Revive Your Marriage: Revive Your Prayers!

Revive Your Marriage Series

It’s time to…Revive Your Marriage! This month I’m joining three bloggy friends, and every Monday we’ll all write our own posts on how you can Revive Your Marriage! Today our topic is Revive Your Marriage through Reviving Your Prayers for Your Husband! If you long to start praying with your husband, but you don’t know where to start, read on.

In my book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, I talk about how spiritual intimacy is so closely linked to sexual intimacy. If you want to revive your sex life, one of the best things you can do is to revive your prayer life–and begin praying with your husband!

But prayer is a tough thing. And I think many women are seriously stuck in a prayer rut because we are waiting for our husbands to take the lead. We want our husband to be the spiritual leader, and so we’re waiting for him to lead us in prayer. And when he doesn’t, we start getting grumpy and a little resentful.

Or perhaps you just want to be praying more as a couple TOGETHER, but you’re not sure how to start. It’s a little embarrassing.

Today, in Revive Your Marriage, Courtney at Women Living Well is talking about sentence prayers for your husband–how to remind yourself throughout the day to constantly be praying for your husband, and I think that is wonderful! Every time I hear a siren of any kind, that’s my reminder to pray throughout the day, too.

So Courtney has that base covered. I’d like to cover another one: how do you actually start praying WITH your husband, especially if he isn’t that intent on praying? And how do we build him up and encourage him by letting him know that we’re praying for him, and letting him hear what we’re praying?

Praying with Your Husband--even if he's not a natural "praying out loud" personHere are some thoughts:

1. Ask if he would mind if you prayed about something specific for him.

Saying “can we pray together” is more intimidating than, “can we take a moment and pray about Johnny’s bullying situation at school?” The former sounds like anything from “I want to pray for two hours on my knees with you” to “I want to pray that our marriage will completely turn around.” He may not know what to make of it. Start with something specific, with boundaries around the request, and he may be more likely to say yes.

And don’t forget to ask him what he needs prayer for in the morning! You can even leave him notes in his pocket or in his lunchbox saying, “I prayed this for you today: that you would feel God’s strength even when you’re dealing with difficult people.”

2. If your husband is uncomfortable praying out loud, then when YOU are praying with your husband out loud, don’t be too flowery.

Just be honest before God. You don’t need to embellish or try to fill in a lot of time to make up for what your husband isn’t doing. Try to be on the same level; if he’s more comfortable with just a few sentences, then utter just a few sentences yourself. That way it doesn’t seem as if this is something that you are primarily doing and he is along for the ride; it’s something that you do together. And remember: there’s nothing wrong with praying a few sentences out loud together, and then praying silently together.

3. Pick a consistent time to pray to pray together as a couple.

If you pray every night over the baby’s crib, for instance, or every night in bed together, then you’re more likely to keep doing it! You can always pray at other times of the day, too, but trying to develop habits makes it more likely to keep going!

4. Buy a book of prayers.

I know my ultra-evangelical friends will be turned off by this, but hear me out. For a time our family attended an Anglican church, and the prayers in the prayer book really are beautiful. We left that church when we moved and go to a more traditional evangelical one now, but both Keith and I miss the depth of the Anglican prayers. Keith has bought a few books of prayers, and every now and then leads the family in them, especially when we’re on holidays together. Here are a few that I like, and if you and your husband feel uncomfortable praying out loud, these can be freeing (and once you’re comfortable with these, you’ll likely add something else!):

There’s nothing wrong with a written prayer, as long as your heart is in agreement. You may prefer that prayer be spontaneous, but if people are more comfortable reading it, is that really so bad? If your both feeling so awkward that you can’t pray out loud together, then think about the option of buying a book of prayers, or using an Anglican/Episcopalian prayer book. They really do have lovely prayers! Here are some books of prayers to get you started:

5. Pray for Your Husband in Bed.

Even if you don’t pray together regularly, you can pray for him when you’re in bed! While we’re lying beside each other at night, sometimes I’ll just lay my hand on Keith’s back and pray a sentence or two for him. For the last two nights, for instance, he’s been up all night at the hospital with really sick children (he’s a pediatrician). He’s absolutely exhausted, getting quite sick, and is stressed. So just praying, “God, I pray that you will give my husband strength for what he has to do and wisdom to do it. Let him know that he’s operating on your strength. Let him sleep tonight. And guide his hands tomorrow.” It’s simple, and it makes him feel great!

