A few weeks ago we talked on Wifey Wednesday about a rather embarrassing, and distressing, problem. What do you do when you find yourself “too loose” after childbirth? You’ve pushed out some babies, and your vagina doesn’t seem to push back anymore. You feel like your vagina is too loose, and you’re not enjoying sex as much now. And neither is your husband!
We talked about some strategies, and a few physiotherapists weighed in in the comments and gave some really useful suggestions. I just wanted to write a quick post and follow up with some of what they said, as well as with some more resources that I’ve found. But if you missed the original post on dealing with sex when you’re too loose, read it first.
The physiotherapists agree that Kegel exercises are the best therapy. Squeeze and relax while you’re peeing to stop the flow just to get used to what a Kegel squeeze feels like. Make sure you don’t get too used to doing these Kegels while you’re peeing, though, or you could inadvertently cause a bladder infection by failing to empty your bladder all the way.
Physiotherapists do have exercises they can help you with, too, if you’re comfortable approaching someone with this problem. If that sounds just too creepy and weird for you, though, here are some resources created by physiotherapists that can aid you!
In the first post I mentioned balls that you can hold inside your vagina to get your muscles used to squeezing again. But I was really reluctant to point to sex toy shops, because I have issues with a lot of things they sell. Well, I found some that you can buy on Amazon that aren’t actual sex toys! Instead, they’re Kegel exercisers created by physiotherapists, and you can check them out here. These look like exactly the kind of thing I was thinking of, and they’re exactly for this issue.
Beyond Kegels is a book that looks specifically at how to exercise to cure incontinence, but it’s the same muscles, and this program gives more than just the typical Kegel exercises. So if you’re having real problems, this gives solutions in exercises that only take about 5 minutes a day. And if you’re more the DVD type, and want to watch, here’s a DVD set that addresses how you stand, lift, walk, and all kinds of other things to improve your pelvic muscles.
Now, I know a lot of you women don’t really like thinking about this. A lot of us are embarrassed about our bodies to begin with. We’re bigger than we once were. We feel like we’ve lost our attractiveness. Our waist has disappeared. And now that one part of us that we took for granted isn’t really bouncing back, either.
If you’re embarrassed, don’t let it stop you from getting help. The vagina is a muscle like anything else. If you work it out, you make it stronger. You really can feel empowered and feminine and strong again. And believe me, your marriage is worth it. So go and check these pelvic exercisers out! You’re worth it.
But what if you have the opposite problem? What if you’re too tight? I’ve written about vaginismus before, and if you’re really struggling because you find sex painful, do not stand for it! Really, it’s not supposed to be painful, and you absolutely can get over this and enjoy sex. I know I did. The Complete Vaginismus Treatment Kit takes you step-by-step through understanding what vaginismus is, what the steps are to a cure, and how to implement those steps without surgery, a lot of invasive doctor’s visits, and more. It comes with a DVD, a set of vaginal dilators, and some books, and it has great reviews. Take a look!
Truly, the vagina is a muscle like anything else. And like anything else, it can go wrong in a variety of ways. The vagina can be too loose, and it can be too tight. It can be painful, or it can not feel much of anything at all. And if you’re struggling with sex because of this, it’s easy to start to believe that “sex just isn’t for me“, and then give up. Please don’t. Your marriage needs you to try. Your husband needs you to try. And God wants you to experience the joy that comes from a good sex life. When things physically go wrong, sometimes we start believing, “sex was made for everyone but me.” Or we think, “this sex thing is a crock. It really is only for guys.” I know. I’ve been there. But it isn’t. That’s a lie, and you don’t have to think that. It really can get better. And if you’re struggling with understanding why God created sex this way, and what His intention really was, I pray my book The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex can give you hope.
Whatever your problem is, whether it’s flashbacks from sexual abuse, or fear, or physical issues, or shame, just know that it doesn’t have to stay this way. You may not be able to see a way out now, but it can be better. And if you can at least hold on to that promise, then it’s easier to get help. And it’s easier to communicate this hope to your husband, so that you can go forward together.
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