29 Days to Great Sex Day 9: Preparing for Sex Throughout the Day

Preparing for Sex Throughout the Day: Doing little things earlier so you'll want to be with your husband later!Little kids are hanging off of you. Or maybe you’re running to the office where you have to deal with grumpy people. You’re in a rush. The phone is ringing off the hook. You’re just looking forward to the day ending when you can actually relax. Is it possible, with all of the chaos and responsibilities and kids and grumpy co-workers and rushing around that you can actually spend the day preparing for sex so you’ll be in the mood to make love later?

Yes, it is, and were going to talk about how today, Day 9 of our 29 Days to Great Sex challenge, leading up to the release of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (update: Now available!). Let’s recap what we’ve done so far, because today we’re starting a new direction. We’ve talked about:

I hope you all had a great time yesterday going over 14 ways to play with your husband! All of those things will make intimacy more natural. Now we’ve got ourselves thinking in the right direction, and laughing together to smooth over issues and increase goodwill. But what about actually getting in a frisky frame of mind?

That’s what we’re going to look at over the next few days! Today, let’s just start with how we can make sex part of our whole lives, instead of just ignoring it except for a few minutes at night. Making love, after all, will always be more fun and meaningful if it’s not just an afterthought at the end of the day. If you can prepare for sex during the day, you’ll likely feel friskier at night!

Now getting in the right frame of mind doesn’t mean that you have to be actively thinking about sex all day. No one wants to be trying to get herself excited while she’s talking to her boss, or while she’s taking the toddlers out on a walk. That seems kind of, well, icky.

But there’s more to being a sexual woman than just actually thinking or fantasizing. There’s also feeling comfortable in your own skin, feeling comfortable with your husband, and getting rid of roadblocks to enjoying sex tonight. Here’s a game plan to help you use your day well:

1. Prepare Your Body to Make Love

I live in the Great White North, where there are two seasons: winter and construction. And winter is substantially longer. And so many northern gals throw those razors away in the winter. What’s the point in shaving when no one can see your legs anyway?

No one, that is, except you and your husband. And let’s face it: how sexy are you going to feel with “man legs”? Honestly, it doesn’t take that long to shave (if you do shave; if you don’t, that really is okay). But if you’re someone who shaves in summer and feels good about it, and then you stop in the winter, how sexy do you think you’ll feel when you’re nude? There’s something about shaving that can make us feel pretty and prepared. So don’t let yourself get too hairy! (If you never do shave, then the hairiness probably won’t matter as much to you because you’re used to it. But if you start shaving and then stop, you’ll feel distinctly unattractive when you let yourself go).

So make your body itself feel great! Shave and use lots of lotion to keep your skin soft and smooth. When you feel better in your skin, you’ll enjoy feeling skin on skin far more.

2. Prepare Your Clothes So You Feel Sexy

Kiss frump good-bye. I’ve written about this before, but modest does not mean frumpy. Wear clothes that make you feel attractive and that flatter your shape–whatever shape that is! If you think it’s impossible, go to YouTube and start watching episodes of What Not to Wear. They can dress any body shape and the women always end up looking incredible. If you just don’t have clothes that make you feel confident, then get The No Brainer Wardrobe, a quick resource to help you figure out how to buy a wardrobe that’s inexpensive, flexible, and suits your body type. It is better to have six outfits that make you feel amazing than it is to have 50 T-shirts and 7 pairs of mom jeans that make you feel dowdy. And don’t forget  tasteful lingerie. Seriously, there is nothing X-rated about a nice bra and panty set, and it will make you feel so much more sophisticated (and sexy!).

If you spend your day looking and feeling attractive, it will boost your confidence level at night. And don’t forget our Day 3 Challenge from last week: concentrate on those 5 areas of your body that you’re proud of. Don’t think about the things you don’t like about your body; think about the things you do.

'Painted Nails' photo (c) 2009, Indian Feet - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

I personally think I have nice feet. Feet may not normally be the first thing people think of when they think “pretty”, but I like my feet. And so I’m going to make more of an effort to pamper my feet and put on some nice toenail polish, because it makes me feel prettier.

