29 Days to Great Sex Day 29: Party for Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex!

It’s our grand finale for the 29 Days to Great Sex, and I’m going to throw a little party today! (If you’re just joining us now, you can go back to Day One right here). I hope it’s been a great series for all of you, and that you’ve had time to reconnect and communicate as a couple. I’ve had a great time writing it (and my husband really appreciated the post on how to spice things up :) ). And it’s been wonderful to meet so many new readers, especially all of you who found me through Pinterest.

My prayer for this series was that I could help both men and women get a new and exciting view of sex–one that sees it not just as physical release, but as a beautiful, exciting part of a marriage that connects you spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Why would people choose to live without passion?

Many of you in the comments have said that your sex life had been virtually non-existent, but you’re starting to rebuild. That’s so exciting! Others of you have had your first orgasms. And still others have even conceived babies! So it’s been a great month.

But some of you are still struggling. You wanted to do the challenges, but your spouse just didn’t stick with it. I’m sorry about that. Unfortunately, there is no magic thing that you can do to make your spouse want to be intimate in this way. All you can do is what you were called to do: love your spouse. Even when it’s difficult. And know that God never asks us to do something that He doesn’t also give us the strength to do.

Some of you still have a lot of work to do, and you’re wondering where to go now. Well, I had over 1,000 posts on this blog before I started the series, and if you just joined me during the series, rest assured that I likely have 1000 more. I’m not going anywhere! So here’s what’s coming on To Love, Honor and Vacuum in the very near future:

1. Tomorrow is our contest launch–where you could win money towards a first–or second–honeymoon! Come back for the details.
2. Next week I’ll be hosting a live Facebook Q&A where you can ask me any question you want, and I’ll try to answer it. I’ll have a place where you can submit questions anonymously.
3. We have our mini-series coming on what to do when your husband isn’t interested in sex! Many women asked, and I’ll deliver.
4. I’ve had a ton of questions come through my email that I want to deal with, everything from finding a balance between mom & wife to how to have sex when you’re pregnant or how to find your libido when you’re breastfeeding.
5. My column will be back! I write a syndicated column every Thursday, but I haven’t been posting them this month because of the sex series.
6. And I’m still here to answer more questions! If you have a post topic you want to see, just send it my way.

But before we do all that, today I want to have a bit of a party! And what’s a party without gifts?

Still 30% off at Amazon until it’s released March 6!

So first, here’s something you can do for me. If you have enjoyed this series, would you help me by buying The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex? It’s filled with information just like in the series, but it takes things deeper onto the threefold nature of sex–physical, spiritual, and emotional–and looks at how we can make sex stupendous in each of those areas. It also covers what to do when things aren’t working in those areas. And I share a lot of personal stories that I haven’t shared on this blog.

If you’ve had issues with sex in your marriage, this book can help you see it in a new way. But would you also consider purchasing one for someone who is about to marry–or who has recently walked down the aisle? I firmly believe that if more women received good information early in their marriages, we wouldn’t have all the problems in families that so permeate our churches today.

World Magazine called me “a funny big sister” when they read my book, which I kinda like. FamilyLife Canada’s executive director called me “The Christian Dr. Ruth“, which mortified my kids (and I love anything that mortifies my kids). I know you’ll like the book!

'100_8953' photo (c) 2007, Neeta Lind - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

And here’s what I’d like to do for you! If you buy it today, I’m going to throw a bunch of gifts your way, too! I have a goodie bag of downloadable gifts I’d like to give you, including:

  • ” A Godly Home ” 5-week couples’ devotional by PromiseKeepers , filled with devotions you can read with your spouse at night from Bill and Pam Farrel (authors of Red Hot Monogamy and Men are Life Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti), Sheila Wray Gregoire (me!) and more. A great way to work on your spiritual connection!
  • Love coupons to spice up your marriage!
  • “A Surrendered Marriage ” workbook by Leigh Anne Dutton from Intentional by Grace . Great conversation starters to work on communication and vision in your marriage!
  • “The Praying Parent” devotionals by writer Carey Scott –inspires you to pray effectively for your kids. Carey also operates Christian Work at Home Moms community, and Moms Together on Facebook!
  • Printable Lunch Box Notes to put in your child’s lunchbox–from mom extraordinaire Amy Bayliss, author of Pursuit of Proverbs 31 , an entirely new way of looking at the chapter–without the mountains of guilt!
  • Make Date Night Fabulous –an e-report by Amy Bayliss on how to keep romance alive.
  • Step Away from that Diet ebook by Sundi Jo Graham , Ten Steps to Lose that Weight and Gain the Confidence You’ve been Searching For
  • How to Bless Your Children –an e-report by me, Sheila Wray Gregoire, on how to “call out” God’s purpose in their lives.
  • Which birth control method is best? A video presentation by The Christian Family Planning Network.
  • How to Have Really Great Sex TONIGHT Even if You’re NEVER in the Mood, a report from Gina Parris from Winning at Romance.