Sometimes I even text him those sentence prayers throughout the day. Remember–let’s not make an idol out of long prayers. Jesus even talked against that! A simple, heartfelt prayer is fine. And if your husband struggles with long prayers, don’t make him feel like he’s inadequate. Just go the simple route, and you may find you feel much more in tune with each other.

And now it’s time for our challenge: what can you do to remind yourself to pray more regularly for your husband, and to let him know that you’re praying for him? Here’s one idea:

My three blogging friends have also written on how to pray with your husband, and you can see what they have to say, too!

Courtney from WomenLivingWell, Darlene from TimeWarpWife.com, and Jennifer from UnveiledWife.com have all written awesome posts on prayer! Click on through to see what they have to say.

 

 

 

 

 

And you can have your say, too! Just leave a comment to tell us the struggles you’ve had with prayer, the solutions you’ve found, or how you remind yourself to pray for your husband and encourage him through prayer.

Join us next Monday when we talk about how to “Revive Your Attitude“!

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Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your prayer ideas! Very encouraging :-)
    All of a Kind Family recently posted…My Other Half Moment {Smokehouse BBQ}My Profile

  2. I started putting my hand on my husband at night and praying for him years ago at a time in our marriage when some nights I had to force my hand over there because I was so angry and hurt by his actions. I prayed hard for him every night, for his heart to change (not just his behavior), for him to grow closer to the Lord and for other specific things he was dealing with. My prayers were and continue to be answered in this area. My husbands heart did change, he loves the Lord and his family and I’ve never known anyone be so excited about studying scripture than him. I still pray for him at night and I’m sure to thank God for the wonderful work he has done in my husband and in our marriage. Prayer is a powerful thing. How am I reminded to pray? Everytime I look at my husband I remember the miracle God worked in his life and I think how could I not pray? Only God could do what has been done here.

  3. Erin @ Home with the Boys says:

    I didn’t know you were a doctor’s wife! My hubby is a first year internal med resident! Even more excited to read your words from tat viewpoint! And I love to lay my hand on him and pray for him in bed – such a great way to end the day! Thanks for these great tips!
    Erin @ Home with the Boys recently posted…What’s Cooking in September!My Profile

  4. I love that you pray for your husband at night in bed. I do that too!!
    Rachel Wojnarowski recently posted…Prayer Changes MarriagesMy Profile

  5. Just like Kristina, I started praying out loud for my husband when we were in a really BAD place in our marriage. Every morning (he falls asleep early at night) before I got out of bed, I would lay my hand on him and pray for him and our marriage. At first it was REALLY HARD and awkward. But after about 2 weeks, he began to respond. It was a great way to let him hear my heart. Our marriage has totally turned around and it is better than it has ever been. Prayer was a great start.

  6. I struggle with feeling super awkward praying out loud. I feel really put-on-the-spot and my mind blanks out and I end up rambling and repeating myself. So my husband prays out loud for us, but I just kind of say “Amen” and leave it at that. I’d like to pray more for him and us and our kids – and more in general. I’ll definitely use some of these tips. :-) I can pray awesome when I’m by myself with nobody to hear me, but I’d really like to get into prayer with others.
    Melissa recently posted…I Appreciate…My Profile

    • I appreciate your comment. I feel the same awkward feeling when praying out loud with other people.I’m praying to overcome that feeling so I can just remain focused on sincere and heartfelt prayer out loud when praying with/for others.

