I just love all you gals who read me faithfully! It’s such a privilege being able to share my thoughts on marriage and family and God with you.
And the last few weeks have been particularly good. I’ve written about some hard things in marriage, specifically regarding sex, for a few weeks, and the comments have been so honest. It’s given me a lot of fodder for more stuff to write about! And I think I see an ebook in my future: Sex Questions You’re Afraid to Ask Your Pastor. What do you think?
But what really makes me happy today is the discussion we’ve had on change in marriage this week. It’s just so neat to see how people responded to a commenter who was really having troubles, and then how people went out of their way to encourage her. It shows that blogs really can help people, don’t you think?
And then I loved her comments at the end of one post. She said:
By the way, I believe that trying to manipulate a husband is wrong, so I believe it is wrong to change what I am doing as a wife IF it is only so that it will change my husband. My heart needs to be in the right place changing me for GOD.
That’s very true. Change should always be about bringing us closer to God, not about manipulation.
But it shows the difficulty in giving people advice on marriage, because there are really fine lines everywhere, aren’t there? She’s absolutely right. To change just so that your husband will change is wrong. We need to change because that puts us more in line with God.
But sometimes change is necessary just because as men and women we’re different. My column for next week that I’m working on right now talks about this. See if you can relate:
Imagine that it’s a Saturday morning, and we’re planning to go cross-country skiing with the kids. After waking up and showering, I start to list out in my head all the things that need to be prepared: the kids have to find their snow pants, and I know Rebecca’s been missing a snow glove since last month; we need to pack a backpack with water and some snacks, and we’d better bring some extra scarves and hats in case we get too wet. A few band-aids wouldn’t hurt, either. Obviously we’ll have to do the dinner dishes from last night, since we all know I can’t leave dishes in the sink if I’m leaving the house. And since we’re going out anyway, we may as well go by the library, because the books are due on Monday, so it’s time to round them up!
Now I’m out of the shower and I have this huge list of things that must be done before we leave. I start doing them, and then go in search of my family, who are downstairs playing the Wii, having a grand old time. I start to get angry. Why weren’t they getting ready like I was? Do they expect me to do everything?
Then I find out they haven’t even had breakfast yet. Now my blood starts to boil.Why was Keith just playing with the the kids instead of giving them their marching orders?
What I’ve learned is that this is my problem, not theirs. No matter how much I may wish it, they are never going to have all the stuff that goes into keeping a family together in their heads the way it’s in mine.
I think my conclusion is going to be that I need to communicate more with my husband about what I need, because when I tell him, he’s there for me. But to expect him to think about it first is unrealistic.
And sometimes a lot of marital discord is due to little things like this. We expect our spouse to be just like us. And it doesn’t work that way!
I’m going to go play a game with my daughter and my half-brother, and then do some more work getting ready for my blog party on Wednesday.
Have a great Saturday!