Hello, everybody! Hope you’re all recovered from our 29 Days to Great Sex–and hope you all keep it up! If you missed out on all the fun, you can go back to day 1 right here.
One of the themes that kept coming up during the month is how real life can so often get in the way of sex. We’re tired. The kids are always hanging on us. We work separate shifts. He’s never home. Life is so busy.
That’s why sometimes it’s important just to get away and connect together.
Still 30% off at Amazon until it's released March 6!
Zondervan, the publisher for my Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, wants to give you the opportunity to do just that! They’ve arranged a contest where you could win either $1000 Visa card or $500 Visa card that you can use towards a first–or second–honeymoon (or whatever you want, but I’d really suggest you use it to build your marriage!). All you have to do is head on over to my Facebook Page, click the TRIVIA button on the left side, and then do the little quiz! (don’t worry, it’s fun, and nobody will see your answers) and then you’re qualified to win. They’ll be drawing the winner March 23. So head on over and “Like” my page so you can enter. And then please spread the word by clicking the Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest buttons below.
So head on over to Facebook to play! (and look under the “Trivia” button!)
I’m praying that the two couples who win will really benefit from some time to concentrate on each other.
UPDATE: Hello everybody! So apparently that contest was set up so that it was only open to Americans. It wasn’t Zondervan’s choice; it’s just a legal thing since the two countries have different rules about contests. Canadians need a skill testing question, and other jurisdictions demand other things. So Zondervan has decided to offer TWO contests, run parallel, one for Canadians and one for Americans (I’m sorry for those of you who aren’t either, but there are so many rules for contests it’s hard to accommodate all countries!). The American one is through my Facebook page, as noted above. The link for the Canadian one is right here.
Anyway, it works out better for both Canadians and Americans because it means there are two sets of prizes: one for Americans and one for Canadians. So we all have a greater chance of winning! (well, “we” in the royal sense since I’m not eligible
). The contest is open until March 23, so spread the word!
So here’s my question for you today: how do you find time to carve out for each other in your busy schedules? Tell me about a time when you were just at your wit’s end, and you turned it around by taking a mini-vacation–even if it was just eating pizza together after the kids were in bed and then snuggling for a while.
When our kids were small we didn’t get away overnight very often. I nursed them, and life was just so busy. My husband was also completing his residency program in pediatrics, and he worked upwards of 120 hours a week. So we just didn’t get a lot of couple time.
One thing we always did when the kids were little, though, was to take walks. We lived in downtown Toronto at the time, and nobody drives in Toronto. There’s no parking and it’s too big. So whether we were heading to buy groceries or heading to church, we’d walk. We’d stick the girls in strollers or carriers and we’d set off (I was in great shape in those days).
But there was something about getting outside that made everything feel better. And I’ve always had an easier time talking side by side, when you’re doing something, then face to face (or even on the phone). The girls always seemed quieter on walks, too, so we’d find it easier to talk than when we were at home and always running after them. In those days, walking was our lifeline.
Twelve years later we still walk a lot when we want to talk. Most of our really deep discussions about plans for the future, or discipline with the kids, or anything have taken place when we were walking.
Over the years we’ve gotten away by ourselves, too, and that’s been marvellous. I remember the first time we left the girls overnight so we could take an evening to ourselves. But in those early days, walking helped keep us close together.
What helps you? Let me know in the comments! And best wishes for the contest!
And here’s a sneak preview of what’s coming next week: What to do when your husband isn’t interested in sex, and sex and pregnancy, sex and breastfeeding, and sex when you have toddlers! I’m also in the middle of drafting some posts on recovering from infidelity. So stay tuned! Lots more in depth stuff coming.
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“But there was something about getting outside that made everything feel better. And I’ve always had an easier time talking side by side, when you’re doing something, then face to face (or even on the phone).”
I’d heard this about boys and men–that it’s easier for them to think/talk when in motion or when actively doing something with someone, but I wasn’t aware some women identified with this as well! It really helps to get out of the house (and away from electronic devices!) and give your mind a chance to unwind and process everything that’s being thrown at it.
Sometimes we plan a movie at home and either carry out or I have something planned in advance to cook. We love cooking together but don’t do it nearly as much as in the “old days.” We’re trying to take your posts in your series to heart and discipline ourselves to work more on marriage, intimacy and YES–SEX. Date night last weekend after my husband returned from a Dallas trip for work was great. We just have to do it. There will always be an excuse. {We’re trying to pray more together and therein lies the answer to help with all of the above.}
Rena recently posted..Courting Courtney
How can I join the contest if I’m not on facebook?
