming bedroom. Totally worth the money.
    Lindsay Harold recently posted…Demolishing Pro-Choice ArgumentsMy Profile

    • Completely agree! But I’m laughing trying to picture you in a twin bed. When we were on a missions trip to Kenya once they graciously gave my husband and me an actual bed (most of the others had mattresses on the floor), so we were the honoured ones. But the bed was seriously just an inch or two wider than a standard twin. You couldn’t roll over unless your spouse did, too! I didn’t sleep much that trip.

  3. We moved in July and haven’t finished our bedroom yet. It is a drag, and I asked ‘Santa’ if that’s what I could have for Christmas. :) It’s going to be really cute once we finish it, though!

  4. Keeping our bedroom clean is the one thing I am WORST at. :-( I’m a messy person by nature. Keeping things clean is a battle for me. Ask my poor mother, who struggled my whole life to get me to keep my room clean! I’m really trying to be better at it. And we’re getting our house ready to sell in the coming year so I HAVE to get better at it. Today we’re going to select a paint color for our room. My husband hates the color we originally painted it when we bought the house. So he’s happy. :-)
    Melissa recently posted…Here’s a ListMy Profile

  5. Sheila,

    Such good advice! I want our bedroom to be a haven – a refuge 😀 And thanks for mentioning including the husband in the process. A lot of the bedrooms I see are very, very feminine and I have to wonder if the wife/decorator remembers that a man shares the room and if he feels at home there.

    When we remodeled a few years ago we kept our master bedroom on the small-ish side – no room for a desk, no TV, and no clutter (unless I’m hiding Christmas presents to wrap!)

    Happy Thanksgiving 😀

    Julie G
    Julie recently posted…Oh Canada…My Profile

  6. It was funny to come across this post, because just this morning I was sitting in the bedroom, looking around, wondering if it needed to be improved. Actually, our bedroom is in pretty good shape. We don’t use it for storage, and we don’t keep off topic things in there. (The workspace and computers are elsewhere in the house.) We do have a TV, but it is very rare that we watch TV in bed. (I watch the news in the morning while hubby is in the shower.) The bedding isn’t fancy, but I make a point of making the bed every morning. On the dresser are some photos and decorative objects. There is a phone next to the bed, but the ringer is always turned off. No clutter, but I should dust a little more often. One big “came with the house” bonus is the lovely sliding glass door that opens out to our garden. I like having the morning light in the room.

    If we had the budget to do so, I would replace the furniture. It’s not in bad shape, but a few pieces are mismatched, and I would like a more luxurious look overall. I’ve been careful not to give the room a look that is too feminine or too masculine. We both need to feel welcome and relaxed there.
    Rosemary recently posted…The Consequences of LyingMy Profile

  7. I love these ideas… not sure how to implement them in our room. :) Someday I’d love to get new bedroom furniture that’s just “ours” (and doesn’t bang on the wall…). We did get a new mattress when we moved, and have a decent bedspread – though I don’t think my hubby is a fan of either of our bedspreads. I’m always trying to keep his half of the room clean. We rent, so I can’t paint and I’m not totally happy with the pictures… but I’ll think about this and see what I can do with what we have!
    Bonnie Way recently posted…Guest Post by Sheri Rose Shepherd: Building a New Foundation of LoveMy Profile

  8. sleeping alone says:

    Love the idea of making the bedroom a haven and a place that is ultimately a sanctuary for a husband and wife – here’s what my life looks like and has looked like for over 3 years (we’ve been married 10 years) And let me start with this….my husband and I have a good marriage, not a great marriage and I know things could be improved upon on a few different levels (esp. in the bedroom). But my husband snores incredibly, steals the blankets consistently, loves to cuddle and spoon and regularily is very, VERY flatulent. We have not shared a bed since I was pregnant with our 2nd child – who turns 3 on Sat. I, on the other hand, am an EXTREMELY light sleeper and love the conditons of the bedroom to be the total opposite of my husband…I like it dark and cold and utterly quiet. Over the past 3 years we have tried to make our way back to sleeping in the same bed/room (he currently sleeps on the hideabed in the basement) but if one sleeps well the other doesn’t. He can’t even sleep anymore with me either because he’s so concerned I won’t get any sleep. I know my hyper-sensitivity to noise is a direct result of having children because before kids came alone we slept together just fine. But I can’t change that! I am a hyper sensitive sleeper now, what can I say??? I love my husband and I know he loves me but I know this has definitely caused our overall relationship to stagnate. In fact as I read about the transformation of your bedroom that was done by your family I was sad to know that I feel as though the chances of my husband and I ever sharing a bedroom again is very slim to none. Thanks for sharing anyway!

