11 responses

  1. Stephanie
    October 31, 2012

    So funny, Sheila! I am the higher drive spouse here and my husband is not into sex if he does not feel good, but it is SO true for me about my head being in the game and the fact that hubby can do the same thing and all of a sudden, my body does not react the same.

  2. Lindsay Harold
    October 31, 2012

    It’s true that I have to get my head involved to enjoy myself during sex. However, my husband is a little different in that it is more in his head than for most guys (from what I’ve read about other guys, anyway). So we both have to concentrate and focus on each other. He also likes me to say things to encourage him and that helps both of us focus.
    Lindsay Harold recently posted…Demolishing Pro-Choice ArgumentsMy Profile

    • Sheila
      October 31, 2012

      Lindsay, it’s good that you know that about each other! And honestly, I’m not sure that your husband is that strange at all. I think there’s a big difference between men being able to perform and enjoy sex and men being able to feel intimate during sex. For many men the former is easy, but the latter is not. And the latter is actually more important (and actually makes sex feel better physically, too). So if men can take the time and actually concentrate on their wives and on what’s going on, they’ll have a better time, too!

  3. Muriel
    October 31, 2012

    Haven’t had a change to see the whole video, the internet is making it slow and the kids want attention, but I just wanted to tell you that your dress is FABULOUS!!

    • Sheila
      October 31, 2012

      Thanks, Muriel! :) You want to hear something really sad, though? I washed it and it shrunk. :(

  4. Gaye @ Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
    October 31, 2012

    This is so true – great advice. I wish I had understood this in the early years of my marriage. Even now that I understand it, I have to continually remind myself to to it!
    Gaye @ Calm.Healthy.Sexy. recently posted…Live Calmer – Use a “Little Annoying Tasks” List to Get Things Done!My Profile

  5. D
    October 31, 2012

    Since I have started very seriously trying to live out Eph5:25-33 I have found that love making is much more thrilling and fulfilling. I concentrate fully on my wife and try to sense her needs throughout the roughly 40 minutes it all takes and my enjoyment just follows naturally. I feel truly ‘one flesh’ with her physically, emotionally and spiritually. I admit that I still struggle, though, if I am unable to lead her to her climax, I feel that I have failed her.

    • Amber
      October 31, 2012

      I think that’s a pretty common feeling. My husband certainly does everything in his power. I don’t know about your wife but *I* don’t feel like he has failed me, not even close, even if there’s no grand finale for me. As we’ve gotten better at it though that’s not very often. Try to let yourself off the hook– if she feels like you’re beating yourself up over it then she could tense up and have too much pressure attached to climaxing. That’s just counter-productive. Just encourage her to take it slow and do what feels good for her and the rest will follow.

      • D
        October 31, 2012

        Thank you, Amber.

        That has encouraged me. I have to say that my wife always says she enjoyed it and had fun anyway, but my climax gives me so much enjoyment I just want her to have the same pleasure.

      • UK Fred
        November 1, 2012

        The problem arises when she tells you that “I think that you wanting me to have an orgasm when we have sex is you wanting to put ticks on a score sheet so that you can say how great a oover you are and it’s nothing to do with me. I’m just not a passionate sort of a person. I do not want to have an orgasm when we have sex. I’m happy just as things are.”

        When your wife basically tells you she simply wants you to get her sufficiently tumescent that penetration does not hurt and to get it over with as quickly as possible without her getting any more aroused, then as a man you know that you’ve totally failed.
        UK Fred recently posted…Jimmy Savile and the BBCMy Profile

      • Jenny
        November 1, 2012

        I don’t think that’s the case most of the time. Most people will have times where they won’t orgasm – even men. The point is that an orgasm isn’t the whole point of marital sex. Intimacy is. Orgasms are amazing; but being close to one another, experiencing that oneness, is more important. And sex can feel incredible and be highly pleasurable and intimate even if you don’t achieve an actual orgasm. Amber is right, if you place too much emphasis on orgasm, and express disappointment when your spouse doesn’t have an orgasm, they’re likely to become so stressed out thinking that they’re disappointing you that their chances of having an orgasm will be sabotaged.
        Jenny recently posted…Preparing for intimacy: putting ourselves in the right frame of mind.My Profile

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