29 Days to Great Sex Day 17: The Pleasure Center

How are you doing with our 29 Days to Great Sex? I know the last few days have been a little steamy, with trying to figure out how to get things to work well physically.

Today I have one more major thing to say in this area before we move on to other aspects of making sex great. We started with our own attitudes, looked at enhancing friendship and fun, and now we’re turning to making it actually feel great.

Here’s some encouragement for you before we get started. Often the conflict over sex between husbands and wives is because women don’t tend to have a high libido (now, if in your marriage it’s the other way, as it is in about 25% of marriages, you can read this, and then wait for after our 29 Days, when I’ll be writing a few posts just for you!). But it’s not just frequency that leads to conflict. One husband emailed me recently saying that he and his wife make love every few days, but she shows no enthusiasm. So he feels like she’s just placating him.

What usually happens in marriages is that once women experience real passion, frequency does increase. But the passion itself is what the husbands often crave. It’s not just the release; it’s seeing her receive and experience pleasure.

So how can we experience pleasure? We’ve talked about more foreplay and how to relax and experience orgasm, but let’s get a little more technical (which will end up meaning we’ll have more fun!)

Here’s the thing about orgasm for women: pretty much all orgasms are caused by the clitoris (that little knob of flesh in front of the vagina) being stimulated or pressed. The vagina itself doesn’t have that many nerves; the clitoris, as tiny as it is, actually has more nerves than the penis. It’s the clitoris that is the little bundle of pleasure.

But because it’s little, it often doesn’t get a lot of stimulation once intercourse starts. So here are a few tips for making sure your clitoris gets the attention that it needs to experience real pleasure:

1. Change up the missionary position

Tilt your pelvis up when you’re on the bottom. If he’s on top, and you just lie there, you won’t actually experience a lot of stimulation. Tilt up, though, and you’re putting pressure on the clitoris and changing the angle so that his pelvic bone comes in contact with you there during intercourse. So try tilting up. It’s a little change, but it does a lot!

2. Try being on top

If you are on top during intercourse, then very slowly try to change the angle so that you can hit him at the right spot that makes you feel good. Just rotate a bit until it feels good.

3. Have him touch you

If you’re trying other positions, just have him put a finger or two there, so that you’re receiving stimulation during intercourse.

What often happens is that during foreplay you may feel great because he’s directly stimulating you where it feels good. But then you start actual intercourse, and the stimulation almost stops, depending upon your position. That’s often why women have a hard time reaching orgasm. Instead, try to vary the angle (even if you don’t really vary the position) so that your clitoris does get that sensation. A small change like tilting your hips can do wonders.

I have many more tips in The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, but here’s one that hopefully will help you quickly! Many women feel as if something must be wrong with them because intercourse itself just doesn’t feel that wonderful. But that’s actually quite normal. Because the vagina doesn’t have many nerves, unless you’re making an effort to have your clitoris line up with the base of his pelvis, you’re not going to get the pleasurable feelings that you need. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to adjust your position a little bit!

I received an email from a woman lately where she stated that she could only orgasm in one position, and she felt like there was something wrong with her, and she should be aiming for more. I don’t think that’s the case at all. Many of us find a position that works, because we’ve had to rotate and tilt and try to get the angle just right, and with the shape of his body, and the shape of ours, there’s one that just is more conducive. And it’s not the same position for each woman, either! If you enjoy other positions, but you find that only one lets you orgasm, that’s really okay. You can always use the others as a type of foreplay, and then always finish in one. It doesn’t mean that you’re inferior or something if you don’t enjoy sexual gymnastics!

Incidentally, as you try to find the right position, it also means that you’ll have to more active while you make love. You won’t be able to just “lie there”. You’ll have to shift a bit, or tilt a bit, and that means you’ll be more engaged. Your husband will likely appreciate this, because it will show that you are desiring to make love, and that you are choosing to receive pleasure. That’s a big deal to a man. So even if it takes you a few tries (or a lot of tries) to get it right, he’ll really enjoy your effort (and likely so will you).

So here’s your challenge:

Great Sex Challenge 17: Tonight, try a position or two, but stop him from moving, and you rotate until you get the right angle. This takes some courage and assertiveness! You’ll have to speak up! And if it doesn’t feel just right, keep trying. Change positions if you have to. But don’t just “settle” for something. Really tell him what feels good, and keep working at it until you find it!

Tomorrow: Foreplay is for him, too!

And on February 29, I’ll be announcing our great contest where you could win a first–or second–honeymoon! I’ll also be hosting a live chat on Facebook, and a Twitter party, so hit the subscribe button and keep up with the announcements, so you don’t miss anything.

Still 30% off at Amazon until March 6!

29 Days to Great Sex:

Day 1: The Act of Marriage
Day 2: Starting Fresh
Day 3: Loving the Skin You’re In
Day 4: Pucker Up!
Day 5: Reawaken Desire
Day 6: Why Your Hubby Wants You!
Day 7: Moving in the Right Direction
Day 8: 14 Ways to Play as a Couple
Day 9: Prepare for Sex throughout the Day
Day 10:16 Ways to Flirt with Your Husband
Day 11: How to Find Your Hubby Attractive
Day 12: If you’re Having a Hard Time with these Challenges
Day 13: Getting Your Head in the Game
Day 14: What if You’re Not “In the Mood”?
Day 15: What is Foreplay?
Day 16: How to Orgasm

Next: Foreplay is for Him, Too!

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Related posts:

1. 29 Days to Great Sex Day 16: How to Have an Orgasm
2. 29 Days to Great Sex Day 14: When You Don’t Want to Make Love
3. 29 Days to Great Sex Day 13: Getting Your Head in the Game
4. 29 Days to Great Sex Day 4: Pucker Up!