It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for a marriage post and link-up party! I’ll write a post about marriage, and then you all can link up one of your own below! I’ve been a little busy speaking lately, so I’m going to post an older Wifey Wednesday from 2009 that I think most of you missed.
Today I’d just like to let this video speak for itself (watch past the ad, it’s worth it):
How is your husband beautifully imperfect?
Now, do you have any marriage thoughts for us today? Just link up a marriage post in the linky tools below! And be sure to link back here so others can read some great marriage advice, too!
This video made me tear up. I love that she blamed it on the dog
I hope I can remember this next time I am tempted to be annoyed in my marriage. There is so much to be thankful for, even just that you have each other.
I loved that, too. What love she showed to him while he was alive even when his gas woke them both up!
Oh, goodness, got me crying! I love that idea, taking Hubby’s imperfections and making them beautiful, and recognizing that these are apart of what makes him unique and he is mine. What a sweet video!
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Oh my! I just wrote about sleeping in separate bedrooms today. This was wonderful!
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Love to another shall so cover or hide a great many imperfections in him, that you will not notice them.
I think this video is crude, disrespectful, and in extremely poor taste. This is a time for paying last respects. The wife in one last act of total and complete disrespect reveals his snoring and farting — private, intimate things that simply should not be revealed.
It’s disgusting. That Christian women would hold this video up as an example of love and gratitude is disheartening and disappointing indeed.
I think this video is beautiful. I love when funerals are a celebration of a person’s life and who he/she really was. It’s nice to be able to laugh in the midst of grief. When we were first married, I used to say that anyone who says they love everything about their spouse must not have been married very long. Now I’m really at a place where I truly do love everything about my husband, even his imperfections, because they are HIM, and I am madly in love with him. God created us for each other, and our imperfections were created to teach each other and help us grow as a couple and as believers.
I do not think this woman was disrespectful to her husband. I will ask my husband to watch the video when he gets home, but I don’t think he will find it disrespectful either. I have actually heard other widows mention missing the sound of their husband snoring – it seems fairly common, and in no way inappropriate to discuss.
Megan:
This video is offensive and revolting.
Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. Let’s say a man at his wife’s funeral regaled the attendees with tales of her, well, let’s just delicately say, aromas, and her wearing her evening face masks and hair rollers? Do you think the attendees would appreciate being told of the intimate details of her bodily functions and nighttime routines? Do you think it would be held up as an example of a husband’s love for his dearly departed wife? It would not. A video like that would go viral. It would be held up as an example of sexism and misogyny. Women everywhere would scream “he hates women! He’s disgusting! He’s a sexist pig! He’s a misogynist!” The widower would have protest groups picketing his house and threatening his children.
It’s offensive and disgusting.
I think, culturally, we treat women’s and men’s bodily functions differently. If a man lovingly joked in a similar way about curlers, face masks, hogging the covers, not-so-awesome cooking, etc, that it would be perfectly fine. I think most men would be just fine with people knowing that they have had gas before. Women don’t generally talk about those things, so probably not.
We may just have to agree to disagree. Her tone was undeniably loving and respectful, in my opinion.
Megan:
Really? So you would have no problem with a man eulogizing his deceased wife with tales of how she was a terrible cook, a nasty harridan, and a frightful mother? How, when he would hear her screeching voice, he was comforted because he knew she was still alive? You would not find that offensive, misogynist, and shameful?
I was at a funeral where the final music selection was The Streak. The family said, “that was Dad”. We’ve all been at funerals where friends are encouraged to tell stories about the deceased. Some are funny, some are sad, some are a bit off but they are the memories of a special time in that persons life.
I don’t think we have the right to judge this woman or anyone else in how they want to express themselves during these hard times. After all, funerals are for the living, not the dead.
You’re missing the point, Ryck. Read my reply at 6:21 pm. The point is if you put the shoe on the other foot and have the husband eulogize the wife in a tasteless, insulting manner, it would be derided as sexism and misogyny. You can say all day long that it’s the same, but I will never believe it because everyone knows it would not at all be treated the same.
So why is this tastelessness and disrespect to men OK, but not when the woman is in the casket?
I guess tastelessness and disrespect are in the eyes or ears of the beholder. I respect your position but in the end, the family has the right to set the tone of the funeral as they see fit. The living grieve in so many ways.
We lost my wife’s father two years ago. It’s funny that the things her Mom mentions the most is how she would love to hear him snoring beside her again.
Have you looked at what the point is of that video? Every woman watching it cries. Do you know why? Because it shows us that no matter what flaws we sometimes focus on on our husbands, the truth is that we love them dearly, and the flaws, in the big picture, don’t matter.
