49 responses

  1. Courtney (Women Living Well)
    May 28, 2010

    >Oh I love love LOVE this list!!!
    Have a great Memorial Day Weekend!!!

    Much Love,

  2. Kathryn Lang
    May 28, 2010

    >"2. Remember that marriage is less about marrying the right person and more about becoming the right person."

    Just starting to write my own post today about why my husband does not make me happy. :D And it all comes back around to my heart and being all that I am called to be. Thanks for the reassurance.

  3. ali @ an ordinary mom
    May 28, 2010

    >Oh, yes, there is some good stuff here!

  4. Sally
    May 28, 2010

    >"7. When you dress up, make sure the main person you’re dressing up for is him. And put on lipstick."

    If he likes lipstick. :)

    • Rayell
      July 13, 2012

      I thought the same thing. :)
      My husband can’t stand lipstick. That’s okay, I’ve never worn it before anyway.

      • Nunia bizness
        April 6, 2014

        AGREED! I despise lipstick.
        The darker the lipstick the more I think it reminds me of a clown.
        Am I attracted to clowns?!
        I apologize if you find it “sexy and attractive”k.

    • P
      May 26, 2014

      One of the things I noticed about my future wife, and was thrilled by it, was that she did not wear make-up. I thought, “I know what I am getting with her”.
      Now that we are both seniors the benefits are becoming obvious. She looks younger than other women of similar age who have used make-up all their lives. (I am not trying to upset women who do use make-up, I am just speaking from experience with my own wife.)
      None use of make-up has great financial benefits too.

      • Elsie Bouwman
        August 27, 2014

        I was taught that too, that non-use of make up has it’s benefits!

  5. Joanne@ Blessed…
    May 28, 2010

    >Love these. Going to try a few myself today. wink wink!

  6. gina
    May 28, 2010
  7. Tessa
    May 28, 2010

    >Love these! Thanks!
    I'm totally going ot get my husband to read them :)

  8. Herding Grasshoppers
    May 28, 2010

    >Yes, yes, yes!

    True and funny!


  9. Miss. Candy
    May 28, 2010

    >This is a fantastic list!!!

  10. tgmagazine
    May 29, 2010

    >These are great! Too hard to pick a favorite – they're all so important and I wish I had known them 10 years ago. However, it's never too late to start.

    I have two family members getting married this summer, I was wondering if I could have your permission to print these up and present the list to them (with proper credit, of course!)? Thanks ~ Heather

  11. Warren Baldwin
    May 29, 2010

    >Somebody had this article posted on fb and I linked over. Very good! Worth reading and passing around!

  12. Carrie C. Stone
    May 30, 2010

    >I love this, and will be sending it out to everyone I know who is getting married and to those who are struggling to stay married. You really hit the nail on the head!

  13. Marsha
    June 2, 2010

    >Great tips! Thanks! I'll probably link to these tomorrow.

  14. Shawnee
    June 2, 2010

    >I love this list. My favorite is number 12. I think a lot of times we get wrapped up in our children and forget about our spouse. I have worked very hard not to do that.

  15. Julie Stiles Mills
    June 28, 2010

    >Definitely #14! "14. You will never drift together. People only ever drift apart. If you want to grow closer, you have to be intentional about it."

    And it has to be a constant thing. If you wait too long the chasm becomes increasingly difficult to reach across.

  16. Jennifer K. Hale
    May 3, 2012

    Love love love this list! Although, I have to disagree a *little* with #19. As a writer of romance for the Christian market, I think wholesome, realistic romance novels are acceptable. Stay away from the smut.
    Jennifer K. Hale recently posted…Putting Priority Into PracticeMy Profile

  17. Ashli
    June 14, 2012

    Best marriage advice I have ever read!!!

  18. Bethany
    July 21, 2012

    Faaaa-bulous list! Happy loving, everyone! :)

  19. Glenda de Vries
    July 23, 2012

    I like post #17: Don’t say everything that is on your mind. I think this is especially true if you are experiencing moodiness due to the time of the month or perimenopause.
    Glenda de Vries recently posted…Jul 23, How Long Does Menopause Last?My Profile

  20. Jamie
    August 8, 2012

    #12 is my favorite. I’ve always said this. Pin’d ya! Thank you!

  21. Danielle
    September 20, 2012

    I love the part of speaking highly of your spouse and telling everyone how great they are so they can see that you really do care enough to tell the world they are still your every thing. I love hearing older couples tell people how much that their spouse does for them and how much they love them. To me it shows me that even after so long they can still be turned on by that person just in the little things they do.

  22. Kim Hawkins
    January 2, 2013

    My favorites from this list are 14 (drifting) and 17 (not saying everything you think). Many valuable viewpoints here. Thank you for sharing!
    Kim Hawkins recently posted…Being A Positive Wife Is…My Profile

  23. veronica
    January 11, 2013

    #12 i never though of it like that!

  24. Maegan
    February 13, 2013

    #12 “Kids are second” & #21 “Don’t run to mom.” Great tips!
    Maegan recently posted…Get To Know The Breezy Birdie FamilyMy Profile

  25. Blended4Purpose
    February 19, 2013

    I to add the lipstick a little more often. We need to work on spoiling each other and not our children. Great post. I’m pinning!!

