Where To Find Specific Marriage Advice

I blog because I have a passion to help marriages. I try to post things that will help you with difficulties you face, and in so doing I also try to point you to God.

However, I know many of you have specific problems or are in acute turmoil. And many of you email me. I do appreciate my readers reaching out, and I do pray over each email. I’m finding, though, that the volume is just getting too much. I can’t do each of them justice.

Right now I have a backlog of about 80 emails I’m trying to answer, and I can’t keep going on like this, because I don’t want to delay in answering you, but I also can’t handle the volume. So I’m going to create a post here with answers to the most common questions that I get, through links to posts that I’ve written. I hope that this may prove handy for many of you! And please, share it on Facebook or Pin It so that others can see it.

You are more than welcome to continue to send emails, and I will certainly pray over them, and I may use some as Reader Questions of the Week (with identifying details removed). I also love hearing your stories! However, I can’t promise to reply to each one anymore. I’m sorry about that. I wish I could replicate myself, but I can’t. And so instead I try to write posts on this blog that can help as large a number of women as possible. I think that’s the best use of my time.

So I hope instead that you all find this list helpful. This will be an ongoing post, and I’ll update it periodically with new posts, so keep it handy!

Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex

Still 30% off at Amazon!

And remember, as much as these posts say, I go into way more detail in The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. Don’t settle for mediocre sex! The book is an awesome resource for those of you who want to take it to the next level, or who have specific problems and questions that you want dealt with.

Blessings!

Where to Find Specific Marriage Advice

When Your Sex Life Just Isn’t Working
Hitting the “Reset Button” and Starting Over
29 Days to Great Sex–try the challenge!
Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy when You Make Love

When Your Husband is Having an Affair
Hope After you Discover Your Husband is Having an Affair
How to Stop an Emotional Affair
When Texting/Facebook Cross the Line
How to Forgive Your Husband
When You Discover Your Husband has been Texting Another Woman
Books To Help You Deal with a Husband’s Affair

When You Can’t Resolve a Certain Conflict in Marriage
Understanding the Issue in Conflict
Resolving Conflict
Keeping Your Head When You’re Mad

When Sex Is Uncomfortable
Help When You’re Too Tight–Or Too Loose
When Sex Physically Hurts Because of Chronic Illness

When Sex Doesn’t Feel That Great
How to Reach Orgasm
The Pleasure Center
My Journey to the Big O
Foreplay Can be for Him, too!
Foreplay Can Be Fun
9 Tips to Make Sex Feel Great FOR HER

When Sexual Dysfunction Hits
Dealing with Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation (3-part series)

When You Have No Libido
Why You’ve got to Initiate, Baby
Libido is Use it Or Lose It
Women are Not Like Slow Cookers
Preparing for Sex Throughout the Day
How to Get Your Head in the Game
What Does 1 Corinthians 7:5 Mean?
Getting Over thinking Sex is “for him”
Why Sex Isn’t Just for Him
Why You Should Reconsider if You’re Not “In the Mood”

When Your Husband Has No Libido
Reasons Why Your Husband Doesn’t Want Sex (with links to lots of follow-up posts)
What Does 1 Corinthians 7:5 Mean?

For Men: When Your Wife has No Libido
A Post to Read to Your Wife to Explain How You feel

When Your Spouse Withholds Sex
What to do When Your Spouse Withholds Sex
What Does 1 Corinthians 7:5 Mean?

When Your Husband Uses Porn
Top 10 Effects of Porn on Your Marriage and Your Sex Life
Is Porn Cheating?
How to Deal with a Husband’s Porn Use: A Man’s Perspective (great thoughts on how to get help)
Rebuilding Your Life after a Porn Addiction
Marriage VLog: When Your Husband Was Addicted to Porn
What To Do When You Discover Your Husband Uses Porn (3-part series)
Are You a Spouse or an Enabler?
Getting Internet Controls on Your Computer

When You Use Porn (or erotica) and want to stop
The Effect on Women of Pornography
How to Stop Dissociation (or needing to fantasize during sex)
Why 50 Shades of Grey is Bad for Your Marriage

What Are Appropriate Sexual Boundaries (like what is it okay to do?)
What is Appropriate Sexual Release
Should Christians Use Sex Toys
Sex Shouldn’t Need Batteries
5 Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage
Spicing Things up without 50 Shades of Grey
Deciding Your Boundaries
Sex Should be Mutual
When Your Husband Doesn’t Think You’re Adventurous Enough in Bed

When You Feel Disconnected from Your Husband and Have No Hope
Hope for Those in Troubled Marriages
Revive Your Attitude
Why Your Husband Won’t Meet Your Needs
Marital Success is a Matter of Attitude
Sometimes Marriage is Just Tough
Do You Feel Really Alone in Your Marriage (vLog)
How a Marriage Changes
What the Vow Means
Living in a Loveless Marriage

When You Don’t Share a Friendship with Your Husband
Countering the Drift
Revive Your Friendship
Why Walking Together Works Wonders
Keeping a Friendship with Your Husband

Sex Once You’re a Mommy
17 Ways to Make Sex a Priority once you have Kids
Sex and Pregnancy
Sex When Your Hormones are out of Whack
Are You a Better Wife or a Better Mom?

