25 Marriage Tips

25 Funny But True Marriage Tips for a Long and Happy Life Together

With June, the wedding month, peeking around the corner at us, I thought it was time to present you with twenty-five tips for a successful marriage, to help a wife make her husband happy, and a husband make a wife happy. And some are even funny tips, too! And so, in no particular order, here is my accumulated wisdom, little as it may be:

1. Talk to your spouse more kindly than you talk to anyone else in the world. Too often we speak the most harshly to those closest to us.

2. Remember that marriage is less about marrying the right person and more about becoming the right person.

3. Don’t forget to laugh. Most couples spend the majority of their time talking logistics: who’s doing the grocery shopping, who’s calling the repairman, who’s picking up the kids. A relationship can’t survive on logistics. Have a water fight instead.

4. She needs you to be her best friend. Everyday, talk to her and tell her what you’re thinking. Even if you don’t think you’re thinking about anything. She needs to hear your heart.

5. He needs you to be his cheerleader. Let him know you believe he can take on the world.

6. Find ways to say “I love you” that don’t involve sex.

Funny Marriage Tips

7. When you dress up, make sure the main person you’re dressing up for is him. And put on lipstick.

8. Leave the toilet seat down.

9. Forgiving means not bringing that old infraction up every time you have a new fight. Let it go.

10. If it’s not solved at 2:30 a.m., it’s not going to be solved at 3:00 a.m. either. Go to sleep. You can deal with it tomorrow, assuming you even remember what the fight was about.

11. When you’re having an argument, listen to understand, don’t listen to find loopholes so you can win. Marriage is either a win/win or a lose/lose. You can’t win by beating someone else down.

12. Your kids come second, not first. Your marriage needs to be number one. Your spouse was there before the kids and will be there after the kids move out. Work on that relationship first.

13. If you haven’t fully committed to your marriage, it won’t succeed. If you’re always testing your spouse, your spouse will always come up short. No one is perfect.

14. You will never drift together. People only ever drift apart. If you want to grow closer, you have to be intentional about it.

15. Let her cry. She needs to every now and then.

16. Don’t bug him if he doesn’t cry. Some men just don’t show their feelings. That’s why they’re men.

17. Don’t say everything that’s on your mind. More marriages would survive if more things went unsaid.

18. Let her be your every fantasy. Keep your eyeballs off everyone else.

19. Let him be your every fantasy. Keep your eyeballs off romance novels.

20. Don’t think he’s gross if he farts. Don’t think she’s pathetic if she obsesses over paint colours. You married someone of the opposite gender. That’s what life is about.

21. Don’t run to your mom if your spouse does something you don’t like. You’re a unit now. Act like it.

Every Love Story Wall Decal--$25

Every Love Story Wall Decal–$25

22. Make one of your favourite topics of conversation how much you admire your spouse. Tell your kids. Tell your friends. And let your spouse hear.

23. Men would be ecstatic if women showed up naked and brought food. Most women need more than that. Men, make it your goal in life to figure her out. Woo her. She’s worth it.

24. Say yes far more frequently than you say no.

And finally, for you women:

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  1. Courtney (Women Living Well) says:

    >Oh I love love LOVE this list!!!
    Have a great Memorial Day Weekend!!!

    Much Love,

  2. Kathryn Lang says:

    >"2. Remember that marriage is less about marrying the right person and more about becoming the right person."

    Just starting to write my own post today about why my husband does not make me happy. 😀 And it all comes back around to my heart and being all that I am called to be. Thanks for the reassurance.

  3. ali @ an ordinary mom says:

    >Oh, yes, there is some good stuff here!

  4. >"7. When you dress up, make sure the main person you’re dressing up for is him. And put on lipstick."

    If he likes lipstick. :)

    • I thought the same thing. :)
      My husband can’t stand lipstick. That’s okay, I’ve never worn it before anyway.

      • Nunia bizness says:

        AGREED! I despise lipstick.
        The darker the lipstick the more I think it reminds me of a clown.
        Am I attracted to clowns?!
        I apologize if you find it “sexy and attractive”k.

    • One of the things I noticed about my future wife, and was thrilled by it, was that she did not wear make-up. I thought, “I know what I am getting with her”.
      Now that we are both seniors the benefits are becoming obvious. She looks younger than other women of similar age who have used make-up all their lives. (I am not trying to upset women who do use make-up, I am just speaking from experience with my own wife.)
      None use of make-up has great financial benefits too.

  5. Joanne@ Blessed... says:

    >Love these. Going to try a few myself today. wink wink!