Don’t worry, Beth! I’ve kept your email address and I’ll send it to them to add to the rest and be entered.
I am not on Facebook, so I can’t enter the contest
Our trick for always making sure that we get time together is to have regular date nights (usually weekly). We usually go out to eat, or go for a stroll downtown (we live in a beautiful historical town) in warm weather, or just eat quickly and hurry home to take advantage of the kids not being there 
Don’t worry, Megan! I’ve kept your email address and I’ll enter you anyway!
Sounds great Sheila! Can’t wait! Hubby and I haven’t been so good at carving out time for “us”. We did take an overnight trip to a local resort last year using a gift certificate we’d received for Christmas. We visited some wineries…and had a great time! We really need to do something like that again soon!!
We don’t spend nearly enough time together. That is something that I plan to work on
Stacey recently posted..Today we will celebrate
We are working on a better bedtime routine so that we will have more time together at the end of the night. I do miss our friends that moved, because we would swap date nights. They would watch our kids one week and then we would watch theirs the next. Need to be on the look out for anther couple like that.
That’s a great idea with friends! We had friends when our kids were little that we would do that with, too. Because baby-sitters around here at $6 an hour (I don’t know what they are where you live), but that’s an expensive night out!
We used to be so good about our time carved out. A date night every two weeks. Sadly, that hasn’t happened in years. But, a couple weeks ago, we made the time for an inpromptu lunch date. It was cheap burgers and fries, but it was GREAT! I wrote it about it on my blog. I swear, I felt nervous and excited all at the same time. So sweet! We have been talking about making a day for just us. Prayfully, we keep it this time.
I can’t wait for the contest to begin. Thanks Sheila, FOR EVERYTHING!!!
Danielle Jones recently posted..Fresh perspective
I thought the contest was going to be HERE on your website!!! Many people subscribed to your site, and have become loyal followers, even purchasing your book. Just to be left out of the contest because we do not support Facebook. I wish you would have made that clear from the beginning. I figured, you would have had us post comments here and then used Random.org to find the winner. These last two days on your site have been quite disappointing. All about marketing. I think it should be re-titled, “28 Days”.
So thank you for the 28 days of wonderful articles, but unfortunately the last two days were a big downer for me.
Don’t worry! I can enter you in the contest just with your email address, even if you don’t use Facebook. I don’t want you to have to lose out. So I’ve sent them your email address now.
It’s just that the contest software only works on Facebook, that’s really the problem. But I’ve entered you!
Every single night (regardless of the weather), after the kids are in bed and the house has quieted, we take the short walk from the house to the barn. We usually walk it VERY slowly, enjoying each other’s company even if it’s in silence. In the barn, we feed and water our chickens together, collect the eggs, then spend a few minutes picking up and handling/petting a few of them. We find it to be relaxing, and time spent doing something together.
I also look for opportunities to make a special dinner for “just us”. I cherish those times! After all, I AM married to… (see post below)
Jason recently posted..The Most Beautiful Woman In The World
done! we never had a honeymoon, so keeping my fingers crossed! Thanks for the 29 days, we loved it!
I am chuckling at the (no other way to put it) FAIL by your publisher in not initially opening the contest to Canadians. Those of us who have spent any length of time in corporate life (*raises hand*) are shaking our heads in recognition.
I know! They fell really badly over at Zondervan, too, though, and they’re frantically running around trying to fix it. So it certainly wasn’t any malice on their part. Just bureaucracy.
Just learn to like hobbies your husband likes.
I’ve learned how to ride a motorcycle and
now I’m learning how to target practice
(with a handgun).
It is much better to go off with him, than
to stay home being angry he has hobbies.
Such great advice, Cynthia! I have a story in my book shared by a woman on my Facebook Page that was about a woman who took up fishing–even though she hated the thought of it–just to have some time to talk to her husband. And she found out she actually really enjoyed it, and her marriage got so much stronger. So I 100% agree with you.
My bride and I went to a shooting range for a date not that long ago, and it ended up being one of the best ever. Gotta say, my lady looks especially hot when she’s packin’.