So will you buy it today? All you have to do to claim your gifts is toemail me (sheila at

sheila wray gregoire period com) and just forward me a copy of your receipt, or a picture of it on your Nook or Kindle, or just something to show that you’ve bought it.

And if you’ve already pre-ordered it, I’d love to thank you with the gifts, too! So just forward me your receipt, and I’ll send you the links to the gifts, as well.

Here’s one more thing you could do for me (and for the others reading this blog): share in the comments something that you’ve discovered this month, or that you’ve found encouraging, or a breakthrough you’ve had. Many people reading this blog really are struggling, and if you’ve been there, but now you can see hope, tell us! It makes people feel so much better to hear that healing and passion and fun are all possible! (and it encourages me, too). And if you’re the one who needs a hug, or a gift of encouragement, share that in the comments, too. Tell us how we can pray for you, or ask a question, and then all of us here will try to help. So let’s have a party of encouragement in the comments!

And now, here’s your last challenge:

Great Sex Challenge 29: It’s time to evaluate. Talk together about the challenges, and think of one that you couldn’t–or wouldn’t–do. Resolve to make an attempt within the next two weeks! And now share with each other what the perfect night would look like to each of you–where you would feel connected on all three levels. It’s okay (and perfectly normal) for your “perfect nights” to not resemble each others’. But make a commitment to give each other that night, in the next two weeks, as a gift.

Sheila is the author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex.

31 Days to Great Sex

New! This 29 Days to Great Sex series has been turned into an ebook, the 31 Days to Great Sex! It’s expanded, it’s written for couples (not just women), and it’s easy to use! Find out more here.

 

Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex

Still 30% off at Amazon!

29 Days to Great Sex:

Day 1: The Act of Marriage
Day 2: Starting Fresh
Day 3: Loving the Skin You’re In
Day 4: Pucker Up!
Day 5: Reawaken Desire
Day 6: Why Your Hubby Wants You!
Day 7: Moving in the Right Direction
Day 8: 14 Ways to Play as a Couple
Day 9: Prepare for Sex throughout the Day
Day 10:16 Ways to Flirt with Your Husband
Day 11: How to Find Your Hubby Attractive
Day 12: If you’re Having a Hard Time with these Challenges
Day 13: Getting Your Head in the Game
Day 14: What if You’re Not “In the Mood”?
Day 15: What is Foreplay?
Day 16: How to Orgasm
Day 17: The Pleasure Center
Day 18: Foreplay Can Be for Him, Too!
Day 19: How to Come Alive Again
Day 20: Deciding on Boundaries
Day 21: 5 Ways to Spice Things Up
Day 22: How Often is Enough?
Day 23: Quickies Are Great!
Day 24: Initiate, Baby!
Day 25: Sex Once Kids Come
Day 26: Rebuilding Your Sex Life
Day 27: Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy when you Make Love
Day 28: Is Selfishness Robbing You of Intimacy?

Comments

  1. I was so blessed to find you by way of another one of my fav blogs!

    This series has been a tremendous blessing and comes at such a perfect time for my husband and me. I’ve tried to keep it spicy in the past. Still, your series brought up so many valid points, Truths and fabulous ideas that I’m thrilled about. I especially LOVE the start up and reminder to laugh together. Interestingly, my husband recently started reading through the series and quickly brought that up.

    I cannot thank you enough and cannot wait for the book!
    Rena recently posted…On DisappointmentMy Profile

  2. I have enjoyed reading this series so much! Last night I started reading The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex on my kindle! Love it! You’ve done a fantastic job on the subject of sex and how God made it for married couples and how it’s not just a physical activity, but it connects us to our husbands emotionally and spiritually, as well.