  6. >Love these! Thanks!
    I'm totally going ot get my husband to read them :)

  7. Herding Grasshoppers says:

    >Yes, yes, yes!

    True and funny!


  8. Miss. Candy says:

    >This is a fantastic list!!!

  9. tgmagazine says:

    >These are great! Too hard to pick a favorite – they're all so important and I wish I had known them 10 years ago. However, it's never too late to start.

    I have two family members getting married this summer, I was wondering if I could have your permission to print these up and present the list to them (with proper credit, of course!)? Thanks ~ Heather

  10. Warren Baldwin says:

    >Somebody had this article posted on fb and I linked over. Very good! Worth reading and passing around!

  11. Carrie C. Stone says:

    >I love this, and will be sending it out to everyone I know who is getting married and to those who are struggling to stay married. You really hit the nail on the head!

  12. >Great tips! Thanks! I'll probably link to these tomorrow.

  13. Shawnee says:

    >I love this list. My favorite is number 12. I think a lot of times we get wrapped up in our children and forget about our spouse. I have worked very hard not to do that.

  14. Julie Stiles Mills says:

    >Definitely #14! "14. You will never drift together. People only ever drift apart. If you want to grow closer, you have to be intentional about it."

    And it has to be a constant thing. If you wait too long the chasm becomes increasingly difficult to reach across.

  15. Love love love this list! Although, I have to disagree a *little* with #19. As a writer of romance for the Christian market, I think wholesome, realistic romance novels are acceptable. Stay away from the smut.
    Jennifer K. Hale recently posted…Putting Priority Into PracticeMy Profile

  16. Best marriage advice I have ever read!!!

  17. Faaaa-bulous list! Happy loving, everyone! :)

  18. I like post #17: Don’t say everything that is on your mind. I think this is especially true if you are experiencing moodiness due to the time of the month or perimenopause.
    Glenda de Vries recently posted…Jul 23, How Long Does Menopause Last?My Profile

  19. #12 is my favorite. I’ve always said this. Pin’d ya! Thank you!

  20. I love the part of speaking highly of your spouse and telling everyone how great they are so they can see that you really do care enough to tell the world they are still your every thing. I love hearing older couples tell people how much that their spouse does for them and how much they love them. To me it shows me that even after so long they can still be turned on by that person just in the little things they do.

  21. My favorites from this list are 14 (drifting) and 17 (not saying everything you think). Many valuable viewpoints here. Thank you for sharing!
    Kim Hawkins recently posted…Being A Positive Wife Is…My Profile

  22. #12 i never though of it like that!

  23. #12 “Kids are second” & #21 “Don’t run to mom.” Great tips!
    Maegan recently posted…Get To Know The Breezy Birdie FamilyMy Profile

  24. I to add the lipstick a little more often. We need to work on spoiling each other and not our children. Great post. I’m pinning!!

    Blended4Purpose recently posted…First LoveMy Profile

  25. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been reading your blogs. What about when he won’t have sex. He is supposedly attracted to me (hard to believe though since we have sex so little)

    Communication sucks. (Sorry for being blunt) He talks/yells; won’t listen. I’m so frustrated; emotionally and sexually.

    I have mentors & wise counsels (& ppl like you that God works through) but I really am at my breaking point.

    • Hi there,

      I’m so, so sorry that you’re going through this! It’s actually far more common than people realize, and I’ve written a few blog series on it. You can find one here. I hope that helps! It gives suggestions on how to talk to him about it, what to do, and when you just seriously need an intervention.

  26. Hi Sheila!
    I got married 6 months ago, and I believe your blog has helped me so much already!
    My husband has seemed somewhat discouraged recently because we are renting a house without AC (in Texas), he doesn’t get paid as much as he would like, and he wants to get a better job, etc. He has such a burden to carry. I am happy where we are and I know things will get better.
    I want to COMMUNICATE CONFIDENCE IN MY MAN and what he is about and “be his cheerleader” like you said in #5, but my husband is not the type that really responds to spoken words of affirmation. I need to find another way to let him know he’s doing an awesome job.
    Are there other ways I can communicate this to him so that he’ll understand?

    • Great question, Lissa! I should write a post on that.

      Quick thoughts:

      1. Express gratitude not TO him all the time, but just in general. “I’m so glad that we have a place to live.” “I’m so glad that we’re building our lives together.” “I’m so glad God has blessed us with this amazing country to live in.” Express your feeling of contentment in your circumstances. Pray these things out loud, too.

      2. Tell others the same thing, especially when he will hear!

      3. Have sex lots. :)

      4. Ask what things you can do to support him. Would he like you to budget better? Are there areas that you can help him? Ask him how you can support him in his plans. Don’t take over, or say “I think we need to do this”, but say, “you’re doing such a great job. I want to help, but I don’t know where to start. What things can I do to support you?”