That is what the video is trying to say. It’s not about the content of the eulogy; the video was made to show people that we should stop focusing on flaws and start realizing how much we love each other.
I think if a video is that successful at accomplishing something, perhaps we should realize that it’s really hitting something important in women. It’s telling women: stop criticizing your husband and be grateful for what you do have with him.
If every woman goes away thinking that, then it’s really difficult to see how that video puts down men.
And personally, I wouldn’t have a problem with my husband eulogizing my faults in this manner at all. Do you know why? Because we already talk about them. We speak about them at conferences. We joke about them at the dinner table. They’re not something secret that nobody knows; it’s something that we all know. And so, no, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all.
And I’m glad they made that video, because it’s really hitting a chord with women that makes them love their men more. To me, that’s a very good thing.
A few other thoughts I had this morning:
I think, Deti, that you are missing the point that this is a VIDEO, not a EULOGY. Would I be offended if my husband gave this eulogy? Yes. But not because of the content. Because of the LENGTH. If he were to eulogize me, I would expect at least 10 minutes (and I doubt I could eulogize him in less than 20).
Anyone watching this would know this. So the point is that it is not supposed to be a REAL eulogy. So why did they make the video? They only had a few minutes to pack a powerful punch, and this was the best way to do it.
Is the video male bashing? Well, what do women feel after watching it? Do they feel, “wow, I’m superior to my husband?” Do they feel, “Wow, men really are gross?”. Do they feel “Wow, I’m glad he’s gone, he was a pain.”? No, they feel, “I love my husband so much, I should stop complaining about him and go hug him.” If a video makes you feel like that, then it’s not male bashing.
Methinks that you are rather caught up in an agenda–seeing male bashing everywhere–that you are missing the larger context. For some reason this blog has been the focus of many blogs in the manosphere, criticizing me for male bashing, which is odd, because I’m one of the most pro-male blogs out there. But here’s the thing: you’re accusing feminists of having an agenda, but you have one, too. I don’t. I’m not trying to boost one sex over the other. I’m not trying to do any of that. I just want to push BOTH sexes into having healthy relationships. I only care about healthy, godly relationships, not about the gender wars.
If you are watching this video and you aren’t moved, then may I suggest that you ask yourself, “am I so caught up in an agenda that I’m missing the bigger picture?” What would you rather have: a world where men are completely vindicated, or a world of healthy marriages? I’m not saying the two can’t coexist, but I think that you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. I’m working on healthy relationships, and I hope those in the manosphere who keep coming to this blog start actually trying to help people improve their relationships rather than trying to win a gender war.
Sheila:
“Is the video male bashing? Well, what do women feel after watching it?”
So essentially you’re saying women get to decide what is and is not male-bashing, based on how women feel (not think, not reason, but FEEL) about the particular item. Essentially you’re saying that women get to decide whether men should feel disrespected, and whether those feelings are appropriate.
And that’s the problem.
“Methinks that you are rather caught up in an agenda–seeing male bashing everywhere–that you are missing the larger context.”
I see male-bashing everywhere because it is everywhere.
So to you, it does not matter that the women watching this feel more inclined towards their husbands? What matters is not the SPIRIT, but the LETTER, is that right? If so, then I’m afraid you’re going to lose a lot of battles, and a lot of allies.
Watch the video with a woman sometime and then ask her how she feels about men afterwards.
And then maybe think about the purpose of art. Videos, songs and poetry are very similar: they are trying to evoke an emotion in under 4 minutes in a very powerful way. They have a limited amount of time and words to do so. So they don’t portray REALITY; they appeal to FEELINGS and emotion. Personally, I would rather that women feel predisposed to love their husbands, thank their husbands, and be grateful for their husbands. That’s what this accomplishes.
I’m sorry that you don’t feel that way; but I’m glad that the women reading the blog did (and the women on my Facebook Page), and the many who have linked here. They are doing so because they love their husbands. That is the only agenda I have; making marriages work. I realize that you and some others who come here from other blogs have different agendas: attacking women for any perceived slight of males, without regard to the effect on relationships. But I’m promoting marriage, not one gender over another. And that’s what this video does.
“I realize that you and some others who come here from other blogs have different agendas: attacking women for any perceived slight of males, without regard to the effect on relationships.”
I attacked no one in my comments here. It’s unfortunate that you view asking questions and legitimate expression of a contrary viewpoint as “attack”.