    There seem to be times when I just get into a rut and need some encouragement in this department (my hubby and I have been married for 13 years). This series and book will definitely help! :) Thank you!
    Emily recently posted…Basement/Laundry RoomMy Profile

  3. Thank you, Sheila, for encouraging us to have passionate sex lives… and giving us the tools needed to do so! My husband and I actually began fanning the flames again after a huge wake up call. When I took the initiative to put my mind in the game and work on our physical intimacy, the spiritual and emotional intimacy followed. Our marriage has become so much more God-centered… we’re even renewing our marriage vows this summer (we’ll be married 15 years) – time for a second honeymoon!!

    A funny thing happened when we began focusing more on each other and I stopped putting my kids before my husband (by that I mean giving all of me to my kids and giving my husband the leftovers)… our family started functioning better. I was so focused on being a good mom, I wasn’t being a good wife… now that I’m focusing on being a good wife, the mom stuff has become MUCH easier. My kids are happier! I’m happier! My husband is DEFINITELY happier! Praise God!!!!!!

    Readers – if you are coming in at the end of this series, go back and read all the other posts… I cannot stress enough how important it is to be the wife God intended you to be!!! Having a passionate sex life is something God wants us to have!!!!!! Enjoy your husbands!!!

    • Nicole, thanks for that awesome comment! I appreciate it. And it is true about having to put our “mind in the game”. When we do that, things change. But when we keep negative attitudes, it’s hard to make any progress at all.

      And you’re so right about the mom-wife thing!

  4. I appreciated some of your advices for sexual married life. Not all, but some. Thank you.

    I would have a different question for you regarding your contest: do you see it as biblical …this marketing approach of yours?

    You give gifts after someone proves that she/he bought your book? Isn’t the definition of GIFT to be free, no attachements involved?

    Are you this way thinking that you MOTIVATE people to buy your book?

    Or are you relying more on human strategies, psychological approaches than the power of God to guide and convict people in buying your book if indeed is worth the price at amazon and the information presented?

    Blessings to you.

    • I’m sorry if I offended you, but the truth is that people do respond to incentives, and I’d like to have a big jump in my rankings on one day, because that’s how Christian bookstores decide which books to order in–how those books rank on Amazon. That’s just the way things are.

      But no one HAS to buy the book–I think the real gift I’ve given people is 29 Days of Great Sex, at no cost at all! I’ve written over 30,000 words this month–that’s practically a whole book right there–that I’ve given out for free. So I hope that people see that.

      • I have personally been on the fence about buying the book, becuase honestly, my husband and I have a GREAT sex life. We have been married 20 years and have always had fun in the bedroom. BUT there is always room for improvement and there were some things in this series that were a “wow” moment for me. These extra incentives are the “push” that made me decide that, yes, I will buy the book, because I can always share it AND I get some free devotionals to go with it! I am a true bargain hunter, and while the book is already a good value, you just made it better, for those of us cheapskates!! Thank you so much for giving away this whole month of lessons! I am going to recommend your blog to the ladies at church!!

        P.S. We celebrated our 20th anniversay last weekend at a Bed and Breakfast, and I took along the game you suggested in the “spice it up” post. I modified it by putting the “actions” in one lunch sack, and the “body parts” in the other. When I explained the game to my husband he laughingly asked, “where do you get these ideas?” I told him on a Christian blog!!! How wonderful to be able to find good, clean fun without wading through muck and feeling defiled in the process of trying to come up with new ideas!! THANK YOU FOR THIS SERIES!!

      • Securely Desired says:

        Sheila, I have really appreciated your gift of knowledge, sharing and openness. I have no doubt the book will be worth every penny – and then some. I agree – the gifts are wonderful incentives – but the REAL gift is you.

        Thank you

      • You didn’t offend me. It’s just the way you do things.

        Does the goal justify the means?

        You could trust in God and see how many buy your book, or you can control/manipulate things by incentives that some people respond in order to obtain what you want/need.

        Good luck with it!

    • I think this is an excellent marketing strategy, and the incentives have given me the extra push to buy the book today and not wait until later. This whole series has been a promotion for the book (a free gift, if you will), and I think it has been excellent (and a great marketing tool)! Thank you, Sheila, for the helpful information!

