Special Offer, Neat Links, and more Fun Friday Stuff!

Hello everybody! After my mini-meltdown online last Friday, I’m feeling muchos better. In fact, I’m heading off to speak at a marriage conference with my husband this weekend, and then I’m heading down to the Pennsylvania area next week to speak. So I’m back on my feet.

My Column

But one thing that came out of last Friday was that sometimes the audience for my weekly column–an opinion column that appears in secular newspapers–is not the same as the audience for my marriage blogs. I’ll still post it here if it has to do with marriage and family, but today’s is about politics, and how the “Cool” factor (or voting for the coolest politician) is highly overrated. I posted it on my main website instead. Want to read it? It’s right here.

A Big Special!

A number of you wrote me last weekend to encourage me, but several women also said that they had wanted to buy The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, but were embarrassed to pick it up in a Christian bookstore. And embarrassed to buy it on Amazon because there would be a record of their order.

I hear you. So this week, until October 26, I have a deal on, where for $15 you can get the book, postage included. Just head on over to my store and click “Add to Cart”. Then you can pay either with a Visa or Mastercard, or you can pay with Paypal where you can use any credit card or your bank account. You get those choices on checkout.

Here I am explaining the special:

Get the special here!

Cool Marriage Links:

Over on my Facebook Page a number of people linked to this great article by Danoah at Single Dad Laughing, who I actually quoted at one point in my book! He has a post on 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage. Very profound. I wonder what the points would be if it were a woman writing the post? If you have any thoughts, leave them in the comments here!

The blog Fancy Little Things has an interesting 72 hour challenge. Do you think you could do it?

Don’t forget Cheri’s Holiday Ready Heart challenge! If you dread the holidays, with all the work that they entail, then it’s time to get your heart ready to celebrate.

And since we’re linking my YouTube videos today, here’s an older one: Do you feel alone in your marriage?

4. My Question

Last night I asked on my Facebook Page: do you share bank accounts? Why or why not? I’m thinking of writing a post on this, so if you have any thoughts, leave them in the comments!

There’s my Friday round-up. Hope you have a great weekend!

Comments

  1. I totally didn’t know you had another page! I’m going to go check it out!

    I read the 72-hour challenge just the other day! Did you link on FB, or did I get to it elsewhere? At this stage of my life, 72 hours or less is the norm, but I have made a mental note for if I should ever need it in the future! Interesting info on there.

    Your hair looks good! Different highlights?

    I did buy the book at a Christian bookstore, and I did get sort of a funny look. I just smiled and handed him my debit card. ;) But things like that don’t bother me too much – I can see how it could be really embarrassing for some people or in a smaller town or something. Cool idea to offer it through your site!

  2. Ooooh I may have to talk my hubby into letting me buy that!!

    We absolutely have just one bank account. It’s been my experience (3rd party, not personally) that if you have separate everything it’s just another way to cause trouble. “Well that was MY money that bought the car so it’s MINE and….”. Things like that. We also don’t see a reason to be separate. Are we trying to hide what we’re purchasing from our spouse? It seems better to me for a husband and wife to work together on monetary decisions, not just “mine and theirs”. Just my two cents.

  3. My husband and I have a joint account. That is to say that it’s his account with my name on it. He earns it, and I spend it. Division of labor at it’s finest :P I don’t think it’s a bad idea to have separate accounts though so long as they are separate in purpose as well. For instance, the cars and vacations come out of her savings account. Daily purchases come out of his. The principle my parents taught me was that you live off one income. The other income is for “extras” like Christmas splurges and restaurants. It’s what my husband and I have done in the past when I had paying jobs.
    Natalie recently posted…a satisfactory pot – Black-eyed Peas and GreensMy Profile

  4. We have joint accounts. It works for us. :-) He’s the breadwinner and I’m extremely involved in the spending/saving/budgeting of our money. He’s really good at finding ways to make extra money, and I am very good at figuring out how to best distribute that money. So we make a good team.
    Melissa recently posted…To Cut, or Not to CutMy Profile

  5. Love the video and the I won’t send you a package like this… with SEX all over it. and I always considered amazon fairly annonymous… just open a new account with a throw away email address and don’t save the credit card info. But really, you are quite generous to provide this work around.