So dress your body attractively, and play up those features that you love!

3. Preparing for Sex Means Carving Out Some “Me” Time

One of the biggest impediments to female libido is exhaustion. When I took surveys of 2000 women for my Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (coming out in just a few weeks!), the number one thing that women reported that was wrecking their sex lives was simply being tired. When we women feel like everybody is hanging off of us and everything is on our plates, we’re going to absolutely crave time to ourselves. And when do we take that time? When the kids are in bed–right when we could be being romantic with your husband!

If you just need 45 minutes on your own everyday, find a way to build it into your routine. It honestly is okay to stick the kids in front of a video for 45 minutes so you can work on a scrapbook page if you have to. It is more important to have a great marriage than it is to spend every waking minute stimulating your children. If you work outside the home, don’t have lunch with co-workers if you can help it. If you need time just to read a novel, then read a novel.

Make a list of some things which would help to center you and make you feel sane–whether it’s doing a hobby for half an hour, or reading a book, or soaking in a bath, or going for a jog. And now figure out: how can I make this a reality? Because if you can take that time to yourself during the day, you really will be more rejuvenated at night.

'Knitting outside' photo (c) 2008, Aubrey - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

If you just can’t see where that time is going to come from, then talk to your hubby and explain why you need it. Maybe he’ll volunteer to put the kids in bed just so that you can take a bubble bath!

4. Plan Regular Times to Imagine Sex

We women don’t tend to have biological cues that remind us about sex the way men do. Men are very visually oriented, and so even if they don’t mean to think about sex, when they see a pretty woman their minds often turn that way. And if they haven’t had sex in a while, their body actually feels it. Ours doesn’t in quite the same way.

So you need a reminder, or a trigger, to think sexy! What about choosing one common activity, or one trigger point, that makes you smile or think about the last great encounter you had? Say, every time you do the dishes, you think about your favourite sexual memory. Or perhaps every time you’re at a Stop sign, or every time you hear a siren. Then you can even text your husband and say, “Remember when….”

5. Sleep

This may not sound very exciting, but it is awfully important: get some shut eye! If exhaustion is a big culprit in killing our libidos, then we have to treat sleep seriously. Most women need at least 8 hours of sleep. If the kids wake you up at 6:30, then you need to be getting to sleep at 10:30. That’s getting to sleep–not crawling into bed and turning on the TV in your bedroom, or playing on Facebook, or even having sex. It means lights out. Which also means that you should be crawling into bed closer to 9:45 if you want to have some cuddle and talk and fun time with your husband.

Can you sleep well in your house? Is your bed comfortable? Have you trained the kids to sleep well (more on that later this month)? Have you removed distractions from your bedroom, like TVs and work and laundry that needs folding? Let your bedroom be an oasis and you’ll find that you sleep better and you’re more energized.

Great Sex Challenge 9: Put all that together, and what do you have? Prepare for sex by spending your morning making sure you feel attractive. Find some me time throughout the day. Think about sex, even if it’s just fleeting–a few times regularly throughout the day. And then make sure you get some sleep at night, so that you don’t collapse when you are together. That’s a lot of things for one challenge, so what I’d suggest is that you pick one or two that you know would really help you, and decide to implement them tonight–or tomorrow. And husbands, if you’re reading this along with your wife, here’s your task: if she needs new clothes to make her feel pretty, make that a priority in your budget! Even just one or two outfits can make a huge difference. And if she needs time to herself, help her figure out a way to get it! Don’t watch TV in your bedroom too late and keep her awake. Work together at helping her get rid of some roadblocks for making love, and you’ll find you both feel more confident and feel more intimate!

31 Days to Great Sex
New! This 29 Days to Great Sex series has been turned into an ebook, the 31 Days to Great Sex (only $4.99!)

It's expanded, it's written for couples (not just women), and it's easy to use! 31 Days to boost your emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and physical intimacy. You'll talk, flirt, and explore! Ignite your marriage here.