  5. Hi Sheila,

    I ordered a book this morning, but for some reason I can’t email you. I click on the email link in your post, but I can’t seem to get past that point! Maybe it’s just me…

    I found the whole series so enlightening and encouraging! Even something as simple as flirting with my husband has really helped us make strides in our love life. I’ve discovered that it doesn’t take much to please my husband (are all guys this simple??) and he feels loved if I pay attention to him and make the effort to show him I desire him.

    I think the biggest thing I learned from this series is that guys really need sex, and not in the way that most of us would think (ie, they are animals). I never really realized how much of my husband’s sense of self and confidence is connected to how much I desire and want to be with him. We women hold a lot of power in our hands. I always knew this, but just thought it was purely physical, but I’ve been realizing that this power is much stronger than that. It’s the kind of power that holds families together, keeps husbands from straying, makes kids feel secure. Why does our society not realize this?? Instead they’ve made men into sex-starved animals and women disdainful of this weird creature who seems so beneath her.

    Anyway, I’d better stop before I go completely off track! Please let me know how I can email you.

    • Laura, don’t worry, I’ll just email you! Don’t know why it’s not working for you. Maybe your security system or something. If anyone else is having problems, just leave a comment and I can email you instead!

      I love your second last paragraph! I think what I’m going to do is go through all the comments over the last month and make a post of just some tidbits of comments, because some of what my readers say is so insightful, and often you all phrase it even better than I could, because it’s coming from something that God is teaching you individually.

      Have a great day, Laura!

      • I also can not access the links. Either the one about purchasing the book or the one to stay informed about the 31 days posts. Can you e-mail me too? I can give you a copy of my Amazon order.

        • I’m sorry, Amy! I think so many people were trying to that I crashed my main site. I suppose that’s a good problem to have. Anyway, I’ve updated my email in the post now so people can bypass the site and then I’ll email you now!

  6. Hi Sheila! I ordered your book from Christianbook.com and was trying to forward you the receipt, but my computer won’t let me either. Can you email me as well? I think the gifts are a great bonus to ordering the book. Everyone loves to get a little extra special something every now & then.
    Thanks for this great series!! :)

    • Hi, Rebecca! I emailed you everything. I guess I’ll just have to put my actual email address up there, I just don’t like to because of spammers. But I can always take it down after today! Hope you love the book!

  7. It’s going to take me a while to process all of this. I really appreciate you going through the effort to help women deal with an uncomfortable topic. I’m definately getting the book!

    I can’t wait until you talk about sex and pregnancy, though I have a feeling it won’t be applicable then, I’m 8 months pregnant and will likely deliver early, so then I’ll look forward to your after-baby advice!

    Just wanted to say Thanks! I found your blog about three months ago and love all of the Godly wisdom you have from a wife’s point of view.
    Vinae recently posted…Tip #4: Involve ChildrenMy Profile

    • Aw, thanks, Vinae! And congratulations on your baby. You will be exhausted for a while, but you can always file this away for later. If you have any brilliant insights into sex and pregnancy, let me know, because I’m trying to make that post as thorough as possible :). All the best!

  8. “Thank you” and “help!”

    Wow, I cannot thank you enough for your incredible gift of this past month of posts! What’s so funny is it’s almost like you anticipate my exact questions that are burning a whole in my mind that I haven’t had an opportunity to comment with. This whole month, while absolutely wonderful itself, was made invaluable to me just by you pointing to the “dissociation” post you wrote a while ago. I started crying when I learned (1 Cor. 10:13 is true!) I wasn’t alone…and how to move beyond that sin (not just “put off” but “put on”)! Something I have been desperate for ever since I confessed my sin to my husband a few months ago and not knowing where to go from there. And as soon as we can fit it into our budget, I’m getting a copy of your book for myself and one for my sister who wil likely be getting married this year!

    And now the “help!”….I see you will be possibly answering another question of mine, but perhaps there will be someone joining your comment party who can offer an idea sooner… I’m a new, first-time mom, breastfeeding my almost-three-month-old. I think I still have my libido, but how do you have a purposeful, three-fold, connecting sex life (how do you do this month of challenges) when my eyes are burning and I’m practically asleep on my feet by the time 7pm rolls around? How do we have anything but very irregular quickies that are nothing but a physical release valve for Hubs? How do we “be married” in this phase of life?

