26 responses

  1. Mark Prasek
    February 18, 2012

    Just reading this blog is foreplay

    • Sheila
      February 18, 2012

      Then read it together! :) Seriously, I know today’s post is kinda graphic. I hope people are okay with that. I just wanted to give some real answers and tips!

  2. Sexy Christian Wife
    February 18, 2012

    I love your ideas! You are like a mentor who knows everything I need to know, but no one will tell me. I thank God for you.
    Sexy Christian Wife recently posted…ExpectationsMy Profile

  3. kristin
    February 18, 2012

    again well said…. not sure how you could word this post any other way!! :)
    Reading this to hubby later! He loved yesterdays post, but he could have written it… **blushing**:)

  4. Megan Elzey
    February 18, 2012

    Ha Ha! I agree that just reading these posts gets me in the mood. Unfortunately I have been sick, so we have had to wait a few nights. Hopefully tomorrow we will get to try some of these ideas!
    Megan Elzey recently posted…Friday Link-UpMy Profile

  5. Paul Byerly
    February 18, 2012

    Some guys avoid foreplay “on them” out of fear it will get them too aroused and they won’t be able to last once intercourse starts. Usually this is an unfounded fear, and many men find a bit of contact during foreplay actually helps them last longer. Foreplay for him also adds a great deal to his enjoyment both as it happens and when he climaxes.
    Paul Byerly recently posted…Singing about married sexMy Profile

  6. Jessie
    February 19, 2012

    I just found your blog through pinterest. I sat here and read through all 18 days. You have answered so many questions that my husband and I have worried, argued (me, cried) over or just tried to ignore. My husband is working tonight, but I sent him a text saying I had an “a-ha” moment because of your posts. I am so excited to share with him the things I have learned. I thank you for being willing to write about something in a religious light and in a way that celebrates sex in marriage as sacred. Many times while reading I laughed out loud or wanted to cry because I felt like the things you were saying came directly from my heart. I have felt so many of these emotions and I admit that I had feelings as you described as feeling like something was ‘wrong’ with me.

    Soo.. thank you. I feel like I can actually look forward to this journey with my husband now. I can’t wait for more. Thank you, thank you!

    • Sheila
      February 19, 2012

      Oh, Jessie, that’s wonderful! What an encouraging comment for me to wake up to this morning! I pray that you and your husband will really be blessed as you read through these together!

  7. learning is fun!
    February 19, 2012

    Hi, Sheila –

    My wife and I recently attended the WTR conference in Niagara Falls, and we both really appreciate the honesty, candor, and integrity that both you and Keith showed as you showed, through the examples of your own lives, how all of the aspects of marriage can truly be ‘life more abundant.’

    I think that your posts over the past two days make one thing clear: despite what ‘media’ tells us, knowing how to pleasure our spouse isn’t an innate ability. It takes a lot of listening, paying attention, and a real desire to learn how our spouse likes to be touched. The process is an ongoing one – you don’t just get a certificate, declare that you know it all, and close the textbook.

    Also, further to what Paul mentioned above: sometimes, foreplay can cause us guys to not last as long as we’d like, once intercourse begins – but to me, that’s part of the learning. Keep ‘practicing’ with your spouse, and learn together how to experience foreplay, and still enjoy intercourse to its fullest. Most of all, COMMUNICATE! I used to get frustrated when my wife would move my hand, because to me, it meant that I had failed. Well, the only way to ‘fail’ here is to give up trying! I am learning that, when she moves my hand, or tells me how to touch her, that she is allowing herself to be as vulnerable as she possibly could be, because she WANTS me to participate with her, and enjoy each other physically.

    • Sheila
      February 19, 2012

      Wow, that’s an interesting perspective: to think that you had failed if she moved your hand. I’m going to remember that and use it in a talk sometime, because it honestly hadn’t really crossed my mind much that guys might think that way. But I’m glad you’ve gotten beyond it and see it differently now! I think we’re just both so sensitive early in the relationship that we may be doing something wrong that it’s hard to sit back and listen to each other. But communication is definitely the best thing!