When You Have Sexual Baggage
How to Come Alive Again
Healing from the Guilt of Your Sexual Past
Recovery for Victims of Sexual Abuse
Dealing with Your Husband’s Sexual Baggage

When You Can’t Decide about Birth Control
Birth Control Roundup

What About Sex & Menstruation?
Men: Here’s What I Wish I Could Say to You About Sex
Sex Should Be Mutual

What About Teenagers?
7 Ways to Raise a Teen Who Won’t Date Too Young
What to do When You Discover Your Daughter is Having Sex
Dealing with a Depressed Teenager
Talking to Your Children about Sex
Helping Your Kids Develop Healthy Relationships with the Opposite Sex

Should I Marry Him?
Four Things that Make a Guy Husband Material
Should I Marry my Boyfriend if He Uses Porn?
10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Married

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Comments

  1. I think this is really wise of you. In addition to not having the time to answer each one, there is so much about each situation that cannot be known strictly by email and it is always ultimately best to have counsel from someone who knows us as real, live people.
    Kim Shay recently posted…Thankful ThursdayMy Profile

    • So true, Kim! And that’s why, in my emails, I always told people to find a mentor or a pastor. You can’t really give firm advice when you only know one side of the story, too.

      • The internet has been good for some people to find help, but not always good for others who may need the face to face counsel, but are afraid to ask. One of those good and not so good scenarios.
        Kim Shay recently posted…Thankful ThursdayMy Profile

  2. Sheila, as one of those people whose e-mail you HAVE responded to…I just want to say thank you and I appreciate your taking time out of your busy schedule to respond. The overwhelming amount of emails you receive is testimony to how many people value the work you do. May God bless all of your ventures and you and your family.
    Lisa Maria recently posted…The Spider and the FlyMy Profile

  3. I’m in serious trouble. For the past 6 years my husband has lost all desire for me. I had breast cancer and treatments 6 years ago, and ever since then he has no interest in me. I had complete reconstuction, and I think I look pretty fine, but he’s just not interested. He says it’s his libido, but he’s asked the doctor about it, and evidently the doc says there’s nothing to cause that. We’re both 60, and we’ve been married for 10 years. I enjoy sex tremendously, and I’m quite disappointed to think there might be no more for me the rest of my life with him. He used to be a decent lover, but he says I’ve changed since my cancer, and NOT for the good. I appreciate my life more, now, and I like to do things with my family. He would prefer to watch TV, golf, or bowl, and he does those all without me. It’s like I’m not really needed by him at all. He’s quite a lot overweight, but on the rare occasions when I’ve initiated a tryst, he seems to be fine. I’ve told him that in order for me to feel desired or wanted, he needs to initiate. During my cancer treatment he wasn’t very supportive during the treatment time after the surgery. He preferred to leave me home alone and go be with his friends. I was VERY sick for nearly a year. I’m doing fine now, but the vestiges of that time seem to stay with him. Anytime now, when I get sick, he makes fun of me, or finds something else to do. I’m not in a position to leave, mostly for financial reasons. I depend on him, and he really could do just fine without me. We’ve gone to counseling several times, and it helps for a little while, but then everything deteriorates again. I’m nearly at the end of my rope…I need some closeness. Thanks for any insights you could give me. He won’t read the books the counselor has suggested in the past, so don’t suggest book reading, ok?

  4. I hope someone can give me some advice on what I should do I just found out my husband is seeing someone he meet at work she is a customer. He said he does not want to stop seeing this women because he feels something for her and he does not want to leave his home with me. Its as if he wants both her and his family. I asked him to go see a consuler with me so we can work this out. We have been married for 28 years. He said he is afraid to leave me for her because he will loose me. I don’t know what to do. Make him leave and wait to see what happens or let him stay and hope he will stop seeing her. I have talked to two of my best friends. One says to make him leave and the other says to give it some time and he will come to his senses. I am hurting so bad right now I don’t know what to do.

    Please help

    • Annette, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this! I have heard similar things from many women–the husband doesn’t know what he wants to do, so he strings both women along. I’d say read James Dobson’s Love Must Be Tough, and then tell your husband he has to choose. You can’t keep a marriage by being a doormat and allowing him to start an affair. He has to bear the consequences of his actions. I hope that helps! I’ve said a prayer for you.