Lately we’ve really wanted to spend time together, so it hasn’t been a chore to carve out time… we just simply stop what we’re doing after the kids are in bed and enjoy time with each other. Of course, that means that we may need to get up a little earlier the next morning to get something done, but it’s worth it.
And if you can’t find a huge block of time to carve out… just take advantage of what time you do have! We make sure to kiss each other goodbye when leaving in the morning (or anytime)… but instead of little smouches, we make sure each kiss is special. That leaves us both with a good reminder of what we get to come home to!!
1. I don’t use Facebook either so please enter my email address in the contest.
2. We’ve been married for 20 years now
Back when the kids were young and we had no money, we’d get together with friends every other month for a themed potluck dinner. As the dates we determined way in advance, we’d be able to book family (my parents, our younger sisters) for free or inexpensive babysitting. Now that our kids are 18 (in college), 17, and 12 we don’t need babysitters anymore! We are able to go out to dinner once a month or so. We also take a few days away from the kids/house/work/obligations over our anniversary to remember just why we decided to marry 
3. I’ve been reading the series every day (and your blog for about 6 months) but this is the first time I’ve commented. I used to be one of those wives who just didn’t “want to” very often. During my mother’s two year battle with terminal ovarian cancer I lost almost all of the formerly bounteous desire for sex and intimacy with my husband. It was a really awful time. However last spring, 18 months after my mother’s death, I felt like a switch was flipped internally and I gradually returned to the old me. Now my husband and I are intimate 3 or 4 times a week! I don’t even care about the kids hearing any noises late at night lol
4. Thanks for this series and the new book. We aren’t in the wedding season of life now (family and friends are all either married or too young still) but I will definitely be purchasing your book as a gift in the future.
Karen, I think what you said was so important for people to understand. There will be mountains and valleys over the course of your life, and our sex lives often follow that. But if you’re in a valley, don’t think that you will always be there. A mountain could be just around the corner!
I’m glad things are working out for you.
I’ve kept your email for the contest.
Oh, I don’t have a facebook page so I guess I will enter here. I am reading all the time on how to be the wife I should be. I do wish that he would be able to take just a bit of time for me when work drags him and pulls him for weeks on end. HE loves me dearly and I am very blessed ~ its just sometimes there is the emptiness of not being able to have time to communicate where he is not falling asleep meanwhile. (he has his own business and its still in the “building stages”.) I think I just need to learn how to draw him away ~ even if it is just 15 minutes… I think he needs it just as much as me. I like the walk idea… we did that once last month and it was so wonderful… he didn’t feel like we were just doing nothing but it was a way to connect. We DO have a ever getting hotter and hotter sex life though and I can’t complain in that department ~ I often feel that is what is helping us tide the “business building” waters.
As a person who loves and needs quality time, we have always spend lots of time together. Another way that we have made our marriage stronger is by serving and ministering together. At different seasons that has been easier or more difficult but we have always seen our lives as a couple not as individuals following our own God given aspirations. We are a team and try to keep in step through service together.
Megan
donotdisturb blog recently posted..Give and Take: An Introduction
Hi Sheila,
I do not have a Facebook account, but I do want to enter the contest. Looking forward to your upcoming posts! My husband and I love to connect by going for a drive and getting an ice cream cone together. It sounds like such a small thing, but we really enjoy that time together.
Also, very, very much enjoying your book!
We put the kids in front of the TV, run to our bedroom, lock the door, and stay completely quiet if they knock repeatedly, waiting for them to go away. Just kidding, of course.
Here’s my #1 suggestion for couples: Babysitting Co-op. If you can find a few other couples to participate and a place to have it, you can trade off babysitting one another’s children and then get date nights for yourself. Churches will often allow you to use their space for something like this that fosters good marriages through one-on-one time.
J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) recently posted..Sex: From the Skit Guys
Just did the contest – how fun! I posted it on my FB page. Scored 4 out of 8 so my assumptions were half right
Thanks for all the value you are bringing to us readers – how fun.
