Sometimes Getting Out of Bed is Success

Friday Roundup on To Love, Honor and VacuumIt’s time for my Friday Round-Up, when I give you a little sneak peek into my life, share with you the top posts from the week, and give you a heads up of what’s coming next.

And we’ve got some winners to announce, too!

But first: seriously, this has been a strange week. We dropped my youngest off at university. All 3 other members of my family have been sick (and when we met up with Rebecca she was already sick, so it’s not like she got it from us). I’ve managed to hold off, but I’m not feeling the best either.

And today’s a sad anniversary for me.

So today I’m going to declare getting out of bed success! Sometimes these little small things are worth celebrating.

What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?

20 Ideas to Initiate Sex Tonight-that even YOU can do! #marriageWhy Do Teenagers Rebel? A 19-year-old explains how it doesn't HAVE to happen!#1 NEW Post on the Blog: 20 Even-You-Can-Do-It Ideas To Initiate Sex Tonight
#1 on the Blog Overall: Two Player Games to Play with Your Husband
#1 on Facebook: Making It Home: When Sex Isn’t Easy and Playful
#1 on Pinterest: Why Do Teenagers Rebel


Just a note about the 20-you-can-do-it ideas to initiate sex post. Most of the comments there were from women who were upset–because their husbands don’t want sex, and it doesn’t matter how many times they initiate.

I’m so sorry, and I really do know how much that hurts. I’ve written a few series of posts about it (here’s a 4-part series on why husbands don’t want sex).

The problem is that with any marriage issue there are people going through the exact opposite thing: some women resent their workaholic husbands; some women just want their husbands to get off the couch and get a job. Some women desperately want more children; some women are scared of getting pregnant.

I do try to write as specific posts as possible that apply to certain marriage issues, but I know that with every post, there will be a large group who will be seeing things a different way.

When I write a post for a group that you’re not in, it’s not because I don’t recognize that you have an issue. It really isn’t. It’s not that I think every marriage is like that. It’s just that I’m trying to help THESE women today. And so I’m not trying to insult you; really. Whenever I write a post like that I always put a disclaimer on the top, but this was a guest post so I didn’t put one in there. I’ll try to remember from now on. But please realize that I’ve got over 2000 posts on this blog. I do want to help, but I can’t write a helpful post that applies to every situation. I already write way too long as it is!

I’ve got another mini-series planned in the future for women who are married to passive guys and for getting over porn, and both of those issues are often the reason men have low sex drives. So I hope those can help.

But for now–even if you’re not going through something, just remember that there are a lot of women who are. And if you ever leave a comment like, “Hey, Sheila, my situation is different. Do you have any posts on that?”, I’ll put a link in the comments to the other side, too!

Who Won That Contest?

We finally have winners to announce for my contest with 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage!

First Prize: Kim U from Kingman, AB.
I’ll come and speak at your church–for no fee–sometime before December 31, 2016! I’ll give my Girl Talk–straight talk about sex and intimacy. Plus you’ll also receive a gift pack of four of my other books: The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex; 31 Days to Great Sex; How Big Is Your Umbrella; and To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

Second Prize: Kristen W from Chatsworth, GA
I’ll come and take you and a friend out to dinner–sometime before December 31, 2016! Plus you’ll also receive a gift pack of four of my other books: The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex; 31 Days to Great Sex; How Big Is Your Umbrella; and To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

Third Prize: Faith C. of Scarborough, ON 
A gift pack of 5 of Waterbrook’s most popular books: Bad Girls of the Bible by Liz Curtis Higgs; For Women Only by Shaunti Felhahn; How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich; Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers; and Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver.

Fourth Prize: Trinet S. from Williamsburg, MI
5 Waterbrook Multnomah New Releases: Hiding in the Light by Rifqa Bary (WHAT a story!); Through a Man’s Eyes by Shaunti Feldhahn; It’s Good to be Queen by Liz Curtis Higgs; I’m Happy for You by Kay Wills Wyma; and Let’s Pretend We’re Normal by Tricia Lot Williford.

Fifth Prize: Laura H. from Gladewater, TX
A gift pack of my four other big books: The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex; 31 Days to Great Sex; How Big Is Your Umbrella; and To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

Congratulations, and thanks for entering everyone!

Disappointed you didn’t win? I’ll be doing  a flash giveaway on Facebook starting tonight! So come on over and enter.

22,000 People Received My Marriage Newsletter This Week: The 5 Most Controversial Posts This Year

My 5 Most Controversial PostsDid you get it?

If not, you can sign up! I send out my marriage newsletter every month, but when you sign up you get a few “extras” for the first few weeks about how to enhance emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy (woo hoo!), and how to deal with libido differences.

Check out this month’s newsletter! There’s a link to subscribe on the top left. Or just subscribe here.

So Katie Has Officially Moved Out

I wasn’t actually as emotional as I thought I would be. I was a complete and total mess with Rebecca. Cried all the way home. When we left she was bawling, and we were all bawling, and it was pathetic.

With Katie it was just more melancholy.

But I think it’s because we just weren’t prepared for Rebecca. I wasn’t expecting it to hit me that hard.

With Katie I knew it would be awful, and so I’ve been going through this separation/goodbye thing all summer. So when the time came it was almost a letdown. I’d been bracing for it, and now it’s here, and it’s just kinda empty.


Keith and I are so looking forward to hitting the RV next week–we’re heading to MOMCon in Indianapolis, speaking along the way, and then driving through the Dakotas up to Winnipeg. It’s great having a husband I want to travel with!