    • I’m SO GLAD that my dissociation post helped you so much. It really is something a lot of women deal with, but NOBODY talks about. So that’s wonderful that God is bringing you healing!

      As for your question, I really will try to write a long post about this (maybe I’ll do a whole series of posts on sex & pregnancy & breastfeeding), but I will say that 3 months is the worst time. It’s worse than when you bring the baby home, because now you’ve had three months of not sleeping. And it honestly does get better. It really does. My personal opinion: let the house fall to pot to a certain extent and just take a nap when the baby does. Keep the house clean (you don’t want to make yourself sick) but don’t worry too much about mess until you can stand on your feet. And it’s okay to ask for help from others, too!

    • New Mom – I am currently 8 months pregnant with my 3rd, I have had the same situation as you, and wonder about the next few months. One thing I found that really helped with my other two was to actually plan to have sex. Sounds robotic, I know, but when I had a goal and a time to look forward to, I was ready and excited, and motivated to make it happen, even though I was tired. Plan it for a time when you think you will be most awake and hubby will be home. For me, it was first thing in the morning, or purposely waking up when my husband got home late (around 10pm). The first 3 months ARE the hardest. As long as you have desire, and motivation, you and your husband can find a way to make things work. Congrats on your new baby!
      Vinae recently posted…Tip #2: Clean As You Go AlongMy Profile

  9. I have so enjoyed your words all month long. You have a great voice and your passion for a Godly marriage and intimate life shine through every word you write. It is obvious that you rely on the power of God to accomplish great things through you because that many words in such a short amount of time is quite miraculous if you ask me! Thanks for always encouraging and inspiring couples that we don’t have to settle but can experience all that God has in store for us. Blessings!

    I ordered your book and will try to email you later today.

    Megan
    donotdisturb blog recently posted…The Pain of Past Sexual Experiences: Part 3My Profile

    • Thanks, Megan! I think it was a miracle I got some of those posts written–especially the ones on the weekends! But now I’m all pumped to keep going, because I have so many new readers. So we’ll see how much God keeps providing!

  10. I turned on my Kindle last night to download a book and found ….. YES it was here. Started reading last night but the poor hubs needed some lovin’ last night so maybe today. Thank you for all you shared Sheila during this series. My prayer is that this book and blog change Christian marriage so much that the worlds notices us by our marriages. How cool would that be?

    • Sounds awesome, Joy! That’s what I pray for, too. I just think that if more people could get this area of their life the way that God wants it to be, more marriages would survive. And wouldn’t that do a great thing to change our culture for the better?

  11. Sheila- Thank you for the 29days and for your book (can’t wait to get my pre-ordered copy!) Your husband is a truly lucky man, and I’m sure he knows it (and I love to mortify my kids too!)

    My husband had an affair; ‘if only’ I had your guidance beforehand, I know in my heart he never would have been so unhappy and it would not have happened. I am still trying to make these changes and improvements in our relationship, especially in the emotional and spiritual intimacy areas, and I know that your book is going to help me so much. I hope that other women and men will read and learn from your book, and avoid the same pain in their marriages.

    For other ‘betrayed spouses’ who are trying to rebuild their marriages, hugs and prayers!!! it isn’t easy, is it? (what an understatement).

    And any prayers said for me, my husband and our marriage are very much appreciated. God has a plan for my life that has included all of this pain, and I know that as the result He is working for a better good in my life, and definitely in my marriage. Sheila has been part of that plan!

    • Thanks so much! It sounds like you both had a lot to confess and ask forgiveness for, but just remember that he still made the choice; don’t take all of it upon yourself! :)

      But looking at how you contributed to a negative dynamic is definitely a good idea (though it is awfully humbling). Now the question is can you both apologize and move forward, and not see each other through those tainted lenses? That’s where things become tricky, but it sounds like you have a great attitude, and I do believe that God honours those who choose to honour Him and to turn things around, even when it looks bleak. All the best, and thanks for commenting and showing how God can bring two people together again.