Sheila, I’d love it if you could enter me in the contest. My husband and I could really use a getaway before baby #3 comes next month. I’m really looking forward to your posts coming up involving sex and pregnancy and breastfeeding! I’ve enjoyed reading your posts this last month, and I feel like they have really helped our marriage. In the past I’ve used pregnancy as an excuse to not have sex as often, but this time around because of your motivation, I’ve been working harder to change my mindset, and things have been wonderful. It’s really made a huge difference just changing how I think about sex. It’s not just something that he wants all the time, and a chore for me, it’s a chance for us to connect, and for me to show him just how important he is to me. So thank you for your posts. I grew up in a very conservative family that never talked about sex, and who still don’t even though all of us are grown up, so it’s been nice to find a place where I can feel comfortable reading about it from a good Christian standpoint. I think your honesty about this subject can really help a lot of marriages.
And I’m American, by the way, so could I be entered in that contest?
Hi Sheila,
I wanted to comment on your post from yesterday where you said it was your prayer that this series would really help men and women get an exciting new view on sex. My husband and I have been married for eight months and came into our marriage with different views on sex. Halfway through your series we had a big fight and called my parents in to help mediate. Ever since then, things have been wonderful, sex, intimacy, everything. I am sure that you have helped many couples and by extension their families. I have been repeating (okay paraphrasing) a line you said somewhere along the way. “…Men feel love through sex and women feel love through words..” It is so true. Some other things that I will always remember is that neither one of us should say “no” to the other. That is not what the world teaches us! So, I just wanted to say “thank-you”. God does hear our prayers. I think some of us grew up in Christian homes where sex was a big secret, so it’s really nice that you have uncovered all of these truths and shown us that sex is good, pure and to be enjoyed by a married couple.
Our secret for fitting in time for each other is: we shower together every night (hope my email address isn’t displayed publicly!
I don’t have facebook, but will you please enter me in the contest? Thanks!
Not that it happens all that often but ROAD TRIPS are a great time for dh and I to talk and just be together. Sometimes just a Sunday drive is a nice time to reconnect.
Hey Sheila! My husband and I have really enjoyed this series and the greater intimacy it has brought to our marriage. We’ve been married for just under two years, and I’m so happy to learn some of these things now so that our love life together can only be better as the years go by!
Anyway, I don’t have Facebook either, but if you’d be willing to enter me in the contest by my email address, I’d so appreciate it! Thanks!!
I don’t have Facebook so I’m entering through the comments. My husband is a pastor so we don’t always get a lot of alone time or down time We do have a golf cart that we ride through our neighborhood. It is a great escape for us as a couple. We will go out on rides in the evening and we do a lot of talking and connecting that way. Thank you for your blog and great writings on marriage and all the “goodies” that go with it!
I am another who has chosen not to join the dark side… um… Facebook.
I have enjoyed your series even though my husband was gone for 24 of the 29 days!
As for what we do for time alone – some nights we put the little girl to bed & the big girls in front of the tv while we slip out for a 30 minute motorcycle ride. Other times we trade babysitting with a friend so each couple can have a date. (we are doing this on Sunday!)
I text my husband throughout the day, just little notes to let him know that I appreciate him and the work he does to provide for our family. And once in a while, I sleep wearing a little less than normal because you never know when things will heat up in the middle of the night.
I also am not on Facebook but would love to be entered into the contest as well! Thanks for this whole series! I’m looking forward to getting your book as well. I have a baby coming in 6 weeks so I will be staying tuned as you talk about sex and breastfeeding.
I would also love to be entered in the contest! Thanks for a great series
I don’t have Facebook, can you enter me in the contest anyway?
I agree with those who spend time with their husbands by getting into his hobbies. My husband is a gamer (he probably would say he doesn’t technically fall under that definition, but whatever). I play computer games with him all the time and we both love it. I guess it’s a plus that I enjoy computer games, but wives can always just watch their husband doing his hobby and ask questions about it if they don’t want to participate. I think men LOVE it when their wife shows interest in his hobbies, it really connects you when you share a passion (or at least show interest in understanding his passion).
By the way, Sheila, don’t let anybody get you down for “pushing” your book the last couple of days. It’s your blog and you can do what you want! If I had a blog and wrote a book, I’d definitely use it as a way to advertise. What do people expect? You didn’t have to give us all this amazing information and encouragement for FREE, so if you pitch your book here and there we can’t complain!
Thanks, Mrs. P! Appreciate the encouragement!
I agree. It really bothers when people leave negative comments. It is your book that you have worked hard to write, it is your blog. Who would want to write a book and then not have anyone buy it? Not me! The saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” really is true, and I wish more people followed it.