    Bank accounts — YES! Its about being one flesh, a unit, working together. Its not his money and her money, it our money. Just as his body is mine (and mine his), so his money is mine and my money his, and his time mine and my time his. We belong to each other. I feel like there is more to say, but the words have escaped me.
    Rachael recently posted…Moms and SonsMy Profile

  6. We share a banking account as well. We each have a debit card for the same account, and our checks have both of our names on them. His paychecks are direct deposited into the account, and I keep up with the online banking, the budgeting, the bills, and the balance. I’m super obsessive about getting the bills paid, which I suppose is a good thing….and he’s happy to let me take care of that stuff. It counts as an “acts of service” in his mind, so it makes him feel loved!
    Jenny recently posted…Coping skills to deal with stressMy Profile

  7. My husband and I have a shared checking account that we use most of the time. However, we both have credit union accounts from before we were married that we have kept open. For awhile, we used my credit union savings account to keep our savings in. Regardless of who makes the money or what the name on the account is, we both consider it all our money. I usually keep up with the bills and budget and we decide together on buying things that are out of the ordinary. We haven’t had any stress from arguing over money (although things have been tight at times, especially when he was unemployed for several months, and that was stressful for both of us). Thank goodness we get along so well and are almost always on the same page regarding financial decisions.
    Lindsay Harold recently posted…Why the United States is a RepublicMy Profile

    • We HAVE had arguments about money, when things were exceptionally tight……only because I wanted to make it a team effort and discuss details, and he didn’t want to think about it or talk about it at all because he was so severely depressed! But we are always in agreement as to what to spend money on – and if one of us doesn’t think a desired purchase is wise at a particular time, then we’ll hold off, no arguments involved.
      Jenny recently posted…Historical Incentive and Continued Need for the Electoral CollegeMy Profile

  8. We share bank accounts because we are one, but there are some accounts where I do my primary banking and others where he does his primary banking, although both our names are on them. In this case, each person knows about where the money is going. It also reduces confusion.
    Tiffany Godfrey, The Committed Wife recently posted…How Can You Keep Your Marriage Life Simple?My Profile

  9. When we got married it was so important to us to really become one. We started sharing our bank account – and blew it by getting into debt and struggling to pay everything off. As a result we had to come up with another solution without compromising what we believe about being a family. Recently we came up with something that really works for us. We have 2 joint bank accounts now: one gets my paycheck deposited into it and this is the account we use for daily living, shopping, etc. Once the money is gone – it’s gone. The second account gets my husband’s paycheck deposited into it – we use that one to pay bills, rent, and debt. It seems to work out really well for us.
    Helen recently posted…Would I Want To Forget?My Profile

  10. Our savings account is shared but we have separate checking accounts. We’ve always done it this way as a matter of convenience. We don’t fight over money and neither of us is an extreme tightwad or spendthrift.
    Rosemary recently posted…Talk to Me, BabyMy Profile

  11. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for your “alone” video!

    As for the 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage, I had to nod at most of them and giggle at a few, such as to poop with the door closed. Actually, hubby and I have our best conversations while he’s dropping a deuce! I don’t know what it is about pooping and post sex, but that’s when he’s the most open to conversation. Ok, I get the post sex part, but not the potty part. LOL!

  12. We have a joint savings and joint checking account, and we also have a joint credit card. We feel that by having joint accounts, we have a clear picture of how much money we’re bringing in each month (through our pay checks being direct deposited to our account) and how much money we’re spending each month. Plus, we believe that it is best to be open with each other for all purchases, so we don’t need separate accounts for that. All of the money that each of us earns is OUR money — there’s no my money and his money — it’s all combined and used for our expenses or saved.

  13. We have joint bank acounts and investment accounts. As a retired banker I make most of the investment decisions (some good some not so good!) but I keep my wife informed on a monthly basis. God has blessed us so much that we are able to increase our Christian giving every year and still look after our family. If you remember that EVERYTHING belongs to God anyway and we are merely stewards it is quite easy to give it away. Don’t forget that the FIRST 10% of the GROSS is a tithe, only giving above that is an offering. I believe that the tithe should go to your local church and after that you can give wherever you choose.

    In answer to the question of gross or net a pastor once said “Do you want a gross blessing or a net blessing?” A good answer I thought.

  14. My husband and I h ave separate checking accounts. I have my own checking acct that I have my paycheck deposited into. When we first got married, I had more debt than he and so I figured it would be easier t keep track of my bills with my own bank acct. Hubby has an acct at our local credi union and my name is on that as well. Then there’s the bank where we have our mortgage loan thru. Both of our names are on that. DH has money direct deposited into this acct on paydays so that there’s enough to make the payment on the house. It gave us a lower interest rate if we had our mortgage payment automaticallly dedictible. It’s worked for us. I write him a check from my checking acct once a month for my share of the bills.

