With June, the wedding month, peeking around the corner at us, I thought it was time to present you with twenty-five tips for a successful marriage, to help a wife make her husband happy, and a husband make a wife happy. And so, in no particular order, here is my accumulated wisdom, little as it may be:
1. Talk to your spouse more kindly than you talk to anyone else in the world. Too often we speak the most harshly to those closest to us.
2. Remember that marriage is less about marrying the right person and more about becoming the right person.
3. Don’t forget to laugh. Most couples spend the majority of their time talking logistics: who’s doing the grocery shopping, who’s calling the repairman, who’s picking up the kids. A relationship can’t survive on logistics. Have a water fight instead.
4. She needs you to be her best friend. Everyday, talk to her and tell her what you’re thinking. Even if you don’t think you’re thinking about anything. She needs to hear your heart.
5. He needs you to be his cheerleader. Let him know you believe he can take on the world.
6. Find ways to say “I love you” that don’t involve sex.
7. When you dress up, make sure the main person you’re dressing up for is him. And put on lipstick.
8. Leave the toilet seat down.
9. Forgiving means not bringing that old infraction up every time you have a new fight. Let it go.
10. If it’s not solved at 2:30 a.m., it’s not going to be solved at 3:00 a.m. either. Go to sleep. You can deal with it tomorrow, assuming you even remember what the fight was about.
11. When you’re having an argument, listen to understand, don’t listen to find loopholes so you can win. Marriage is either a win/win or a lose/lose. You can’t win by beating someone else down.
12. Your kids come second, not first. Your marriage needs to be number one. Your spouse was there before the kids and will be there after the kids move out. Work on that relationship first.
13. If you haven’t fully committed to your marriage, it won’t succeed. If you’re always testing your spouse, your spouse will always come up short. No one is perfect.
14. You will never drift together. People only ever drift apart. If you want to grow closer, you have to be intentional about it.
15. Let her cry. She needs to every now and then.
16. Don’t bug him if he doesn’t cry. Some men just don’t show their feelings. That’s why they’re men.
17. Don’t say everything that’s on your mind. More marriages would survive if more things went unsaid.
18. Let her be your every fantasy. Keep your eyeballs off everyone else.
19. Let him be your every fantasy. Keep your eyeballs off romance novels.
20. Don’t think he’s gross if he farts. Don’t think she’s pathetic if she obsesses over paint colours. You married someone of the opposite gender. That’s what life is about.
21. Don’t run to your mom if your spouse does something you don’t like. You’re a unit now. Act like it.
Every Love Story Wall Decal–$25
22. Make one of your favourite topics of conversation how much you admire your spouse. Tell your kids. Tell your friends. And let your spouse hear.
23. Men would be ecstatic if women showed up naked and brought food. Most women need more than that. Men, make it your goal in life to figure her out. Woo her. She’s worth it.
24. Say yes far more frequently than you say no.
And finally, for you women:
If you have trouble “jumping him” (#25), Sheila‘s new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, goes into how to create a truly intimate relationship on three levels: physical, emotional, and spiritual. And my 31 Days to Great Sex ebook gives you 31 days of challenges to work through as a couple.
Marriage isn't supposed to be blah! Sex is supposed to be stupendous--physically, emotionally, AND spiritually. If it's not, get The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex--and find out what you've been missing.
>Oh I love love LOVE this list!!!
Have a great Memorial Day Weekend!!!
Much Love,
Courtney
http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com
>"2. Remember that marriage is less about marrying the right person and more about becoming the right person."
Just starting to write my own post today about why my husband does not make me happy.
And it all comes back around to my heart and being all that I am called to be. Thanks for the reassurance.
>Oh, yes, there is some good stuff here!
>"7. When you dress up, make sure the main person you’re dressing up for is him. And put on lipstick."
If he likes lipstick.
I thought the same thing.
My husband can’t stand lipstick. That’s okay, I’ve never worn it before anyway.
>Love these. Going to try a few myself today. wink wink!
>Thank you!
http://www.chatswithanoldlady.com
>Love these! Thanks!
I'm totally going ot get my husband to read them
>Yes, yes, yes!
True and funny!
Julie
>This is a fantastic list!!!
>These are great! Too hard to pick a favorite – they're all so important and I wish I had known them 10 years ago. However, it's never too late to start.
I have two family members getting married this summer, I was wondering if I could have your permission to print these up and present the list to them (with proper credit, of course!)? Thanks ~ Heather
>Somebody had this article posted on fb and I linked over. Very good! Worth reading and passing around!
>I love this, and will be sending it out to everyone I know who is getting married and to those who are struggling to stay married. You really hit the nail on the head!
>Great tips! Thanks! I'll probably link to these tomorrow.
>I love this list. My favorite is number 12. I think a lot of times we get wrapped up in our children and forget about our spouse. I have worked very hard not to do that.
>Definitely #14! "14. You will never drift together. People only ever drift apart. If you want to grow closer, you have to be intentional about it."
And it has to be a constant thing. If you wait too long the chasm becomes increasingly difficult to reach across.
Love love love this list! Although, I have to disagree a *little* with #19. As a writer of romance for the Christian market, I think wholesome, realistic romance novels are acceptable. Stay away from the smut.
Jennifer K. Hale recently posted..Putting Priority Into Practice
Best marriage advice I have ever read!!!
Faaaa-bulous list! Happy loving, everyone!
I like post #17: Don’t say everything that is on your mind. I think this is especially true if you are experiencing moodiness due to the time of the month or perimenopause.
Glenda de Vries recently posted..Jul 23, How Long Does Menopause Last?
#12 is my favorite. I’ve always said this. Pin’d ya! Thank you!
I love the part of speaking highly of your spouse and telling everyone how great they are so they can see that you really do care enough to tell the world they are still your every thing. I love hearing older couples tell people how much that their spouse does for them and how much they love them. To me it shows me that even after so long they can still be turned on by that person just in the little things they do.
great tips, we are in a similar mission to make marriages better.
Lets guest post on each other’s blogs and it will increase readership
for both of us
John Wilder recently posted..Five Things for Women To Try in Bed
My favorites from this list are 14 (drifting) and 17 (not saying everything you think). Many valuable viewpoints here. Thank you for sharing!
Kim Hawkins recently posted..Being A Positive Wife Is…
#12 i never though of it like that!
#12 “Kids are second” & #21 “Don’t run to mom.” Great tips!
Maegan recently posted..Get To Know The Breezy Birdie Family
I to add the lipstick a little more often. We need to work on spoiling each other and not our children. Great post. I’m pinning!!
Blessings~
Alethea
Blended4Purpose recently posted..First Love
I’ve been reading your blogs. What about when he won’t have sex. He is supposedly attracted to me (hard to believe though since we have sex so little)
Communication sucks. (Sorry for being blunt) He talks/yells; won’t listen. I’m so frustrated; emotionally and sexually.
I have mentors & wise counsels (& ppl like you that God works through) but I really am at my breaking point.
Hi there,
I’m so, so sorry that you’re going through this! It’s actually far more common than people realize, and I’ve written a few blog series on it. You can find one here. I hope that helps! It gives suggestions on how to talk to him about it, what to do, and when you just seriously need an intervention.