On weekend I like to post a reader question and then let you all take a stab at it. Usually I post a question from a woman; last week we talked about menopause and sex, and there’s some great resources in the comments! But today I’m going to feature a frustrated husband.
I’ve received several emails from men saying almost the same thing, so I’m going to combine two into one to disguise any identifying features, and post this for you. What would you say to the frustrated husbands men who ask things like this? I get more email like this than any other kind:
My wife is always (a) too tired, (b) not interested, (c) grumpy, or (d) wants to watch TV, do sudoku puzzles, lay in bed with the kids, etc. I swear, sex in our house is like a space shuttle launch! The windows for liftoff are extremely rare, and there is always a reason to postpone.
Honestly, I doubt my wife would even read your blog. When I’ve tried to get her to read stuff like that, or books in the past, she just snaps back that she “can find stuff on the internet that agrees says [she] is right.” She also says her friends make love with their husbands once a month or less, and those guys never complain–very helpful influence, those ladies. (I wish she could hang out with you instead.) I have no idea what to do to make my wife understand how lonely I am. I believe Ephesians 5 that I am to love her, and I try my best to be selfless, but if I am affectionate in any way she pulls away.
Most people would think from the outside that we have a good marriage. We’re really involved with the kids; we’re really involved at church; I have a good job. But sex is almost non-existent.
I just wish my wife cared, if not for me, at least for our kids and what we’re teaching them about marriage.
Answer in the comments! And if you want to send me a question, the easiest way is through my Facebook Page! You can send direct messages through there. Or you can click the contact button above.
For the frustrated guys asking this question, I have some resources that can help you.
1. If your wife is open to talking about it, consider getting my book 31 Days to Great Sex. It’s not 31 days of sex tricks–though there are challenges in there that help you become a little more adventurous in the bedroom. The first week focuses on how you think about sex, and getting rid of negative thoughts and baggage. It focuses on how to laugh and talk again, so that you’re less stressed and tense around each other. It focuses on how to build more intimacy in general. So it’s a complete look at every aspect of intimacy that goes into a great sex life–including affection–and she may appreciate that approach.
Check out the book here!
2. If you want to start the conversation with your wife about how important sex is to you, but you need to tread carefully, here’s a post I wrote for you to show her explaining how you feel. She may not be open to reading blogs in general, but if you tell her this is important, and you want to talk about it, that’s a good one to send her to.
3. If your wife has a negative view of sex in general, I’ve also written a book called The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, which helps women think differently about sex and see the benefits that it has–and get excited about it! It’s a low-pressure book, written by someone who sounds like a “funny big sister” (as World Magazine said). So it won’t come across as harsh.
Read more about the book here.
So those are my thoughts! Now, readers, please add your own in the comments!