  12. Really enjoyed this series and it came at just the right time- i seriously think it has turned our marriage around 180 degrees (for the good)

  13. Great series. I joined in late, but went back through and read to catch up. I wanted to encourage “Anon” who commented just a few above mine, that with God and hard work your marriage will recover and can be great. My husband had an affair two years ago, so I totally understand what you are going through. I am happy to say that we are now at the place where we are thoroughly enjoying each other (both in the bedroom and out ;)), and I know that can be possible for you, too!
    Again, thanks for this series, Sheila! It was much needed for Christian wives everywhere!
    Megan Elzey recently posted…The secretMy Profile

    • That’s wonderful encouragement, Megan. I’d really like to write a post on how you get to that point, though, because it can be so hard for so many people for so long. It’s such a struggle. But you can recover because God can bring healing–if you both are willing. So glad you’re a testimony to that.

  14. I came across your blog through The Generous Husband blog — now you’re both (as well as a slew of others) in my “favorites” list. I’ve so enjoyed your posts this month and also purchased your book. After nearly 17 years of marriage, I had my first orgasm thanks to the advice given on The Generous Husband (so, hang in there ladies, it’s never too late!). I’ve used your suggestions from 29 Days to Great Sex, too, and my husband’s comment was, “why haven’t we been doing this all along?” : ) Thank you so much for answering the tough questions biblically!!

    • That’s awesome, Becky! Thanks for letting us know. And so there you go, even after 17 years all hope is not lost, so if you’re reading this blog and you’re in Becky’s shoes (or where Becky was, then realize that you still CAN! And go and reread the posts about orgasm… :)

  15. Thanks so much for a wonderful series! My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years, and while we have a great sex life right now, I have learned so much from your posts. It’s inspiring to know that we can continue to keep things fresh and fun in our relationship and in the bedroom. I want so much for our relationship to be a great example of what a Christian marriage can be. I just purchased your book on my nook, and I’m looking forward to reading it!

    • Melissa, if more couples started out like you, I betcha more people would want to come to church. :) Let’s spread the word!

  16. Nicholle Olores says:

    This series is actually amazing and I appreciate that God involves here whatever the discussion you have here. This is really a great help to all girls out there.
    Nicholle Olores recently posted…Timber DoorsMy Profile

  17. Kelly F.K. says:

    Like several other posters, I too have a husband who had an affair. I just found this out two months ago. We are in counseling at this time but recovery hasn’t been easy. I think God brought me to this blog for a purpose…the bible does say that because my husband committed adultery, I do have an out but I also believe that God would prefer us to remain married. My faith in the Lord is what has kept me in my marriage. That and how devastating it would be to our 7 yr old son. He deserves to have both of his parents living under the same roof with him and not 50% with me and 50% with his father as you stated in an earlier blog post on this subject. I know I haven’t been a perfect wife and there was never a lack of physical intimacy between me and my husband that led him astray.

    Thank you for this entertaining month. I’ve used some of the methods you wrote of Sheila. I also have a copy of The Good Girls Guide downloaded onto my Nook Tablet. I also left a review on the B&N website. I sent you a screenshot of the cover page taken on the Nook app of my iPhone as it’s easier that way…gosh I love my iPhone. I look forward to receiving the freebies!!

    • Hi, Kelly. Thanks for your comment. I totally agree–you do have an out, but that doesn’t mean you HAVE to take it. And I still think that one of the most beautiful things in the world is when God brings true reconciliation. I will pray that this becomes a reality in your marriage–even though I know you’re walking through really hard times right now. Know that you’re not alone!

  18. Thanks so much for this series, and your blog in general! I have always been the wife who turned down their husband because “ugh again!?” and “I’m just not feeling it”, but your blog has changed my attitude, and really our marriage! It has helped me so much to learn more about the biblical perspective of sex in marriage (which, sadly, in all my life in church I have never heard spoken about openly) and to recognize how my husband really connects sex to me accepting, choosing, and loving him. All things I want to feel from him, but yet I’m not giving him that same thing! I’m so glad to have learned this now at 3 years of marriage instead of much farther down the road. Anyway, I could go on and on and on, but thank you so much for all you do and keep writing! I will be reading :)

  19. Sheila, I feel like a parrot, but thankyou. My husband and I have been married for 28 years, and have had a wonderful life together, both in and out of the bedroom. There were things I needed to hear in this series, and appreicate your time and work putting it together and posting every day. I have preordered the book, and both my husband and I look forward to reading it. Many blessings to you for this ministry to couples. ps I have 2 sons getting married this summer, and I want to get their fiances copies of the book, but I’m not sure how that will be received. Any suggestions?