    • My husband and I are also quite opposite in our preferred sleeping “conditions”. I like it hot, with heavy blankets, totally quiet (no fans etc.), a little bit of light, etc, while he likes it cool, light blankets, total darkness, and he can fall asleep with lots of noise! So in order to be able to sleep together, we have a heated blanket, folded and ONLY on my side of the bed, layers of blankets-so I can have them all on and he can kick off what he doesn’t want. We leave the hall light on and none in our room. Have you tried ear plugs? Having separate blankets? Just some ideas. Hoping for some “together nights” for you and your hubby!

      • We’re in the same boat, Heather! The compromise we came up with is to use seperate blankets so we have “dual climate zones”. It has worked wonderfully, even though we have very, very different sleeping preferences!. My hubby snores, too, but usually only when he sleeps on his back, so I like to stick close to him so I can give him a big nudge to roll over when necessary :) When that doesn’t work, I go for the earplugs!

  9. I agree wholeheartedly!!

    My husband and I always put our children first, even their wants before our needs at times. When we bought our first home, I decided I would change that.

    I painted our bedroom that lovely violet based red, bought ALL new bedding and it was lovely. I didn’t let my husband in the room until I finished. It took me 3 days and us sleeping on the couch. :)

    But today I never miss an opportunity to change up something in OUR room. I just recently found beautiful roses in the Christmas flowers at hobby lobby. I plan to add them with zebra ribbon to a little Christmas tree with a few cowboy items for my husband.

    We have deep red roses in all the vases, which I spent the last 7 years buying and collecting the day after valentine’s day. I also bought us a set of cream and red rose petals, that I scatter around the bed and room a few days a year. When I want my husband to feel special.

    It doesn’t take a lot of money, just lot of imagination and decisions on what you like! But don’t forget your husband!

  10. I completely agree! But it seems like something we won’t be able to attain for a long time. Aside from the fact that we can’t afford the extra sprucing up (all our “spare” income goes to my husband’s homebrewing hobby), we rent and can’t paint the walls. I can’t really put pictures up, or a head board on the bed because my husband has severe parasomnia–we have large holes punched in the walls (not such a romantic look). And the ceiling is that “grey cottage cheese” stuff–can you tell this is a rant? :) Needless to say, our bedroom is a dreary place to be. I’m very open to advice from anyone reading this, not only for free ways to decor, but also for any other issues I’ve mentioned (my own less-than-holy attitude included–just not sure how to shake it).

    • Wow! That parasomnia sounds horrible! Oh, dear.

      Quick thoughts: lovely bright pillows. You can often get them at discount stores not too expensively. And look for clearance on bedding sets. Just something bright, with fluffy pillows and a nice throw, and some candles, can do wonders. And you should be able to buy all of that for less than $100 if buy at clearance. You’ll have to shop around a bit, but this is a good time of year to do it! If it’s cheap it may not last that long, but at least it will brighten things up in the meantime.

      I’d also think about hanging some fabric or curtains on the ways. You can buy a curtain rod and put nice sheer curtains behind your bed, and then that will disguise the damage to the walls but also add some colour. My daughter has sheer deep violet curtains as a room separator in her room, and they’re lovely.

      • The sheers on the wall sounds like a perfect solution. He won’t accidentally damage them and it will hide the not so appealing.

        I have been able to with sales at Hobby Lobby and thrift stores redo rooms for 100.00 and usually less. Those sheer curtains here in the states run about 10.00 each and curtain rods can be found for the same price.

    • The throw pillows Shiela mentioned are a great (cheap!) idea.

      I don’t know about free, but you can make a lot with sheets. I just bought a (cheap!) single sheet at Wal-Mart and made a “door” for my closet. I’ve sewed two flat sheets together (I mean simple sewing – just a straight line) to make a comforter cover to change the look of the bed. And if you can’t sew at all, even just laying a new sheet over the top of an ugly bedspread can improve the look.

      Good luck!
      Julie recently posted…Oh Canada…My Profile

  11. Is it just me or is it hilarious that that sells bathrobes that cost $1,300? Pillow shams, $150? Duvet covers, $750? Our family is struggling to stay afloat in these hard economic times–as so many families are. Why recommend a site that almost no one can even begin to afford? Or is everyone out spending $2,000 on sheets and blankets?

    • Scarlett–I hear what you’re saying! But this site costs quite a bit to keep up, so I’m happy to take advertising if it already fits with something I’m writing. And I firmly believe in creating a beautiful bedroom–even if you do find a way to do it on a budget! :)

  12. I am a mere male so what can I say to you ladies?

    As long as the bed is tidy and comfortable and the lights work neither of us worries very much about the rest of the bedroom. After we have made love the bed is seldom very tidy anyway, but who cares? We have had intimate fun together which is what matters.

