Photo by nblumhardt
Ever had one of those weeks where just weird things happen to you? Allow me to share three tidbits from my life which demonstrate how upside down things are sometimes.
1. When your day starts off with having to kill a bunny, you know it can only get better from here.
One morning this week the girls and I were jogging, as we do almost every morning, when we came upon a bunny that had been partially run over. We assumed the thing was dead, so we all groaned the obligatory, “Ahhhh, that’s so sad,” when all of a sudden said dead bunny started moving its legs.
We screamed and jumped back, as if this bunny were about to charge or something. But since blood was coming out of its eyes, I think the chances of that were rather slim.
Nevertheless, I now had a dilemma. A bunny was lying on the road, not dead, but obviously in pain. And crows were circling. What do you do?
My youngest decided this was ridiculous and she headed for home, but Rebecca and I continued to fret about this bunny’s fate. We’d beg passing motorists to run over it and end its misery, but no one took us up on the offer.
“I could run over it with the van,” I helpfully suggested, but we both agreed I’d be too chicken to do it.
Because we wanted some way to help, we went to fetch shovels, thinking at least we could move it to the grass so it could die somewhere comfortable. Walking around in sunny weather with winter shovels we approached the bunny, who was still not quite dead. Then I thought, “if it has a broken leg and we move it, we’re only causing it more pain.” I briefly considered decapitation, but then realized I could never do that, either. Drowning, perhaps?
In desperation we headed to my nephew’s grandparent’s house, which is just around the corner. My nephew, who is 15, happened to be home, and he came with us and promptly finished the bunny off with a quick blow to the skull. Then he and his grandfather buried it.
Moral of the story: sometimes it’s good to have 15-year-old boys around!
2. Props can come in handy.
Last Saturday I spoke at a Girls Night Out event in Niagara Falls (if you live in the Maritimes, I’m coming in November! Check it out here). I planned to make the three-hour drive home that night, rather than staying in Niagara, because I had to be at church the next morning. I don’t mind driving at night; I had CDs ready to go, and Diet Pepsi to keep me awake. I was ready for anything.
Except a major traffic jam, that had me sitting on the QEW for three hours. After I had travelled only about 40 miles I finally got through the jam, was able to exit, and got a hotel for the night.
“But I’m going to have to sleep in my clothes!”, I moaned. Then, as I was going through my car to see what supplies I might have for an overnight stay, I found the famous nightgown that I use as a prop when I speak.
And lo and behold, I was all set.
If you want to see the routine, here it is from a few tours back:
3. Be Wary of Sales Staff
This year, as I went through my speaking wardrobe, I realized I would need some new clothes. The Girls Night Out set has a background that’s royal blue, and most of my clothes were blue. Take a picture of me up there and you can’t see me.
I have lots of nice clothes, and didn’t really need anything personally, but I needed a few speaking outfits. So I headed down to a locally owned boutique where I have bought some nice things in the past and tried on some clothes. I was in a hurry, so I didn’t look that closely, but the women there told me that the jacket and the blouses looked “just fabulous!”
They were awfully pricey, but I wanted quality, and I knew I’d wear them again. So I bought them. Then, last Saturday, when I was getting ready to leave, I tried on an outfit.
It looked hideous.
It was too big in the shoulders and it just hung there, making me look like a box or a giant rectangle. I had no shape. I called the girls in and we frantically tried to make it work, but nothing did. They said, “we tried to tell you in the store, but the women kept shushing us.”
Note to sales staff: never shush my kids. They have good instincts.
I wore something else, went into a store in Niagara Falls and bought some much better–and cheaper–stuff, and was happy.
So I went to return the things this week and they almost wouldn’t take them back. They’re “special occasion” wear, and I guess boutiques don’t even do exchanges on special occasion wear. I was mightily ticked, but talked them into it. So now I’m in the position where all I can do is exchange (not get money back), and I don’t want or need any other clothes. I wanted to spend money redoing my basement.
I bought some jewellery and a few sweaters, and came away much wiser.
Lesson: When you’re trying on clothes at a boutique, start with something absolutely hideous and ask the salesperson how you look. If they say, “Fantastic!!!”, walk out of there as fast as you can. They only want your money; they’re not interested if you actually look good.
I wish I had figured that out earlier!