Megan Elzey recently posted..The secret
I agree completely, as well! The internet is now THE place to promote your business, book, etc. You would be remiss as a businesswoman/author if you did not do this. And yes, all the FREE information and time you have spent writing, responding to comments and emails, etc. has been wonderful and amazing. You convinced me to buy your book today!
lmz recently posted..13 February
Well said, Mrs P!
Vinae recently posted..Living Life Now
My husband is a gamer too, but I don’t enjoy playing computer games. But I do like hearing about his interest, so despite not being a gamer myself I do know a lot about it. We put a couch in the computer room, so I can come sit there with my knitting. We enjoy being together, while we’re each doing the thing we like.
As for time together; our girls are still little (5.5 and 3) so they go to bed early, which is a huge help.
Going out is more problematic. It’s really hard to find good babysitters and it does cost a lot of money. So we usually stay in too. The kids will eat a easy dinner early in the evening and than we’ll eat together after they are in bed. Sometimes I’ll cook, other times we’ll order in.
We’ve gotten into watching series together instead of movies. Because it’s only 40 minutes we’ll have more time and energy let for bed room activities
I am happy to be here again and know about this getaway contest. Love to join in but I do not have any facebook account because I can’t actually handle or manage to open it daily in my busy life. If there is an extra time I will make one. Looking for a copy to your book as well.
Nicholle Olores recently posted..Timber Doors
I don’t have Facebook either, but would love to enter the contest! My husband and I have only been married a few years, so we haven’t had to carve out time with children, only work and busy schedules. We enjoy playing golf together.
Fun contest! My husband and I don’t get out very often in the five years since we’ve had kids. We’ve only had one weekend away from the kids, thanks to my mom who travelled 1000 miles to stay with them. We like to play card games. It’s always fun to get the cards out after the kids are in bed, and even if it is only for one game, it is a fun time that we spend together.
Vinae recently posted..Living Life Now
My husband and I aren’t incredibly busy right now since we’ve both been looking for work, but we are living with my inlaws, meaning we live in a fishbowl. We steal time away here and there, sharing tender moments when we can. Some days we go for walks or we go pick up the mail together. Sometimes my husband reads to me while I’m taking a bath. Today we spent some time talking in the bedroom pouring out our hearts to each other (which was much needed) and then stole 10 minutes outside in the sunshine calm between storms, soaking up God’s love and each other’s. It’s not always easy, but we make it work.
Hannah Williams recently posted..Heart of the Matter
Enjoyed your series! Please enter me into the contest.
Ok I have to vent a little. I do not have a facebook page and I refuse to get one. I have looked into it and I just don’t like facebook (or walmart but that’s another issue:-P) So I am starting to get annoyed that everything is through facebook. I can’t enter the contest becaue I’m not of facebook. Sorry Sheila, you just happen to be “the straw that broke the camels back” so your getting my rant.
Just so happens there have been several things I have tried to so this week but they all want me on facebook! Well, I will not do it. If I have to stand alone so be it 
Thanks for the great work, I am really looking foward to the next several posts!
Ok So I didn’t read comments until I made mine. Glad I don’t have to stand alone
I have loved the whole series in Feb- looking forward to the book- I am on FB but I don’t allow access to my information.
We’ve really enjoyed your series this month. Thanks for putting all the effort into it.
We’re not on Facebook but would like to be entered in the contest.
Thank you so much for this series. It’s been a blessing. After four years of marriage, two kids, and nearly loosing my life four times in that span due to injury, infection, and child birth complications… connecting as a couple has been very hard for us. We are really blessed in so many ways though, in our faith, in our children, our desire to work together, but our sex life has suffered and learning to just BE a couple has been/is very hard for us. I joined your challenge towards the end. I’m looking forward to going back and doing the whole thing this month. I’ve already been encouraged and blessed by what I’ve read. So, thank you and please keep the insight and encouragement coming.
Talking over an extra cup of coffee after the kiddos are in bed. Coffee in the evening can serve more than one purpose! (wink, wink!) Or going outside to our double hammock. The quiet, starry nights are very relaxing and can make big issues seem smaller. At least for the time being.
I also would like to enter the contest w/out Facebook. Please?
I hope I win! Our 5th anniversary is March 24!
Thanks to you and Zondervan for an amazing giveaway!!
I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading the series over the last 29 days. I have Facebook but I don’t allow apps to have my information. Do you mind entering my email into the contest. Thanks