Marriage VLog: Help! I Can’t be Naked in Front of My Husband

Every Thursday I’m going to try to post a video response to a reader question. I’m still getting used to the whole “making a VLog” thing, and I really need to get a better place to film these so they look a bit better. And I have to do my hair better. So have mercy on me when you watch them!

Today’s question is from a reader who is just too embarrassed to let her husband see her naked. So I took about three minutes and tried to give some quick thoughts (I’m trying to keep these vLogs to three minutes). But there’s probably a lot more that could be said!  So why don’t you watch it, and then chime in with your own comments? I know she’s reading, so be nice, but if you have something helpful to say, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.

Let me know what you think!

Comments

  1. Great advice, Sheila. I would add that your beauty and worth should come from knowing who you are in Christ. You are made in His image. He formed you in your mother’s womb. Our true beauty comes from within. We will never be able to measure up to society’s standards but if you are a child of God, you are completely worthy and called a saint. As we become more loving, kind, unselfish, and learning to minister to our husband in his sexual needs, I think we begin to feel more confident in who we are in Christ.
    Lori recently posted…Doodling His NameMy Profile

  2. Up until a month or so ago we always had sex in the dark, too. Also, because of your blog, I gathered several small candles for our next love making session and lit them around the bedroom. I was a little nervous (I’m about 100 lbs. heavier than the charts say I should weigh, although I’m working on that area and have lost 40 lbs. so far) but I was willing to try sex in candlelight FOR HIM. It went fine! We even gave each other full-body massages. Of course, he didn’t cringe at seeing me, and we were having such a good time together that I didn’t think about how I might look. He loves ME, not my body, and his isn’t perfect, either. We’ve been doing it in the candlelight ever since. : )

    • That’s great, Becky! I’m so glad!

    • Good for you. Hope your still sticking with it. I know it took a lot of courage to do that, even in candle light. It’s a shame when what we THINK someone will think keeps us from fully exercising our sexuality and sensual selves. Often the other person is not thinking at all what we fear. The end result is both get denied the optimal bonding experience and the spiritual fulfillment that can take place. Keep your courage up and good luck with your new lifeplan for a physical transformation. Get him to go to the gym with you for resistance training. Tell him you like to see and feel the muscles in his arms. We’re suckers for that type of talk and you get an accountability buddy at the gym and an active coach for your transformation.

  3. Great answer, Sheila! I agree wholeheartedly with the low light suggestion in particular. Some have suggested getting a colored light bulb to put into a night table lamp so that you can have mood lighting. Such bulbs are usually available at any hardware or home improvement store.

    Also, a wife could add some bubbles to that bath if it would help initially.

    She could also look for scriptures that remind her of her beauty, such as Song of Solomon 4:1 when the husband says,”How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!” and repeat them in her head as she undresses and allows her husband to enjoy her bared body.
    J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) recently posted…Get Off Our Marriage Bed, Fido!My Profile

  4. Elizabeth says:

    I also think that showering together is a nice ice-breaker because you both have something to do! My husband & I shower together regularly (it all started because our hot water heater didn’t hold enough for two showers… lol) and I find that we have our eyes closed like half the time anyway so the soap/shampoo doesn’t get in them. So I think that’s an easy place to start! :)

    • Ah, yes, the soap in the eyes problem :). That is a good excuse to have your eyes shut!

      • Alternate the shampooing. You go first. While your eyes are closed, he can gaze upon you without your “being aware” and self-conscious about it. Then you can have your turn.

    • My hubby and I do the same- same reason- our itty bitty apartment water heater made showering together necessary in our early marriage and we just never got out of the habit. Now single showers feel rather lonely! I do think it is a wonderful easy way of promoting intimacy!

  5. Berjiboo says:

    When you were doing the 29 days to great sex, I told my husband about the 5 things you like about your body. Except I cheated and asked him what he would say about me. Only one thing was the same on both our lists! In fact of the other 4 things he mentioned, I felt pretty insecure about. It was truly a revelation to me that he would rate those things as the top five. Men really do have a different perspective than us. (Now if only I could remember what he said!)

    • Now THAT is interesting! I bet that would be a confidence booster for many women. I think I’ll write a post about that. Thanks for letting me know!

    • This is so true! My husband randomly told me last week that I have sexy legs. That is the last thing I would put on my personal list. He also loves my tummy- even with pregnancy stretch marks he finds it feminine and sexy. We really need to listen to our husbands on this- after all, they are the ones that get to see us completely vulnerable. If he finds those parts of me attractive, I have no business running myself down over them.

    • Love this suggestion! It is always great to be reminded how our husband’s see our bodies.
      Megan
      donotdisturb blog recently posted…How to Shower: Men vs. Women:My Profile

  6. At least he wants you. I would give anything to have my husband want to see me naked. I take care of myself, and I get told all the time by strangers that I’m beautiful, but he couldn’t care less.
    Jen recently posted…the sorrows I’ve seenMy Profile

  7. Shelia you have some fabulous ideas. Love everything about your site. Thanks!

    Megan
    donotdisturb blog recently posted…How to Shower: Men vs. Women:My Profile

  8. My husband and I shower together most mornings. On Saturday, Sunday and holidays, he washes me with a nylon scrubbie. He enjoys the opportunity, and I enjoy his attention.