  15. Hello,

    1) Bank account: We share except homeschool account. His name is on account but do not have the card or checks. He can check the account though but doesn’t.

    2) 72 hour: Not at the moment. We wish we could but just can’t. Its him and my job. I work nights and he works days. We are trying to get our sex life back on track.

    3) Book: I bought mine through Amazon. :)

    Holly

  16. My husband and I have 4 bank accounts. It’s an excessive amount, I feel, but that’s what the Navy gave us. So we keep the bulk of our money in joint checking and joint savings. We also have an account that’s just mine, that has I think $50 in it, and an account that’s just his, that has $0 in it. Both of us can see any of the accounts but we can only make purchases or transfers from our own or from our joint accts.

    Oh how I wish the 72 hour challenge was possible right now– hubby is deployed. When he’s home though we definitely get antsy if we go more than 48. I do think it’s a great idea.
    Amber recently posted…BittersweetMy Profile

  17. So grateful you are still blogging!

    re: Bank accounts.

    My husband and I do not have any joint bank accounts. He runs his business through his accounts and my earnings go into my account. Previous commenters have stated that having joint accounts is a demonstration of their oneness with their spouse. I guess maybe my perspective is different. I don’t think that having joint accounts is necessarily an indicator of how unified a marriage is. It’s simply not practical in all situations. While our accounts are separate, my husband and I have Power of Attorney privileges to each other’s accounts. (This is a legal arrangement and different from having joint accounts.) Should one be unavailable or unable to pay necessary bills, etc. the other can sign cheques, check balances etc. Our credit cards are both in my name with my husband having spousal cards to my credit accounts.

    I learned some of these lessons the hard way. I was married at 21 and was eager to share everything in life with my new husband. All accounts were joint, credit cards were in my husband’s name, etc. And then at the age of 25 I found myself starting life over again after a devastating divorce. After he left me I had no money and no credit in MY own name. While I love my current husband with all my being, and am so grateful that God brought him into my life nearly 18 years ago, I will NEVER put myself in such a vulnerable financial situation again! My husband and I have online access to each other’s accounts, and I do the books for his business. There are no financial secrets between us. However, the realities are that there may be a time in the future when I will need credit without having his financial support. His credit standing is very good due to his business, and he is supportive of me working to establish my own personal credit rating. It’s an arrangement that works very well for us. I firmly believe that the key in this area of marriage, as in so many others, is communication. Whether the accounts are joint or not, the focus in a marriage should be on spouses taking about their finances and making decisions together.

  18. Everything except her RRSP are in joint names which will make it easier to administer the estate when one of us dies. We use the credit card for most purchases (paid in full every month). I look after the bookwork but give my wife a report every month. She is free to spend as she sees fit, as am I. We are careful with our money so there is no arguing.

    The one downside is that all credit reports are in my name so that should I die first, which seems likely as I am 3 years older than my wife, she would have to establish a credit record. This is something to consider with joint accounts.

  19. Tis is a second marriage for both of us and we are in our mid 40’s. We have single accounts and joint accounts. Money is a huge issue and I feel that having so many separate accounts deflects from being a team. We have money conflicts about who pays for what. It’s exhausting and very negative. We live in my husbands house which is another problem because I pay half the house payment but it is in his name but he feels because he has been living here for years it’s really his. We struggle with his, hers and ours.

  20. So after reading this post and watching the video (which was hilarious by the way) about buying your book, I decided to finally purchase it…I’ve been reading your blog for months and wanted to buy it for a while. I’m not exactly shy and wouldn’t mind there being a record of my purchase on Amazon. So I popped over there and made the purchase. A while later I realized that I hadn’t verified the shipping address and sometimes my husband orders things from our Amazon account sent directly to his office…his small office where other people open his mail for him. !!!
    As un-shy as I’d like to think of myself, his co-workers opening The Good Girl’s Guide To Great Sex would in fact embarrass me. And probably him too.
    Luckily I rectified the problem before it shipped and the book is now happily on it’s way to my home.
    :)

    • learning is fun! says:

      Now THAT would have been a real YouTube moment for sure! lol

    • learning is fun! says:

      My wife and I have everthing that we can set up as ‘joint.’ We really felt that, for us, this was important, in order for us to be ‘one.’ All the earnings go to one place, and there’s no ‘her money’ and ‘my money’ – it’s all ‘ours.’