29 Days to Great Sex:

Day 1: The Act of Marriage
Day 2: Starting Fresh
Day 3: Loving the Skin You’re In
Day 4: Pucker Up!
Day 5: Reawaken Desire
Day 6: Why Your Hubby Wants You!
Day 7: Moving in the Right Direction
Day 8: Playing with Your Hubby!

Day 10: 16 Ways to Flirt with Your Husband
Day 11: Appreciating Your Husband’s Body
Day 12:
If you’re Having a Hard Time with these Challenges
Day 13: Getting Your Head in the Game
Day 14: What if You’re Not “In the Mood”?
Day 15: What is Foreplay?
Day 16: How to Orgasm
Day 17: The Pleasure Center
Day 18: Foreplay Can Be for Him, Too!
Day 19: How to Come Alive Again
Day 20: Deciding Your Boundaries
Day 21: 5 Ways to Spice Things Up
Day 22: How Often is Enough?
Day 23: Quickies Are Great!
Day 24: Initiate, Baby!
Day 25: Sex When You Have Children
Day 26: Rebuilding Your Sex Life
Day 27: Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy when you Make Love
Day 28: Overcoming Selfishness in your Sexual Life
Day 29: A Round-Up and a Party!

Don’t forget to hit the share buttons below! Thanks for telling your friends about our 29 Days to Great Sex challenge!

This is an important post that many people need to understand! Can you help by sharing on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, or Tumblr below? Thank you!

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex

Marriage isn't supposed to be blah!

Sex is supposed to be stupendous--physically, emotionally, AND spiritually. If it's not, get The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex--and find out what you've been missing.


  1. Awesome. I am coming in late, here, so I will need to back up and read from the beginning, but I love this! I love it when women encourage other women to really enjoy their marriages and their spouses. Thank you!
    Megan Elzey recently posted…The day that reminds us to love (err respect)My Profile

  2. One way I have “trained” myself to think about sex throughout the day is by engaging my sense of smell. I in essence chose a scent for my husband to wear during our intimate times and then I chose to think about him sexually whenever I smelled it.

    I plan on writing a more in depth post about it in the near future but for now feel free to check out this short post on the sense of smell: http://donotdisturbblog.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/better-than-a-magazine-smell/
    donotdisturb blog recently posted…The Pain of Past Sexual Experiences: Part 1My Profile

  3. Another awesome post, Sheila. I have really been enjoying this series…{so has my husband!;)}.
    Lori recently posted…The NotebookMy Profile

  4. I too am joining late in this series of posts but I’m eager to find the time to retrace the previous eight days! Such great information & food for thought even for those of us who have been married for 20 plus years! :) Our marriage is great but real talk on subjects such as this can do nothing but further nurture the fruit of something that is already wonderful! Thank you!

    P.S.) Love the idea of using the sense of smell to be the “reminder” throughout the day…

  5. This is huge for me! I find I need to keep it on (at least) the back burner in my mind all day or it’s much harder for me to be in the mood in the evening. If my husband is home, I’ll make the effort to add more intentional touch to get me in the mood and show him I’m thinking about it. Works for both of us! :)

    • Intentional touch–such an important one! I probably should have mentioned that more, to go along with the kissing post of a few days ago, so thanks for bringing it up again!

  6. texting a “Thanks for last night” message when he leaves in the morning, followed by a “wanna do that again tonight?” text. The answer is usually “please” :)

  7. Wow, I love #4.

    I have trained my mind to dwell on God’s goodness and blessings in my life when I am cooling down after exercising. It’s almost automatic now and my thankful vocabulary is growing!

    I see how that is going to work when it comes to sex. Cos I am one of those who do not consciously think about it much until the last minute

    Thank you for sharing!
    Ngina Otiende recently posted…Counting The Ways My Hubby Loves MeMy Profile

  8. ^^ Kristin, I like that idea.! I just have to be sure I’ll be ready for that that night too.lol

    I also like that comment on ‘inentional touch’. That is so important, especially for my husband whose love language is touch. I am not a touchy-feely person, but I am learning. Even in prayer–even if we’re out at Bstudy, House Church or trainings–hold hands or touch his arm. He told me that it really meant something to him, that not only were we in agreement, but we were one in prayer. I loved that!

