We’re in the final stretch of our 29 Days to Great Sex series! I hope you’ve been enjoying it. And as we near the end of the series, we simultaneously near the date when The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex will be released (update: Available now!)
We’ve focused on how to get more enthusiastic about sex, how to have fun as a couple, how to make it feel great, and how to negotiate some of the more contentious issues, like frequency or what you do. But there’s one other thing that is likely to come in the way of a great sex life. I’ll let this video speak for itself:
Do you like it? Zondervan’s making a series of them for me to promote my book, and this is the first one! (Please hit the Facebook share buttons and Pinterest share buttons below to tell other people about the video!)
Anyway, my husband’s a pediatrician, and he often talks to parents who co-sleep with their babies, and often much older children. The interesting thing about these conversations is that almost unanimously it is the woman’s idea. The man would rather that the kids go elsewhere, but the mom is insisting on the kids being in the bed. That may not be the case in your marriage, but it’s very common.
When you’re a parent, your marriage is now even more important because others are depending on you. Do not allow children to come between you and your husband! Babies in the bed while you’re nursing? I can see that (though my husband would insist that I point out that the American Academy of Pediatrics strongly discourages it because of the increased incidence of SIDS). But at a certain point the best thing for the children is to learn how to go to sleep on their own, in their own bed, so you can have couple time.
I know a substantial number of couples let their kids sleep in bed with them. I am not saying that this always wrong. But I have had those same women tell me “we just have to be more creative about sex.” That’s fine, but as a woman, I know that if I had to be more creative about it, I’d make love less frequently. I just would. Some nights we make love when we’re both tired simply because we’re lying in bed together talking and then stuff happens. If we had to go to a different room, or try not to wake the kids, it wouldn’t happen.
If the kids are putting a damper on your sex life, you owe it to your spouse to have an honest discussion about how he or she feels about it. Many spouses, especially many men, let kids sleep in the bed because they feel as if they don’t have much of a choice. She wants them there, and the kids won’t go to sleep elsewhere.
If bedtime routines are nightmares, because the kids won’t settle to sleep, then get the Ferber book (or just watch any episode of Supernanny on YouTube. She does tons on bedtime routines!) You do not have to live with that kind of chaos forever! And once children learn how to settle themselves and sleep on their own, they are often much more settled children. It is not fun to be a child and to not be able to settle yourself to sleep. It leaves a child very nervous and agitated. Learning to sleep on one’s own is a skill that we give kids, and once they have that, they are much more peaceful.
But what about sex when teens are in the home? That’s even more difficult! And you’ll have to buy the book for my advice on that… (I can’t give you everything here, you know ).
Great Sex Challenge 25: Have an honest talk with each other about how much the kids are hampering your sex life. Commit together that your marriage comes first, and figure out ways to find some alone time, no matter what the ages of the kids! If you’re the one who wants the kids in the bed, or who insists on putting the kids to sleep yourself, then honestly ask your spouse if he or she is on board. If not, listen to their side, and plot a course together which will help all of you get more sleep, and both of you get more intimacy!
New! This 29 Days to Great Sex series has been turned into an ebook, the 31 Days to Great Sex (only $4.99!)
It's expanded, it's written for couples (not just women), and it's easy to use! Ignite your marriage here.
29 Days to Great Sex:
Day 1: The Act of Marriage
Day 2: Starting Fresh
Day 3: Loving the Skin You’re In
Day 4: Pucker Up!
Day 5: Reawaken Desire
Day 6: Why Your Hubby Wants You!
Day 7: Moving in the Right Direction
Day 8: 14 Ways to Play as a Couple
Day 9: Prepare for Sex throughout the Day
Day 10:16 Ways to Flirt with Your Husband
Day 11: How to Find Your Hubby Attractive
Day 12: If you’re Having a Hard Time with these Challenges
Day 13: Getting Your Head in the Game
Day 14: What if You’re Not “In the Mood”?
Day 15: What is Foreplay?
Day 16: How to Orgasm
Day 17: The Pleasure Center
Day 18: Foreplay Can Be for Him, Too!
Day 19: How to Come Alive Again
Day 20: Deciding on Boundaries
Day 21: 5 Ways to Spice Things Up
Day 22: How Often is Enough?
Day 23: Quickies Are Great!
Day 24: Initiate, Baby!
Day 26: Rebuilding Your Sex Life
Day 27: Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy When You Make Love
Day 28: Overcoming Selfishness in the Bedroom
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