      I’m actually in the midst of putting together a seminar on personal finances with a focus on debt freedom, and one of the points I’ll be making in the first session is that, no matter where you keep your money – whether in joint or separate accounts – the important part is that couples need to BOTH be involved in their finances. You may be thinking that ‘well, he/she is better at it than I am, so that’s their job, and I look after ____ (insert other household task here). What if the other person actually ISN’T as good at it as you thought they were, and as a result, your finances are in a complete shambles – but you’re blissfully unaware of it, until you find out down the road that you are tens of thousands of dollars in debt, or simply, there’s no accounting for where the money’s gone.

      Another reason for couples to both be involved in the finances is that something could happen to your spouse, and you’ll NEED to know where the money is. Several months ago, we committed to having bi-weekly ‘financial update’ meetings, where we confirm our account balances, confirm dates for bill payments, and adjust our budget where needed. The first few meetings took several hours to compile all the data, but now that we’re working together, we’ve got it down to about 25 minutes, and we both know where the money is, where it’s gone, and what the plan is.

  21. We have joint accounts. My husband is in the military and when he is traveling, we find having more than one checking/ savings accounts to be beneficial. Money is transferred into “his” accounts for his use. Then bills, etc. are paid out of “my” account. We refer to them like this (yours/mine) but in reality, they are all “ours”. Like some other commenters have said, he makes the money & I spend it. But, we make sure we both know where the money is going.

    Off to check out your links!

  22. Thanks for the links. :) Yep! We do share bank accounts. I know some people don’t but I never really understood why. What’s mine is his and what’s his is mine. Yea sometimes we struggle with spending, but like any couple. We have a budget we try to stick to. Both of us are happy even letting the other know if we’re purchasing anything of any significance. My husband does the finances, so we want to make sure we don’t use money that’s not there. I think it’s just a humility and vulnerability thing. It may be scary to have your money usable on both ends, but God going to take care of you, so holding back that area of your marriage just doesn’t seem right to me. Let it all be in the open. Unity…in everything!!

    I do think that sometimes in an unequally yoked marriage it may be a good idea to have separate accounts if your spouse regularly spends all your money or uses it foolishly on gambling/drinking/etc. But that’s a whole other topic. :)

    http://www.munchtalk.net
    Jasanna recently posted…31 Days of Color + Joy- Grace DayMy Profile

  23. Yes, we have a joint chequing account, in which most of our banking is done through. However, we both have separate accounts as well. We did just have the single account for a long time, but got separate accounts simply so that we could both save/spend for eachother for gifts without the other knowing. ;) We now also use those extra accounts for saving for vacation, etc. For us, the important thing regarding our money is our attitudes (being open, honest, and on the same page) than which account the money is in. (an agreed upon budget is very important as well!) I find it interesting that some are commenting that separate accounts leads to trouble, and hiding things from eachother. I think each relationship is different and there can be many scenarios that can work. For us, 3 accounts is perfect, but it’s not for everyone. We’ve never had money fights. I often joke that it’s because we started out with nothing! So it’s pretty hard to fight about “nothing”. Lol

  24. On the topic of sharing a bank account… We have one checking account, and we have our own savings accounts, His check goes into the checking account, and he also puts some money for other funds. We decided that my check would solely go into savings. I have my own savings account, and I have second savings account that we have decided to use as a vacation fund. So far this works well for us.

  25. And to add another comment. When my brother was having issues with his first wife and they went to a marriage counselor, she suggested they put their money into a joint acct and make one person responsible for managing the household budget and paying the bills, making the vehicle payments, etc. My ex-sister-in-law gladly took over that responsibility and royally took my brother to the cleaners.
    She stopped making his truck payment and then it got repossessed leaving my brother stuck with an $8000 bill once the bank sold it and made him responsible for the remainder of the loan. She allegedly took this money and put it into her own secret account. Needless to say, they got divorced. Good RIDDANCE! Unfortunately there are people out there who are conniving and sneaky like this. Which is why I Have my own account that has money in it that I’ve earned myself from my job.

  26. My husband and I keep our own accounts. He makes a lot more than I do, but I feel that I am more financially responsible. (He does not keep a checkbook register, rarely keeps receipts and tends to forget to pay bills.) I make sure that the bills get paid on time out of my account, and he pays for our food and entertainment with his, as well as giving me a bit of money when needed to help with bills. It does make it feel more like his money and my money vs. our money, but it seems to be working for us. In the 7 years we have been together we have never had an argument about money.
    Starla B recently posted…Happy Birthday CandyMy Profile

  27. We share accounts & he didn’t mind me opening a separate savings account where I can save money for gifts, holidays, etc.
    I think we’re pretty healthy about this — when the car needed tires asap, I didn’t mind pulling money out of that savings.

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