    Blended4Purpose recently posted…First LoveMy Profile

  26. Anonymous
    May 15, 2013

    I’ve been reading your blogs. What about when he won’t have sex. He is supposedly attracted to me (hard to believe though since we have sex so little)

    Communication sucks. (Sorry for being blunt) He talks/yells; won’t listen. I’m so frustrated; emotionally and sexually.

    I have mentors & wise counsels (& ppl like you that God works through) but I really am at my breaking point.

    • Sheila
      May 16, 2013

      Hi there,

      I’m so, so sorry that you’re going through this! It’s actually far more common than people realize, and I’ve written a few blog series on it. You can find one here. I hope that helps! It gives suggestions on how to talk to him about it, what to do, and when you just seriously need an intervention.

  27. Lissa
    May 22, 2013

    Hi Sheila!
    I got married 6 months ago, and I believe your blog has helped me so much already!
    My husband has seemed somewhat discouraged recently because we are renting a house without AC (in Texas), he doesn’t get paid as much as he would like, and he wants to get a better job, etc. He has such a burden to carry. I am happy where we are and I know things will get better.
    I want to COMMUNICATE CONFIDENCE IN MY MAN and what he is about and “be his cheerleader” like you said in #5, but my husband is not the type that really responds to spoken words of affirmation. I need to find another way to let him know he’s doing an awesome job.
    Are there other ways I can communicate this to him so that he’ll understand?

    • Sheila
      May 22, 2013

      Great question, Lissa! I should write a post on that.

      Quick thoughts:

      1. Express gratitude not TO him all the time, but just in general. “I’m so glad that we have a place to live.” “I’m so glad that we’re building our lives together.” “I’m so glad God has blessed us with this amazing country to live in.” Express your feeling of contentment in your circumstances. Pray these things out loud, too.

      2. Tell others the same thing, especially when he will hear!

      3. Have sex lots. :)

      4. Ask what things you can do to support him. Would he like you to budget better? Are there areas that you can help him? Ask him how you can support him in his plans. Don’t take over, or say “I think we need to do this”, but say, “you’re doing such a great job. I want to help, but I don’t know where to start. What things can I do to support you?”

      I hope that helps!

  28. She is Life
    September 3, 2013

    This is great. Good to read everyday with your spouse.

  29. Lisa @ Recipe for a Happy Marriage
    October 4, 2013

    There were some great tips that I will try right now – hope they work :-) Well, if they don’t work right away I think they will in time because my partner may get suspicious when I do something differently all of a sudden. Also, I think that the recipe for a happy marriage is to fulfill your own needs. Also, to look at your partner as you did when you once met – when you saw him/her as the most beautiful and amazing person in the world – then you bring out the best in your spouse. It may take some practice though. It’s important to feel good about yourself if you want to see that this wonderful person still exists :-)
    Lisa @ Recipe for a Happy Marriage recently posted…Recipe for a Happy Marriage – Ingredients for a Good MarriageMy Profile

  30. Amy
    December 9, 2013

    #26. Don’t be afraid to apologize!

  31. very frustrated
    January 26, 2014

    I know this list is meant to encourage and help relationships, but it can be frustrating for someone who tries to do them and feels stuck. Everyone ALWAYS says to be HIS cheerleader. I’ve tried to support him and be his cheerleader for 20 years. I guess I could use some of that support and cheerleading from him. Maybe everyone assumes wives get it from their girlfriends, mom, sisters, etc. but we have moved so much it’s hard to have close girlfriends and even though I’m close with one sister, she’s far away and HE is supposed to be my best friend who is always geographically near. No one can be what he can be for me. (Lest you assume I cling to my sister and push him away–I am careful to make sure he never thinks she is all my support and such–I rarely mention her and limit our phone calls to be during his work time only; she’s always lived too far away to visit—I’ve seen her about 5 or 6 times since we’ve been married).
    Trying to hang in there, but it seems I’m trying to do all the things I read about and he does none of them. I’ve read a lot of your blog, a million other blogs and a zillion books. I try so many of these things, I feel like I spend more time thinking, praying and doing for him/our marriage and our 7 kids and it’s just not humanly possible to do it with just me trying. I don’t really expect you to have answers for me with so many issues involved. Just venting frustration—that cheerleading thing really hit a nerve, as no one EVER says HE should be his wife’s cheerleader also.

  32. Rhoda
    April 24, 2014

    I love these and will certainly share with my husband. I also like the idea of making a printed list (with credit) to include in my cards for friends and family that are getting married.

    On the part about keeping your eyes off romance novels:
    I don’t read them too often, but historical romance is my choice of reading material more often times than not. I read the 50 Shades of Grey series twice on my own. My husband,being curious as to what all the hoopla was about, agreed to read the series with me (on my 3rd time). Each night we read a chapter aloud, taking turns being the reader. It was fun and had many benefits (wink, wink). We discussed the character’s relationship which brought up our own. We became much closer over that time period and enjoyed the activity so much and how close it brought us that we are planning to start another book together soon…this time one of his choosing.

    Thanks for posting these.

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