  7. I also struggle with praying out loud. Any tips on how to get past that barrier?

    • Mark 5:28 The woman spoke and said. It is so important to speak if you are able it helps build your faith. Mark 11:22-24 Jesus told us to say, in other words speak. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God, so someone must be speaking and if your alone that would be you. We are called fools for Christ so, if you feel foolish, that’s ok. In the Old testament times, prayer was very vocal, the New Covenant did not tell us to be silent, that’s something we picked on our own as we became more religious.
      You can do it! God is for you so who can be against you. Speak boldly, the promises of God for you and your husband and your family. Our Father will honor that.

  8. I like praying for him when he’s sleeping, too. I love the idea of using my wedding ring as a reminder!

    One thing I just recently did that is helping me to do this (and with my attitude in general), is that over my sink and in my laundry room, I wrote out little lists of things to be thankful for and framed them. I really struggle with keeping up with laundry and dishes and struggle with a bad attitude about those jobs. I wrote things like, “Thank you for a diligent husband who works hard in his clothes and healthy children who play hard in their clothes,” and other related things like that. Even when I start to grumble about the laundry, I see it and remember – he really does work hard! It helps my attitude and helps me remember right then and there to say a prayer of thanks for him.

  9. Totally awesome ideas Sheila.

    I really agree with you – being specific works better than being too general .

    I was amazed when i did this the other night, i just asked “will you thank God for the day and bless the night for us?” instead of my usual “will you pray today?”. He dived right in without a groan :) Awesome thoughts
    Ngina Otiende recently posted…When You Don’t Understand GodMy Profile

  10. Amos 3:3 asks how two can walk together unless they are agreed. Matthew 18:19 (Amp) if two of you on earth agree (harmonize together, make a symphony together) about whatever (anything and everything) they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by my Father in heaven.
    I need to pray more with my wife so we can be in agreement and be in harmony and walk together through this life. This blog got me to look those scriptures up once more and commit them to heart. Thanks!

  11. Thanks so much for the great advice. My husband is not a pray out loud person, I actually don’t know if he prays. This has helped me and can’t wait to use the suggestions. Thanks so much! God bless!

  12. Love it! Such great ideas for prayer with your spouse. #1 is particularly important in our home. I *totally* phrase “want to pray together”‘ all the time and now understand how he hears it. :)

    http://www.munchtalk.net/

  13. This has been a source of contention in our marriage … one of my deepest desires has been to pray together consistently as a couple and hubby just says he’s not a “prayer” and obviously feels uncomfortable praying. He doesn’t understand that I pray all the time even when he doesn’t see or hear it and it’s natural to want to pray about everything to me and I sooooo want him to just say “let’s pray about it” ….. SIGH … thanks for the reminders although sometimes it feels like one more thing for ME to do.

    • Sorry if that sounds like I’m whingeing I guess I am a bit … just tired too

    • Don’t worry about sounding whiny, Holly! :) I know that it is tiring, and it is hard when what you really want just isn’t happening. I touched on this sort of thing a little more in my follow-up post today, right here. I know it can be a lonely place in a marriage when you don’t feel that your husband and you connect spiritually. All I can say is try to connect on as many levels as you can. Laugh together as much as you can. And pray yourself as much as you can. And perhaps this dynamic can improve!

  14. Our pastor has mentioned several times that he prays through our church directory. My husband and I have started praying for one family in the directory each night before bed. (It’s really neat when you see someone you’ve just prayed for and can tell them, “Hey, we prayed for you this week!”) We also pray for whatever else is on our hearts, which always includes our daughter and our baby on the way. Sometimes I pray for guidance in our marriage and for us as parents, but one thing I think is important is not to say anything specific to put your husband on the defensive. For example, I would not pray, “And please help my husband to see that he was wrong in this situation!” When it comes to things we are not in agreement on, I pray for those in my own quiet time. I love the idea of using my wedding ring as a reminder to pray for my husband.

