44 responses

  1. Muriel
    February 6, 2012

    My husband was jokingly complaining a little yesterday that HE was the one that had to DO something for MY challenge. I’m pretty sure he is going to like this one ;-)

    • Sheila
      February 6, 2012

      Yep, I’m sure he will! :) And for the rest of you reading this, I still think most guys would be absolutely and totally enthusiastic about helping their wives with these 29 days, because they know what they’ll get out of it. So if you’re reading this and you’re nervous that your husband won’t go along, just try it! Hey, Muriel’s husband went along. And so did lots of others. Most guys would be overjoyed to have wives who wanted to make this area better, so don’t be nervous!

  2. donotdisturb blog
    February 6, 2012

    My husband it going to love this and truthfully I am sure I will learn things I thought I already knew. Great suggestion.

    Megan
    donotdisturb blog recently posted…Valentine’s Day: Ditch the “Event” MindsetMy Profile

    • Sheila
      February 6, 2012

      I know! I’m thinking I should take my own challenge and tell my hubby we’re doing this tonight, too. We always learn so much more about each other (and about ourselves).

  3. Belinda
    February 6, 2012

    I have not read today’s because we are reading them together at night but wanted to share about the kissing blog. The kissing thing has been a big issue in our lives because my hubby had a lot of problems with his teeth so we just did not do it. So when he got his teeth worked on we just were not doing it anymore. I always missed it but any time I brought it up we ended up fighting. So I was a little nervous when the blog about kissing came up. But we did it and last night we kissed like we haven’t kissed in years. I am about to start crying while I type this. It was so wonderful and I feel closer to my husband today than I have in forever. It just opened something up in me. And as a side note, it did lead to the first big O I have had in about 6 months.
    Thank you and can’t wait to see what is in store for the rest of the month.

    • Sheila
      February 6, 2012

      Belinda, that is so wonderful! I’m sure your husband felt so “powerful” too, so that sounds like a great breakthrough!

    • Danielle Jones
      February 9, 2012

      My eyes started to sting a little for you! What a blessing and I’m rejoicing with you!
      Danielle Jones recently posted…Softening of HeartMy Profile

  4. Cheri Gregory
    February 6, 2012

    Oh, he’s going to love this one! :-)

    I’d sent my husband a few of your posts to check out in January. He told me he’d read them and was “surprised” (you should seen the look on his face as he said that!) and greatly impressed by your candor. He feels like you play fair and “get” men…and say things to women he didn’t think anyone had the nerve to say.

    So I’m forwarding your February posts each day…thank you for providing a catalyst for growth!
    Cheri Gregory recently posted…Where I Stay So I Won’t StrayMy Profile

    • Sheila
      February 6, 2012

      Cheri, that’s a really big compliment! Thank you for sharing that. I’m sure your hubby will like me even more after tonight… :)

  5. Kristen Miller
    February 6, 2012

    To be honest, yesterday’s challenge freaked me out a little bit — due to body image. So, I’ve hesitated on even mentioning it to my husband. But, I think that I could do today’s challenge and follow-up with yesterday’s a little bit easier. Thanks for these posts. I’ve shared them with the wives in my young married’s group at church. :)

    • Sheila
      February 6, 2012

      Kristen, I know that some women are more ready for some things than others. But yes, if you try this first, then ask your husband to turn the tables another time. Remember that most guys actually DO like to the freedom to explore their wives’ bodies, so just keep telling yourself that!

  6. Joy
    February 6, 2012

    I am loving this series. We are still newlyweds so maybe I don’t understand other women yet. :) But I love having sex with my husband! Your post on kissing was so good and came at a really rough time. Poor hubby had a horrible cold this past week and long kisses are hard to come by when one of you can’t breath so we found out just how much we love our kisses.
    And yeah, nothing quite like driving your man crazy with touch. Thank you Sheila for your wisdom and honesty. Looking forward to the new book.

  7. Vinae
    February 6, 2012

    I just wanted to say thanks for doing your 29 Days. My husband is away at the moment, and I’m looking forward to him getting home! Being 7 months pregnant, I seem to have a higher sex drive, but am extremely uncomfortable with the baby, so we’ll see how things go.

    I loved seeing the man’s perspective! It’s helpful to realize that God made us with different needs, and together, we work perfectly!
    Vinae recently posted…Things That Make Me a Horrible MomMy Profile

  8. Kelly
    February 6, 2012

    Ok, I needed this! My husband and I have been struggling in this area of our life. I haven’t been reading these, but will be going back over the archives. Thank you for speaking on such a touchy subject. It is a hard one for me, but know that God is calling me to do hard things this year and will let me know what to do! He is so good!