  5. Hi Shelia!
    I saw your blog recommended and subsequently the “Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex” about the time I began dating my fiancé. I immediately bookmarked the book on Amazon for future reference…and now the future is here. Our wedding is March 9 so I ordered the book after Valentine’s Day and just finished reading it. I just had to thank you SO much for writing it!! I love your style, it was so reassuring. I’d begun to be disappointed in all my reading about the honeymoon and how many people felt so cheated when it wasn’t what they had dreamed it would be. I felt a little more balance in your tone of lowering one’s expectations while simultaneously reaching for the best. I am confident our honeymoon will be wonderful and not because we are going to suddenly be experts the first night but because we both have reasonable expectations going into it. It was so amazing to have every question I didn’t know how to ask answered in such a down to earth way!! I have a great support network and could talk to my mom openly but I didn’t really know what I wanted to know…and I feel like your book helped with that. Now I have a few more questions for her. ;)

    • Megan, that’s so sweet! Thank you so much for sharing, and I wish you all the best for your wedding and for your life together!

  6. I really love this list you put together, and reading your tweets and blogs. One area/topic I don’t see is what does the husband do when the wife does not want sex, and has no desire for him physically or sexually? Just roommates with occasional ( not often enough by any description) obligatory benefits. After more than 20 years of marriage, is there more to expect than spending the evenings watching her on Pinterest and Facebook?

    • Brad, I do have a post on this list that you can show her to tell her how you feel. You can find that right here. I have a number of posts for women with low libidos, but I haven’t written a lot for men who are married to those women, simply because my primary audience here is female. But I did write that post for men to show their wives to try to start the conversation going. I hope that helps!

  7. Sheila–I know you can’t respond to all msgs, but I hope you can respond to this one. My wife and I are working through “31 Days to Great Sex.” Last night, we did the day 3 challenge and she found it impossible to come up with five things she loved about her body (though I had no problem). In the end, she came up with the five she hates least and she went on on say that even while affirming positive aspects of those, doing so actually resulted in her focusing on the negative aspects of them–aspects that bring her pain and, therefore, she’d really rather not think about (but does occasionally).

    As you know, you suggest wives, “for the next week, tell yourself, over and over again, [affirmations of body parts].” At this point, it seems like that’ll be a terribly painful exercise for her, so I’m not going to push her to do it. But do you have any advice as to what to do at this point?

    Thanks!!

  8. That’s a lot of info!!! Is all this info in your book? Thanks Shiela!

  9. It been a rough few years for me with my husband. But he and I decided not to give up. Some times I just think it would have been easier…ha! Ha! But on the other hand, all the time we have invested in our not so perfect marriage we find a common bond! God is our rock! We don’t go to church as often as I would like but he is a good man, with a few flaws. We both need a little tweaking and have decided to work on ourselves. It’s a slow process! But we are still together. We have seen a pastor in the past. I was about to see an attorney and prayed…God drove me to church. Seriously! I spoke to someone, got homework and gave my husband a packet. It was definitely a reality check. I can’t say it works for everyone. Why we r together still baffles me. He could have divorced me. He had his chance. God put us together for a reason. I have to take the good with the bad. I have to pick and choose my battles. I am on a low does med for anxiety (not Xanax or stuff like that) but its helped. I’m going through menopause which can trigger an uproar so, I needed something fast. I spent years trying not to take meds but spoke to someone and “he truly got me” wish I wasn’t on anything, but life is not a perfect scenario. Now my husband and I can talk daily. He actually knows how hard it is in life’s with daily challenges and we just try our best to keep it real. Less drama. We need to work on the sex factor. I need this book. One step at a time. We love each other but just can’t get past some issues? Idk….haven’t dissected that yet! Thanks Sheila…for your prayers.

  10. I have an absolutely wonderful husband who tells me I am beautiful and loves me unconditionally. But, I however feel so unbeautiful. I feel very frumpy and am so discouraged. I have this sexy side way down deep that wants to come out but does not know how. I am also struggling with orgasm. I can do it for myself, but my husband is unable to. Bless his heart he tries, it just takes so long and he usually gives up and lets me take over. We have a good sex life and are pretty satisfied but I yearn for it to be explosive! I know we have the potential but I don’t know how to go about getting it that way. I love your blog and you give such great advice. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

  11. I think it is wonderful that you offer these links.. My husband and I divorced on our 19th anniversary,but through the miracles of God we REMARRIED a yr later ,,that was 11 yrs ago , but one of the things that we lacked during our trying times was ENCOURAGEMENT, encouragement to fight for our marriage , for our family, encouragement to fix the problems and struggles in our marriage, instead of finding the best attorney to file for divorce.. But God Encouraged us,, and he Renewed our Love, Restored our marriage and family.. and we are happily married today

  12. Please do a post about dealing with toxic in-laws!

Comment Policy: Please stay positive with your comments. If your comment is rude, it gets deleted. Any comment that espouses an anti-marriage philosophy (eg. porn, adultery, abuse and the like) will be deleted. If it is critical, please make it constructive. If you are replying to another commenter, please be polite and don't assume you know everything about his or her situation. If you are constantly negative or a general troll, you will get banned. The definition of terms is left solely up to us. Sheila Wray Gregoire owns the copyright to all comments and may publish them in whatever form she sees fit. She agrees to keep any publication of comments anonymous, even if you are not anonymous on this board.

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