  15. Good reminder, thanks for the post!
    I have a very quiet husband which makes a great listener but Im the talker in the relationship so its hard to get info out of him. I was told by a friend years ago to ask my husabnd how to pray for him and that might help. I started doing that every morning.. its amazing to see how much he opens up about his struggles at work, or whatever going on in his life. It opened a door for us to talk!
    I also heard some advice from a marriage course at church – instead of fighting with your husband (and possibly regretting your words later) – pray that God will fight your battles for you. This has been life changing. I know God can say things to my husband WAY better then I can.. The first time I did to do this was a few weeks ago – we got in a fight and my husband made me really upset, I decided not to say anything to him and just went in my room to pray.. a little while later my husband came in to our room and apologized and we had an amazing conversation. God opened my eyes as to where I did wrong and apparently spoke to my husband as well and I didnt need to say a word!

  16. This is so encouraging, am not married yet though in a relationship after reading your blog this put me on a task of praying for my future husband. As christians we need to be constant in praying, i love the idea of the wedding ring being a reminder to pray for your family, am trying to think of something that when i see will always remind me to pray for my future husband. i do pray for my boyfriend every single morning but i think i need to do it more than just morning and at night.
    God bless you so much amazing woman of God and thnks for your post!!

  17. I love the idea of using your wedding ring as a reminder; and then today, I forgot to put it back on :( I can tell you that my husband and I LOVE praying together and it is the most powerful force in nature. Nothing can stop us; when we agree in power, stuff changes. I am so blessed to have a man that seeks God’s heart, and I love how the Holy Spirit shows me things that I can pray into my husband to bless him while he is unaware!!

  18. These are great ideas, and I use #1, 2, and 5 already. My husband has a close walk with God, even though he didn’t start praying out loud until he met me, about a year and a half ago. I recently wrote a blog post with my thoughts on prayer. I am attaching the weblink, and please read my blog’s “Answers” page if you don’t know about Asperger’s syndrome yet.

    I also read your answer to the question about the husband being the spiritual leader, and I agree that people have different “styles” of how they relate to God.
    Sharon Rose recently posted…Thoughts on PrayerMy Profile

  19. I wake every single morning as soon as I hear my husband’s car start and I pray for him then. It’s something God laid on my heart and now it happens everyday! He commutes 50 miles one way and I always pray for his safety too. We want to work on praying together. Thanks for the encouragement. My aunt gave me very wise advice years ago. Make sure you do not make yourself appear as the spiritual leader in the home or your husband may never feel big enough to take that lead. I took that to heart but it can be really hard sometimes.
    Melinda Todd recently posted…Possessions -The 3H Dare – Month One, Day SevenMy Profile

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Trackbacks

  1. [...] We’re in the middle of Revive Your Marriage month, where I’m joining three other bloggy friends to talk about how to make your marriage stronger. And this week we’re talking about prayer. [...]

  2. [...] joining Sheila, Darlene, Courtney, and Jennifer on Mondays in September to help us Revive our Marriages. Last week was “Pray for your husband.” Next week will be “Revive your [...]

  3. [...] week at To Love, Honor and Vacuum we’re joining three bloggy friends to talk about how to Revive Your Marriage! And our topic for the week is our [...]

  4. [...] talked about reviving your attitude, reviving your friendship, and reviving your prayer life. Next week we turn to my favourite–Reviving Your Sex [...]

  5. [...] you have other issues. I’ve written at length before about how to pray with your husband if he’s not a “let’s sit and pray for 15 minutes in depth for our kids” type of guy. I [...]

  6. […] husband and I pray together as a couple when we wake up in the morning and when we go to bed. We do it in bed. It will bless your heart when […]

  7. […] Sex Challenge Day 19: Pray as a couple. Take each others’ hands and earnestly pray together for your sex and your spiritual life. […]

  8. […] talked about reviving your attitude, reviving your friendship, Reviving Your Praise, and reviving your prayer life. And now we come to my favorite one: Revive Your Sex […]

  9. […] plan the date. If he isn’t what you want in a spiritual leader, you start figuring out how to pray together. If your sex life is blah, you take the initiative to do something new. Don’t sit back and […]

  10. […] one together. It helps you focus, helps you feel more intimate, and gives you peace. And if your husband isn’t comfortable praying out loud, it makes it less intimidating, […]

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