Okay, ladies. I want to talk about s-e-x today.
I’m going to start with something really basic. Men want to be wanted. They don’t want to be placated.
So when it comes to intimacy, I think we women need to step up to the plate a little bit more. You may think you’re meeting his needs because you’re making love a few times a week, but he won’t feel it as love unless you put some energy and enthusiasm into it! And that can be hard for us women.
I wrote Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight to talk about this, but in a nutshell, here’s what I think: for women, sex is in our head. We don’t need it physically the way men do. So if we wait for the urge to hit us, we may be waiting a long time! But, because it is in our head, if we decide to throw ourselves into it, our bodies will likely follow!
But so often we lie there in bed, with this running conversation through our heads: “Do I want to? Does he want to? Will he be upset if we don’t? Am I too tired? If we start now, what time will I actually get to sleep? How much sleep do I need tonight, anyway? But maybe I do want to and I’m just wasting time? Or do I need the sleep?”… And it goes on and on and on.
If we put a stop to that conversation and decided to jump in enthusiastically, chances are our bodies would follow, as would our husbands! I don’t mean every night. But enough that you both feel connected and close.
So rest up, get the chores done, and destress your life so you have energy for him. In the end, it’s amazing how much nicer your marriage will feel!
I know this can be a challenge if sex is physically or emotionally difficult, or if your husband is addicted to pornography and it feels degrading. I deal with all of this in my book. Let me just say that God doesn’t want you to degrade yourself. And if your problems are more healing from past issues, God is big enough for that, too. Just commit yourself to not losing hope, and let your husband know you want to enjoy intimacy, too! That’s the best gift you can give to both of you in your marriage.
Now, if it seems pretty impossible to boost your libido, because your kids demand too much attention, and your husband doesn’t show you any love, I understand. Believe me, I do. But there is a way out. Throughout the day today I’m going to be posting some of my ideas on how to restore our sex drives.
In fact, right now you can go to some of my recent Wifey Wednesday posts and see what I have to say:
Wifey Wednesday: How to Awaken Love
Wifey Wednesday: Do I Have to Wait to be in the Mood