    • I wish my wife would let me bath her from time-to-time. I would like to establish a bathing ritual in which I bath her and wash her hair in a very cherishing and worshipful manner. Kind of like the Japanese bathing rituals. I adore her body. She is 140lbs overweight, but is now working on losing some of it. We have sex in the dimmest of light and it wasn’t always that way when younger and slimmer. Even if she doesn’t lose another pound, I still adore her body. For her long-term health though, she needs to lose it. I need to lose about 80lbs. We’re in our early 60’s, everything is going south. The reality though, we both may never look any better than we do now. What is the point of hiding and denying? Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.

  9. I had a really hard time letting my husband see me naked after I had my first baby – I was totally not feeling like myself and feeling very squishy and awkward and unattractive! He kept telling me how sexy I was anyway and I was soooo confused. “How could you possibly find THIS sexy?” was my question as I poked my soggy post-baby belly. He tried to explain to me, and I think I got it, that he literally doesn’t see what I perceive to be flaws when he looks at me. It’s like his eyes are wired differently. He just sees his wife. It was interesting to hear his perspective on it. Men’s brains really are wired differently than ours!
    Melissa recently posted…Aaaaaand we’re back.My Profile

    • Allison Wilson says:

      My best friend and I were talking about this very thing one day. I was more than 40 pounds over weight, and felt horrible about my body. She said the same thing for herself. She had mentioned to her husband that she didn’t want to wear lingerie because she didn’t like how she looked in it. His response was that HE liked how she looked in it, and wasn’t the lingerie for him, not her? That he didn’t see any of the flaws she saw. All he saw was that she loved him enough to want to wear it for him.

      Asked my hubby and got the same answer! Now, I still only get items I think are the most flattering for me, but even one of his dress shirts is a huge hit in his eyes. :-) Take those baby steps, ladies. It is SO worth it!

    • I say the same thing so many times when I post. WE DO NOT SEE THINGS THE SAME AS YOU DO. We see the biblical bride of our youth, and her breasts continue to satisfy us always. And that’s the truth, so help me God.

  10. Shelia, I know in some of the posts you’ve written you talk about having sex with your eyes open, so I don’t know how you will feel about this. The first thing that came to my mind was a blindfold. Letting her husband explore her body using his hands as his eyes, initially. He could even undress her. I think it would be important to have an active, open dialogue through the process. Before actually having sex, the blindfold would come off and she could be concealed under the covers or how ever she feels comfortable. I also thought that maybe she could choose a part of her body to leave uncovered and eventually be completely uncovered. I think that seeing her husband taking pleasure in “seeing” and feeling her body could help her confidence.

    • Great idea, Cami! I do think having the eyes open is important AT TIMES, but I don’t think it’s necessary all the time. Thanks for that idea! I know the woman who asked the question is reading, so she’ll see this.

  11. This one is from my husband – since being in the light is a problem, how about using the same “trick” a child uses. You know, “I’m invisible because my eyes are closed.” If you use a blindfold, so that you can’t see light, would that help you to start being more comfortable with being naked with your husband, as a first step?

    • nyghteshadow says:

      i have trouble being naked in front of my husband too. we’ve tried this and i’ve made some progress! i still have a long way to go before i can even imagine being completely naked in front of him, but with his encouragement and ‘practice’ the idea is getting less scary over time.

  12. What about if SHE was blindfolded- then (as an earlier poster said) she wouldn’t have to see him watching her.

    • That’s what my husband meant. :)

      After all, it’s the child who closes his/her eyes and thinks their invisible. So if the wife used the blindfold, she won’t see her husband observing her body.

  13. In my experience, this feeling usually accompanies some underlying issues. When you are embarrassed to be naked, is may be because of a feeling of shame. What are you ashamed of? Have you made some mistakes on your past that leave you feeling ashamed? Remember that if you turn to your Savior, He can make you pure again. Are you feeling vulnerable? Did some event happen that left you afraid to be exposed physically and spiritually? Have you spoken to your husband about it? Again, ask the Lord for help. He knows your pain, and he can help heal you. If you arent sure why you are afraid to be naked with your husband, pray for the inspiration to know why. Then pray for help in overcoming it. Ask your husband to pray for you, too. There are lots of great ideas about specific things to try, but remember that Christ can make you whole again.

  14. I know I’m a bit late to the party, but wanted to add my…half a cent. :)

    If you find you don’t fit in Victoria’s Secret lingerie (raises hand), hipsandcurves.com is a site I’ve found that has really beautiful lingerie that is made for women who HAVE hips and curves! I’m sure there are many sites like it, but I thought I’d mention it.

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  1. [...] Thursday, I’m going to try to answer a reader question in video format, and do a “vLog”. On the weekends, though, I’d like to throw up a question someone [...]

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