On Submission, Wedding Showers, and Choosing a Mate

Friday Roundup on To Love, Honor and Vacuum
It’s Friday, so it’s time for my weekly round-up, where I share what was #1 on the blog and social media this week. And I tell you a bit about what’s going on in my life–and some extra thoughts I’ve had about some of the posts this week.

So here goes!

What’s Number 1 This Week:

I love sharing these because often older posts make it on to the list; I end up sharing them somewhere (or someone else does) and they go a little bit nuts. And so you may find some gems that you’ve never actually read yet!

Remember: If you see something you like, you can always help me by sharing on Facebook or Pinterest. I really appreciate this!

Top 10 Kisses Every Marriage Needs--because kissing in marriage is FUN!Top 10 Things I Would Say About Sex--if I had no filter! Here's brutal honesty...#1 on the Blog: I Am Not Just a Christian Wife. I am a Christian
#1 on Facebook: Top Ten Kisses Every Marriage Needs
#1 on Pinterest: When You Don’t Want to Make Love
#1 on Twitter: Top 10 Things I’d Say About Sex If I Had No Filter

What’s Up in My Life:

My youngest daughter went to stay with my oldest daughter for three days this week, so I was by myself during the day. And I had a little taste of what the empty nest will be like next year.

Here’s what I realized: even though Katie and I don’t work in the same room, just having her in the house makes me work. I don’t skip breakfast. I get up and get my stuff done. I make my bed. Because there’s someone who will see.

It was a lot harder to motivate myself when I was alone!

Why Do Teenagers Rebel? A 19-year-old explains how it doesn't HAVE to happen!Plus it was gorgeous outside and I wanted to go for a walk, but that’s something Katie and I always do together.

I think I’ll miss her terribly.

But right now both girls are home because Rebecca and I are finishing up her book proposal today (she’s turning her viral blog post Why I Didn’t Rebel into a book), and then tomorrow we have a wedding shower for her at our church.

Good Girls Guide My SiteI think I’m finally going to give her a copy of The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex. It’s funny, because SHE’S given copies of it to tons of friends who have been married. But neither daughter really wants to read it. Who wants to learn about that stuff from their mom? And we do talk about it a lot. But I think it’s time. So I’ll wrap it up. And I do recommend that every engaged woman read it when their wedding is 2-3 months away. And that’s where we’re at!

A Few More Thoughts About Submission

I was really nervous about yesterday’s post about womanhood. I even posted on Wednesday night that I was afraid about how it was going to be received! But the reception was surprisingly positive. I usually have a whole ton of commenters that are quite vitriolic that women should stay silent, and I have to delete all of those because they’re so harsh they’d turn people off of God if non-Christians saw them. And they didn’t show up yesterday.

But here’s something I want to say, and I may try to work it into a post when my new book comes out.

There’s an intellectual problem with the idea: we are to submit to our husbands, EXCEPT in cases of abuse and alcoholism and weird sex stuff. Either the Bible is true or it’s not.

Except that we know that women aren’t supposed to go along with sin.

So how do we reconcile it?

I think the problem is that we define submission wrong. We define submission as in going along with someone’s WILL. Letting him make the decisions, and following him in that. But that makes no sense as the definition of submission because of the verse immediately before, in Ephesians 5:21: Submit to one another. How can we all be letting someone else make the decisions? Then no one would make decisions!

Perhaps we should take this to heart:

Maybe submission is about something else. Maybe submission means that we consider other’s welfare before our own. If that’s the case, then we DO always submit–even in cases of alcoholism or adultery or abuse.

Just something to chew on. I’ll make it into a longer post later.

True Godly Submission

What if God Lets You Choose Your Spouse?

I shared this article by Gary Thomas this week on Facebook and it generated a ton of discussion!

Here’s the gist of it: Gary is saying that too often we believe that God tells us to marry someone, and then we do, and ten years later when he’s abusive or he’s had affairs or he’s lazy we blame God. But what if we didn’t really hear from God? What if we just thought we did, and we didn’t do our due diligence to choose someone good?

What if God actually lets us choose? And then, if things go badly, we can go to God and say, “Can you help me make this marriage the best it can be, given these circumstances?” We’re not mad at God; we need Him.

Read the whole thing here.

I agree with Gary, though I do think that there are times God definitely nudges us towards a certain person. But He wouldn’t do so and He wouldn’t tell us to marry someone before we were able to do due diligence: to make sure that he has a good character and that he loves God. God always wants us to be wise.

Anyway, I’m going to come back to this soon because I have several Reader Questions waiting where the answer is a rather sombre one: you just chose a spouse who isn’t that good. And now you have to figure out how to live with your choice. That’s a rather depressing thing to think, but I also think that realizing you chose someone is incredibly empowering. If I chose my husband, then if the attraction goes, I have a responsibility to get it back because I promised him. If I don’t feel love anymore, I had better get my butt in gear and figure out what to do, because of all people in the world, I chose him. So I owe him.

And that’s the truth.