      I hope that helps!

  27. She is Life says:

    This is great. Good to read everyday with your spouse.

  28. There were some great tips that I will try right now – hope they work :-) Well, if they don’t work right away I think they will in time because my partner may get suspicious when I do something differently all of a sudden. Also, I think that the recipe for a happy marriage is to fulfill your own needs. Also, to look at your partner as you did when you once met – when you saw him/her as the most beautiful and amazing person in the world – then you bring out the best in your spouse. It may take some practice though. It’s important to feel good about yourself if you want to see that this wonderful person still exists :-)
    Lisa @ Recipe for a Happy Marriage recently posted…Recipe for a Happy Marriage – Ingredients for a Good MarriageMy Profile

  29. #26. Don’t be afraid to apologize!

  30. very frustrated says:

    I know this list is meant to encourage and help relationships, but it can be frustrating for someone who tries to do them and feels stuck. Everyone ALWAYS says to be HIS cheerleader. I’ve tried to support him and be his cheerleader for 20 years. I guess I could use some of that support and cheerleading from him. Maybe everyone assumes wives get it from their girlfriends, mom, sisters, etc. but we have moved so much it’s hard to have close girlfriends and even though I’m close with one sister, she’s far away and HE is supposed to be my best friend who is always geographically near. No one can be what he can be for me. (Lest you assume I cling to my sister and push him away–I am careful to make sure he never thinks she is all my support and such–I rarely mention her and limit our phone calls to be during his work time only; she’s always lived too far away to visit—I’ve seen her about 5 or 6 times since we’ve been married).
    Trying to hang in there, but it seems I’m trying to do all the things I read about and he does none of them. I’ve read a lot of your blog, a million other blogs and a zillion books. I try so many of these things, I feel like I spend more time thinking, praying and doing for him/our marriage and our 7 kids and it’s just not humanly possible to do it with just me trying. I don’t really expect you to have answers for me with so many issues involved. Just venting frustration—that cheerleading thing really hit a nerve, as no one EVER says HE should be his wife’s cheerleader also.

    • Wow, so I know your post is almost a year old but I’m sitting here this morning feeling the same kind of way. Where is MY cheerleader? Seems only my kids and my family members are my cheerleaders.

  31. I love these and will certainly share with my husband. I also like the idea of making a printed list (with credit) to include in my cards for friends and family that are getting married.

    On the part about keeping your eyes off romance novels:
    I don’t read them too often, but historical romance is my choice of reading material more often times than not. I read the 50 Shades of Grey series twice on my own. My husband,being curious as to what all the hoopla was about, agreed to read the series with me (on my 3rd time). Each night we read a chapter aloud, taking turns being the reader. It was fun and had many benefits (wink, wink). We discussed the character’s relationship which brought up our own. We became much closer over that time period and enjoyed the activity so much and how close it brought us that we are planning to start another book together soon…this time one of his choosing.

    Thanks for posting these.

  32. Love most of these but not sure about 17. I think sometimes we let the little things pass until they become the big things. More about how you say it. How does he know it drives you crazy that he doesn’t use coasters unless you tell him? You are part of each other now share with each lovingly and without malice and it should bring you together not apart. At least that’s been our experiance.

  33. Spot on with this write-up, I really believe this web site needs far more attention. I’ll probably be returning
    to read through more, thanks for the advice!
    Solomon recently posted…SolomonMy Profile

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  1. […] Over 15 years, the blessings and memories that we have made and received is a list longer than I can make. All his redeeming qualities: again, a long list. I am so thankful for each of them. We have had our share of growing experiences pains as well. I offer no counsel as I am still working on this daily. I am celebrating 15 years of him embracing tolerating my quirks downright difficult-to-be-around-ways. I hope and pray against a love that is selfish and that our love would be godly and point each other to Christ,  recognizing that our love and relationship is a gift from God. I have found that all too often it is easy to procrastinate my intentions to show love – my love needs to be purposefully intentional. A marriage is either intentionally growing or it is carelessly opening itself for failure. Intentionally growing is not synonymous with marital bliss. It is through thick and thin having my eyes on Jesus. I can’t imagine marriage without Jesus as the foundation and am so thankful for that. It becomes easy in the fast pace lives we live, to procrastinate the nurturing our marriage needs a long the way. I look forward to working intentionally on the next 15 years of our marriage and the treasures that are to come.  I came across this blog post this morning and though it was excellent reminder and start to our next 15 years : http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2010/05/25-marriage-tips/ […]

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