You’re probably right, Deti. I’m sorry. I’m overreacting based on the multitude of comments coming from other blogs that I’ve had to delete, and I’ve lumped you in there. I just don’t appreciate a blog rush on a post that to me is so PRO marriage, when tons of people accuse me of male bashing. But I took it out on you, and I apologize.
No, if a husband mentioned two things that would typically not be considered positive superficial traits, (nowhere did she berate his character nor parenting skills,) and shared why he especially loved those things about her, then encouraged his children to find someone that they loved as much as he loved her, it would not be offensive to me at all. Misogyny, especially, seems like an incredibly strong word choice for this conversation.
I am not okay with men being disrespected. It’s actually something I feel quite strongly about. I told my husband all about this topic over dinner, and he agrees that it doesn’t seem disrespectful to him in the least. He is a man who expects respectful treatment from myself and our children, and would have voiced his difference of opinion if he thought it necessary.
This video hit just the right spot for me today. My husband and I have been married just shy of 10 months, and the last month or so has been very difficult for both of us. I needed the reminder to treasure even the things that annoy and irritate me about my husband – because as much as they annoy me right now, I would definitely miss those things if something happened to him.
That video is absolutely beautiful. It is not disrespectful at all. It lovingly points out his ‘humanness’ and reminds us that it is better to appreciate ALL that our loved ones bring (good and embarrassing and funny) before we have to mourn that they are no longer there. It mad me hug my hubby and tell him I loved him.
I see absolutely nothing disrespectful here.
Sheila! You managed to bring me to tears this morning
What a beautiful video expressing a wife’s devotion to her husband. Love covers a multitude of (bodily functions!) I have been married for 15 years in October and unfortunately I still don’t consider some of my husband’s ‘imperfections’ to be beautiful, but i’m working on it. He is much better at this than me.
I agree – beautiful video! My 43 year old husband had an (out of the blue) grand-mal seizure in our driveway on Memorial Day. Some of our children and I watched as his body shook so violently that his tied tennis shoes came off. After several hours in the ER, he came home. That night it was an absolute pleasure listening to him softly snore beside me – and that is exactly what I posted on FB. That scary incident was a gentle reminder to value *everything* about my precious husband. Unfortunately, since then we have learned that he has a malignant brain tumor – this has elevated us even more to treasure everything (including those unique imperfects) about each other! Neurologist is optimistic and has referred my husband to a neurosurgeon at Duke University Medical Center, which we will see next week. I am blessed beyond measure with a remarkable man who is beautifully imperfect to me! We have 11 children (8 boys, 3 girls – ages 23 years to 8 months) and are praying to enjoy many more years together and praising God as we go. I love this site – keep these awesome posts and videos coming
Oh, wow, Roxanne, what a season you are all walking through! I pray that you will be able to enjoy and treasure every moment, and that God will indeed give you many more years!
Roxanne,
I love your perspective, but my heart goes out to you for the trial you are going through that got you there.
I read last night the back and forth about this video demeaning men. Sheila has posted much about this (and it sounds SO much better coming from a woman). I have become more alert how much man-bashing there is. I even noticed one of my favorite TV shows (Everybody Loves Raymond) was actually quite bad about this.
But as far as the video, I took the point of it as, “don’t sweat the small stuff – LOVE your spouse NOW.” It reminds me of a story I heard. A woman was saying that every day for decades she would be mad that her husband would get spots on the mirror from brushing his teeth. She would grit her teeth and clean it up. Her husband suddenly passed away. A day or two later she saw the spots on the mirror and longingly wished he was still there to make the spots. She sadly cleared the mirror. Then the next day she saw the spots again and realized that SHE was the one making the spots on the mirror the entire time! Lots of emotional energy wasted on a non-issue.
Hubby has told me, even after SIX kids, and three abdominal surgeries that he finds me as sexy if not sexier than when we first met … what a guy … we will celebrate 21 years of marriage this coming November. God has truely blessed us … He said if I don’t mind his extra weight he doesn’t mind mine … I told him well you didn’t have six kids in there making their OWN tracks and not re-using the old ones (stretch marks) lol … oh well how can I feel bad when I look through his eyes and more importantly through GOD’S eyes
That’s beautiful, Sandra!
Thanks Sheila, I just have to remind myself to not look through my eyes all the time, but through those that love me unconditionally … First, God, and then my hubby and children
I loved the video! I have been in her shoes. My first husband died ten years ago, and I would have given anything to smell his bad breath, see his pooch of a belly, or hear his snoring again. None of us are perfect! Ladies, count your blessings while you still have your husbands. I know I am this second time around!