    • Sheila
      February 6, 2012

      Glad you’re here, Kelly! And hey, if you have the courage, get your husband to read along with you and do these challenges with you! I hadn’t really thought as many COUPLES would be reading these together, but from comments & emails I’ve received, the guys are joining in enthusiastically. So here’s hoping your hubby is game, too!

  9. Laura
    February 6, 2012

    this one seems impossible for me. I have a history of abuse – guys forcing me to touch them – and so I have this aversion to touching my husband sexually. I enjoy sex, but I don’t do much touching during it. Will I ever get through this?

    • Sheila
      February 6, 2012

      Laura, that’s a really tough one. And I totally understand if you can’t do this. But can I make a suggestion? Just try. You likely have a real issue enjoying his body because it’s so emotionally laden for you. But the neat thing about this exercise is that YOU are the one with the power, not HIM. He’s not supposed to move. So you really are in control. In some ways, you could find this healing–although I totally understand if it’s too much right now. But what about starting with something a little tamer? Have your husband lie naked but face down, get some massage oil, and just rub his legs and his back. Have fun getting some of the knots out of his muscles. And then move on to his upper arms and see how they muscular they feel–quite different from women’s arms. It doesn’t need to be overtly sexual–it could just be SENSUAL. And as you get more comfortable touching him like this, the other may also become possible. But don’t give up! I know you have major roadblocks. Many women do. What you don’t want is to be always stuck there. And perhaps having some time when he DOESN’T move and when you are in control can actually be a beautiful thing. Just concentrate on how it feels to touch his body, knowing that he loves you. And you may find that it starts to have more positive connontations!

      • Laura
        February 7, 2012

        Thank you Sheila! That’s a really good idea and I know he would enjoy it. I’m going to have to try. we’ve been working on a million issues and this past year has been the best one of our marriage and it will be 10 years in April! Still a ways to go but we’ll get there.

  10. Heather
    February 6, 2012

    I don’t know if hubby could stay still for 15 minutes! But I suppose he’ll have to give it the ole college try! I’m sure he’ll be thrilled and at least TRY to do it!
    Heather recently posted…2012 in 2012 – Week 5My Profile

  11. Aura
    February 6, 2012

    I’m actually looking forward to this more than I was to yesterday’s. I tend to get nervous and worried about whether my husband is actually wanting to pleasure me, or just wanting to arouse me enough to get pleasure for himself. I also have a hard time not letting my mind wander to the million different things that seem to creep in from nowhere. But when I’m focused only on him, I can actually relax a little and not have to worry about what I’m feeling (or not feeling.) I’m really enjoying this series, especially the fact that my husband is doing this with me, and we’re both learning new things about each other!

  12. Elizabeth
    February 6, 2012

    I told my DH about your 29 day challenge on Saturday and he seemed pretty excited! (Until this point, I was just reading without really mentioning it.) So yesterday we tried the 15 minutes for me (it actually ended up being close to 2 hours for both of us… and actually there was quite a bit of loving going on the day before which had left me quite sore, so it really was just exploring and touching — something that hasn’t happened in a couple years), and tonight while we were watching TV after dinner, he snuck off and brought a bottle of lube (hint hint, right?). So we ended up doing over 15 minutes for him, too!

    Verdict so far: success.

    • Sheila
      February 6, 2012

      Awesome! That sounds great. Sometimes we just need a little prompting to give ourselves permission to turn things around!

  13. Danielle Jones
    February 9, 2012

    Oh, what a challenge. I have done one similiar, but without a time limit. And it wasn’t a part of a challenge. Anyway…lol. My husband did go bonkers! *sigh* Sadly, that was over 4 years ago.

    Thank you for this challenge. I may not get to it tonight but it is on my list. Actually, I am printing out each day so I can read these to my husband. We leave for a mission trip next Wednesday, so these next couple days are filled with gettting the last of our stuff prepared and a host of other things.

    But, I am excited about it. That’s a step. Even if only a baby one.;-)
    Danielle Jones recently posted…Softening of HeartMy Profile

  14. Rebecca
    April 18, 2012

    Okay, I am going to go out onthe obvious limb here and ask. How the bloody blue blazes are you guys keeping from becoming pregnant? I cannot stand before God someday and justify the use of hormonal abortificients, even if it only happens a few months of the year. I used them many years ago and reacted anyway. No, I am not Roman Catholic. But if we are supposed to trust God with our sex, why aren’t we trusting him fully for that outcome? I can’t be the only fertile myrtle in the world, and dh was tested years ago…lets just say that he’s super capable. ;) inserting crap into our bodies just so we can have sex without perceived consequence seems contrary to God’s plan for sex??