    • I like parrots. :)

      Thanks, Jamie! As for buying your future daughters-in-law the book, when my best friend in university got married, her mother-in-law bought her the raciest teddy for a shower gift. She thought it was a little, well, odd, but they ended up having a really great relationship. Maybe just give them a note saying something like, “I want you to have a great time with my son. But don’t worry, I never want to hear the details, and you never have to share them” or something like that?

      Blessings!

  20. What a great series, Sheila! Thanks for blessing so many couples, this one included.
    J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) recently posted…Intimacy After an AffairMy Profile

  21. My dh and I have gone through this series together. We have thoroughly enjoyed it, and it’s sparked several great discussions.

    I got your book for my Nook, but your email link wasn’t working for me, either. :( Can you email me or something, ’cause I would really like the freebies, too!

  22. once again, you rock… can’t wait to get the book,payday can’t get here soon enough! We have loved every post! Thanks!

  23. Securely Desired says:

    Sheila,

    You know I have loved this series – but I think the best part was that hubby and I have gone through it together. Reminding myself to ‘focus but not try’ when in bed was a huge eye opener for me, but for my husband – it was the knowledge that it is not something he is doing wrong or anything – but the fact that sometimes climax just does not happen.

    Sometimes we forget that some of our husbands have had limited (if any) previous sexual experience, and much of it is based on ‘the world’ or ‘man talk’ – and it is just not always reality. Because he can (and expects to) climax each time – he assumes that I must too. When I tell him that it is ok and I don’t need to , he though I was placating him. But when an ‘expert’ points it out somehow it just makes all the difference .

    Thank you for sharing your knowledge and your own passion for God and his gift to us.

    • That’s great! I’m glad you both had that insight. It really does make things a lot less stressful (which then makes things more likely to happen, ironically). And you’re right; guys don’t really have all that much real understanding of what we’re like–and often we don’t understand it, either. So I’m glad this is a safe place where we can talk about it!

  24. great work shelia…we did order the book today…looking forward to getting it….God bless you for all you are doing for marriages….I always thought there should be something like this out there….our church does not talk about things like this and i think there should be more of it

  25. I think your blog is crashing. I can’t access anything on it. I don’t see where you posted your e-mail address either.

    • My site did crash, I think, Amy! I sure hope they can put it back up tomorrow. But my email’s in the blog post now, but I’ve emailed you, too.

  26. Thank you for sharing this past month with us. We’ve been married 21 years, and have had our
    share of hard times. Thankfully our marriage is on the solid rock of Jesus.

    Life gets better. Hang in there!

    Cynthia

  27. Dear funny big sister, :)
    I don’t remember where I found your blog but I am so glad I did. I found all these great blogs about sex, written by Christian women just this year! I am very thankful!
    Your series through February has given me hope that we can have passion and fun in our sex life. It has not been bad, but after three little kids, my being diagnosed as hypothyroid (no libido!) after years of funny symptoms, and our busy life, we got stuck into ‘routine’; not so exciting, not so satisfying.
    I have not followed the advice you gave in this serial yet, but I am hoping to read it with my husband and start a new exciting part in our bedroom life together. :D I have stuff to work through, he has stuff to work through. But we are committed and we have all the time in the world. And we have God, who created this whole thing!
    I will keep on reading your blog and telling others about it. I so hope this kind of blogs would come up in my mother tongue as well (I am European).
    Love, Hannah

  28. I am so grateful for this series! I have only been married for 4 years and all I can think about is how I wish I would have had this information a long time ago! I am so grateful you are willing to talk about this subject and with a spiritual stand point that you hardly ever hear about in other places. Thank you thank you!

  29. I enjoyed this series very much. Thank you! Please enter me into the contest.

  30. Great Series! My husband and I both enjoyed it!

  31. Please enter me into the contest :D

  32. Hi!

    My wife and I have been following your series all month long! Thank-you for the great tips and advice. Please enter us into the drawing!