    I cannot wait for more of these posts, Sheila. They have blessed me today as I’ve caught up with each one. I will only have until next Wednesday and then we are going out of the country on a family mission trip! So excited! But, I will be back after that to catch up and participate.
    Danielle Jones recently posted…Fresh perspectiveMy Profile

    • Danielle, have a great time on your missions trip! That’s exciting. I always find that serving God together brings blessings in the bedroom anyway, because you feel so spiritually intimate. And we’ll still be here when you get back!

  9. Thanks! Great advice here! Love, Traci @ Ordinary Inspirations

  10. I’ve found if I plan for an intimate evening, tell my hubby about my plan (so that I can’t back out!), and then think about it all day, I have a much more enjoyable time. Thanks for extra tips in making it happen!
    Vinae recently posted…Things that Make Me A Great MomMy Profile

  11. I just showed my husband the picture and told him that me knitting is good for our sex life 😉

  12. I think I need to implement just about all of these! I have to admit thought that since we’ve started to make love more often, I have found myself thinking about it more as well.
    Heather recently posted…Pinning It Down {5} – Breakfast CasseroleMy Profile

  13. What you said about making yourself feel pretty is TOTALLY true! We’re a young couple with 2 boys ages 1 and 2, and we both work full time. Needless to say we’re always super busy and super exhausted! However just the simple act of shaving my legs and throwing on some nail polish makes me feel SO much sexier when we’re being intimate. I feel much more comfortable in my own skin and I’m able to “get out of my head” and enjoy it a lot more. Just by seeing my cute toes and feeling my smooth legs :) Also, I recently bought a bra that fits, and a pair of jeans that are my size and flattering (instead of the size smaller I wished I was). It’s AMAZING how much of a difference those 2 pieces of clothing have made me feel. Anyway, I am absolutely loving these posts and will definitely be trying a lot of these ideas. :)

    • That’s great, Bri! And I totally get what you’re saying about the jeans. Sometimes we just have to give up that dream of what we want to be and dress the body we actually have. We’ll end up feeling so much more confident and happy with ourselves!

  14. Chelsea says:

    I think the shaving thing is so interesting. There was a time, when I was younger, that I would have felt embarrassed for anyone to see my unshaven legs. Now that I’m older and have chronic pain and fatigue, there are times I just can’t bring myself to shave. The first time I mentioned my insecurity to my husband, he looked at me like I had just said the silliest thing in the world. Not only did he tell me that he didn’t mind when I didn’t shave, he told me that he actually *liked* the hair on my legs, because it feels soft to him. (I didn’t think so at the time, but, in comparison to the hair on his legs …) Ever since, I’ve gained the courage to wear shorts even when I don’t feel up to shaving – sometimes for a few days, sometimes a few weeks – because I know that my husband is attracted to me either way. I’m so blessed to have such an understanding husband! Also, I just want to clarify that I think this is a totally personal thing. I guess I just wanted to publicly give props to the hubs for being so awesome!

  15. Can you suggest a resource that I could read to help me better understand how men work? “biological cues that remind us about sex the way men do. Men are very visually oriented, and so even if they don’t mean to think about sex, when they see a pretty woman their minds often turn that way. And if they haven’t had sex in a while, their body actually feels it.” This is ver enlightening to me, however, it’s still difficult to understand our differences. I’ve fully been enjoying this blog. Thanks!

  16. This is such a great series! I am a young mother and wife, my husband and I got married when we were 18, we’ve been married for about 2 years and things are going pretty well, but I never imagined it would be this hard! People assume that things are easier for us because we are younger, but I disagree, especially when it comes to sex. Since We are both very young, it is assumed that our sex drives are always turn up high, and while that is true for my husband, it’s not always true for me! I get tired too as a full time student, with a job, and a 2 year old who is not in daycare. So when he comes towards me at the end of the day, I sometimes find myself pushing him away. This series is really helping me to rediscover the teenager inside! Thank you!!

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