But I miss my girls.

Are You Going to MOMCon?

Hey, all MOPS leaders and attendees! I’ll be at MOMCon next weekend, and I’m looking to hire 3 people for about 4 hours. I just need some help manning (womanning?) a table. Leave a comment if you’ll be there! I’d love to USE you.

Sometimes Doubt is a Good Thing

Your God Is Too Safe: Rediscovering the Wonder of a God You Can't ControlSo I finished Mark Buchanan’s Your God Is Too Safe this week. I shared a quote last week about his take on “holy habits”. I thought I’d share this week about doubt, because what he said really spoke to me.

We often think that doubt is a bad thing. But here’s his take: if you really believe in a God who is HUGE, who can do amazing things, and whom we have to follow by faith and not by sight–then how could you NOT doubt at times? The only way not to doubt is to believe in a God who isn’t very amazing.

He says:

Sometimes doubting is not a lack of faith, but an expression of it. Sometimes to doubt is to merely insist that God be taken seriously not frivolously, to insist that our faith is placed in and upheld by something other than seeming conjuring tricks…
For the place God calls us into isn’t doubt free—how can any place where we walk by faith and not by sight be that? No, the holy wild is where we have driving and haunting doubts, God-hungry doubts that pull us to our knees, force us to the Word, make us wrestle all night and not let go until He blesses us. The holy wild throngs with true skeptics…
The depth of our doubt is roughly proportional to the depth of our faith.

I liked that. I’ve been mulling over that this week. I hope it can be a comfort to you.

When your husband is walking away from the faith: Living in an unequally yoked marriageI shared briefly a while ago that my husband went through a few years of serious doubts about his faith. He emerged stronger. But those doubts were necessary for him to wrestle through his relationship with God.

So don’t think that doubts mean that you’re leaving the faith. And if your husband is going through a period of doubt, leave him to wrestle it through.

Somehow I feel like I should share this post again: when your husband is walking away from the faith. Let’s recognize that sometimes he ISN’T walking away–he’s just wrestling. And that’s okay.

Today’s a Sad Anniversary

Speaking of hard times in faith, today’s a sad anniversary for me.

Nineteen years ago my son Christopher died.

The grief process: you don't just get over itI tell some of the days leading up to it here. Wrote that six years ago when I was really feeling the weight of grief.

If you think of it, say a prayer for my husband today. I can get away and go for a walk if I need to today. He’s got a heavy day at work with some challenges. Just a rotten day for it.

And if you missed it, here’s my take on grief: you don’t “get over it”. It just crops up less frequently as time goes on.

September Ultimate Marriage Reading Challenge…

…is coming on Monday. So many of you have asked about it–and I skipped August. So sorry! I was just so busy. But I’m preparing it for this Monday!

And on Instagram…

Driving my baby girl off to university! So proud of her, but it’s the end of an era. #emptynesters

A photo posted by Sheila Gregoire (@sheilagregoire) on

Have a great weekend, everyone! I’m going to try not to get any sicker than I am. Hopefully I’ll get dressed sometime today, too. :)


Making it Home

Making it Home: When Sex Isn’t Easy and Playful

Welcome guest author Emily Wierenga, as she shares an excerpt about how sex sometimes hurts from her new memoir, Making It Home: Finding My Way to Peace, Identity and Purpose. Some nights, we can’t. We have one set of bed sheets, and they’re tattered for the washing. In the winter it’s a feather tick we sleep under, feathers plucked by the Hutterites who live down the road from us. I cry because I can’t let Trent in again. It hurts too much, and it’s our wedding night all over … Read More...

20 Ideas to Initiate Sex Tonight-that even YOU can do! #marriage

20 Even-You-Can-Do-It Ideas To Initiate Sex Tonight

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The "Name Your Top 5" Method of Resolving Conflict when you see the situation in opposite ways--this works!

The Top 5 Method for Finding the Win-Win in a Fight

We've been talking about finding the win-win when you're dealing with conflict with your husband. Yesterday I talked about how, instead of just arguing about who is right, you instead identify your needs in a situation. Today, on Top 10 Tuesday, I want to give you a method I suggested in 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage--Identify your big 5! Then we're going to get specific and look at how to declutter with your husband on board. Sometimes a conflict ends up being about how you want … Read More...

How can we have a healthy sex life if I'm scared of getting pregnant? Some thoughts on finding the win-win!

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When I Have to Say Thank You

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When your "momma" role is over

When Your Job As a Momma is Done (Almost!)

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The Happiness Reality Check--because your husband can't make you happy!

Wifey Wednesday: The Happiness Reality Check

Does the pursuit of happiness work in marriage? Can you find a husband who can complete you, who can be your best friend, who can make you happy for the rest of your life? That's one of the questions I ask in my new book, 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage. It launched last week, and I've been blown away by all the kind comments I've received and the great reviews! And I want to give a shout out to Gaye Christmus from Calm.Healthy.Sexy, who has been part of my blog tour. She's … Read More...

Life is short. Have an affair--with your husband! On Ashley Madison and having fun in marriage.

Top 10 Thoughts About the Ashley Madison Scandal

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News broke Wednesday that Josh Duggar had been using the Ashley Madison adultery site to cheat on his wife. Yesterday Josh confessed, taking full responsibility and apologizing. I found myself so happy reading it. Sad at what that family is going through, yes. But happy because he is taking ownership, and that means that now, in the midst of this mess, even though it doesn't look like it--that family is closer to peace and redemption and healing than they have been in years. The mess is so … Read More...