  13. I do find my bedroom relaxing and inviting, although keeping it that way requires some effort. Not huge effort, just frequent. Most days, I return my children’s toys back to their rooms (or at least dump them into the hallway!), I make the bed, and resist the urge to dump stuff in there. It stays *mostly* tidy. Lol.
    This year I searched Kijiji and found a beautiful king bed frame for $50! Bought an new ikea mattress and bedding for cheap, and at a bedding store, found beautiful high thread count egyptian sateen sheets for only 62! Hubby and I often joke that we are now “sheet snobs” since he bought us good quality sheets several anniversaries ago.
    I find that for me, my roadblocks are mental (stuff laying irritates me) and physical (if I’m cold etc.). So part of getting ready for bed for me is turning on my heated blanket, turning the lights off and lighting my scented candle, or just a bedside lamp.

  14. My husband and I were given a beautiful, white King size duvet for our QUEEN size bed as a wedding present. it never occured to me that it was the wrong size until after we washed and slept in it for months! Whoops! It drives me crazy how our down comforter doesn’t fit into our duvet. It also drives me nuts that we end up sleeping with empty duvet covers while the actual duvet + comforter covers falls off the end of the bed. My husband doesn’t seem to mind as much as I do. But it sometimes is the only thing I am thinking about while in bed with him. NOT GOOD! Thankful for this post about the importance of an inviting bedroom. I think we need a change!
    Lauren Hanson recently posted…How to be a good wife to your husband…My Profile

    • Lauren, I like having a king size comforter on a queen bed – there’s plenty to go around (my husband used to hog the covers ;D ) and it’s easy to make a new cover out of two flat (king size!) sheets.
      Julie recently posted…Oh Canada…My Profile

    • Is it something that could be altered? I’m not sure if you were saying the duvet cover or the actual duvet is too big, but either could be pared down to fit the other properly! I can’t stand having them the wrong sizes, either :)

  15. In my effort to keep our room neater, especially my husband’s side of the bed, I allowed him to hang a set of deer antlers up…with the condition that he must hang his clothes on them every night. And guess what?! It worked!!! He’s happy, because I actually let him hang up his antlers, and I’m happy, because a few more of his clothes are off the flood!
    Lois recently posted…Thanksgiving with the cousinsMy Profile

  16. Sheila: thank you so much for all your posts. I have been following your website for the last few months and I absolutely love how candid you are about Christianity, sex and marriage. I read your blog post from yesterday and had not realized you lost a son. I read that blog entry and my heart just breaks for you. I wanted to share with you my story, although different, since my son did live…but that is when I was saved.

    My son was born on time with no complications. He was perfect. Within a couple hours, he was turning purple and his oxygen dropped. We would find out later, after x-rays and tests, that he had a very very severe case of pneumonia, and his right lung could not handle it….and therefore, kept collapsing. After the 4th time of collapsing, the nurse woke us up in my hospital room at 4 a.m. to let me know that if it collapsed one more time, they would have to insert a chest tube. All I could do was cry…..and pray. But my prayer was not to save my baby, but to release him. I didn’t want him to hurt. I didn’t want him to suffer. I couldn’t believe it when I heard those words come out of my mouth. But I prayed and just told God “If you need him, please take him. Please watch over us to make sure we are okay when you do.” That was the day that I gave my life to Christ. I came from a different background as far as religion goes, and this experience did it for me. My son saved my life….by making it the only option to my life and his life in God’s hands. It will be 3 years ago tomorrow that I got to bring my angel home. He spent 10 days in the NICU and the doctors and nurses even told us it was a miracle that he even made it. That miracle was God. :)

  17. Sheila,

    Have recently stared following your blog. Love it! This is a great post. It is so tempting only to spend money improving the rooms the everyone else sees.

    You asked for it…this is one of our latest posts on couples traveling together:

    Happy holidays,

    Mike recently posted…How to survive Holiday Travel as a CoupleMy Profile

  18. Thank you so much for sharing this on Facebook today! It is very timely for me to have read. Our oldest son moved out recently and we have turned his room into an office for my husband. So we were able to move the desk out of our bedroom finally. However, our bedroom is very dark. It’s a huge room, so there is so much “stuff” that we have stored in there. And it’s always cluttered. I work from home and usually take my laptop in there and sit on the bed to work. I have got into the habit of calling it the basement because it is so uninviting to me. I have been pondering making changes and reading this article (and comments) has given me some ideas….and the push I needed to get started. The very first thing I’m going to do is quit working in there – starting today!

  19. When my husband and I moved into our new home – we knew we had to redecorate our bedroom. The wallpaper was ridiculous and when I was a few months pregnant, I KNEW I wanted our room to be a haven before the baby came. Se we stripped the wallpaper and painted the room, got new curtains and it looks so much better. Now I want to repaint 3 of the walls because all 4 walls shouldn’t be that color (after putting it up, we see it’s more of an accent color instead of a main color). Still beats that wallpaper though!

    Nicole @ WKH
    Nicole recently posted…How We Make People FeelMy Profile

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  1. […] but never in the bedroom, even if Keith’s not home. The computer is not for the bedroom. The bedroom needs to be inviting for us as a […]

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