  33. I am so thankful for this series! My husband and I have been together since I was 13 years old and that was 18 years ago. We have only been married 10 years. We had 2 children and lived together for 4 years before we married. Marriage was an after thought. I had many misconceptions about marriage, sex, and intimacy. I was raised that sex was dirty and disgusting. After terrible events and choices that I had made this seemed logical. I am so thankful that the Lord found and saved my husband and I in September of 2005. He has done so many wonderful things including healing alot of the pain and bondage that held our marriage at arms length. My husband has recently been really pushy about asking me what I wanted in our sex life and I was so uncomfortable telling him. Even though I thoroughly enjoy making love with him I just couldn’t talk about it with him and I didn’t know that I could feel connected to him on a deeper level. Sex was purly physical. I knew that he needed it and that I was just going to have to deal with the fact that I would never connect with him that way. WHAT A LIE FROM THE ENEMY! I started praying (really praying!) that God would help me to be the wife my husband needed me to be and I happened across an article (it was totally God) about 16 ways to flirt with your husband. I started reading the rest of the articles and went through them all in 2 days! I have talked to my husband about things in the past few days that I never thought I would or even could. I realized that there is nothing wrong with me and that we can have that connection. Sex is NOT dirty and I am allowed to enjoy it! We have already had more intimacy in the past 2 days than we have in a long time! We have understood more about each other and have realized that things are worth talking about even though it’s uncomfortable. I cannot thank you enough for this wonderful God given gift that you have shared with us and how you have changed our lives forever! BTW we never really took the wedding seriously (even though we really loved each other and definitly wanted to be married) and we didn’t have a honeymoon but I have a feeling that this coming year that will change and we will renew our vows! Very excited about whats to come! :)
    God Bless!!

    • Thank you so much for that encouragement, Tabatha! I’m so glad to be used in this way (and isn’t Pinterest great? So many people have found me through Pinterest. What a wonderful tool!)

  34. Sheila, first of all let me say that your “29 Days…” postings are excellent and I’m sure are helping, and will continue to help, numerous couples as your foundation in the Scripture, God’s design and intention for sex and intimacy in holiness and enjoyment will continue to reap wonderful ‘fruit’ for many!

    Just one comment regarding Day 28 and the *n*l s*x issue. I have had several couples talk and ask about this with almost exclusively the men desiring it (hmmm, wonder why that might be?). While you covered it very generally and very well in a few of the posts regarding our ‘freedom’ to explore and do things with each other sexually (including your reference to Song of Solomon and *r*l s*x) and especially the fact that while we can take some time every once in a while to just pleasure our spouse as they desire, I heard one prominent doctor say it very plainly, “in sex there is freedom, however, the *n*s was created only as an exit never as an entrance, therefore, while I can’t Scripturally say it’s condemned, aside from being totally selfish, there is no reason in creation or design at all for this to occur.” Not an exact quote but strongly holds true to the content and context of his comments and I thought it was right on target. When you think of it in these terms, hopefully, any loving husband (in particular) would see another element of this that would discourage this very unhealthy practice (again as you mentioned regarding medical issues). Thanks so much for a wonderful series and I pray God uses this and your book to truly liberate many in the Law of Love that comes from Him! God bless in Christ!

  35. I stumbled upon this blog (if that’s you call it) on Pintrest, and was so pleasantly surprised. I am a Christain, happily married, mother of two, but I would not call myself overtly religious, and I found your series very refreshing. It is all too easy for a sincere attempt to improve your marriage to turn into a scary trip into the Internet’s graphic underworld.

    I was looking for advice about how to embrace intimacy in marriage while young children are in the house (mine are 7 and 3). My husband and I enjoy our sex life but we feel like finding time is like waiting for the sun and moon to align in perfect symmetry. Our issue is compounded by my husband’s long night shift work hours which sometimes come out to 80 hours plus in one week. I can’t complain, I’m blessed to have such a hard-working provider and that I am able to stay home, but scheduling time for intimacy is difficult. Short of making sex appointments, I don’t know how to create opportunities for us to “do it”. I much prefer a more organic sexual experience filled with passion rather than worrying about making sure we’re keeping to the schedule. So, how do we nurture this aspect of our marriage in a way that is appropriate given that we have small children and very little privacy? I know that they won’t always be this age and I try my best to cherish this time with them, but I miss my husband.

  36. Chantel says:

    Hi my hubby and I have just finished the 29day series. WOW we had a blast. Could not keep our hands off each other, l finally after 23years of marriage found out that sex was really fun and to find out that my Father God wants it to be good and passionate! WOW once again and thanks for helping us to make such a radical change in our sex life! Thanks for helping us to change our marriage for good. Bless you
    Chantel and Patrick
    South Africa

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