    • Sheila
      April 18, 2012

      Rebecca, you don’t have to use the Pill to avoid pregnancy. The best resource I’ve found is Christian Family Planning, which looks at how to get more familiar with your body. Remember, you’re only fertile 5 days a month, and you can use condoms during those days if you’re not opposed to them (they don’t inject any hormones into your system). I’d suggest checking them out!

  15. Amelia
    April 30, 2012

    Shelia,
    I just wanted to let you know that already this series has made a big difference in my husband and I’s sex life. We had sex for the first time where I wasn’t doing it out of obligation but because I WANTED it and (if I may be candid) it was FANTASTIC sex. It has been two years since I have had an orgasm during sex and I had two and realized it wasn’t only that sex is painful for me that was keeping me from enjoying it on such a level but my mindset about sex. Thanks for helping me see this…I can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us and to continue to enoy intimacy with my husband. After all, sex is God’s wedding gift to us when we marry…..shouldn’t we enjoy it? Thank you!

    • Sheila
      April 30, 2012

      What a great comment, Amelia! I’m so glad to hear that!

  16. Amy
    May 17, 2012

    I just started reading your blog and I am really enjoying it! My hubby and I have great sex most of the time but I have struggled with getting turned on alot. It has caused some hardships in this area of our relationship. The thing I struggle most with is being physically attracted to my husband. I have never talked to anyone about this so it is difficult for me. I so badly want to be attracted to him, and there are certain things about his body that do turn me on so I try to focus on those. I want to try this exercise but I am afraid that my husband will see through me. We have done this in the past and I find it difficult to do but I know the outcome is worth it.

  17. Walter
    June 7, 2012

    I wish she would read this series, REALLY read it.
    She has it in her head that sex is just a way for her to be “used”.
    That it is dirty or only for producing children.
    I love her more than she can possibly imagine and certainly don’t see her as an object.
    She has no interest in me sexually, doesn’t respect me and consistently assumes the
    worst of me because of abusers in her past. I so very much long for her to touch me.
    I didn’t have an easy past either and was always told no woman would have me.
    Seems my tormentors were correct. She could give me wings and strength, and confidence if she would.
    I’m wondering why I stay sometimes.

    • Justin
      June 8, 2014

      I dont know why you would stay either, you have every right to divorce her. Her gatekeeping might as well be considered a form of infidelity.

  18. Joy
    September 21, 2012

    Just wanted to speak up for all the women out there who do not have sex obsessed husbands. In my marriage, I am the one with the higher drive. I get kind of jealous of women who complain that their husbands “want it all the time.” All of the “truths” about men don’t apply for us–foreplay doesn’t have to lead anywhere, I’m not asked for it multiple times a week, and often my initiations are rejected. He is not using pornography (we have systems of accountability in place to help him stay pure), and he has what I lovingly call a “100% success rate” on producing orgasms (yes, it’s true), but we don’t try for one that often. Could you do a day on that? It is way more common than you think.

    • Sheila
      September 21, 2012

      Joy, I’ve done quite a series on that, actually, in different posts. Here’s the most popular. You’re right; it is very common. And while porn is the most common cause today, it is not the only cause. I wish you all the best as you deal with this!

  19. Kim
    August 17, 2013

    I just want to say thank you!

  20. Mandy
    February 17, 2014

    This advice is all well and good, but what if sex is great when you have it with your husband, but he is generally too tired because of all his daily activity. I get complaints when I try to wake him in the middle of the night that just because I can’t sleep there is no need to wake him too. I feel sex once or twice a week from him is far too infrequent for me and it is not good for our marriage. A lot of this advice here assumes women don’t want it as much as men. In my case it is the opposite. We are no longer living in the 1950s you know.

    • Taylor
      March 22, 2014

      I went through the same thing as my husband. Simply telling him that it is bothering you and communicating what you need is what I had to do. It was embarrassing at the beginning of the conversation, but he genuinely understood and wanted to build with me, and thats why we are doing this program. I hope it gets better!

  21. Taylor
    March 22, 2014

    My husband and I are going through the days and we passed this one up last night. We have been stacking on the night and gradually building on each lesson and the difference is INCREDIBLE! We are learning to connect and focus on each others needs instead of just trying to finish. Can’t wait to see where we are on day 29!

  22. Rissa
    April 7, 2014

    I don’t think I can do this challenge. I’m so not close to being in that place to be able to. It’s just too uncomfortable. All of these challenges so far are. I’m reading through all of them and thinking “yeah, no way. Not now.” But I guess when you’re not even close friends with the person you are married to, showing physical affection is nearly impossible. Nay, IS impossible =/

Leave a Reply

 

 

 

CommentLuv badge

Back to top