  8. Mrs. Wowza!
    February 19, 2012

    I just applied some of these suggestions after reading the post this morning on my iPhone. To be honest, it took some courage. And a pair of 4 inch stilettos.

    We broke the bed frame 30 minutes ago. I’m not kidding. It was the most incredible encounter of our lives.

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for venturing where many bloggers wouldn’t.

    It hasn’t been easy these last few years for us due to chronic illness, personal history and some significant stressors. This will change our marriage. I CANNOT thank you enough. Bless you.

    I really hope we cross paths one day – I think we know quite a few people in common. I want to thank you in person for all these posts and I can’t wait to read your book.

    • Sheila
      February 19, 2012

      Wow, that comment made me laugh so much! Way to go. Glad you’re looking forward to the book! There will definitely be a follow up one based on these posts, I think, given the response that they’re getting!

  9. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous)
    February 19, 2012

    This sort of honest talk is what is often so helpful for married couples. Thanks for speaking frankly and practically about the beauty of intimacy. I am enjoying this series so much!

    On a side note, I wondered when one of us Christian sex bloggers would get around to using the word “grind” in a post. I am noting that you went there first. ;) LOL.
    J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) recently posted…Finding a Good GynecologistMy Profile

    • Sheila
      February 19, 2012

      BOOGER!!!! (if you don’t get the reference, it’s not my fault!).

  10. Nicole
    July 25, 2012

    My guy loves it when I gently suck on his ear it completly arouses him

  11. Jo
    March 8, 2013

    like others found your blog post on pinterest. I am not married but live in the UK with my partner of over 2 1/2 years. I have related so much to your posts, I feel so ashamed sometimes as I am supposed to be young (well 30) and have no children yet, and find my man very attractive. It all started so well but now I beat myself up over the fact Im never in the mood, and its a massive strain on our loving relationship. I am not religious but have been warmed by your words and it feels like someone has given me a big hug. I hope I can go forwards. Thank you.

  12. Penny
    April 11, 2013

    What I reaallly want to know is why my husband can’t barely handle me touching him for foreplay… And how to help. He is super ticklish, and almost any touching on sensitive areas makes him feel like jumping out of his skin. I’m doing my best to not complain and only torture him a little, but is there anything we could do??? I love touching him, and I want more. No one ever seems to write about this or even have gone through this.

  13. Sarah
    May 8, 2013

    When my husband and I are together, all of our foreplay consists of me making him happy. What can I do to share with him that while I love making him happy I need to be touched too? When we average an hour together four or five times a week (he has a high drive) but I am “spotlighted” for five minutes of that time its no wonder sex doesn’tfeel like anything to me! I need more then 5 minutes a week to feel cherished. Now I just feel like his personal call girl. Sex is all about making him feel good and I am look ing forward to this 29 day challenge to help us out.

  14. debbie
    July 2, 2013

    Sarah, thank you for sharing your heart. I’m right where you are. You sound like you’re probably a younger wife. I’ve been married for 26 years. For most of our marriage, our sex life has been pretty good. But for the past year sex has become more and more about my focusing on him during foreplay. Our time together last night was very discouraging for me. It’s interesting that your post is the last one for today, drawing my attention to our common area of need in our marriages. Whether you have a younger husband who is still learning or an older husband who knows better and has become complacent, this is not a fun place to be. I’ve tried to engage my husband in conversations about how we could improve our sex life, telling him about Sheila’s resources and how it might be fun to go through them together, but he’s not interested. :( However, I’ll bet your man will be different and willing to learn. I will pray for you today!

  15. Tina
    February 6, 2014

    I love, love, LOVE your writings about sex in marriage. I wish every married or about to be married person should read them.
    It can be one wild and crazy ride if you just let it!

  16. chinedu
    February 7, 2014

    This article is really educating and informative, will surely share this on my blog, Sheila you are a mentor that I sincerely admire, always know that you do have a mentee from nigeria-west Africa. You are a blessing.

  17. Nane Tolson
    September 26, 2014

    Great article and series of articles. This is a common problem and you address it well. Sexual desires are never perfectly balanced and yet we must always focus on meeting both needs. Thank you!

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