I’ll Be Doing a Flash Giveaway on Facebook This Weekend!

So stay tuned. And be sure to like that page!

Katie’s Got Over 5,000 Subscribers!

So excited for her. Here’s her latest, on what Movies Taught Her:

Have a great weekend everybody! I’m about to go enjoy being with my girls again!


Why the church culture often gets a woman's role wrong--and what we should do about it.

I Am Not Just a Christian Wife. I Am a Christian.

I see it all the time: I'll write a thoughtful, long post on how a woman should deal with sin in her family, and a commenter will say nothing except to quote 1 Peter 3:1-6 on how a woman should win her husband "without words". Or, to paraphrase, "Ladies, please shut up." There's also a new book out that says that God created women to reflect the church, while men reflect Jesus. True Womanhood, apparently, is not being made fully in the image of God (read a great review of the book … Read More...

Rewiring your brain after a porn addiction: learning how to reboot the arousal process.

Wifey Wednesday: Rewiring Your Brain after a Porn Addiction

Is it possible to rewire your brain--to get back to normal sexual arousal--after a porn addiction? It's Wednesday, the day when we always talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you all can link up your own marriage posts in the link below. Today I want to tackle an all-too-common problem. Here's an email that a young man sent me after reading my post on the top 10 effects of porn: I think it's likely I'm suffering from a porn addiction. It started off when I was 12 due to classmates … Read More...

Stop being too tired for sex! Find ways to rejuvenate instead. #marriage

Top 10 Ways to Stop Being Too Tired to Have Sex

Ever just feel too tired for sex? Most of us do at some point or other. And because for women are sex drives are primarily in our heads, when we're too tired to concentrate on sex, our bodies often don't get in the game. And then sex doesn't work well. One interesting study I came across found that 25% of people reported being too tired to have sex. That doesn't surprise me, actually. In fact, I'm surprised it's not higher. I remember when the children were little, and didn't sleep, and I … Read More...

A story about discovering your husband's porn use. God can do a new thing!

Discovering Your Husband’s Porn Use

What do you do when you discover your husband is using porn? It's a long weekend here in Canada, and I've spent the weekend helping my oldest daughter make the bridesmaids' gifts for her upcoming wedding, and now we're heading off to move some furniture into the apartment they've rented. Connor's living in it right now, but all he has is a mattress and two TV tables! So instead I'm going to post this amazing story sent to me by Robi Smith, from the new blog Hopeful Wife Today. Her calling … Read More...

What could you do instead with the time that you waste?

What Could You Do with 750 Hours a Year?

I'm back from Colorado! Yay! Had a wonderful trip, but being away from my family for 8 days was long. Today I want to share with you a few highlights from the blog, but before I do that, I want to follow-up on Monday's post about time wasters by asking you this question: What would you do if you had 750 hours? We were talking on Monday about how most of us in the West spend an inordinate amount of time on what are essentially time wasters--activities that don't add to our relationships, our … Read More...

Resist the Urge to Bad Mouth Your Husband

Why We Shouldn’t Bad Mouth our Husbands

Today's guest post is from Wanjiru Kihusa, a marriage blogger from Kenya, who is sharing about resisting the urge to badmouth your husband--while there will be opportunities to do so, have a plan beforehand. Why you should never speak ill of your husband Two months ago I was in the salon getting my hair braided. I always carry a novel with me because it keeps me busy for the several hours I have to be seated. The fact that it also distracts me from the pain and discomfort is an added … Read More...

Postpoing Your Honeymoon

Wifey Wednesday: 3 Benefits of Postponing Your Honeymoon

Today welcome Frannie Anne from Authentic Virtue, who shares with us the benefits of postponing her honeymoon--as a couple, they ended up being so grateful! I thought that with my daughter getting married soon this might be a good one to talk about. Here's Frannie Anne: Every couple awaits their honeymoon with eagerness and joy. Tickets are bought, bags packed and dreams made as they prepare for a time of delight, intimacy and fun. But what happens when a couple cannot afford the time and … Read More...

Sheila with The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex in a Lifeway store

On Wyoming, Confidence, and Really Big Elk

Yesterday my friend Tammy, who is on tour with me, and I drove the long way from Colorado Springs into Wyoming, where I'll be speaking tonight. We drove through mountain passes and ranchland and just gorgeous scenery. And earlier this weekend we went through the beautiful "Garden of the Gods" and were in awe of the rock formations. Before we left the area, though, we stopped in at a Lifeway bookstore in Denver to see if they had any copies of The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex. And … Read More...

Do We Waste Too Much Time?

Let’s Talk Time Wasters: Video Games, Netflix, Internet

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Friday Round-Up

It's Friday, so it's time for my weekly round-up, where I share what was #1 on the blog and social media this week. And we've got a giveaway. And a cool pic. So here we go: What's Number 1 This Week: I love sharing these because often older posts make it on to the list; I end up sharing them somewhere (or someone else does) and they go a little bit nuts. And so you may find some gems that you've never actually read yet! Remember: If you see something you like, you can always help me by … Read More...